A/N: Thanks for the reviews people!
juliannaspencer21, AstrisDreams, MdarKspIrIt, 20eKUran13, nemo (I like your name! :D), Girl-luvs-manga, sghazalifard, JN Malfoy, and the old reviewers of this fic, thanks so much!
Guest (for his/her comment on the 2nd chapter): thanks for your review!
AstrisDreams: haha, hunt me down, eh? Let's see about that! Thanks for liking Blaise's 'speech'.
20eKUran: I know, I'm hurt for Draco too. :(
Kyenchan: Harry WILL pay a very high, high, HIGH price! Haha :D
jeannie kaulitz: who would be annoyed of that song?! It's BEAUTIFUL! Yes, heartbreaking, but still! :D I've searched the song 'Rainbow' by southborder on and I found out it is the same song I've heard David Archuleta singing. I guess that was the original one, then? I like David's version better. But still, whoever sang it, the message of the song should be the main concern. Yeah, I agree, it's a nice song with a very inspiring message.
"Draco is so much more better than Ethan. WAY. More. And maybe the best out there." -I know, I totally agree! :D
nemo: I'm rather fond of your ol' pal, Marlin. Haha, kidding. :D
"instead of Ron ... can't draco be with Blaise ... he truely love Draco and harry can still suffer seein what his mistake has caused. Blaise and draco deserve happy ending" -well, I sort of have another plan with Blaise. I enjoy hurting him in this fic...so, yeah, just WATCH OUT.
IV- Faded Journey
"I'm going to...fuck! I'm going to cut that Potter's neck off!" Blaise shouted angrily, throwing his hands in the air. He looked at the paper in his hand again and stared at Draco's clear and clean handwriting. He re-read its content and couldn't fight the angry tears forming in his eyes. "Fucking Potter, fucking Potter, ALMIGHTY FUCKING POTTER!" Blaise chanted furiously, kicking the nearest wall of his reach repeatedly, wincing not at the pain on his foot, but the ache inside him.
Pansy fell on the couch, crying silently. She knew it was going to happen, but she didn't expect Draco to leave so soon. His wounds were still fresh. He might need people to comfort but if he was away to some god forsaken place he left unmentioned, nobody would come to his side and comfort him. His closest friends were in London and he'd left them. He'd left Pansy and Blaise. "Oh, Draco..." Pansy whispered, sobbing, clawing at the sides of the couch.
Blaise abandoned the wall and walked back and forth frantically around the living area, hands shaking; his left, clasping the crumpled paper and his right, clenching into a tight fist constantly hitting his jaw and unclenching only to rub his temple. Pansy raised his head to look at Blaise and found his usual calm and cool demeanor slipping away to reveal his true emotions. He was mad at Potter, worried at Draco and irritated at his lack of information where and how to find the man he loved. Blaise was hurt too, his tears said it all.
"Blaise..." she called softly. Blaise stopped his to and fro steps and turned his attention to Pansy. Pansy bit her lower lip and sniffled. "I think...I think Draco needs this. He has to...get away from Potter." she said between sniffles.
Blaise frowned, "But he can't do it alone!" he insisted, furiously advancing towards her. "Nobody's going to comfort him! He's going to cry and hurt all by himself!" he moved again until he reached the wall he just kicked seconds ago. "He needs us, Pansy, he does! We can help him forget Potter, Pansy, he doesn't need to leave us! He doesn't need to leave me again! Why did he leave me again, Pansy? Why?" Blaise lost all sense of control again and allowed himself to be drowned in the maelstrom of strong emotions.
"Blaise..." Pansy started but wasn't able to continue because Blaise started throwing punches on the wall.
Pansy stood in alarm and hurried off to Blaise. She tried to stop him but her best friend was convinced he needed to crush the wall-or crush his own hand-so he didn't relent. "Blaise, stop that! Blaise, you're hurting your-I said STOP!" Pansy yelled desperately.
Blaise paused, panting hard, and leaned on the wall. He started crying again, throwing minimal punches on the hard wall of Pansy's flat. "He left me again, Pansy. He's gone. And this time, I don't have any idea where to go and find him." Blaise sobbed. "This time...he's far away and I couldn't reach him anymore. I...I need him, Pansy. I need Draco..." Blaise confessed brokenly.
Pansy rubbed Blaise's shoulders and leaned in to hug the man. "Shhh...Draco needs time and distance to move on. If he stays here, near Potter and his new lover, he's not going to heal and be fixed, Blaise. He'll stay heartbroken...he has to-he needs to go. He...we have to let him go, Blaise. Let him go, already." Pansy pleaded.
"I let him go twice in the past, Pansy! Twice!" Blaise retorted, turning his back to face an also emotional Pansy. "The first time, it broke me, the second time, it nearly ruined me and now-NOW, it's going to END ME OFFICIALLY! It's going to KILL me, Pansy. I-I can't lose him for the third time in my life. It's too much...I can't take it."
The broken Blaise slid down to the floor, curled helplessly. Pansy knelt down and hugged Blaise. "We have to lose him, Blaise, in order to help him gain himself again. I know it's hard for you to lose him all over again, for the third time more specifically, but Blaise-listen to me," Pansy cupped Blaise's chin and forced him to look at her. When their eyes met, Pansy continued. "Blaise, trust Draco. He's learned from his mistake on Potter, and I'm sure, if he's ready to come back; if he's rebuilt himself all over again, if he's healed his wounds and accepted his scar, he'll come back to us. To me. To you."
Blaise stared at Pansy's sincere eyes and wrapped his strong arms around her and hugged her back, whilst still clutching Draco's farewell letter in his hand.
Dear Pansy and Blaise,
I know the moment you read this, I'm already gone. I left. I'm sorry I didn't say goodbye in person. I know you're both going to stop me if I did. But I really need this freedom. I have to find ways to fix myself, alone. I do appreciate your presence and I thank you both for being there for me when I need you. Don't think I don't you anymore just because I left. No, I just have to do it by myself this time because you can't always be there for me when I fall down. I'm going to a place, far away, and please don't try to find me. I'm going to come back when the time's right and when I've fully moved on. You've both been wonderful friends. When I come back, I'm fine again. I just have to be broken to be whole again.
I love you Pansy, you will always be my best female friend. I'm sorry I rejected you before, but if I wasn't a 'fucking gorgeous homo', then we could've ended together. But you are always going to be the sister I never had, Pansy.
I love you also, Blaise. Maybe not the way I used to, but still I can't imagine life without you, man. You are a good best friend and was a loving boyfriend. It's such a pity we didn't work out. But thanks for being my first. I've learned and experienced many things because of you, and even if we didn't last, I'm going to treasure those memories we shared forever.
Thank you, my best friends, and I'm sorry again. Well, and goodbye, too. I hope to see you again.
Until then,
Draco
~/~
Harry folded the parchment for the hundredth time after reading it for the hundredth time also. He'd almost memorized every word, commas and periods in the letter. It was a letter from his ex-boyfriend, Draco. As he opened the parchment AGAIN, he couldn't help but sigh exasperatedly. He'd felt guilty again. It had been a week, and yet the guilt hadn't faded. If anything, it worsened as the days passed. He'd even woke up sometimes, hugging a warm body close to his, sniffing, hoping to catch the smell of apple and citrus, only to be met with a different manly smell. He'd opened his eyes, expecting a blur of blonde to meet his green orbs, only to be disappointed (slightly) to find it brown.
Ethan and Harry had a row that morning. Harry knew it was his fault. Who would be fascinated if you'd make love to your man first thing in the morning and then screamed another man's name in pure ecstasy when you came? Pure bullshit. Harry had 'accidentally' screamed Draco's name when he'd climaxed inside his lover, Ethan. The brunette was livid, of course. He'd pushed Harry out the bedroom and locked it, locking himself inside in the process. He'd refused to talk to Harry so Harry stayed in his study and moments later, the owl came, bringing Draco's letter.
Harry couldn't fight it, he'd once again, read the letter scribbled in Draco's clean handwriting.
Dear Harry,
Hi, Harry. I don't know if you'd appreciate receiving this. Well, if this disturbed you, or your new lover, I'm really sorry. Anyway, I sent you a letter to let you know I'm gone. I left London just moments after sending this. I'm going to a place where I hope I could move on and forget you. I'm being honest, I'm not OK, Harry. Yet. I'm still hurting. I thought I might need to tell you.
I haven't congratulated you for finding someone new to love. To be honest again, I can't. But I promise, by the time I come back, I've already moved on. And by then, I can personally meet him and congratulate him for having a lover as wonderful as you. I hope he loves you much more than I have, Harry. And I know you love him...more than anything in the world. I'm wishing you all the best.
I am glad you came into my life, Harry. I've had so much fun in that 3 years. I don't regret anything. I have learned many things while living with you and I hope you've learned things while living with me, too. I won't forget you, Harry. After all, feelings might not last, but memories do. Send my regards to your new boyfriend. He's a good-looking brunette, I daresay.
I love you, Harry. Goodbye for now.
Till then,
Draco Malfoy
Harry didn't fold it this time. He'd absently clasped on it tightly while closing his eyes. He exhaled a long-suffering breath and knocked his head on his table.
Only then had he realized...
He had messed his spectacular life...messed it pretty HUGE.
What the fuck had he done?
~/~
The redhead entered the noisy and crowded casino, a look of amusement in his face. He caught sight of gambling people and wrinkled his nose playfully, thinking what a waste of money was it. But then, one player laughed devilly while scooping all chips with his hairy arms towards his side of the table, and the other losers scratched their heads in irritation, watching as their chips were taken. The redhead shrugged and grinned, well, gambling had its advantages, somehow, he thought.
He strode past another table of gamblers playing poker. He craned his neck, catching a glimpse of the game on the table. He clicked his tongue and shook his head sympathetically as one of the players presented his winning cards to the other sick-stricken faces around the table. He moved on again, looking around the large casino, thinking what had brought his feet there. He certainly had no interest with gambling.
Suddenly, a long tanned arm snaked around his neck from behind. He immediately spun around and found a sexy woman biting her lower lip at him, while batting her eyelids flirtatiously. The woman leaned closer to him and wrapped her arms around his neck. Before the redhead could push her away, she'd leaned even closer and started licking his neck -yes, publicly and by 'PUBLIC' meant in the middle of the casino. The redhead closed his eyes, smiling in daze. He'd hoped he was interested in women, if so, he would probably enjoy her attention.
The redhead chuckled, "You know what, Miss? Your ministrations are pretty good...but I'm not straight."
The woman instantly stopped what she was doing and pulled away slowly to look straight to baby blue eyes, her grip on his neck loosened. She blinked, "You're bent?" she asked in surprise.
The redhead chuckled again and nodded.
"Oh," the woman mumbled and pulled away from him completely. She looked at him and gaped for a moment before laughing. "What a shame. You're handsome and I actually planned to bring you to my suite." she admitted.
"Well, you're lovely, yourself." the redhead complimented. "I'm sure there are other straight men around who'd want to go to your suite and enjoy more of your...delicious licking."
The woman blused and giggled. "Well, nice meeting you, Mister bent. I gotta go find that man you're talking about. Adios!" with that, the woman sashayed away from him.
Ron shook his head and continued walking around. After what seemed like an hour of strolling around, wandering in the completely crowded room, he'd found the bar at last. He made his way on the counter and gestured at the bartender. "Vodka, please." he said and situated himself comfortably on a barstool.
The bartender swiftly retreated to get his alcohol. Ron drummed his finger on the counter, rolling his head in rhythm with the loud music he was certainly umfamiliar with as he waited for his liquor.
"Another one for me, please."
Ron stiffened as he heard a familiar voice. He whipped his head on his right side, just in time when two men left the bar counter uncovering his view, and found an, indeed, familiar face.
"Malfoy?" he called in surprise.
The blonde turned his head on the direction of the calling and widened his eyes when he saw one of Harry's best friends, Ron Weasley. He blinked and frowned, "Weasley? 'S that you?"
Ron grinned in amusement and stood from his chair to transfer beside his arch nemesis. He smoothly slid on the chair next to a teensy bitsy tipsy Malfoy, "Hey, Malfoy! I didn't expect to see you here!" he admitted.
"Well..." Draco mumbled and shrugged as he downed his new glass of what seemed to be rum.
The bartender gave Ron his vodka too, but Ron barely minded. He was currently entranced by his best friend's boyfriend. He couldn't stop staring at him. "You've...changed." He blurted out truthfully. The blonde DID change. He was, in Ron's opinion, more beautiful and enchanting than ever. "It's been what, 2 years?"
Draco nodded, staring at his empty glass. "2 years," he confirmed and then transferred his focus on the redhead in front of him. Draco studied him from head to foot, shamelessly. The 'Weasel' had grown a lot taller for the past 2 years (Draco could tell even if he was sitting). He'd developed a manly-built body; his muscles were on the right places and he looked really hot, Draco wouldn't even try to deny that. His freckles were miraculously gone, leaving his face spotless and clean. His red hair was cut short and it suited him well. He was dressed like a muggle with black leather shoes, black slacks, white polo shirt and brown leather jacket that accented his body perfectly.
Ron felt Draco's wandering eyes and couldn't fight back the blush fastly creeping up his pale face. Now, his blush couldn't hide nowhere since his damn freckles were gone away for a permanent transfer or residency on someone else's face. He suddenly felt self-conscious. "Malfoy? Why...why are you looking at me like that?"
Draco's eyes locked with Ron's and he smiled. "Nothing, Weasley. So, your 'search' has brought you here, eh? Interesting..." he said, starting a comfortable, friendly topic.
Ron chuckled, absently twirling his glass in circular motion. "Yeah...I actually felt a different kind of tugging here." he confessed.
Draco nodded, "So I take it you haven't found your man, yet?" he guessed intelligently.
"I've met a lot of men," he admitted, nodding his head. "From different places with different races and equally different faces. But...I knew and felt that they weren't who I spent 2 years of searching for." Ron said casually as if conversing with his close friend. But he found it not hard to cooperate with Malfoy, truth be told. They were civil with each other even before Ron left in order to accomplish his mission 'Find for Mr. Right.'
"How can you say that?" Draco asked curiously.
Ron shrugged, "I just...know. I haven't kissed any of them and felt the so-called spark when our lips met. The chemistry just wasn't there. There's no...fireworks. Not even butterflies in the stomach." he wrinkled his nose, bringing his glass of vodka near his nose, taking in its strong apple smell.
Draco laughed, "Butterflies in the stomach?" he ehoed in amusement. "I never took you as the sappy type, Weasley."
Ron grinned at Draco and then frowned again, "Hey, hang on, you haven't answered my question yet, Malfoy. Why are you here?" he repeated.
"I'm not sure..." Draco playfully smirked at him.
Ron arched an eyebrow and brought his glass down again. "Well, poeple only come here for 2 reasons." he inquired, raising two thin fingers in the air. "One," he tapped the back side of his index finger. "For gambling. And two," he tapped the tall finger. "For lust. So, which is it?"
"I couldn't come here to 'drink'?" Draco rolled his eyes.
Ron laughed, finding the blonde extremely humorous that night.
"So, you came here for LUST, then?" Draco guessed again. "I don't see you gambling." he shrugged nonchalantly, pointing out the obvious.
Ron shook his head, "Despite what I just said, I didn't come here to take any random bloke to bed in order to satisfy myself. Nor did I come to waste my money on gamble. I told you already, I felt a certain tugging here. Like, my feet knew I'd be going to stumble on someone especially sexy and stunning tonight, on this very place." he sent Draco a meaningful glance and his eyes momentarily sparkled.
Draco processed Ron's statement and smirked arrogantly, "Did you just flirt with me, Weasley?"
Ron mocked surprise and gasped, "What-NO! No, no, I would do no such thing." he grinned. "I love my life, Malfoy. I still want to meet the bloke I'd surrender myself to, so I better not mess with you. Harry's going to kill me if I ever flirt with his boyfriend."
Draco's grin faded instantly at the mention of Harry's name. The redhead was oblivious to this, however, because he'd finally decided to down his alcohol. Draco looked away to his lap and chuckled bitterly. "He's not going to kill you." Draco whispered. "He doesn't care..."
"Doesn't care, my arse!" Ron exclaimed. "Harry is possessive, Malfoy, I thought you might have known that. You've been together for 3 years, after all. What's his, is his." Ron paused and ordered another glass of vodka. He turned to Draco again. "Wait, is Harry here? I missed that jerk pretty badly..." he mumbled and started craning his neck, looking at the wave of heads, trying to spot the unruly jet black hair of his best friend. "Where is he, Malfoy?"
"He's not here...I came here alone." Draco admitted quietly.
Ron ceased his search and looked incredulously at Draco, mouth agape. "You came here ALONE? How could Harry have let you? You escaped his wards, didn't you?" he accused. "He's got to be worried sick of you by now, you bint." he said without any hint of offensive tone, but still accusatory.
Draco sighed exasperatedly, "No. I didn't escape or something."
"But Harry wouldn't allow his super hot boyfriend to roam around all by himself!" Ron argued. "On the Sin City, at the very least, where people had the power to undress you with their eyes alone. Temptation is spelled all over Vegas, Malfoy. Why would Harry actually let you carry on a trip to Casino's without him?"
"You've certainly been behind the latest gossip, Weasley." was Draco's soft reply.
"What?" Ron creased his forehead. "What does that suppose to mean?"
Draco all of sudden snatched Ron's glass of vodka and downed it without another word and before Ron even registered the fact that his alcohol had just been stolen from him. Draco slammed the glass a little harshly, earning him looks from the other nearby drinkers, which Ron and Draco didn't even notice, actually. He wiped the sides of his mouth and chuckled bitterly again.
Ron didn't bother argue about his stolen beverage. From the way Draco drunk it without any facial expression at all, he knew something was wrong. And the way he chuckled, it was obviously not an amused one.
"Weasley..." Draco whispered a little hoarsely. "Harry and I, we broke up just a week ago."
Ron's jaw dropped in shock. It must have hit the floor pretty hard that he literally felt his head pulled down a little by the force. They'd broken up already? But they loved each other so much! They were very happy! What could have happened? Ron thought.
"What-Why? What happened? But-3 fucking years! Why-No one told me." Ron finally whispered helplessly. "I'm sorry, Malfoy...I shouldn't have...Oh, god, I'm such a terrible person."
Draco shook his head, "It's fine, Weasley. I guess I really have to break the news to you personally since you obviously rarely read Wizard Newspaper or listen to the news about the Wizarding World. You've been very busy being a muggle for 2 years...I can't blame you."
"Oh but, Malfoy..." Ron but his lip, feeling very guilty. He knew from the way Draco acted that he still wasn't over Harry or their break-up. Why did he have to blab and insist on finding for Harry?
Draco chuckled in his bitter way again, making Ron cringe slightly. "Now, to answer your previous question...I came here not for gambling or lust or even drink. I came here to...hopefully to move on." Draco looked at Ron. "I have to forget Harry, Weasley. He's..." he hated how tears easily started forming in his eyes again. He was really weak at this matters. He was all fragile as glass when Harry was the topic.
Ron jumped off his barstool and cupped Draco's cheeks. He had to lean down so he'd have a better view of the sitting blonde, and to bring his face close as well. "Hey, don't cry. I don't know what to do...I-come on, don't cry, Malfoy..." Ron pleaded, noticing the danger of tears falling.
But it was too late to stop Draco's emotions now. "He's moved on...He has someone new, Weasley...It hurts but I can't do anything about it..." Draco muttered, looking down on his lap. "The only solution is to move on...but how do I do it?" he desperately gazed at Ron, searching for answers in his blue eyes.
Ron felt bad for Malfoy and wanted to help him, but he had no idea how. He couldn't INSTRUCT Malfoy the steps on how to move on from a failed relationship, honestly! He never had a successful one, yes, but neither had his flings failed that deep. He never lived with any of the men in his past, how should he know? But he didn't want to disappoint Malfoy. He was the reason this issue came up, after all.
"How do I move on, Weasley?" Draco repeated, tears rolling down his cheeks, unstoppable. "They said follow your heart, but where do I go when it broke in half? I left London and told Blaise and Pansy that I'd move on...but, in all honesty, I have no idea how to start. I have been trying to forget Harry, but each time, I only fail."
"It's not going to be easy, Malfoy." Ron started. "You loved him so much for almost 3 years. You got to do it slowly...just accept the fact that you're done. Keep convincing yourself that it doesn't hurt anymore, until it come true. Live everyday happily. Think about this as your second chance in life. You're 21, a very young age to waste because of heartbreak. You're not going to be forever 21, Malfoy, so wake up everyday and treat it as your new beginning. Just refrain from thinking about Harry, until you don't anymore. And if ever memories of you together comes back to your head, don't try to push it away. It's only going to haunt you all the more. Instead, reminisce. Think how happy you are with Harry and then think how much happier you'll be with another man. Imagine yourself happy and in love again the way you never were with Harry. And then, you'll not even realize it, you'd stop remembering him. And if ever you do, it won't affect you anymore. Getting rid of strong feelings is a long process but Malfoy, you have all the time in the world for that mission. And who knows, someone's going to come your way and help you and take care of you and make this a lot easier and...love you."
Draco had stopped crying as he listened to Ron. He absorbed everything he said and felt a slight relief. At least, even if Pansy and Blaise weren't there for him, an old enemy was there to accompany his lonely self. Draco couldn't help but think how he had hated this man. How could he have hated such genuine and good man? Only because he was poor? Because his father hated the Weasley patriarch? Draco couldn't help but think, what if he hadn't been enemies with Ron? Could they have been best friends too?
Ron stared at him, eye-to-eye. Had he screwed up in his 'advice'? Why had Malfoy not spoken yet? Had his speech been no help at all?-
His train of thoughts were cut when Draco raised his hands and wiped his own tears away. Ron withdrew his hands and blushed as he realized that throughout his speech, he had been holding Malfoy close and their faces were only inches away from each other. When Malfoy had finished wiping his face, he looked at Ron. And smiled brightly.
Ron's soul soared upon seeing the blonde's angelic smile. He froze, staring at Draco with wide eyes. His heart started pumping unbelievably fast and something was going chaotic in his stomach. Was that what they called 'butterflies in the stomach'? It felt really uncomfortable and weird.
"OK," Draco finally said through his smile. "I'm going to do what you said." he nodded. "I can do that. I can move on from Harry. And hopefully, meet someone who'll love me and treasure me the way Harry never did." he reached for Ron's hands and squeezed them. "Thank you, Weasley. If I had known you'd help me this much, I shouldn't have been nasty to you at school."
"It's..." Ron started stammering stupidly. "It's nothing..."
"For me, it's a big thing." Draco extended his arm to Ron. "Can we be friends?" he asked Ron hopefully.
Ron gaped and stared at Draco's hands. He'd glanced at the blonde, searching any hint of trickery in his face, but found him serious...and smiling like an angel again. Who would resist an angel offering his hand for friendship? No one, that was who.
"Friends." Ron clasped their hands together. When their palms connected, Ron felt an electric spark, making him shudder. What the hell? A handshake created the spark a kiss never had?
It was too much, Ron thought, as Draco leaned forward to hug him with one arm. He literally felt something odd going on his body when they connected more skins. He shouldn't be feeling those, for god's sake! "Thanks, Weasley..." Draco's hot breath against Ron's bare neck created a shiver to run down his spine. Bloody hell, what was wrong with him? Was Draco secretly hexing him and he had been stupid to fall for it?
He completely lost it when Draco pulled his other hand away to hug Ron fully with his two arms encircled around his neck. He didn't remember snaking his own arms on Malfoy's slender waist, but somehow, it had reached there without his knowledge whatsoever. Malfoy buried his head on the side of his neck and pressed himself closer to the redhead, chest-to-chest. But well, Ron's brain drowned in the glass of vodka, because he pulled Malfoy closer and held him tighter, possessively. He had to bend a little because Malfoy was a little shorter than him, but it was alright.
Everything was perfect that moment. Malfoy's body fit in his as if they were molded together. He'd wondered how it would feel to really connect with Malfoy. Physically and emotionally.
Well, Ron had all the time he needed to finbd out.
"I guess I know what force dragged me here..." Ron muttered softly.
"I'm finally declaring...my search is now officially over."
- curtain -
*Next chapter be posted as soon as it is finished.*
"We have to lose him, Blaise, in order to help him gain himself again..." -Pansy.
My favorite line of the chapter. Yours?