Breakdown: Ascending

Takes place after Army of One.

Vince woke with a start, certain it had all been a dream.

He glanced around his room, listening to Daniel snoring lightly in the top bunk, looking for the thing that would confirm his suspicions. Prove that he was still a cadet, not...

His voltcom was on his dresser, shut down and disabled for the night, but the dimmed channels of energy still bore a soft green tint. It hadn't been a dream. It had happened. Pidge had given him Green Lion's key, not for a few hours of training, not for any specific mission... but for... for good?

Oh, holy snarts...

Yesterday it had been exhilarating, to be given a place on the team. Today, staring at the voltcom in the proverbial cold light of dawn, it was terrifying. And something kept tugging at the back of his mind, something he'd shoved away into a dark little corner where he didn't have to think about it the day before. Something that would no longer be denied.

A sense of unworthiness, personified in the cadet he still shared a room with. Daniel was right. He was a far better pilot than the other two cadets, why would he be the one left behind? Was it just because he felt himself destined for Black Lion, the leader? Was it the infection?

But they don't even know about the infection! Vince strapped the newly green voltcom on, the key within it seeming to weigh the device down. A responsibility, a vast one. He wasn't just a cadet goofing around with his friends anymore, was he? He was a member of the Voltron Force, full and true.

He couldn't keep this secret anymore.

But how could he tell? How could he do that to Daniel when this was his own fault? If he hadn't made that stupid mind-link device, his friend never would've been infected in the first place. Daniel was already suffering for his arrogance. He had no right to make it worse... and yet, he had no right to keep it from the others, did he? How was he ever supposed to get out of this corner he'd backed himself into?

This wasn't helping his nerves at all...

Vince went looking for Pidge.

Finding a ninja wasn't exactly the easiest task in the world. Sure, he could've called him. That was sort of what voltcoms were for. But the thought of using the device, of seeing those lines traced in glowing emerald over his wrist, made him pause. Better to just... wander and hope. It gave him time to figure out what he wanted to say.

What could he possibly say?

Maybe it wasn't about saying anything at all. Maybe he just wanted to give Green Lion's true pilot the chance to realize he'd made a terrible mistake.

Pidge was in the gym, calmly dismantling SimuLotor. Vince stood and watched for a few minutes, trying to learn, though he'd long ago given up hope that he would ever master melee combat. Wishful thinking. Still he watched, because if he was going to uphold this responsibility, this honor, he ought to at least try to study all angles of the job.

Focusing on the actions also helped distract from what Pidge was wearing: a Baltan chameleon suit, rather than his green uniform. That made the situation more real, but it couldn't be real. Not with how many times he'd let his mentor down... and was still letting him down, though he didn't know it. Couldn't know it, since Vince was too chicken to tell him.

He'd actually never seen Pidge in one of the camo suits, other than... in a dream... he swallowed that thought back, throat suddenly very dry.

It would probably be a good idea to say hello. But if he said hello then Pidge would answer him, and they'd start talking, and maybe he should just turn around and go back to his room, shut up and value this amazing gift he'd been given.

No, no. That was Daniel's way of thinking. Vince knew better. Green Lion wasn't a gift, it was a duty. And the first step in upholding that duty was to not be a coward.

"...Hey Pidge?" He didn't sound very brave. He sounded the opposite of brave. But he'd gotten the words out, so that was a start.

"Vince! I was wondering if you were going to say anything." Oh. Well that figured. Of course he'd been noticed already... Pidge shut off the sim, turned to look at him, and gave a faint smirk. "Don't tell me those are your workout clothes."

Looking down, Vince realized he'd gone charging off to have a serious discussion in his pajamas.

"Uh."

Pidge hesitated, his amused expression fading. What was he expecting? To slip into the same old small talk? Sometimes it seemed like it; he was still as cheerful as ever around Vince, as if that moment in the hangar had never happened. And yet his cheer seemed to skip coolly off of the young pilot, rather than warming and welcoming as it once had.

"...Okay." A sigh. Disappointment again? "Something's obviously bothering you, so what's on your mind?" Disappointment, no doubt. Which was only reasonable, really. Reassuring weak teammates at six in the morning wasn't really part of his job description.

Get it over with and stop wasting his time.

Flicking his wrist, Vince let his flight suit materialize from his voltcom. And even though he was expecting it, even though he'd spent the last hour dwelling on the fact, seeing that flight suit turn up as green jarred for a moment. "This," he said quietly, gesturing to the uniform. That seemed like as good an answer as any.

Nod. "Kind of figured. Still adjusting, huh?"

"Yeah, you could say that."

"It's your first full day." Grin. "Give it time."

"Yeah, maybe." Maybe he was right, maybe it would just take time, maybe... stop that. Spit it out. "Look, Pidge. Are you sure about this?"

The question seemed to hang in the air between them, dark and heavy. It had to be asked, but that meant it had to be answered. He wasn't sure he wanted it answered, because he wasn't sure what answer he wanted. Yes would be terrifying, but no would be agonizing...

"Hm." Pidge leaned back against the wall and crossed his arms, expression shifting from curiosity to deadly serious. "Well, I don't know, Vince. Let me think about it. I'm trusting you with my lion—I'm still bound to Green whether I'm flying it or not, you realize—not to mention the lives of the team, pretty much the only family I've got." His voice sharpened a little, though it didn't seem to be anger, just emphasis. "Do you really think I'd have given you that key if I weren't sure?"

A little shudder ran through Vince, the voltcom's weight seeming to increase further. When he puts it like that... "I wish I was that sure."

Pidge gave a quiet laugh. "Maybe it's better that you're not. Arrogance gets people in trouble."

Oh. Yeah. That was very true, and he'd learned it so well, and he couldn't prevent flinching a little at the reminder. He thought there was a flicker of concern in his companion's eyes when he did so, but it was probably just wishful thinking. "That's for sure. But there's a difference between arrogance and wondering if I'm a worthy repl..." No, he was not going to say replacement, he was not. Nobody could replace Pidge. "...successor at all, right?"

Pidge gave him a piercing look. "What's to wonder about? You're a great pilot, you know that. And your powers are too valuable to keep you shut up in the castle; we need you on the front lines a lot more than we need me there." Shrug. "I can do scans and tactics anywhere. And like you said, if I'm going to keep upgrading things so the rest of you can't keep up... makes no sense to re-train you every week. Logic."

"Right." That was actually a little disappointing, irrational as the feeling was. Of course it was detached calculation at the heart of this. That was how it had to be, and it was silly to hope for anything... warmer. "All perfectly... logical, huh?"

To his surprise, that actually seemed to make Pidge hesitate. "Vince, it's not..." He sighed and looked away, eyes darting over the sim consoles before returning to his companion. "...Do you have to make this more difficult?"

Vince grimaced. He wanted to say he hadn't meant to, but of course he had. Though he hadn't expected it to work. "Sorry."

"Don't be. You've got a point." Pidge shook his head, sighed again. "We probably should've at least discussed this a bit more first. It just seemed so obvious out there in combat, you know? Seemed like it would be so simple. Harder now when I stop to really think about it, but the facts remain what they are. It's better this way." He looked up again, smiling sadly. "Remember what I told you before? My ultimate loyalty is to the Voltron Force. I've got to do what's best for the team, no matter how hard it is. Even if it means stepping down."

For some reason the words hit hard. Brutally hard. Perhaps because Vince couldn't help hearing something else echoed within them. Not just an echo—a contrast.

You CAN'T tell anyone about this. They'll kick me off the Force!

Staring at Pidge, he started to open his mouth, searching for words. He had to let Daniel's secret out now, didn't he? How could he possibly be selfish enough to hold this information any longer, how could he show any less loyalty to the team than his mentor was displaying right now?

But the words wouldn't come.

"I..." He shivered. Couldn't help it. "Thank you, Pidge. I'll make you proud."

Amusement sparked in those green eyes. "Future tense?"

Those words should have made him feel good. He was pretty sure of that. But they really only made his stomach churn.

You have no idea, Pidge. No idea. He nodded, swallowing a new protest before it could form, and left the gym.

So what now, genius?

He had the mental link to Daniel... that was something. He could use it. Keep his friend under control, help him like he had against Lotor. That would have to be enough...

Somehow, some way, he would make up for his mistakes. He wouldn't fail again.