A/N: Bella's age and crap is different in this story - please get over it :)
We're getting to the good stuff! Next chapter will be leading into the new stuff and the prologue!
Thanks for reviewing and reading!
Chapter 4: One Step Closer to the Big Sleep
Alice:
"Bella." I called nudging the sleeping body beside me. "Bella." I tried again. She was still practically unconscious.I leant over to her ear, brushed the hair away and shouted, "Get up sleepy head!" She was sprawled on the bed, face buried into her pillow and snoring loudly. She didn't move. But I heard the change in her heart beat, she was waking up. "You can't fake being asleep Bells. Get up."
"No." Bella groggily replied to me and I laughed.
"Yes." I said shaking her and dodging the pillow that was swung haphazardly my way.
"What time is it Alice?" I heard her mumble.
"8:10"
"In the morning?" she whined.
I rolled my eyes, "No at night" I replied sarcastically, "Yes of course in the morning. Get up."
"No." she groaned.
I sighed, "Bella get up, we have a lot to do today."
"Alice. It's summer. Summer vacation to be exact - do you know what that means to a human?" she murmured from where her head was on the mattress now.
"Tan-lines and hormonal teenagers?" I asked pulling the covers from her clutching grip and off the bed.
"Funny." She huffed, "No vacation means no school, which means no schoolwork, which means no teachers, annoying boys like Mike Newton, or dirty looks from Lauren Mallory. It also means sleeping in. Actually, it entitles me to sleeping all damn day if I want to." She ranted flashing me angry looks. Bella had been very angry these last couple days and it was getting worse as each day passes. I knew why, we all did, well except Edward - sometimes he was so oblivious. Bella's birthday meant she would be 18, it meant she was officially older than Edward, and that was something Bella dreaded. She was afraid of losing him and growing older, to her, meant just that.
"Okay Bella. You win." I said getting up from the bed and heading to the hall.
She so does not win....I thought smiling to myself.I had forseen this complication and I came prepared. I always come prepared. I silently made my way back into Bella's room and put my preparation to use.
"Aaaargggghhhh! Alice!!!" she screamed jumping up from her bed and facing me.
"What?" I asked innocently, holding my hands behind my back.
I looked at Bella who was drenched head to toe with water. Her hair clung to her face and shoulders, her dirty sweats now a dark grey colour and sticking to her frame.
I heard her growl at me and I began to laugh, "I tried to warn you." I told her through my laughter.
"When? When did you warn me? When did you say "Bella get up or I'm going to throw a bucket of ice cold water on you?"" she glared at me.
"Okay I didn't try to warn you parse...but I did try to ask you."
"Did try saying please? Or maybe, I don't know, explain why this ungodly hour suited your needs for the day?"
"You're not usually this grumpy." I commented
"I'm not usually this soaking wet either." she grumbled as she crossed her arms against her chest.
I sighed, "Bella, you're not actually mad are you?" I asked giving her my best pout and taking a couple steps forward. Then I leant my head on her shoulder and gave her the puppy dog eyes.
She looked down at me "Furious." She was smiling.
I smiled at her smile, "You should tell that to your face." then I kissed her on the cheek and left the room, "Now shower! And get your butt in gear! Please!" I called form the hallway. Charlie was already gone this morning - fishing as usual. I decided I would take a crack at making eggs for her. I rummaged through the kitchen, called Esme for instructions on the eggs and heard the shower turn on and off.
I smiled as I heard Bella coming down the stairs and entering the kitchen, I kept my back to her and kept an eye on the stove, "Don't even try it." I said.
She growled, "stupid future-seeing best friend" mumbled under her breath. I laughed as I turned around as Bella placed the tub of water down on the floor. She was attempting to get me back.
I crossed the kitchen with her plate of eggs and juice and placed them in front of her, "You know, aside from the future-seeing thing I also could hear the water sloshing and spilling in the hall your entire trip down here."
She giggled at that realizing how stupid her plan was - like she could surprise me, I'm never surprised. She still had a slight frown on her face as she began to eat her eggs. "Are they no good?" I asked curiously.
She swallowed, "No actually they're really good. Thanks Alice, you're the best." And she smiled but it didn't reach her eyes. "So what exactly are we doing today?"
"What do you want to do?" I asked.
She froze, the fork and eggs halfway to her mouth, "You mean you don't have anything planned?"
"No I have stuff planned, I just wanted to try to cheer you up."
She looked surprised, thought for a moment then the frown appeared again, "We're going shopping aren't we?" she moaned.
"That was my plan.." I said slowly, her frown was tearing me apart, "We could do something else if you want...I just...wanted to get you an outfit."
"What kind of an outfit?" she asked suspiciously.
"The kind that people wear."
"Alice."
I sighed, "The kind you would wear to a gathering of people..." I said slowly.
She glared at me, her frown replaced with anger, "Kind of like a party?"
"Possibly."
She dropped her fork and got up from her seat heading for the staircase.
"Bella where are you going?"
"Back to bed." I heard her say and I ran to catch her arm and stop her. She ended up stumbling on the fourth step and I had to throw my other arm out to steady her.
"Sorry, not happening." I told her bringing her down the steps grabbing our coats and heading for the door.
In the Mercedes, she was really quiet. She was constantly looking out the window at the rain and sighing.
"Bella?" I finally called out to her breaking into her thoughts, "Do you need to talk about it?"
"You know what's wrong." she said as she kept looking out the window.
"Yes, that's true but I promise you'll feel better if you say it out loud." I said placing a hand on hers.
"I want to be one of you."
"And?"
"And I don't want to be human, I don't want to grow old."
"I know sweetie." I sighed and gripped her hand tighter, she looked at me now.
"Why doesn't he know that?"
"I think he knows you want to be one of us Bella. I don't think it's something you have hidden particularly well."
"Well then what's his problem?"
"You honestly don't know?" I eyed her speculatively.
"Does it have something to do with my soul?" she said almost bored.
I laughed at her tone, "You're soul is a very big deal to him Bella."
"He is so frustrating sometimes! How the hell can he hate himself that much? How the hell can he fall in love if he doesn't have a soul? How can he possibly know you, see your spark for life and think you don't have a soul? The caring and love of Carlisle and Esme and not think they have a soul? All of you are more human and kind than anyone I have ever met! How could he possibly live with Emmett everyday who is so easy going and joyful and not see a soul there?" She ranted. And I found myself siding with her - all her points were pretty much mine as well.
I squeezed her hand tighter, "He always has been a little overly dramatic and oblivious." I joked but noticing the half-truths there. "Bella, you know we have all tried to explain it to him...he's just stubborn."
"There's the biggest understatement of the year." she grumbled sarcastically.
"Tell you what," I said as I laughed, "We'll find you an outfit that makes him want to change you to keep forever as soon as he sees you in it. Will that cheer you up?"
She rolled her eyes, she was so doubtful of him and his desire for her.
"And if that doesn't work we can play your wake-up prank on Emmett tomorrow at your party." I continued hoping to see her smile.
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The day had come!
The day I spent the last four weeks planning was finally here!
Bella's birthday!
I was so excited I had Jasper bouncing off the walls whenever he came near me, Carlisle had to send him on a hunt when his enthusiasm spiraled out and began to effect the rest of the household. Esme was also really excited, her and I had gone all out for Bella's birthday party tonight. We hung streamers and balloons and bought a huge cake! I had banners and everything to make this night one she would never forget. I knew Bella would protest the big celebration - in fact I had seen her doing just that but she would appreciate it on some level. Especially when Edward and I would tell her how excited we all were.
This was a big deal to everyone. Honestly I had never seen this house so lively. Which is ironic because technically all it's inhabitants are dead. Emmett had locked himself in his room without Rosalie because he was working on a special gift for Bella. Jasper had gotten her some book and even Rosalie got in on the action. She and I had pitched in on a gift as well, which surprised everyone but me and Edward of course. Carlisle and Esme got Bella and Edward both a gift to use together. I was sure Bella would love all of them...after she got over the initial shock of how much everyone had spent on her.
A part of me was worried about Bella's fake attitude she would have in place tonight, I wanted this to be genuine but she would never want to disappoint Esme and a fake attitude was going to be needed to hide her resentment to the fact that she was still growing older. Her and I had a very big talk coming up later, I had seen it. I even threw some extra tissues in my purse for such an event.
I glanced at the clock on the wall...four hours. Four hours until I have to go get Bella ready for the festivities. I should call them and remind them of our schedule...
Then what should I do to make the time go by faster?
...maybe I'll go find Jazz and get him excited some other way....
Bella:
The day had come.
The day I spent the past week pushing and fighting against was finally here.
My birthday.
Ugh, it sounded just as terrible in my mind as it did out loud.
I rolled over grumpily on my bed. Today was going to suck and I was going to use all of my force to spend it hiding under these covers and in Edward's arms.
Wait.
Edward's arms were not here.
I reached out groping for the cool arms of steel I so desperately craved and found nothing but mattress. I groaned and opened my eyes, trying not to believe what I was going to find.
Yep. It was an Edward-empty room and he was here when I went to bed, he knew I hated waking up without him around when he spends the night! I growled to myself. Crap. This just made today so much better. Why did it have to come? Why did this year, the best one of my entire life have to come by so fast? Could time not just slow down a tiny bit for me? Slow down and make this year last a tiny bit longer? It made me one more year older. A year older than human version Edward. One more day closer to living without him, one more day closer to death. Time, in general, was depressing, especially when you have a boyfriend and best-friend who are undaunted and unaffected by it. I'm officially eighteen today. A typical eighteen year old should be running around, calling her friends, jumping for joy, searching for presents, possibly sneaking some alcohol and definitely not be thinking about how time is depressing.
I've never been typical.
I yawned and sat up in bed, stretching. I found a paper folded on my nightstand with Edward's elegant script on it.
Bella,
Happy birthday love.
I went for a quick hunt to prepare for tonight, I hope to be back before you wake.
Be safe and I'll see you soon.
Yours forever,
Edward.
PS. Try to act excited.
I rolled my eyes, "yours forever" it said, forever was something I did not have if I was human. And Edward forever was something I certainly did not have. I was brought out of my thoughts with the flashing bulbs going off from the door way. Reflexively I pulled the covers back over my head, "Dad!" I groaned.
"Sorry Bells, you're mom called and told me to 'document everything or else.'" he quoted her in an almost perfect imitation of her voice, she would say that. "So put the covers down so I can see my legally adult daughter!" he said cheerfully.
"I'll pull the covers down if you put that camera away." I told him.
"Okay." he agreed and I pulled the covers off my head to be greeted again with a final flashing bulb. I glared at him, "Okay...now." he amended tossing the camera on my bed.
"Should have seen that coming." I said dryly.
Charlie laughed his face wrinkling around the eyes, "Happy birthday Bells. That's from your mom and I." he told me kissing my hair and gesturing to the camera.
"Thanks dad." I said low. Not excited at all. I made a mental note to try and fix that later.
"Hate birthdays kiddo?" he asked as I got out of bed.
"Hate parties." I half-lied.
"Cullen's have something big planned do they?"
"Alice will be Alice." I said heading for the bathroom and I heard him chuckling on his way downstairs about my friend. I showered and brushed my teeth at an alarmingly slow rate waiting for Edward to arrive and attempting to push this day farther and farther away. Then I went to my room and changed, and began brushing, blow drying and straightening my hair until it was pencil straight.
"You won't be able to stall much when Alice busts down your door you know." I heard Edward's whisper in my ear and him appear at my side.
I flung my arms around him happy to see him, he kissed me on the lips, "Happy birthday love."
I sighed ignoring his comment, "How did you get here? Window?"
"I've been downstairs since you got out of the shower. You're infuriatingly slow today Bella."
I looked down sheepishly. If I had of known he was here I wouldn't have spent so much time doing nothing important, "Sorry." I said lamely.
His hand reached for my chin and brought my face up so he could look me in the eyes, "Bella? What's wrong?"
Alice was right he is oblivious sometimes. "Nothing." I lied.
"Bella. You may be a year older but you're still a terrible liar." he tried to joke.
That's when my tears began to fall, unwillingly but still falling down my cheeks, leaving a salty trail. I felt his hand brush them and I tried to ignore the pained look he had. "Do you really not know?" I choked out.
"No, but I'd really like to." he said as he picked me up and cradled me in his arms.
"I don't think you would." I sniffed pathetically.
He looked down at me and waited.
"Fine. But you asked for it. I'm depressed alright. I'm not upset that there is a party - well not really anyways - I'm depressed that I'm a year older."
"Bella growing older is a part of being human."
"No shit Sherlock," I said bitterly before biting my tongue, it just slipped out, "Sorry. It's just...Edward what does forever mean to you?"
"Eternity? Perpetually? Until the cows come home?"
I shook my head, this was not a time for his jokes, "No, you wrote it in your letter, "forever yours""
"I meant my heart is yours and no one else's, forever...Love, did I upset you with that?..I just thought.."
I shook my head, "No, no it's not that, I feel the same way Edward! It's just forever means very different things between a human and a vampire." I said putting my head against his chest.
"Bella, not today please." he sighed and ran a hand through his hair.
"You asked!" I cried.
"Bella."
"What do you expect? It's on my mind, it always will be, do you expect to be with me forever Edward because forever to me means turning into one of you, "eternity", "everlasting", but to you it means loving me until I'm old, gray and...dead! What will people think of us if I'm old enough to be your grandmother!" I wailed, a new set of tears coming.
"They will think you're a cougar." he tried to joke about me being an old sex goddess. Imagining us, me in my walker and him at my side - it gave me shivers down my spine. The sight was grotesque to me. Unnatural.
"Not in the mood Edward." I said through more tears.
Bella..." he started, "I plan to follow you after that...after death I mean."
Shock sprang across my face. Did he just tell me, that he was going to die after I did? Somehow find a way to kill himself? Shock quickly turned to anger, "No. You cannot do that. I can't imagine a world without you in it! You can't follow me Edward! I forbid it."
"I can't imagine a world without you in it either love. I can't live in one where you don't exist."
"No. Promise me Edward. Promise me you won't do something so ridiculous! Change me, change me so it can't happen, please, promise me!"
He never had a chance to promise me. Charlie had called to us from downstairs and Edward was already at the door. I knew he was avoiding this now. I would not get another chance to talk to him about it.
We spent the day with Charlie. I used my new camera on them both snapping pictures of us all and saving some for this evening. I wanted to get some of the rest of the Cullen's as well.
Edward left me when Alice arrived and I couldn't help but see that he was relieved. He was relieved to avoid our conversation easier and the promise I asked him to make.
"So that went well." Alice said sarcastically pushing me on to a stool in the bathroom.
I knew what she meant, "Yes, aren't we just the perfect couple? Give and take, compromising and coming to decisions together? That's what we're all about." I joked bitterly.
"Yes well...it could have gone better."
"You mean if he got off his high horse and came to my level?" I said dryly. I was so very, very bitter.
Alice was working with my hair now, straightening it out even more and placing pins here and there before moving to my face to do my makeup. She seemed to be taking her time and I knew she was thinking of what to tell me. "Bella, you know what he's thinking..."
"I'd still like to hear your version and compare." I told her, "Alice, I trust your version over mine...you've known him longer."
"Yes but you love him more. You know him just as much as I do."
"Please enlighten me Al!" I whined.
She sighed and gave in to my very own perfected Alice-puppy-dog-pout, "Using my own weapons against me," she muttered, "Well he's thinking about your soul again. I know, I know, we went over this part already but Bella this is a huge deal and you have to understand that a soul to him is more than love and compassion a soul is tied to the human body. If the body dies the soul does in his eyes. He wants you to stay human, to experience life the way you should, the way Rose and I should have. I believe he wants you to move on from him, have a life he can't give you - kids and a family." Her voice was quiet now, almost as if she was having a revelation.
"That's insane. I don't want that. I want him, I want you, you guys are my family."
"I think he thinks that you don't know what you would be missing...and in time possibly regret it or resent him" she said slowly. "Alice...do you think you're missing out?" I asked her sadly.
"No. Not me, I don't remember my human life, so there isn't much to miss...but I know Rose does...she almost had everything she ever wanted as a human before it was all ripped out from underneath her and she became one of us. She desperately wanted a family with kids of her own."
I was shocked, I never knew that about Rose...it did kind of explain why she was so bitter. "Is that why..she hates me?" I asked.
"She doesn't hate you Bella, I think she's more just...jealous of you." I scoffed at that comment and Alice continued, "No think about it, she wants to be human, to have kids and a family - a normal life and you have that potential but you are with Edward. Not that she doesn't like that you make him happy - she just maybe feels like you're throwing it away."
I thought about what she was telling me. What she thought Edward was thinking and this new information on Rose, which actually helped me understand Edward's view more, "So, he doesn't want me to end up like Rose? Regretting everything?....but how can you regret something you don't want? All I ever wanted was him..." I said more to myself trying to work this out in my head.
"I'm not sure sweetie...I know a long time ago, I saw you in a vision as one of us and it scared him."
I froze. I did not know about that. It was a possibility then!? "So...you saw...does that mean...you still see?" I asked ignoring the hopeful tone in my voice.
She shook her head sadly, "No Bella, I don't anymore...I think what I saw before was James's result...and Edward reversed it...so the future changed."
I looked downcast. That was depressing...possibly as depressing as my time issue...integrated as the subjects were....
Alice gave me a tight hug. "Look let's just get through tonight alright? We'll get through tonight and work on this tomorrow?" she asked rubbing my back soothingly.
"I'm not really in the party mood Alice." I said allowing some tears out and having her hug me tighter briefly and pulling back to catch them. I forgot that she had just done my make-up. She used a soft kleenex and delicately dabbed me back to perfection. Then she helped me into the dress and shoes she bought me for tonight. I sighed as I looked in the mirror, this was the "Make-Edward-realize-his-need-and-change-me-right-there dress" It was blue, his gavourite colour on me with a funky black pattern on it. The detail was amazing and I refused to look at the price tag - I'd rather not know. My shoes were black flats - thank god - the last thing I needed tonight was slipping and breaking my neck because of Alice's hopes on making me a runway model.
"You look beautiful Bella." she approved and put and arm around me to guide me downstairs. We were greeted by the camera glued to Charlies hand again before he bid us goodnight and snapped the door behind us.
"Bella, I know you have a lot on your mind right now...but we all put a lot of effort into tonight. Could you try to at least fake some excitement for them? I know you don't feel like it but we haven't been able to have something real to celebrate in a long time..." Alice asked me sincerely as we drove to her house.
"I'll try...keep Jasper close, he could help." I told her and she nodded.
When we pulled up to the big white house a tremor of fear ran through my body. I was nervous...I hate lying and I was so not in the mood for any sort of celebrating right now...I was doubting my ability to fake this, "Jasper close." I said again reminding her I would need some help in the excitement department.
"Don't worry Bella, you can feed off my excitement too!" she chirped as she brought me towards the porch. Edward was waiting. I took a deep breath and plastered a smile, not unlike Alice's, on my face.
Here we go.
A/N: I hope you liked this. Some people wanted some more interaction and so did I - I wanted to give you a glimpse of what they were like before all hell breaks loose. WHich happens soon!!!