Hi! So many people desperately wanted me to update again asap so that's what I've done lol. But anyway, TW on this chapter especially. And those of you who are reading this who watch Third Watch, you might find that I've got some inspiration from 2x19 :)
oh and also, some paragraphs change from Teddy's point of view :)
but please enjoy! And review! Thanks xo
"Before you start, I resign."
What the fuck have I done? I've just cleared out my locker and collected all my belongings and I'm now on my way out of the doors. It's pouring rain. Great. I have no umbrella or coat so I run over to my car, holding my very few belongings in my hands. I fumble around in my pockets for my car keys whilst the rain pours down. I push the key into the keyhole and unlock the front door, throwing my stuff on the passenger seat and then climb in. My hair is soaking wet and dripping rainwater over the car and me. But I don't care. I don't really care about anything anymore. I feel a single tear make its way down my cheek. Normally, I'd force myself to stop crying, but I don't now. A few more tears make their way down my cheeks and my eyes water up so much that I can barely see anything anymore. And before I know it I'm sobbing loudly and shaking so much. I pull my knees up to my chest and now I can't stop. My deafening sobs echo around the car as I let out all the built up emotions behind my earlier decision. I cry for I don't know how long before I finally stop. My breathing is staggered as I attempt to regain some control. I now have a pounding headache and I'm still shaking slightly. Great. But I have to get home at some point so I jam my keys into the ignition and begin driving.
"Hey chief?" Arizona asked as she ran up the corridor to catch up with Derek. He turned around.
"Yep?" He replied.
"You seen Teddy anywhere? I mean I've looked all over the hospital and I still can't find her which is very unusual-" Arizona said, very quickly but was cut off.
"She quit." Derek said bluntly. "Can I go now?" He said, walking away.
"Wait, what?!" Arizona yelled out as she followed him up the corridor. Derek stopped and sighed.
"Go ask Hunt, he'll have a better idea than I do."
"And then she just ran out of the OR!" Meredith exclaimed to the other third year residents.
"No way." Alex said, leaning back on his chair.
"Seriously?" Jackson asked. Cristina walked into the room puzzled about what they were all talking about.
"What are you guys talking about?" She asked, taking a seat beside Meredith.
"Teddy went crazy in the OR." Alex said, laughing.
"Wait what?" Cristina asked, seemingly way more seriously than the others.
"We were in the OR," Meredith began, Cristina turned to look at her, "Owen and I were talking about the patient's psychological condition and she suddenly went off on one about how the patient might be feeling and then walked out."
"Wait, Teddy did that?" Cristina asked, surprised and somewhat worried.
"And rumour has it that she quit." Charles said. Everyone turned to face him.
"Seriously?" Jackson asked.
"Yeah." Charles replied. Cristina got up and walked out to go ask the person who would know why.
"Hunt!" Arizona yelled.
"Owen!" Cristina yelled from the other side of the hall. Owen stood in place, not sure where to go. Both women caught up to him.
"Why did Teddy quit?" Arizona asked. Before answering her, Owen turned to Cristina,
"And why are you here, Cristina?" He asked, sighing.
"The same reason, why did she?" Cristina answered. Owen sighed.
"I don't know." He said. Both women looked at him.
"What do you mean, you don't know?" Arizona enquirered, folding her arms across her chest. Owen looked at both women.
"I mean, I. Don't. Know. Now, can I please go now?" He asked.
"But wait, didn't she storm out of your OR?" Cristina asked. Before he answered he pulled both women into the room opposite.
"Yes, no, well...kinda." he started, "and wait, how'd you know?"
"Meredith." Cristina answered.
"She told you that she quit?"
"Well, no, Percy told me that."
"How'd he know?"
"Rumours."
"Okay, stop!" Arizona yelled, getting fed up with their conversation. "Why'd she quit?"
"Meredith and I were talking about the patient's psychiatric disorder and then she tore one off at us about what the patient may be going through getting really emotional herself, and then she walked out." Owen said, "happy now?"
I poured what must have been my 6th… No, 7th maybe glass of wine and then sat back in my position on my couch. I don't even have the tv on, just my CD player playing the same song over and over again. Terrible Love but the cover done by Birdy. The lyrics were quite fitting.
It's a terrible love
And I'm walking with spiders,
It's a terrible love and I'm walking in,
It's a terrible love
And I'm walking with spiders,
It's a terrible love and I'm walking in,
It's quiet company
It's quiet company
My whole life is like walking with spiders. And my relationship with my eating disorder is like a terrible love. I down that glass of wine and pour myself a new one from my same position on the couch. Oh, how crappy my life has turned out. I just cannot be bothered anymore. I wonder into the kitchen and grab an apple from the table and take a bite. Oh, how nice it tastes. I open the cupboards to see what else I can find. And I see a white box, I take it out and examine the front. It's all a little blurry as I've had no food for so long. But I figure it out. Sleeping tablets. I take them out of the cupboard and make my way back into the living room, picking up my glass and then I head into the bathroom. I decide to run myself a bath, but I just climb into the tub without turning the water on, I can't be bothered. I can still hear Terrible Love from the living room because of how loud I had it on.
And I can't fall asleep
Without a little help
It takes awhile
To settle down
My shivered bones
Wait til the panics out
I pick up the sleeping tablets from the table and begin to pop them out one by one into my hand.
And I won't follow you
Into the rabbit hole
I said I would
But then I saw
Your shivered bones
They didn't want me to
I have maybe about 20 in my hand now, it's not even shaking, but that might have something to do with the amount of wine I've had. After a moment's thought, I decide just to go would be unfair to the few people I actually cared about. So I close the pills in my left hand and and grab a pen and paper from the side and scrawl some things down onto it.
Arizona, from the first moment when we, well you decided we'd become friends you have always been there for me. You've been the bestest friend that I've had in ages. And I'm so sorry if this hurts you but I'm sorry.
Callie, we get along so well and we're such good friends and I'm so sorry.
Cristina, I sincerely hope you find a new teacher that you aspire to be like as much as you seemingly aspire to be like, like me.
Everyone at SGMW, thanks and sorry.
Owen, I've loved you for as long as I can remember from since we met. It kills me to see you with someone else but I'm so happy that you're happy. And don't feel guilty, please, but I can't go through with what I'm about to do if I can't tell you that.
I'm sorry I did what I just did. Thank you all so much and goodbye.
Teddy Altman
I fold the paper up and throw it onto the floor. I reopen my hand that was enclosed with the pills which would help me to end my life. I stuff about half into my mouth and swallow them with great difficulty. I then place the remaining into my mouth and wash them down with my last ever gulp of red wine. I lean back and listen to the last three lines of the song as my mind goes fuzzy.
It takes an ocean not to break,
It takes an ocean not to break,
It takes an ocean not to break.
The songs right, you know. It takes an ocean not to break and I just don't have an ocean to give.