The tears fall almost immediately the moment my head hits the pillow. One, two, three, four, five minutes pass and I'm still clutching a pillow against my face to quiet my sobs. And it's selfish really; because I can't even begin to imagine the pain my parents are in, watching their child being dragged into battle, knowing for a damn fact that she won't survive-so I just focus on myself. On my pain. The empty, hopeless, ugly kind of pain that feels like an ax in my heart.
I wish I could pinpoint the reason for my agony. Is it the flood of memories surfacing? The nights spent dancing and singing around the living room with my mother, the times my father would carry me on his back into the forest to birdwatch, the days at school with Tressa, no cares in the world, just hopes for the future… Or maybe it's the fact that I'm literally on my way to die right now. Each passing second is just a harsh reminder that I'm too far from home to go back now.
...
"Get up! We arrive in an hour!" A loud banging on the door startles me awake. I wish I could request a new mentor.
My eyes barely open, and the tears are dried to my skin. I'm scared to look in the mirror. Sitting up in my bed, I turn my face to the vanity across the room and catch a glimpse of my red, splotchy face and the blonde frizzy mess hanging on my head.
"Hurry!" she pounds on the door again, causing me to stand up straight and slowly head to the door, trying helplessly to tame my hair with my hands.
I'm surprised to see everyone awake and situated around the dining table. Even Blight is here, looking rather hungover. The scenery outside has changed as well; no more thick forests and simple homes. Large, glass buildings tower over us, blocking most of the sunlight from entering the train.
"District One," Johanna mutters as she shreds a toothpick with a knife, glancing up at me and immediately chuckling under her breath. "You should probably take a shower, we'll be at the Capitol soon. You don't want to scare any sponsors away with that hair."
I stand there silent, pursing my lips. "Oh dear…" Frostine swiftly stands out of her chair, approaching me cautiously as if I were diseased or something. I'm less offended than I am annoyed. I didn't ask to be in this situation.
"Your hair…" she whispers, trying to comb her fingers through the dirty blonde dead ends, but the snarls catch her nail. She winces and clasps her hands over her chest, examining my red skin. "Please, do take a shower. I think I have something to hide this blotchiness…"
She disappears into her compartment and Blight's low laughter takes my attention. His gaze is low, shaking his head with a sly smirk as he pushes back his plate of food, replacing it with a flask from his pocket.
"What are you staring at?" I flinch back, unaware that he'd looked up. I feel my face get hot and I can only shrug, taking a seat at the furthest corner of the table and picking up a slice of bread. I can feel their eyes on me; Blight, Johanna, and Ramsey.
I hear more chuckling from Blight's end of the table, but I don't dare look up. "You were right, Jo. We don't stand a chance with these two." More chuckling, more dishes clanging against the table, and Blight is gone, back to his compartment.