I was entering the small apartment with Him on my side, his hand already reaching for me as the door closed behind us, pushing me to the wall. He held my gaze like a predator, staring me into submission under his touch as he quickly pulled down the straps of my dress, so it slid down on me and pooled at my feet. I wasn't wearing any underwear beneath, he liked that, his lips spread into a sly smirk before attaching my neck. I reached for his shirt, my fingers fiddling with the buttons, the buckle of his belt, desperate to feel him skin to skin.

His hands slid down my torso, touching and squeezing on their way, finally one stopping at my breast and the other holding me at the small of my back. His lips tentatively found mine, nibbling on my lower lip, asking for entrance and I opened up readily to tangle my tongue with his, to taste him. We kissed breathlessly as my fingers sank into his hair, tugging, and his found their way to my heated center making me arch into him even more.

- I want you bad, baby - he murmured leaning against the wall with his extended left arm, working magic on me with his right hand massaging my clit round and round in maddening circles, gazing my naked body up and down, his eyes filling with lust.

- Take me then - I moaned breathlessly arching my back off the wall, desperate to get closer to him.

- Do you really want me to? - he asked coyly.

- I do - I choked out nodding furiously, as he sank a finger into my depths, almost instantly finding the spot to drive me crazy.

- For some reason I thought you would want him to take you more - He looked over to the right, where Steve stood in the darkness, his tall figure illuminated by the pale moonlight. He stepped closer and placed one of his hands on my thigh, caressing my skin up my sides, down on my chest, brushing his thumb over my hardened nipple, making me shudder. I had to force myself to look back at James again.

He studied my face but didn't stop his torturous ministrations for a second as Steve leaned closer to pepper my shoulder and neck with kisses and nibbles. It was almost impossible to think about anything but the panic of having them in the same room, and James, having James back again.

- Come on now, doll, you can tell me if you want Steve more - he cooed reassuringly.

- No - I moaned as he curled his finger inside of me. - I want you, James, I want you.

- That's my girl, never yielding to torture - he whispered proudly, kissing me gently on the lips. As we parted, he turned me to Steve by my chin, who surprisingly wasn't hurt about what I just said, his face was still relaxed and in his eyes I saw the familiar infinite understanding and welcoming warmness. Then he kissed me, but how different a kiss it was, to have his lips against mine, his tongue carefully exploring my mouth, teeth clashing together in our eagerness. I lost myself, dissolving completely in the pleasures they were giving me and my panic faded quickly as I got comfortable surrounded by their hands and lips and bodies, leaving my worries of choosing either one of them over the other behind.

Even if it only lasted for a second, I felt weightless and free.

Then I woke up. Smell of coffee and toast, people talking nearby and the brightness of the morning tore apart the dream of my Soldier and left me with a sour taste in my mouth returning to the world without him. Realizing that I had a sex dream involving Steve made it even worse.

I felt the heavy knot of guilt in my stomach again and a pang of self-hatred as I got up from the couch I fell asleep on last night and headed to the kitchen to get something to numb the feeling. I was so tired of this, I felt useless and helpless and doing nothing just gave me even more opportunity to think about how I am failing the man I love and to fall for Steve. I couldn't let myself do that anymore, I needed to be distracted.

- Good morning, Kate - Sam greeted me with a smile. - Slept well?

- Morning - I called to both him and Wanda, who was eating a sandwich quietly, clearly hangover a bit too. - Not really - I shook my head looking for some milk in the fridge.

- Hangover or nightmare?

- A little bit of both - I smiled at him weakly.

- Not a good time then to ask if you want to help in bringing some HYDRA remnant down.

- Depends - I replied prompting him to explain it in more detail while I got myself a bowl of cereal and sat down next to Wanda.

- Well, the thing is, we need someone to get us into a HYDRA facility where they are most likely operating some kind of a super soldier program again.

- What? - I almost spat out my mouthful.

- Yeah, they're just not giving up that shit and the UN has no idea about it, so Stark and the others are not much help - he shook his head. - So Cap decided we should go and shut it down.

- And how does he plan to do that?

- Well, there are two versions: with or without you.

- If I would be in, how would it go down?

- Well, you could pretend to be a scientist from another HYDRA facility; you were working with the Winter Soldier before, so it shouldn't be hard to sell the story of you being competent. So when you get them to trust you, you can easily get us into the "program" and we can destroy their research with a handy program S.H.I.E.L.D. designed and Maria Hill gave us access to.

- How long would I be incognito without you? - I furrowed my brows. I wondered how Steve got the idea to put me back into my old life after all I've been through, but I was certainly interested in the idea, thinking it would give me a chance to gain more information about the serum and maybe also memory suppressing, the compliance program, even deactivation.

My resources may have been vast given my circumstances, but having access directly to HYDRA databases would open new gates for me and James.

- A few weeks maybe?

- Are you sure you are up for that? - Wanda asked carefully.

- Absolutely not. I am not sure if I am even capable of pretending to be a part of what they are doing for a day, not weeks. But it may worth a try - I admitted. - What would you do if I'm not going?

- Most likely just barge in and do what we can - Sam shrugged grinning.

- That's a terrible idea - I stated. - So I either go, or you get yourselves killed, that's a hard decision really.

- Well, no one said it would be easy to roll with us. But it's worth it, ain't it? - he joked again.

- Let me just think - I mocked consideration for a moment then chuckled along with him.

The thing was that I kinda started to like these people. I spent more than 3 months with them and started to feel like I was really part of the group now. Well, it's true that I wasn't a super soldier or a trained assassin or a person with certain abilities, but I fit in the niche: I was human and I had my moments to be useful too. No one was better in researching any topic than me. Or solving arguments (of course only when I wasn't involved personally). Also, I was psychic in ordering take-out they just craved by the time they got home from missions.

- So, are you in?

- I want to talk to Steve first. Get some details cleared up. Like how this idea of me pretending to be HYDRA popped into his mind.

- Well, to be honest, it didn't, it's my idea. His idea was option 2 - Sam shrugged pouring himself a glass of OJ.

- What? - I looked at him. - And how do you plan on feeding him the info about it?

- What info? - Steve walked in.

- I want Kate to go incognito before we bust that HYDRA facility - he started confidently. I was truly envious that he could just put it out there without being afraid Cap will bite his head off. I guess being besties had its perks.

- No way, man - Steve got the box of orange juice from the black man then turned to the cupboard to get a glass. - Too dangerous.

- Like your plan isn't? - Sam retorted.

- I made a promise to Buck to keep her safe - he said calmly sipping into his glass. - I don't plan to break it by putting her back into HYDRA.

- I had the same concern, but… - I started, but he cut me off.

- You stay out of it.

- You have no right to tell me… - I raised my voice to argue him, but without even looking at me he interrupted my sentence again.

- I have every right. I am the leader of this team and I decided you are not coming. End of conversation - he emptied his glass, placed it into the sink and turned to leave. I stood in his way.

- You are not my handler, Steve Rogers, and I am certainly not your prisoner - I kept my speech low and calm, but the tension was obviously audible in it. - You have no right to talk to me this way, nor - I raised my voice when he tried to cut in again - to interrupt me when I am talking. And above all, I do what I want and when I want to, I don't care about what promises and secrets you and James shared before he went all MIA on me, but I'm sure none of them gives you the right to treat me like you do right now.

- Are you done? - he asked. He was angry again and it annoyed me to insanity.

- Oh, you bet I ain't done, but I don't intend to make a scene of this - I replied looking around us, Wanda and Sam being the witnesses once again. - And just so you can rest easy, I will not go against your order, but that does not mean I agree with your leadership style.

- Well, that's rich, you playing the martyr in this like you don't know I'm damn right - Steve cried out running his fingers through his hair nervously.

- Oh, God, Steve, do you even hear yourself? - I spat the words.

- Let's just go to the gym, we will talk it out there - he grabbed me by my elbow guiding or more appropriately dragging me out of the kitchen, away from the others standing still. - Unbelievable - he muttered under his breath, then when we reached the room, he pushed me in and closed the door behind us.

- Yeah, un-fucking-believable, that you seriously think that anything that Bucky said to you gives you permission to boss me around, like a soldier or something - I yelled to his back. - How do you just go from that goddamn perfect, understanding, loveable person to this bloody mess who goes all psycho on me the moment I want to do something slightly riskier than going to the library?

- Going undercover as a HYDRA agent is not just slightly riskier than that! - he turned around to face me. - You can get seriously hurt or even worse, killed if they just get suspicious of you. I. Won't. Let. That. Happen. - he stressed every word like I would understand it more in this manner, but it was just fuel to the fire.

- Or I can get answers without risking Bucky's life. Have you thought about that? - I reasoned desperately. - A new HYDRA supersoldier program would mean they are most likely working on programming them too. Maybe they know how to deactivate agents now for good. I need that information. We need that information, Steve.

- Then I will get it for you, no need to go headfirst into certain death - he fumed.

- Don't you think I could handle it? I did it before, why do you think I couldn't do it now? And anyway, if you just attack them tricolor shield first, they will most certainly erase all their research before you could get to it. You have to admit, I am our best chance to destroy them and acquire their data. Just give me a chance, Steve! - I yelled into his face. I was so high on adrenaline it made me tremble, just like him.

- How many times do I have to repeat myself for you to understand that I won't allow it?! - he rumbled grabbing me by the front of my shirt, pulling me close, so we were face to face, only inches apart. - I made a promise to keep you safe, don't make it harder than it has to be - he hissed into my face.

He started to scare me. He was so mad, so different, so stubborn, I felt myself letting go of convincing him. There were no words to change his mind, no use of reasoning with anymore, he wasn't gonna change his mind and there were nothing in this world I hated more than those headstrong people who weren't able to compromise.

- Have it your way - I grunted tilting my chin up to peer into his sterling blue eyes staring daggers into me. - Have me chained up or tied up, I don't care, Captain Rogers - I hissed into his perfect face. His lips parted revealing his gritted teeth as his hand reached for the nape of my neck to fist my hair and bring me in.

We clashed like two stars, exploding into the emptiness of space, all teeth, and tongue, his beard scratching me, my fingers knotted into his mane, his in mine, pulling me closer to him, my body pressed into his.

We fought for air and for dominance over the other, grunting and moaning like we were wrestling. It wasn't a kiss, it was a battle, so different from everything I ever encountered before; it wasn't sweet like I dreamt, nor adoring or desperate like it was with James. It was painful and yet so satisfying, animalistic, possessive and wild, something I never would have expected from Steve Rogers, who was truly kissing me senseless.

When I first gained some kind of conscience I pushed him away and slapped him across the face gasping for air just so it can burn up my lungs and he would pull me back into the kiss like nothing happened. I found myself arching into his growing bulge as he slipped his left hand under my t-shirt, still holding me close with the other and then the realization of what we were doing hit me the second time.

I broke free from his grip and took a few steps back trying to catch my breath, my cheeks burning up from either the lingering feeling of his touch or the guilt bubbling up in the pit of my stomach again like acid and in my head I couldn't stop asking myself "Why did I do that?".

- What the fuck, Steve? - I cried out covering my face with my hands. - What the fuck?