10

He called for someone to let him into my cell and came over to sit next to me. He leaned over to speak quietly, "Keep your voice low and start from the beginning."

I leaned over to speak directly into his ear and he chuckled and moved back a little. "Um… not like that," he said with a smile and I ended up smiling, too.

"There is a natural tunnel leading from the beach to Banner's house. He dug playrooms at the end of the tunnel next to the house. When we found out he was going to teach again we met on the beach late at night. We decided to draw straws so nobody would know who was responsible or when it would be done. We hid weapons of all kinds, so the person could choose and we wouldn't know how he was killed either. After it happened the weapons would be returned and we would all help hide them."

"Who drew straws?"

"Me, Angela, Jessica, Mike, Eric, Lauren, Tyler and Jordan."

"Why only eight?"

"We were the only ones willing to kill the bastard. I never considered him a human being, and I could have easily done it, but I didn't draw the small straw."

"You said he was filming you?"

"Yes, and I only found out last night. I think whoever paid to have you find the killer made money off the videos. Or maybe was a relative of Banners. Why don't you know who is paying your bill?"

He gave me an exhausted look and said yet again, "I just passed the bar. This is my first case."

"Boy, you can sure pick em," I teased and he shook his head in disgust.

We sat quietly for a bit as the reality of our situation settled in our minds. To save himself he needed to turn on me, and he had all the pieces in place to do just that. I had to concentrate on the fact he was sitting here trying desperately to find a way not to.

"I wrote horrible things on your bedroom walls with permanent marker," I confessed as I leaned my head on his shoulder.

"What?" he asked with a disbelieving tone.

"Dark green."

"Wait, you did what?"

"I questioned your lineage, accused you of procreating with your mother, and told you to propel foreign genitalia inside a bodily orifice. Only I used terms understood by popular culture."

He sat in stunned silence and finally asked, "If I bring my briefcase in here, can I get you to put your prints all over the murder weapon?"

I laughed and then gave him more bad news. "They already are, we all made sure to handle the various weapons," I said and caused him to groan loudly.

"We need a plan," he said with a sigh.

"We need a miracle," I added.

"I feel I should tell you something, just so you are aware. Jake is completely in love with you, he told me outright."

I raised my head and stared at his face to see if he was being serious. Jake and I often told each other we loved one another. It wasn't a passionate love, it was an understanding, a need to know someone had your back no matter what.

"Jake loves me, but he is IN love with Leah," I explained.

"No, he isn't. We talked about this in depth and we need to use it," he said cautiously.

"What do you mean?"

"I need to turn in the weapon and the moccasins. It will turn the attention to you, and then we can bring forth the tape to give you both an alibi, saying you're secret lovers until he could find a way to break it to Leah. What you say about the stuff from the sculpture is up to you."

"You want me to pretend to be having a relationship with Jake?" I asked for clarification.

"You were having a relationship with him, it just meant more to him than it did to you," he said as he looked at my surprised face.

"Edward, I will do anything I can to stop you from finding out who killed Banner. I will protect my friends."

"Maybe we should find out who hired me, instead," he offered and I smiled and threw my arms around his neck. He was going to give up on his personal quest and go after the person threatening him. I was crazy about Edward Cullen at this moment and would offer him all my trust.

"Well, I have a lot of work to do. I'll have you brought in front of the court tomorrow to introduce the video. It should turn the jury to his favor. I need to see Banner's computer, do you know anyone willing to take an illegal look at his hard drive?"

"Eric is the man you want."

He stood and I looked up at his smiling face and felt a huge grin break out on mine. He took my hand and pulled me into his arms as my heart pounded loudly. I melted against him, feeling the same excitement I felt earlier, and amazed at how he stirred such feelings in me.

"I want to apologize for what I'll have to do tomorrow," he said in just a whisper.

"It's okay, I'll get more markers," I said and his mouth twitched.

"May I kiss you?"

"Please do," I said as I moved onto my tiptoes.

He gave me a very soft kiss, thick with restraint, and I longed to feel him give way and let his emotions rule him, but that would have to come later. We had some really hard moments ahead of us. I watched him leave my cell, pick up his briefcase, give me a quick wink, and walk away. Mr. Banner was still managing to take things away from my heart.

I was called before the court the following morning and arrived in my same clothes. Edward wouldn't meet my gaze and Jake looked livid. I sat in the witness box and Edward spoke without looking up.

"Ms. Swan, do you know where Jacob Black was the night in question?"

"Yes, he spent the night with me," I said clearly.

I heard several gasps and Edward continued on. "Are you sure it was the same night?"

"Yes."

"How do you know?"

"We made a video. It has a time and date stamp."

Edward picked up the recording and offered it into evidence.

"Ms. Swan, do you recognize the picture on the screen," he asked.

I looked up to see a picture of a pair of my moccasins with the brand stamp showing. "Yes, those are moccasins I produce with my initials," I responded.

He brought up the next picture of my knife and asked the same question. "Yes, it is a knife I was given by a shop in Santa Fe in exchange for some product."

"Did you loan the knife and moccasins to anyone?"

"No, I did not." I wasn't lying directly. I never gave them as a loan and we didn't know what the person would choose to use.

Someone walked through the courtroom doors and handed Edward a piece of paper. He read the contents of the page and looked up to say, "That is all, Ms. Swan."

He handed the paper to the prosecution and they took a few moments and finally said, "We have nothing further."

I walked off the stand and past Edward without him even glancing at me. Jake looked worn out and I wanted to offer him a hug. I walked out the door to find Leah waiting for me. I stamped my foot, wanting just a moment to enjoy the relief I was feeling.

"Leah, don't," I said harshly.

"I should have known," she said hatefully. "You always needed Jake for one reason or another."

"I need Jake to be my friend and that is it. When I get the tape back I'll let you watch it, so you can see for yourself nothing happened."

"You made a tape of nothing?" she said in disbelief.

"No, we made a tape of trying to do something, but it didn't work out."

"Is that supposed to be better?" she asked in anger.

"Leah, you have no idea how messed up I am. You are better than me in every way. Jake is yours not mine. Can't that be enough?" I was so tired of this fight. I had no idea how it was going to end but I felt the end was at least in sight and that gave me hope.

I walked out the door and headed right for Mike's barn. He was sitting in the corner, high as usual, and I wondered if he would have been able to resist drugs if Banner had never entered his life. I sat next to him and he looked at me with glassy eyes. "Hey, Bells, are you really here or am I hallucinating?"

"I'm here Mike. I need to ask you something and I know we said we would never tell, but this is just between you and me. Did you do it?"

"Naw, did you?" he asked and I shook my head.

"I wanted it to be me," he confessed. "I wanted to cut him so deep his head would come clear off. I was actually pissed I pulled a long straw."

"Yeah, I know. I fanaticized about him begging for help. I would have loved to hear him beg," I said only because I knew Mike wouldn't remember our conversation later. I reached over and took his hand. "Mike, you need to go to rehab, you deserve a great life and this isn't it."

"I'm fine," he mumbled and shut his eyes.

"No, you're not, and we are going to find a place for you. We all need help, Mike. We are so afraid and he still wins if we ruin our lives."

His eyes filled with tears and slid down his face as he spoke from his heart. "I was a good kid, Bella. Why did he hurt me, I was a good kid."

"You were a great kid, Mike. You were our strength when we weren't sure we could go on. We do this together, okay. Can you be strong one more time, just one?"

He smiled and his head bobbed. "Yeah Bells, together."

I kissed his cheek and left to find Lauren and Eric. They were together before Eric left for his logging job. I sat on the couch and looked into their eyes. I deduced if one of them drew the small straw they would have acted together. "I didn't do it, did either of you?"

"You didn't?" Lauren asked with shock, "I would have sworn it was you."

"Why?" I asked a bit insulted.

"Because it was done so clean, I would have cut his balls off. You had the control to get in and get out," she explained.

I looked at Eric and he shook his head and admitted something difficult, "I'm not sure I would have gone through with it if I drew the small straw."

"Are you two a couple?" I asked and they both laughed but I pushed further. "I know how hard intimacy is and I want you to know it is okay to feel desires for each other. We need to find therapists to help us. Will you both promise me to get help?"

"Bella, we need to keep a cork in this bottle," Eric said. "If we let this out it is going to ripple though the whole town."

"Then move, Eric. You have a great job, so move somewhere new and get some help."

They looked at each other and gave a very slight nod. I offered them both a hug and left to find Tyler. He was working at the post office and when I walked in, he tensed. I wrote a quick note and when I got to his window I asked about designer stamps and pushed the note to him.

He read it quickly and said, "I'm sorry we have never used those stamps. Try a shipping service."

"I've never used them either," I said. "How are you Tyler?"

"Better, I sleep much better now."

I nodded and walked away.

I dreaded going to Jordan's house. He had the most difficult time processing his pain. He refused to leave his house and called the police over any little noise. He lived with his widowed mother and rarely came out of his room.

I knocked on his door and his mother gave me permission to go to his room. I called out softly for him and heard him come to the door. "Bella," he said softly from the other side.

"Jordan, can I come in?"

"I can't touch the knob," he cried, so I tried it, but found it locked.

I leaned my head on the door and spoke quietly. "Jordan, remember how I would take your hand and tell you to concentrate on my hand?"

"Yes," he said as he continued to cry.

"I'm holding out my hand, please take it."

"I try to wash it off, it doesn't come off," he said still speaking through the door.

"Jordan, it's gone. I promise it is gone now."

"Do you want me to come to the beach?" he asked and I felt so guilty.

"No sweetie, you can stay here and never come to the beach again. But can I send someone to talk to you, someone to help?"

"I got the long straw," he said. "I can't clean it off because I got a long straw."

"Jordan, I promise if you get help you will be able to take pictures again. Would you like that?" I asked and prayed he would find joy in taking nature pictures again like he did in high school.

"Okay," he finally said.

"Can I visit again sometime?" I asked as my voice broke.

"Bella," he called out.

"Yes, Jordan."

"I would like it if you visited again. You're my friend."

"You're my friend, too. Bye Jordan."

I left there in tears and wished I could find a way to kill Banner all over again. He should have to pay for taking the light out of bright, hopeful kids. He got off easy.

I only had one more stop. I knew it wasn't Jessica. She would not have been able to keep it to herself and would have told me if she had done it. It left Angela. I never believed she would be capable of following through, but I didn't know the secret rage inside her heart. I called her at the station and asked her to call my cell.

It was only five minutes later when my phone rang. "Ang, just say yes or no, that's it."

"No," she said and I hung up in shock.

It had been Jessica and she kept quiet about it. I made the last stop at her house and she ran to give me a hug when I entered through the kitchen. I held her in my arms and rocked her back and forth. "I'm so sorry you had to do it, Jess."

She pulled back and gave me a confused look before saying, "I didn't do it."

11

Somebody was lying and I didn't have a clue who it was. I thought over all the answers again and they seemed genuine. Maybe they thought I was only testing them to see if they had the strength to truly remain quiet about what we had done. I would have to meet with them again and dig deeper. I also planned on calling some professionals in to help us when the trial was over.

I drove home and saw Edward's car. I ran up to his room and he answered the door with a paper in his hand. I took it and looked at the typed forensic report. My knife blade didn't match up to the slice across Banner's throat, and the moccasins were too small to match up the heel with the stamp.

I looked up at Edward with confusion. "You didn't have the murder weapon, it must have been one of the others," he explained but I shook my head.

"It was the only curved blade. And I just spoke to everyone; I don't think we did this. I mean we planned to do it, and someone got the short straw, but I don't think it was us who actually got to him."

Edward's jaw tightened and he paced for a few moments before speaking, "Bella, could have it been Jake?"

"No, he was here the whole night."

"Damn it, this could be totally unrelated to what happened years ago. He might be into something new. I need you to take me to Eric," he demanded and I nodded in agreement.

"Can I clean up first?" I asked and he smiled softly.

"May I join you?" he asked with a crooked smile.

Just then someone knocked on my door across the hall. I opened Edward's door to see my father standing in the hallway. "Never mind," Edward whispered and I laughed loudly.

"Hey dad," I said and stepped forward to give him a tight hug.

"What are you messed up in, Bella?" he asked with concern.

I sighed loudly and I remained in his arms and said, "Dad, I will sit down with you when this is all over. But I want you to know you are such a great daddy."

I lost my bravado and sobbed loudly in his arms. I wished I had done this the day we were taken to the tunnel. Children are so afraid of disappointing their parents that monsters easily prey on them. I wanted to be the daddy's girl he thought me to be. But now I knew I needed to stand up and be the woman he thought me to be.

"Do you have any idea who did this, dad?"

"It has to be someone local, someone who could come and go without worry of being noticed."

"Banner walked the beach a lot, maybe he met someone on the beach," I said to give him a new lead.

"It would have been easier to lure him to the beach and let the tide take his body out to sea. Or take him deep into the forest where animals would disperse his body. Someone wanted him found to make a statement."

I finally pulled myself from his arms and headed for a shower. Edward and I stopped for dinner at the local diner as we waited for Eric's shift to end. I began telling him about the eight of us who volunteered for the ghastly mission.

"Mike was big for his age; he looked like a man in eighth grade. We just assumed he was strong emotionally and we leaned on him so much. He turned to drugs to deal with his pain. He's an unemployed junkie when he should have been playing ball in college and dating prom queens."

"Eric and Lauren can't make it through a day without one another, but they are too messed up to be intimate. I am so afraid they will spend their lives in love, but never able to express it."

"Jesus," Edward said and shook his head. "I can't even imagine what you all went through."

"Jordan is messed up the most. He is going to spend his life in the darkness because the light terrifies him. He used to see beauty through a lens the rest of us couldn't see; now all he sees is ugliness. And Jessica thinks she needs me for love."

I looked at my shaking hands and decided to get everything out into the open now; before I was in so deep it would hurt me to lose Edward. "He would make us do stuff with each other. Jess and I were favorites of his. How am I supposed to tell her the memories of touching her make me want to vomit? How do I do that?"

"You don't, a mental health professional does," he said as he took my hand into his.

"Edward, you have a great family and you just passed the bar," I said and heard him laugh. "You don't want me."

"I have a scar on my ass," he said and my eyes looked up at him and I laughed. "You didn't even notice it because it happened so long ago."

"But your scar isn't still bleeding," I said as my tears fell.

"When I broke into your studio to prove you were the murderer and get my client off," he said and I kicked him under the table. "I looked at your work. It was like staring into your heart. You create amazing things, Bella. That is what I see when I look at you, the amazing things coming from your heart."

It was such an incredible feeling to have someone like Edward say complimentary things about me. He made me believe I had a happy life out there waiting for me. I had to somehow make the other's believe too.

"I spoke with my mother," he said to pull me right back into my self loathing.

"Oh God, does she hate me?" I asked.

"The obscene pictures were a bit much, don't you think?" He laughed.

"I'm an artist, I couldn't just use words."

"She understands, and it gave her an excuse to turn my room into a sewing room. I'm homeless because of you," he laughed and I squeezed his hands.

"I'll keep you," I said softly and he smiled. "So, tell me about the scar on your ass."

He laughed and his eyes lit up with the happy family memories running through his head. "My grandparents owned a vacation home on a small island off of Brazil. We used to go there every summer. Emmett and I were tandem skiing and he yelled for me to cross the wake and switch places. We just didn't work out who would cross in front and who would cross in back. We collided and his ski broke in half and sliced my ass cheek."

"Do they still own the place?" I asked having an epiphany.

"They both passed, my father owns it now, why?"

"This is probably too big of a favor to ask, but I was thinking of taking everyone to the island with some shrinks, you know isolate us so we could face our demons instead of running from them."

"You could use the place for free, but wouldn't it be a lot of money to hire shrinks and take everyone to Brazil?"

I laughed and said something to shock him. "I have money. My sculpture outside of the capital in South Dakota sold for half a million."

He froze and stared at me with a stunned face. I waited for him to react but he only stared so I clicked my fingers in front of his face.

"I wondered how you could afford to take one drag off a cigarette and toss it, I thought you were supported by your parents," he laughed.

"No, my room isn't in their house," I teased him.

"Passing the bar is very difficult," he said with a pout and to defend his honor.

"Oh I know, did you get a trophy for your shelf when you passed?"

"Why do you insist on tainting my little league triumphs?"

"Don't all the kids get a trophy? I think it is part of the fee to play, so you actually bought yourself trophies," I pointed out.

"I'm getting the knife tested again," he mumbled and I laughed loudly at his totally inappropriate teasing. It was a simple meal at a small diner, but Edward managed to make me fall deeper in love with him.

We were sitting outside of Eric's apartment when he pulled up from work. I introduced him to Edward and noticed how his guard went up immediately. We followed him into the house and Lauren joined us so we all sat together in the small living room.

"Eric, Edward needs you to look at Banner's hard drive on his computer so we can prove Jake innocent."

"I thought it would be a slam dunk and he would walk?" he asked cautiously.

"It isn't Jake I'm worried about. Someone wants me to prove who killed Banner, Jake is only a distraction."

Eric looked at Lauren and guilt was written all over their faces. I took a deep breath and said, "Guys, he knows."

They looked at Edward with shame and my heart broke a little more. "Someone hired me to come here and solve this case. I have no idea who it is and I think they plan on taking out the murderer. I need to see his hard drive so I can figure out who is behind all of this."

"Can't you just make up a name?" they asked Edward.

"My life is being threatened, too," he said and for the first time I truly realized what he was risking for me.

"So do you have the computer with you?" Eric asked and Edward gave me a worried look.

"I'll go with you," I said softly to help Eric understand what we were asking of him. His face turned pale white and his hands began to shake.

"You're kidding, right?"

"I'm sorry," I said with tears, "But our lives depend on it. I'll go with you, and if you need something for your nerves I'll ask Mike."

"Let Jake take the fall," he said angrily, "And this case may end up costing you your life, lawyer."

"Eric," I said softly, "This isn't us, we don't hurt innocent people. We need to stop Banner from beyond the grave and end it once and for all. None of us killed him; someone else had to do our job for us. Let's do what we can to save Edward and Jake."

He finally nodded and I stood to take his hand, "Come on, you'll be fine. Do you have a jump drive for the computer?"

"Yeah, I'll get what I need."

I worried about making things so much worse for Eric by taking him back into the tunnel, but I forced myself to concentrate on the fact we could be killed if we didn't get the information we needed. His hands were sweaty and shaking so I tightened my hold.

I had given him a pair of moccasins without a mark and some gloves for his hand before entering the tunnel. We both carried flashlights and I could tell by the shadow he grew more nervous as we neared the rooms.

I moved the fake wall myself and we climbed into the structure of the house. It looked…normal. There was nothing to show a monster resided here for years. Once we found the computer Eric seemed to calm quite a bit.

He went right to work downloading everything onto his portable device and we were done in less than an hour. We returned to the tunnel and I was shock to see Eric stop and look into the rooms. He walked inside and glanced around at the dirt walls. "Why didn't we think to fight, we could have taken him, especially with Mike, why didn't it occur to us?"

"We were trying to make it through each day, Eric. We didn't have anything extra; we were fighting to simply exist."

He nodded and let out a long breath. "I love her, you know, I just don't know how to show her."

"I have a plan to fix it all. We're going to be happy, Eric, I promise."

"We need to level this place. Do you think Mike can get some dynamite?" he asked being totally serious.

"Oh sure, a huge explosion wouldn't make anyone suspicious," I laughed and reached my hand out for his and we headed back toward the beach.

Edward seemed so relieved when we walked through the door and held his hand out for the device. I assumed we would all sit around Eric's computer and look at the files, but Edward had other ideas.

"I'm not letting you see this. I'll handle it from here. Pack your bags and get ready for Brazil."

Lauren and Eric both looked at me and I smiled widely. "We're going to paradise guys."

12

Of course it was not that easy. I had a lot of planning to do and it took all of my time. Edward had rested for the defense and the prosecution was calling rebuttal witnesses. I found two therapists from San Francisco willing to spend several weeks with us on the island.

I worried about getting Mike and Jordan all the way to Brazil. Mike would have dangerous withdraws and Jordan's anxiety could send him into crisis. I found the solution in the most unexpected place. Edward's father, Dr. Cullen, agreed to travel with us and keep the two men hydrated and under a doctor's supervision.

I also watched Edward begin to retreat deeper and deeper into himself as he studied the files from Banner's computer. Whenever I asked him about it, he would dismiss my concerns. He admitted only once he had some pretty decent leads to follow, but wouldn't elaborate.

The night before my group was leaving I went with Edward to Sam's club. I tried everything I could to get him engaged in our conversation, but he was quiet and sullen. I finally asked him what I had been too terrified to ask for the entire week.

"Have you seen things that made you think differently of me?"

He opened his mouth but nothing would come out. I looked into his watery eyes and knew I was losing him. It was one thing to hear about my past, it was a totally other thing to see it. I nodded for a moment and finally asked, "Can we still use your island, not for me, but for the others?"

"Bella," he said just barely over the music. "You have no idea how much I admire you. I feel almost unable to function because of what I have seen. I don't understand how this sickness can exist in the world. I know things I don't want to know," he said and I knew that feeling intimately.

"Edward, don't ruin your amazing spirit for us. Let it go and leave Forks. Go home to a loving family and forget about this ugliness. I couldn't bare it if it ruined you," I said through my tears.

Sam walked up at that minute and I asked about Emily. I noticed how Edward tensed and wanted to let him know I would not ask about the baby. Sam looked so stressed and I made sure to give him an extra large tip. I wished problems like Sam and Emily's were all the trouble the world had to offer, but I knew differently and now so did Edward.

We headed home early, both stuck in a somber mood. When I reached for my door knob he placed his hand on my arm. I looked up at his sad eyes and he nodded toward his room, "Please," he said softly and I took his hand in mine.

When we entered his room, he left the lights off and reached out to remove my sweater. I didn't move and let him slowly remove my clothing. He pulled me into his arms and spoke softly into my ear. "I needed to see something beautiful, you're body is beautiful, Bella."

"If you need me Edward, I'm yours," I told him and prayed I could follow through if it was what he needed.

"I need to hold you," he said and led me to his bed. I unbuttoned his shirt and let it fall to the ground. He didn't stop my hands when I moved to his jeans, so I completely unclothed him. He pulled me back into his arms and kissed my shoulders softly.

I was breathing heavily from his tender touch and he was becoming aroused. I tried to concentrate on him, the feel of his muscle under his skin, the smell of cigarettes and cologne, and the soft kisses that set my body on fire.

I was losing control of my limbs as they moved frantically against him. I had always been told what to do and how to move. I had never let my body go, to love someone freely. It was a consuming feeling to be unable to control my body's reactions.

He suddenly pulled away and fell onto his back with his eyes shut tightly. I wasn't sure what it meant but when he said, "I can't," I knew he was rejecting me. With Jake I had always felt broken or damaged, but Edward had just made me feel dirty.

I stayed perfectly still until I heard his steady breathing. I climbed out of his bed and headed to my own room before I sobbed loudly into my pillow.

We took a van the next morning into Seattle and I could tell Mike was very medicated. Angela sat with her arm around Jordan as he stared at the floor without blinking. None of us spoke as we wallowed in the painful memories which propelled us on this trip.

I tried not to cry when I saw Carlisle waiting at the ticket counter. He checked Mike first and started him drinking heavy amounts of water. Jordan seemed to have him worried the most. He gave him a pill to swallow and wrapped a blanket around his shoulders.

We were one seriously fucked up group and depression began weighing me down. I had a window seat and I stared into the expansive nothingness and wondered if there was a chance in hell we would ever be happy. I thought I had found happiness, but my life was too much for Edward to handle.

Mike handled the trip well until we climbed in a boat to be ferried to the island. He was hallucinating and thought alligators were trying to climb into the boat. Dr. Cullen finally had to sedate him with a shot and as we flew across the water I looked at Mike's large, limp body and wondered how we were going to get him out of the boat.

Jessica scooted next to me and put her head on my shoulder. I closed my eyes as the need to vomit tried to overtake me. All of my confidence was gone. I didn't know what I had been thinking when I came up with this plan. At least before we were able to pretend we were normal. I felt like I had pulled the final floor out from under us and we were all falling into the abyss.

When we pulled up to a dock I looked around to see a large home sitting on an outcropping of land. It was beautiful and under any other circumstance it would truly be paradise. I was stunned to see several people walking down the dock toward us and I looked at Carlisle.

"Volunteers, offering to help," he told me and I looked back at the generous people who stepped forward on our behalf. It restored a bit of my faith in the human race.

Two large men, obviously here as the muscle to keep things under control pulled Mike from the boat and down the dock. We formed a tight huddle, still finding strength as a group, and headed to the house.

A man and woman, both doctors, stepped forward to introduce themselves. "We're Drs. Masen," the man said. "My wife and I specialize in this type of treatment. You're safe," he said emphatically, but he knew none of us would believe it just yet.

Carlisle took Jordan into the house and sat him in a chair before checking his vitals again. I walked over and knelt next to him and smiled when he finally glanced at me. "You okay?" I asked Jordan.

"Bella," he said softly. "You're my friend."

"Yes," I answered, "I will always be your friend."

"I don't want to go to the beach," he said with terrified eyes.

"Okay, we'll stay in here," I said and he began to relax.

We all sat around the room, not sure what to do or say when we were told food would be served and we would be called one at a time to meet with one of the doctors. I tensed when my name was called first. I walked into an office and sat in a comfortable chair facing the female Dr. Masen.

"Tell me a bit about yourself," she said with a smile.

"I'm an artist. My father is the Chief of Police in Forks, Washington. My mother taught at the same school Mr. Banner worked at and I can't be intimate with a man, I mean I think I could have with this one guy, but he got freaked out by my past and pulled away," I said as my tears began to fall.

"Do you use your art to express your pain?" she asked.

"No, I only make things that hide the pain."

She reached over and handed me a piece of paper and a pencil. "Draw me what your heart is feeling at this moment. It can be as abstract as you like. Look deeply into the pain and draw what it looks like."

I tried to clear my mind and let my hands take over. I began sketching quickly without paying attention to what was forming. When I finished I held up the paper to show two perfectly drawn eyes. One was mine with the shadow of a human form reflecting in the iris. The other eye was the most painful. It was Edward's.

Dr. Masen took the drawing and looked at it for a moment. "Honey, we'll work on getting the two parts of your heart to become whole. It will happen slowly, but I can guarantee it will happen."

I smiled and gave her a slight nod. "Can you tell me the thing that haunts you the most?" she asked with a soft voice.

I leaned in to speak in a whisper, terrified to let myself hear the words I was going to use. "I want to get away from the others. I want them to stop needing me and I want them to stop looking at me for guidance. I want to forget their names and what their faces look like. I hate them," I said with my entire body shaking badly.

"Sweetheart, those feelings are totally normal," she said to give my heart a bit of comfort. "We are going to give you all the tools to carry your own burdens. One day you will look at them and only see your friends, not other victims bound together in pain."

"We abused each other, too. We did what he told us to do and damaged each other further," I confessed.

"When someone of power forces you to do something it is not your will doing it. I am certain you can tell me many instances of helping each other and leaning on each other. You weren't victimizing each other; you were living through the abuse together as a team. None of you were strong enough to handle what was happening to you, but together you were a force strong enough to survive. It is my job to teach you how to let go of each other and survive on your own strength now."

"Is it possible?" I asked her.

"Absolutely," she smiled, and I let a tiny portion of my heart believe her.

We all took turns with the doctors and began to speak to each other as the night wore on. Mike became violently ill as we all played cards and had to leave with Dr. Cullen. Jordan was like at ice sculpture which slowly began to melt. He became more animated and less tense as we laughed and teased each other over a game of crazy eights.

When it grew late we were all assigned a room and roommates. I was put with Jordan and I noticed how angry Jessica became. Eric and Lauren were separated and they both had stunned expressions on their faces. Mike would stay with Carlisle until his withdrawals were stabilized.

Jordan and I headed to our room and got ready for bed. When I climbed in the top bunk he looked at me as said, "Thank you, Bella. I was going to hang myself, the day you told me about the trip I had planned to kill myself."

"Jordan, don't please, I can't handle anymore guilt or responsibility. I have my own pain and I need to only be your friend."

He smiled and touched my arm softly. "You can lean on me for a bit, okay?"

I felt my tears pour from my eyes and I nodded, unable to speak. I had always considered Jordan the weakest of us all, but he had just proven his strength as I finally admitted my weakness.

My cell phone rang and I was sure it would be my parents, but I was shocked when I heard Edward's voice. "How are you adjusting?" he asked.

"Good, how's Jake?"

"It will go to the jury tomorrow or the next, depending on the judge's instructions."

"I'm sure you are anxious to get home," I said trying to ignore the elephant on the phone with us.

"I'm going to Italy," he said and I gasped.

"Why?"

"I need to talk to the senior partners."

"About what?"

"My continuation with the firm."

"Did you find the benefactor?" I asked and I heard him breath heavily with the weight of something he wanted to say.

"Bella, I'm sorry," he said and I braced myself for his final blow to our semi relationship.

"I understand," I said as my tone became void of emotion.

"I couldn't use you to help me forget. Not like that, not after seeing the things I have seen. I am such a coward for telling you this way, but…."

"It's okay, Edward. Please don't say anything more. I don't have any strength at the moment and my heart is already broken, please don't shatter it."

"Bella, I'm trying to tell you I love you. I honestly tried to stay away and let Jake have you, but I can't. I love you and I want you to be with me, not him."

"You know Jake is with Leah," I said with confusion. I had no idea why he would think he would have to fight Jake for me.

"He will be free soon, and he wants you. He has so much more to offer you. I just pas…."

He stopped talking and I laughed loudly. It felt so good to find a reason to laugh today. "Sorry," he added. "I keep forgetting you don't need a guy to offer you anything."

"You are so wrong, Edward Cullen, I need you to offer me something very precious."

"It already belongs to you, love."

"I love you," I whispered and Edward knew how difficult that declaration was for me.

"I love you, too. I'll be waiting," he whispered back.

I fell asleep with hope again. But one thing kept creeping up in my mind. Why was Edward going to Italy?