A/N: iheartmwpp actually reviewed this story! I am not worthy O.O

Thanks to all who have reviewed. It really means a lot, and it encourages me to keep going. Also a good mood booster.

Disclaimer: I do not own, nor want to own, any rights to "2012". I also do not own Johnny Cash's "Ring of Fire", Samuel L. Jackson, Geology terminology copied off Wikipedia, or Gary Coleman's most famous phrase.

When we last left our heroes and villains, ROLAND PICARD had decided to call LAURA. Lulz ensued when his car promptly exploded. The viewer is unsure who to blame, but doesn't care. We abruptly cut back to the hero, JACKSON CURTIS. He's out in the middle of whoop-whoop (otherwise known as Yellowstone National Park in Montana... or is it Wyoming). He is attempting to sing a country song with his daughter.

JACKSON and DAUGHTER: I fell into a burning ring of fire/I went down, down, down, and the flames went higher...

SON: *glares* Such a jerk. Putting me in this car, inadvertently forcing me to play my PSP... Where's my charger, dammit? *rolls eyes*

Suddenly, the car radio starts dropping out in a COMPLETELY CONVINCING way. Naturally, JACKSON DROPS EVERYTHING to retune it.

DAUGHTER: WAAH THAT WAS MY FAVOURITE TUNE I'M GONNA GO SULK.

The radio is magically tuned to the only station still operating in the area: Charlie's Continual Crapfest!

CHARLIE: The West Coast is goin' down! I don't know why, but that made me think, "Charles, it is of the utmost urgency that you transport your mentally impaired donkey to Yellowstone post-haste!" It'll totally be the best place to be to watch everything go kaboom, because surely the location of geysers correlates perfectly with the location of most of the action in this movie! Allow me to explain the crappy sound effect that almost sounds like helicopter blades: choppers on your six!

Helicopters, as if on cue, fly overhead.

DAUGHTER: Weird.

JACKSON: I know, right? What are the odds of him saying that right when we saw the choppers, it's almost like it was scripted!

ROLAND EMMERICH: **

We cut back to the Oval Office. One of the almost forgotten characters, whom this author has had to revisit a previous chapter to remember the name of, is reeling off TECHNOBABBLE to the PRESIDENT.

ADRIAN: We're not seeing any Australopithecus in the Holocene, or any evidence of erosional angular unconformity in the thrust fault.

THE PRESIDENT: English, moederneuker, do you speak it?

Oh right, CARL said it. Whatever.

ADRIAN: I beg your pardon! Just because the author doesn't like swearing, doesn't make it any less offensive in Dutch. In layman's terms, the West Coast is goin' down, bitches!

PRESIDENT SIR: Whatchu talkin' 'bout, Helmsley?

ADRIAN: I had some kind of schedule for something in particular, but it was wrong. Sowwi :3

'SUP MR PRESIDENT: *sighs* I could never resist those puppy-dog eyes.

Suddenly, LAURA barges in. The author has just discovered that she is, in fact, the President's daughter. Funny that.

LAURA: Just what sort of position do I even have in this movie? How did I get clearance to just "barge in"? Oh yeah, I'm his daughter. Look at this newspaper – I'm an adult and I can buy crap, woot!

The newspaper features our old friend, ROLAND THE DEAD GUY. Nobody reacts, nor does anyone know who it is, until LAURA turns on the TV conveniently located right in front of her. I don't think I'd care to watch movies in here, would you?

AUDIENCE: Oh right... THAT guy.

NEWS ANCHOR: This unfortunate but very very important guy, was important. Also, he died in the same tunnel as Princess Diana. COINCIDENCE?

Cue the Elton John music. The President TURNS THIS CRAP OFF.

PRESIDENT, RPRZNT: It's time for the two British-actors-pretending-to-be-American to meet each other. Laura, meet Adrian.

LAURA: *eyes Adrian and explodes* This guy is a jerk! He said my organisation sucks!

Both ADRIAN and CARL take this as their cue to exit.

PREZ: Wait, what organisation? Does anybody even know? BTW, you totally look like your mother when you're angry, lol.

LAURA: Please go die in a tsunami.

PRESIDENT: Funny you should say that...

LAURA: It's not important! A man was killed!

EL PRESIDENTE: ...You're just realising this now? People die everyday. That said, your emotions have affected my judgement. Allow me to reveal some extremely confidential information.

LAURA: I know what you keep in your socks drawer, dad.

P TO THE REZ: It's not that...

LAURA: I also know about your wild night in Vegas.

MR PRESIDENT WHATEVER HIS REAL NAME IS: It's not that, either!

LAURA: *sighs* What is it this time?

PRESIDENT THINGY: An unprecedented international endeavour is underway.

LAURA: Could you possibly talk to me in casual English rather than political correctness?

DADDY PRESIDENT: No, I'm in politician mode. This "thing" of which I speak currently has 46 nations pumping cash into it.

LAURA: What about the other 150 countries?

The scene abruptly ends, with no further explanation. We follow CARL and ADRIAN while they walk, yay.

CARL: Laura's smarter than our target audience. She'll figure it out.

ADRIAN: Figure what out? Nobody's being specific! Allow me to be the first. That, uh, kaboom car in Paris, was that our fault?

CARL: Aaaaaand... Changing the subject now. Focus on our timeline.

ADRIAN: Our what? So, when can I use Twitter or Facebook to tell everyone?

CARL: What? You actually want to tell the citizens of this nation, nay, the entire Earth, of our impending doom? You BLASPHEMER!

ADRIAN: I just meant my friends and family, but the entire Earth would be nice too.

CARL: Well, of course you want to tell them. I suppose that after that, it'll all be sunshine and roses, right?

ADRIAN: Don't patronise me.

CARL: Go back to Yellowstone. BTW, you totally have the hots for the First Daughter, lol!

ADRIAN: She has a name, you know. Why did you even mention it, unless this is the set-up for the love interest at the end of the movie?

CARL: If you want to nail her, you might want to apologise for being a douche to her earlier. Flowers. Flowers always work.

CARL walks away, and some random extra (who is out of frame, ooh disembodied voices, creepy) informs ADRIAN of the chopper waiting for him.

A/N: We're still not up to the big explosions and near misses and close shaves and implausible escapes and rewritten physics and generic action that the audience is waiting for. In other news, I actually finished this chapter the day before I normally post, yay for me. I'm posting this as soon as it becomes Friday where I live, because I felt like it. So sue me.

Review, or your preferred deity will sacrifice LOLcats on my behalf, whilst I dip you in a vat of melting cheese. I will then proceed to blow up the moon just like Alderaan. Now you've got me wishing I had a Death Star...