Once I got back to the house, I put on my 'Serious Preparation Face' (My normal miserable expression, mixed with the look of aggressive focus that school shooters have), and set about putting on my clothes for meeting girls. I rushed upstairs, and grabbed my original Soviet messenger bag, and opened it. By doing this, I had a way to hide the Uzi more effectively, as well as carry a present for this...this 'Princess', or whatever her weird-arse name was.

Couldn't they just give these spirits names based on their looks? Like, "Oh no, it's Arse-is-a-10-but-her-face-is-a-3!", or "Holy shit, duck and cover, it's The One That Looks A Bit Like Eva Braun!"?

Christ.

Anyway, I whipped off my school uniform, and slid over to my closet to retrieve my jeans, black t-shirt, and beloved green button-up shirt that was loved by Londons in every universe. As I put them on, I was pretty sure there probably was a universe where the alternate version of me DIDN'T wear the jeans, black t-shirt, and green button-up shirt combo, but that universe was probably also run by the Nazis, so it was well worth disregarding it.

Once I had myself set up, I slipped my bag on and my sunglasses, and went over to my non-metaphorical desk drawer of bayonets. In front of me was an array of pointy things, so naturally, I picked the one that was easiest to conceal: SA80-style bayonets were also pretty cool looking. I always wondered why they got rid of those rifles in 2025, and the point that they looked quite cool simply added to the mystery.

Oh well.

I tucked it neatly into the back of my trousers, then went through more of my drawers to see if there was anything worth giving to Princess as a way of gaining trust. I highly doubted she would want a weapon; That'd just reinforce her belief that humans were all violent. Plus, she might try to use it on me, which I had great concern over. After a bit of digging, I finally found something.

Sitting amongst a bunch of old Soviet war medals was one I recognised as a 'True Comrade' medal that was issued to Soviet workers when they made a lot of tractors. It was pin-on, and it looked nice.

OK, fuck it, that'd do.

I stuffed it into my pocket, then I put my sunglasses on, jogged downstairs, and legged it out the front door. By this point, the streets were empty, since everyone just assumed that there would be a spatial quake or something. I knew much better: I put my finger to my ear as I ran back to school. "Oi, sis," I said in my beautiful British accent, "What's the plan for this, then? Seduce her, or summat?" There was static, until a voice sounded over the other end.

"In a way, yes," came Reine's voice. "You'll need to-"

"Woah, woah," I interjected, "Where's Kotori? I'd be more comfortable speaking to her, thanks."

"Your sister went to the bathroom, and told me to answer your questions whilst she was gone."

That little bitch.

"Fine," I muttered, "Then what'm I doing with Princess?"

"Approach carefully. Don't take any unnecessary chances, but if you feel like you make any progress with her, keep working on it. As far as we can gather, she doesn't like humans and assumes that we are all violent beings. The AST isn't helping us to convince her otherwise, so be wary that they might show up and attack Princess."

"Watch out for the Flying Lesbrigade, got it," I nodded, slowing down as I reached the school. "Anything else I need to know, nurse?"

"Do not draw your weapon."

I paused.

"...then why'm I packing heat if I'm not allowed to use the bloody thing?" I groaned.

"Drawing your weapon would further convince her that we are a violent species. Also, it would garner the same response as drawing your weapon in front of a police officer, in which she would likely kill you on the spot."

"This is Japan, not America, Reine," I whistled, approaching the entrance to the school. The gates were sealed. Bugger. "Anyway, how'm I getting in?"

As if on cue, I went momentarily deaf and was thrown back as a loud explosion rocked the school in front of me, forcing me to land on my arse. Pretty sure my glasses cracked a bit, too. I didn't really know what had happened, but I smacked my ear a bit to get my hearing back, then staggered to my feet. In front of me, a good portion of the school was smoldering and billowing thick plumes of smoke. Even closer than that, the gates had been blasted open.

I shrugged.

"There's your answer." Reine said calmly over the microphone.

I rolled my eyes, and put my fingers to my ear again. "Yeah, cheers for the advice, smartarse," I grunted, stepping over some smoldering metal and beginning to walk to the school's entrance.

Now, I'll be honest, I didn't assume that Japanese schools could get any more obnoxious, but apparently they could. Most of the walls were made of solid concrete with rebar. Fucking imbeciles designed the building! Rebar-enforced concrete is better suited to holding in serial rapists and convicted murderers, not students! I remember grumbling about construction work all the way up the stairs. If she was gonna be anywhere, it'd be the most damaged classroom.

Which, conveniently, was Miss Okamine's classroom; My for-HOMEROOM, goddamn.

Whilst I certainly was partial to the classic Fallout style of 'Everything is fucking broken', I did have one complaint: Princess had overdone it. Rubble was everywhere: Classrooms, hallways, closets, staircases, locker rooms, everything. I'll be honest, it was bad enough that I was kind of expecting a Radroach or a shotgun booby trap to pop up at some point.

Half of the stairs were missing on the way up, so I had to end up hugging the wall and pulling myself up with a railing. Once I got off the stairs, they all broke, landed on the floor, and set on fire for what I could gather was no reason at all.

Truly, the most romantic of locations, second to watching Leonardo Decaprio drown in icy water.

After a few points where I thought the floor was going to explode, I made it to Miss Okamine's classroom and peeked inside. Silhouetted by the setting sun was the elaborate figure of Princess. She was staring out over the city. Was she contemplating things of a destructive nature? Maybe. Whatever.

I put my hands in my pockets, and casually paced into the room. Kotori's voice came over my headset. "BRO, BE CAREFUL, WHAT ARE YOU DOI-"

"Afternoon." I said calmly. I half expected to die on the spot, and so was surprised when the purple-haired girl turned to face me with an audible 'Hmm?'. We stared at each other: Princess looked quite upset; I just looked at her in the same way I did when I first encountered her, and offered her a nonchalant gaze. "We've met before, right?"

Princess wasn't amused. "Why are you here?" she asked, gripping the handle of the sword I literally noticed she was holding just at that moment. I shrugged.

"Why am I not?" I replied. I heard the entire bridge crew of Ratatoskr groan out that I was told specifically not to say that, and Kotori came over the horn.

"OK, nice knowing you, bro, you sealed your fate with tha-"

"It is a fair point you make," Princess replied. Her grip loosened slightly. "But how can I be certain you are not like the others, and did not come here to kill me?" I thought for a moment, then finally locked eyes with her. She seemed confused by my sunglasses.

"That's for you to decide, and if you want to kill someone who only wants to have a good conversation with you." Princess sighed, and stabbed her sword into the ground, folding her arms.

"I still don't trust you," she huffed.

"Well, think of it this way," I smiled. "At least I'm not flying towards you and attacking you for what seems to me like no reason, right?" Princess frowned, before returning to a neutral expression and nodding silently.

"So what is it you would like to discuss?" she asked, beginning to slowly walk between ruined desks towards the chalkboard, curiously eyeing the equations and shit all over it. I slowly shrugged, and began carefully advancing to the chalkboard as well.

"Well, that really depends what you want to talk about," I replied casually. "I'm here to have someone to talk to. Everyone else is hiding."

"You humans seem good at that."

"Indeed, we are," I chuckled, trying not to make a Holocaust joke because it might offend the readers and because Princess wouldn't get it. "Mostly a self-preservation thing."

"Hmm."

Silence reigned between the two of us, as we both stood next to each other, looking at the chalkboard in quiet contemplation. "So...what's your name?" I asked finally. Princess turned and looked at me in confusion.

"My name?" she replied curiously, raising a brow. "I haven't got a name. I have never needed one." I smiled at this.

"Then how about I give you one?" I suggested. The sounds buzzed into life in my earpiece.

"Nice idea, Big Bro! We're already on it and getting suggestions!" I kept my finger away from my ear, as Princess put her hands behind her back.

"That sounds fair. What do you suggest?" she asked. I mocked thinking, rubbing my chin, and looking around the room whilst suggestions rolled through my earpiece. I wasn't going to risk some of the names being suggested, since they sounded weird, but I kept listening, until...

...wait...

Tohka?

That sounded cute. Tohka. Yeah. That was nice.

"How about...Tohka?" I said finally. Princess tilted her head, and repeated it to herself, mulling it over. And then, to my surprise, she smiled.

"I like the name Tohka," she beamed. "Thank you. Speaking of names...what do I call you?" I gave a respectful nod, smiling.

"It's Jack. Jack Itsuka."

"Then I thank you, Jack. I have never had a name before, and yours is the first I have learned." I frowned.

"You've never spoken to anybody before?" I asked. Tohka shook her head, looking quite sad.

"No...never. You are the first human I have ever come into contact with that has not tried to eliminate me on sight."

"That doesn't sound that good," I winced. "But...am I doing a good job of being the first one you've spoken to?" Tohka giggled slightly.

"Yes, you are doing just fine."

I smiled.

Fucking progress, lads.

After that, I fell silent, as did Tohka. Both of us continued looking at each other. I cleared my throat, and scratched the back of my head. "So..."

"Don't try and kiss her. She probably barely even trusts you right now."

"Yes?" Tohka asked. Oh fuck, backed into a corner. Shit.

"...have you ever had any friends?" I asked.

Oh, fuck, why'd I ask that...?

I braced for the incoming laser blast...

Nothing.

She seemed upset now. Not the 'Kill everything' kind of upset, but just...sad. To confirm this, Kotori's voice went into my ear. "Yeah, Jack? Her happiness meter's gone up slightly since you started speaking to her, but sadness and neutrality seem to be balancing each other out. It's like she doesn't know what to feel." I placed a finger to my ear, miming a scratch. Thankfully, Tohka couldn't see my eyes behind my glasses, otherwise she'd have seen me glaring at my earpiece.

"Great," I whispered, "So she's not likely to kill mex but she still might?" I assumed Kotori casually shrugged at that point and put her lolly back into her mouth.

"Eh, probably. Keep at it, you're doing great."

I glanced back to Tohka, who was now sitting on a broken desk, looking quite dejectedly at the floor. Hesitantly, I made my way over to the floor in front of her, and sat myself down. "You alright, Tohka?" I asked. Fuck, she was adorable.

It was then that I heard rocket engines going at a medium distance away. "Ah, fucking hell..." I muttered, looking outside the classroom. Sure enough, in the distance, I could see some black figures in the air, their stances suggesting that they were carrying guns. I looked back at Tohka, who was now looking slightly impatient. "You remember those flying ladies that attacked you the other day?" Tohka nodded, then looked irritated, marching over to grab her weird-arse Buster sword lookalike, then ripping it one-handed out of the ground. The thing had to have weighed at least a half-ton.

That was when I knew that I had to avoid getting slapped by this girl.

She looked at me with sincerity. "You should vacate the area. I do not wish for you to get caught in the crossfire of the battle." I sighed, and paced slightly as Tohka turned and faced the silhouettes approaching. I placed my finger to my ear.

"Fuck's sake, lads, give us a hand here!" I hissed into my earpiece. "How the hell'm I turning this around?" There was silence, with nothing but static mixed in.

Shite. No connection.

I groaned, and turned back to Tohka.

"Listen, Tohka," I began. Her attention didn't turn from the approaching AST, sword at the ready. "I might know a way that we can carry on having a good time without those AST twats intervening." Tohka tensed, and turned to look at me.

"...please. Continue." I swallowed slightly. Shit.

"W-Well...it's...it's weird for me to be saying this so quickly...but...uh..." Holy FUCK, this was awkward as hell.

"Yes?"

I swallowed again, rubbing my forehead of the sweat that had just appeared. Why was this so awkward?

"...do...do you wanna go out sometime?"

Tohka gasped.

Ah, shite, now I really was dead.

There was silence.

I braced for the incoming home run swing via some fucking buster nuke sword thing.

Tohka instead looked me dead in the eyes, and nodded. "I will do my best. Now go."

Holy shit, what?

"Holy shit, what?" I heard Kotori yell in my ear. Great, now the signal's back. I shook my head. Right...right.

"I'm not just gonna bloody leave you here to potentially die!" I said angrily, extending a hand. "Come on, we can both get outta here!" Tohka shook her head.

"They will kill you. This is my fight, alone. I will return to you when I can, and we will be able to...'go out'." She narrowed her eyes. "Now go, Jack." After a pause, I gave a nod, and started to back out of the room.

"Alright. Good luck, Tohka."

With that, I exited the room just as I heard a hailstorm of gunshots tear into the classroom behind me and rip through some of the wall. I dived out of the way as best as I could, but as I went, I felt something strike the armour plate on my back. It felt like I'd been punched, and came with all the force; I was thrown straight forwards, slamming onto the ground and rolling towards the edge of the building where there was a massive hole in the second floor wall.

I started scrambling around as I slid towards the drop, trying to find grip on anything that might save my life. But as the edge came closer, didn't manage to grab anything. I can remember yelling one thing: "FUCK FUCK FUCK".

With that, I slid straight over the edge. However, I managed to wrap my hand around a metal bar that had been bent out of the wall, and gripped it as tightly as I could. As my momentum halted, I began to swing towards the nearby wall, so as quickly as I could, I put my booted feet out and planted them firmly onto the concrete wall as I reached up with my other hand to grab the bar.

My whole world froze for a moment, and my heart was hammering as I glanced down to the massive drop to the concrete below. Then, I looked back up, and reached to my ear. "You guys better've recorded that shit, 'cause I'm not fucking well doing that again."

I heard static, and then Kotori's voice came over the mic again. "That was smooth, Bro. Real smooth," she sighed, rubbing her forehead. "I'd expect nothing less." I grinned as I looked around for a way down.

"And that's why my code name needs to be Big Boss," I chuckled, before slowly turning back to my frown. "...so...Sis?" I asked.

"Yeah, bro?"

"How'm I getting down?"

Later...

I sipped my tea, rubbing my back briefly. For a single shot from a minigun, I had to hand it to the AST.

They knew how to make that shit hurt.

Reine had advised I avoided 'doing idiotic things' for a few days whilst the bruise healed. The armour was fine: There was just a hole in the back of my FAVOURITE FUCKING SHIRT, GODDAMMIT. However, I had managed to make it to the bridge of 'Fraxinus', so that was something, I suppose. I'd also been given a cup of tea. That was pretty cool, too.

So, I opted to simply stand behind one of the computer terminals on the bridge, cup of Yorkshire Gold in my left hand, and drink my tea whilst making remarks about the recording of the encounter. "She has very nice eyes," I noted as Tohka's image appeared on the screen. "Purple and gold, I think. Fucking lovely." The blonde lieutenant was standing next to me with his cup of coffee. He shook his head.

"I doubt they'd be purple and gold," he replied, "For a few points they don't have the gold sections. I would assume that the gold colour comes from the light." I raised my head in understanding.

"Ah, fair point. Looked gold and purple most of the time."

"But how often were you actually looking at her eyes?" asked the lieutenant, smirking. I shrugged.

"I dunno, like seventy or eighty percent of the time?"

"As expected."

"What can I say? You guys're making me flirt with an attractive girl that looks to be about my age. Course I'm gonna look at her boobs. It's a compliment." The lieutenant frowned.

"That's not a valid reason when appealing against a restraining order..." he muttered, looking frustrated for a moment. I patted him on the back.

"Ah, don't worry about it. Girls are just a bit weird to get used to." To punctuate, the guy in front of us span his chair around.

"I'll say!" he added. "I've been through fourteen marriages! Fourteen! Still haven't found the one, and the divorces were all for stupid reasons!" I gave a nod of approval. Fourteen fucking marriages? Sucka got game.

"Well, that really depends if you view 'creeping on your wife in the shower' as a strange reason," came a voice from behind. The three of us turned to face the source, only to find Reine standing there. I tilted my head.

"How much of that did you hear?" I asked. I wasn't worried or anything. Just curious.

"I will never understand the male fixation on breasts," she said calmly as she shuffled towards us. I looked at her boobs briefly, then mentally gave myself a thumbs up, then returned to looking at the screen above. "So I gather you have assessed the footage?" The lieutenant straightened up, and cleared his throat.

"Indeed," he said firmly, "We have determined that the best approach is a 'casual' approach when speaking to Princ-"

"Tohka," I said quickly. He hesitated.

"Tohka?" he muttered.

"Yeah. That's the name we gave her. Call her by it." He nodded respectfully. This guy was a pretty alright bloke once you got to speak with him, outside of him trying to hit on my fucking fourteen year old sister, the creepy twat.

"Of course...apologies. Tohka seems to appreciate regular conversation, and shows no response to foul language. She also seemed to approve of having a conversation with someone, so it can be assumed that she is rather company-reliant when it comes to being happy."

"That it?" I shrugged, and sipped my coffee. "She likes swearing-"

"That was never expressly stated," Reine said flatly.

"-and enjoys talking to people."

"Neither was that."

"So where this is going is that if she does follow through on her promise to see me again tomorrow, then I might be able to teach her a thing or two about humans. Right?"

Reine nodded.

"Good. Then I'm gonna need summat to do with her. Any suggestions?" There was a moment of silence, that lasted about a half second long.

"Visit the city center?" suggested the one woman over the room who I recognised as having breached about six or seven restraining orders. Nonetheless, I clapped briefly, and pointed to her.

"Alright, fucking solid," I announced firmly. She seemed rather surprised by that. "Go out into the city centre. Also, pretty sure you didn't use the right version of the word 'centre' in your sentence. Just saying." The woman frowned.

"...how can you discern that?"

"This guy's all the colors of weird," added one of the other blokes as he shook his head. I pointed at him.

"Not even the right version of 'colour'! There's a 'U' in there, you lazy git!" Before I could point out the flaws in the very fabric of their realities anymore, Reine coughed.

"Whatever your plan, Jack, I would suggest you head home and rest. Think over your plan whilst you prepare for tomorrow." I turned to her, and nodded.

"Right, got it. Need me to take Kotori home?" Reine shook her head.

"She does that herself."

"...right..." I muttered suspiciously, sipping my cup of tea as I looked up at the still image of Tohka's smiling face on the screen. I nodded appreciatively. Apparently she never smiled in any of the other photos that these guys had of her.

But whatever.

She had a nice body, and at some point, I was going to snuggle with her on a cold winter night, under a warm blanket

That was my goal. And if you know how much we Brits like to go for goals, then you'd be entertained at how fucking shite British football is.