I did not return home until late that evening. Around eightish I think. I took Mesrour to the stables; he was in need of some rest. I left Mesrour and returned to the house. I entered through the main entrance hall. All was deserted. No one was about; but I was hardly surprised as it was getting late. I was hungry but could find Leah no where. I decided to make some food for myself and take it into my study. I entered the kitchen and quickly grabbed some freshly made white bread and slathered it thickly with homemade butter. I would have liked a cup of coffee but thought a glass of whisky would do just the same. I would have to go to my study for that. I exited the kitchen whilst eating my slice of bread and quickly rushed up the stairs to my study. Once there I went over to the cabinet where I kept my carefully selected finest accompaniment of wines and whiskeys.

I took a whiskey glass from the sideboard and carefully filled it half full with Irish whiskey. No half will not do. A full glass should do the trick. I poured again until my glass was full. I took my glass to my desk and I sat down in my study chair. Oh what a relief! To sit in this comfortable leather backed chair. I had been travelling all day and needed some time to myself. I finished my bread and started on my whisky. I remembered what mother had said to me 'You must do what is right' and that I would do. I can not let my affections for Jane continue. I must send her away so she does not get hurt by me, or at least of all Bertha. But how could I find an excuse to send her away? This needed careful planning. I threw back the remaining contents of my glass and stood up to retire to my chamber. As I was approaching the long gallery I heard footsteps nearby. Oh god please do not let it be Bertha!

"Monsieur Rochester!"

"Oh, Adele!?"

"I thought I heard a noise coming from Miss Jane's chamber!"

"What kind of noise?"

"Je ne sais pas."

"Come Adele, back to bed now."

I escorted Adele back to the nursery and made sure she fell asleep before I left her to go and investigate.

As I exited the nursery I heard a kind of scratching noise coming from the direction of Jane's chamber. I quickened my pace. What if Jane was in some sort of danger? In some sort of trouble? Oh please don't let anything have happened to my dear Jane! As I approached nearer and nearer to Jane's chamber I realised that Pilot was making the noises. He was trying desperately to enter into Jane's chamber. I heard Jane moving about in her chamber, she came and opened the door. I quickly stepped back into the shadows. I heard her slight voice exclaim with a slight chuckle:

"Pilot! You don't belong here go back to your master!"

I hesitated for a moment then quickly called to Pilot.

"Pilot, come here!"

He quickly approached me and I heard Jane's chamber door close. Thank god nothing worse happened. Thank god she was safe. With this thought I could now happily and soundly rest. I entered my bedchamber and quickly undressed. I folded my clothes and placed them on the chair next to the table close to my bed. I quickly and carefully slid under the covers to humbly rest. It was not long before I was in a deep slumber.

I was dreaming…dreaming of Jane. She was coming towards me. Slowly. She took my face in her hands. Her skin so soft like silk. She pulled my face closer to her and gently, passionately brushed her lips against mine. Deeper in passion the lingering kiss became. My hands came to her waist, then to her hips. Her arms glided around my neck. I never wanted this moment to end. She pulled away from me and rested her head on my shoulder and gently whispered into my ear. 'Edward, I love you…'

I started to awake. I could see a light shining in my chamber. It must be day. I carefully opened my eyes as adjusting to the light. I rose up from my bed and rubbed my eyes. No one had entered my chamber so how could the light be entering. I rose out of bed and put on my dressing gown. I walked over to my window and noticed when I retired for sleep I had not drawn the curtains fully closed so the morning light was seeping through the gap. I looked at the clock on the mantelpiece it was but only six o'clock. An hour earlier than usual but I would have more time to plan a way for Jane to leave. Oh why did I have to wake from heaven? Why is it Jane torments me in my sleep this way? I always knew she was a witch from the first moment we met in Hay Lane, she knows she torments me and loves seeing me suffer. Oh that witch! I chuckled to myself at this little teasing thought.

John was nowhere to be seen so I approached my daily morning routine myself. I quickly shaved and dressed. I put on a crisp white linen shirt, dark brown breeches and matching waistcoat, my matching brown cravat and black boots. I quickly tussled my black scraggy curls and dressed in my overcoat to complete my days outfit. It was not my best outfit but one that I did love. It was recently new, only bought a few months ago. I remember purchasing it in France. I quickly looked in the mirror which hung over the fireplace then exited to the kitchen for breakfast.

There I found Mrs Fairfax bustling about doing household chores and Leah preparing some breakfast.

"Good morning Leah, Mrs Fairfax"

"Good morning Mr Rochester. There seems to be some post for you I will leave it in your study, Sir."

"Thank you Mrs Fairfax."

As Mrs Fairfax bustled out Leah turned to me in a joyful mood.

"Good Morning, Sir"

She took me gently by the arm and seated me at the kitchen table.

"What would you like for breakfast this morning Sir?"

"Hmm…I'm in the mood for eggs."

"Excellent. I shall prepare some eggs, bacon and black pudding! Just the way you like it."

"Oh excellent Leah as always. Oh and do I hear a mention of…ground coffee?"

"You certainly do Sir!"

"Anything to keep me happy eh, Leah!?"

"Well I do like to please!"

Leah and I both began to laugh. I drifted off slowly and my gentle laugh eventually ceased and a smile spread across my face.

Leah soon had my breakfast on the table. I took time in eating it this morning; I wanted to savour every mouthful as I knew I wouldn't have this for breakfast in a while. It was more of a treat. Leah always looked at what I ate so I had a good stabled, balanced diet. I was near finished when Leah set my cup of coffee on the table. Ah! Coffee! I finished the rest of my breakfast and threw back my cup of coffee.

"Leah, that was most pleasant. I enjoyed it thoroughly as always!"

"Glad you enjoyed it, Sir."

I was about to walk to the door when Leah stopped me.

"Oh. Mr Rochester!"

"Yes?"

"Is it possible for me to have a leave of absence for a few days? I wish to visit a friend down in Morton. I met her at the boarding school you sent me to when you took care of me."

"Of course you can Leah, and if you ever want your friend here she is welcome to stay. When will you be going?"

"I'm not sure yet, in a month or two?"

"I wish you well on your travels Leah."

I gently kissed her on the cheek.

"Thank you Mr Rochester!"

And with that Leah cleaned up my dishes and I went in search of Jane. I remembered mine and Jane's last talk. Funny really. I had asked her if she thought me handsome. She quickly turned and replied 'No, Sir!" I laughed and I think she felt a bit embarrassed. I told her if I was worth £20 thousand pounds would it make me more handsome and she just faintly replied 'It is the person inside that counts, not the outer shell.' I was not surprised at this as I new she would have some noble reply. She was more clear sited than my former mistress Celine. Celine only liked me for what I was worth. But it didn't matter to Jane that I had money and she didn't, she didn't think me handsome despite my wealth. This didn't hurt me as my brother Rowland was always known as the handsomer of the two of us. But now I wanted to sought out Jane and tell her of my disastrous months with my former ex mistress Celine Varens, also known as Adele's mother.

I could find Jane nowhere, I looked in the nursery, the drawing room and the kitchen and she was nowhere to be found. I thought she must be in the gardens somewhere. I walked through the back entrance and started towards the river bank in the gardens as I often saw Jane sitting there from my study window. The smell of the freshly cut grass, spring was a luxurious time of year. I gently strolled the gardens until I reached the river bank. But Jane wasn't there. Where must she be? I did not know. I decided to sit by the river for a while and look for any insects that might interest me. It was a good thing I brought my telescope. I sat down by the river bank under a small tree. I had not been sitting long when I noticed a dragon fly on one of the plants near the bank. I rose to take a closer look. As it was so close I did not need my telescope so I set it down near where I sat. Two minutes passed when great warmth whisped across my skin. Jane? It must be Jane. She must be near. I only ever felt that way when she was close to me. I could not be sure so I called out.

"Jane, come and look at this fellow!"

It was not long before she had come close to my side to see the dragon fly. I knew she loved nature so I began to talk about the dragonfly.

"I've seen one like this in the West Indies, but never here."

She glanced up at me and smiled. Not a word from her delicate lips.

I bid her to sit down with me a while by the oak tree. I walked over and sat down; she delicately placed herself on the grass beside me. How beautiful she was against the green grass, the reflections off the river, and her pale face in the sunlight. It made my heart just melt and my soul shiver in anticipation to touch her.

I would tell her of Celine and how I came to be the guardian to Adele. I decided to tell her because it was one sunny summer afternoon when I was taking Adele for a biology lesson by the river. I had ordered Mrs Fairfax, Adele's helper from France Sophie, and Jane to follow along. We were sitting down when Adele was starting to get bored. She sat back on the blanket were Jane sat. I thought a little playful teasing of both Adele and Jane was in order as I was in quite a happy, playful mood that day. I was explaining to Adele about a firebird that was at Thornfield; but instead of describing a bird I started to describe Jane in parts of the 'narrative' if you would call it that. Jane noticed this immediately being the intelligent girl that she is. Girl? She's not a girl she's a woman, a young intelligent, sophisticated woman. How stupid of me. Anyway, Jane picked up on this but Adele didn't. I didn't think she would. I smiled at Jane as she looked my way. Adele had by now wandered off to Mrs Fairfax and Sophie to get some luxuries from the picnic basket. I remember she said to me 'you mustn't tease, she's just a child.' She said it with such kindness and caring ness. From that moment I could tell she did care about Adele more than any other governess would. Reason two? I wanted to tell her because I wanted her to know of my past life and why I am the way I am.

I remembered what she said distinctly and wanted to tease her…yet again, but not so she would get angry at me. I couldn't bare the thought of Jane being angry at me, it would tear me apart.

"That'll teach me to tease Adele!" I gave a slight smile and a chuckle.

"I want to tell you about her, where she came from and whom she belongs to…"

"Sir, you do not have to tell me anything."

"I know, but you'll understand too much without me saying anything."

I knew she didn't want to pry, but I wanted to tell her, to tell her about me and my past life so she could know me better; love me for who I truly am.

I told her of those few months with Celine. Celine my French dancer, my mistress. I told Jane of how she only 'loved' me for my money. How I caught her in a liaison with another man, a navy officer I believe, the Vicomte. I told Jane the jealousy that bit into my heart, and the anger that I felt. She understood me; she listened

"It was a regular night I had some luck playing cards with the other gentlemen. I had hired out a suite of rooms for Celine after courting her for a year. I decided to finish early and pay her a visit. I knew that she wasn't there; she would be performing at the theatre. I sat in the corner in the shadows and waited for her approach. It was getting late so I proceeded to the balcony to see if I could catch a glimpse of her. As I looked out a carriage pulled up at the hotel, I saw a small hooded figure step out. I knew it was her, but what I didn't expect was a tall fair haired man to follow after her. She held his hand and pulled him along inside. I could hear their voices outside in the hallway, but I stood on the balcony, hidden, shaded by the delicate lace hanging. Celine entered with the Vicomte and started to talk about me and my money, and how ugly I was compared to a French man. All she could utter was that I wasn't so bad for £20 thousand pounds."

I finished my narrative of the situation.

"You do not know what it is to feel jealousy do you Jane? Because you have never loved."

I wanted to see what her response was, and to my surprise she simply replied

"No, Sir."

"Do you still love her Sir?"

"Who?"

"Celine...I mean Miss Varens?"

"Good, God no!"

Why would my dear Jane think I was still in love with Celine? Couldn't she see I was in love with her? She just smiled at me. That sweet, innocent smile that made my heart melt inside.

"And Adele?" She had asked.

"She left her in the hotel room when she ran off. A parcel with a label on, with my name. She claimed that I was the father but a, careful elementary study in biology would prove that impossible. Tell me Jane, now be truthful, does Adele motley resemble me? Look at me carefully now."

She glanced at me then turned her head to where Adele sat on the other side of the river on the river bank. Then turned to me and replied.

"No, Sir."

She even broke out a small smile. I hesitated for a moment. Should I respond to that? No, I can't let my feelings get the better of me.

"She left her in the hotel. I couldn't leave her there to starve. I provided for her wellbeing in France and then six months ago I thought it best to bring her here. I didn't want Adele growing up to become like her mother."

"You did the right thing Sir." She gently placed her hand on my arm and gave a sympathetic smile.

I quickly arose and walked away from her. Walking away from my dearest Jane; the one I love. I started to walk back inside not daring to look back at her in case she was watching me. Then my love for her would be revealed.

I quickly returned to the house and as I did not care for anything to eat I retired straight to my chamber. I threw off my boots and overcoat and sat down at the table. I decided I would go to Ingram Park for the party; Eshton must have alerted them of my presence as an invite for the party came but a few days later. I needed to be away from Jane for a while to think. I also needed to confide in Eshton about Jane as I knew he would understand. Eshton was already at Ingram Park and I had told him I would be going to the party so I'm sure he would have told Lady Ingram and Blanche that I would be attending. How I feared to see Blanche! Why does she still chase me? Well best not to think of Blanche right know its doing me no good.

I had promised myself I would write my feelings for Jane on paper, so, that I did. I sought out my writing paper and pencil and began to write.

If I could have just one wish,
I would wish to wake up everyday


To the sound of your breath on my neck,
the warmth of your lips on my cheek,


The touch of your fingers on my skin,
and the feel of your heart beating with mine...


Knowing that I could never find that feeling
with anyone other than you.

The writing came to me so naturally. It was as if my heart was writing down how I felt; from deep within my soul. I folded this poem in half and placed it in the draw. I pulled out another sheet of paper and started to write again.

Your lips speak soft sweetness
Your touch a cool caress
I am lost in your magic
My heart beats within your chest

I think of you each morning
And dream of you each night
I think of your arms being around me
And cannot express my delight

Never have I fallen
But I am quickly on my way
You hold a heart in your hands
That has never before been given away

I had never been able to do this before; express my feelings. I carefully folded this poem as I did the other and placed it in the draw next to the other. I placed the rest of my writing paper and pencil in the draw. I made sure that the casement hangings were fully closed and I lay on my bed. I had not yet undressed and was not under my covers, I just wanted to think. I could have written more on that paper but it grew late and I needed my rest if I was to travel to Ingram Park in the morning. I rolled onto my back with my shirt buttons undone. I lay thinking of Jane, trying to come up with a plan for her to leave me somehow. But I could not, no matter how hard I had tried. I began to grow tired and it was not long before I was in a deep, peaceful sleep.