The Blood Of One. The Sins Of Many.

Chapter 4: Just Keeps Getting Better

Disclaimer: I am not Stephenie Meyer, it's unfortunate, but true. I don't own Twilight or any of its characters either... Though I would love to, I can't take credit for that genius. The plot is my own, but all references to Twilight, its characters and the lyrics used belong to their respective owners. Thank you for letting me play in the playground!

We are hungry, we are all tired.
Our tongues they are all on fire.
The walls that we build are higher, higher, higher, higher.

Dystopia (The Earth is On Fire) by YACHT

The reading plan worked for a while. It was a miracle worker for keeping away memories, but all too soon the withdrawals found me. It was like an insatiable hunger clawing its way from the inside out I continued to force myself to read, letting my leg tap out its impatience as I tried to ignore the symptoms.

I could feel my skin growing clammy after a while, the need no longer allowing my negligence as it shook me from the inside out. It occasionally pulled me out of the story drawing my attention to it as I took a second to mop my face with my t-shirt.

I was proud of myself for going almost a full day without a fix, but when the shakes set in and I could no longer read the words on the page, due to the vibrations, I gave in and made my way over to the gym bag so I could indulge.

I only made myself a tiny amount. It was probably less than half of my normal intake, but it still left me incapacitated. The hours following the ingestion were a haze of colors and sound as the television played to itself. That was the thing about the first couple of hours of my high, I couldn't do anything but I was still semi-conscious of what the hell was going on around me. It just took on a fucked up dream quality with tracers and a lot of confusion. It was in that time when everything slid away and left me numb. Nothing mattered, and I sure as hell didn't think about anything. Life and everything bad in it just played out around me.

My first lucid moment came to my when my phone started going ballistic on the coffee table, demanding my attention. For a moment, I stared at it in bewilderment, stunned that it was going off at all. Not many people had my number, and even fewer used it. As my curiosity got the better of me, I rolled from the couch and crawled to the table on all fours, noting the several different textures in the cheap fiber of the carpet below my hands and feet. With effort, I sat and tried to focus. So I slid the bar across the screen to answer it.

"Hello?" I asked with caution. My voice was thick from disuse. I probably sounded like shit, but I was still feeling good and could have given a shit if I was being quite honest.

"Did I wake you up, beautiful?" Ryan asked, the sound of the club pounding out in the background. I knew he was on the door because I could hear the rumble of the customers as they waited for admittance. I forgot some people had to work tonight.

"Yeah." I lied, thinking it was better than thinking up an excuse of my own. I stretched out like a cat, arching my back, my bones popping in succession, before I leaned back against the chair closest to me.

"You want me to let you go?"

"No. I'm awake now." I replied cheerfully, pulling my legs to my chest and getting comfortable. "And you never call me, so this is a nice surprise. I didn't even know you had my number."

"I didn't. I stole it from your employee file while Brian was fucking Misty in one of the private rooms. I figured you wouldn't mind."

"Brian and Misty?"

"Yeah. They've been at it for a while now. You didn't know that?"

I snorted down the phone in response and figured he must have been the one who'd knocked Misty up. For a second I actually considered sharing that piece of information, but the truth was I preferred to keep things like that to myself. I liked keeping a low profile; it meant that I wasn't implicated when the shit hit the fan. Gossiping like a granny was not conducive to keeping my head down. For me, it was easier to absorb the information and let it go, storing it in the back of my head to chew on later when it couldn't get me in trouble.

"Nope, not a clue."

"You must be the only one. Don't you pay attention while you're here?"

"Not really." I admitted. Hell he'd said himself that I went somewhere else while I was dancing, and he hadn't been wrong. I didn't so much have a happy place, it was more of a sensory depravation hole where I didn't have to hear, see, feel or think.

"Why doesn't that surprise me?"

"Shut up." I laughed. It was nice to know that the talk earlier that morning hadn't made things awkward between us. There were a lot of guys that would see that as a rejection and become a dick as a way to reassure himself. Not Ryan though. He really was a decent guy. My worry about rejecting him in a more serious setting was seemingly unfounded. This banter was our usual style, and the thought that he was calling at all should have proved that already.

"So other than sleeping, what did you do today?" he asked. I could hear the music in the background changing to one of my favorites and I smiled. Whether or not it was a dignified position to have, I loved my job. Who wouldn't love jamming out to an amazing soundtrack, even if I were getting naked while I did it?

"I read. You know those things in my apartment filled with paper that have words on them."

"Where did you come up with this idea that I don't read?"

"Sports Illustrated and Playboy don't count, handsome. Though I'm sure those articles are well thought out and structured."

"Well, what about John Grisham or Wilbur Smith? Do they count? Or aren't they old enough for your taste?"

I sat open mouthed even though he couldn't see me. John Grisham's The Testament had been one of my favorite escapes in the beginning of this mess. Losing myself in the words had been the only way I could stop fixating on what had happened and what I'd left behind. Of course, I couldn't bring myself to knock on Luke's door to get it back, and I hadn't got around to replacing it. Though now I thought about it, I would have to run by and pick up a copy at some point.

"Bella?"

"Sorry, I was thinking about how impressed I was. The Testament is one of my favorites. You caught me off-guard."

"Score for the meat head then?"

"I'm sorry, were you feeling misunderstood and underappreciated?"

He laughed down the line, but the sound cut off when a noise in the background reared up and someone in the background asked him a question. I could hear his mumbled response and a shout in the distance before he got back on the line.

"I'm gonna have to call you back, babe. I gotta take care of something."

"You have my number."

"I sure do." He chuckled, before hanging up.

I hit the end button on my phone and slid it onto the table in front of me, unable to stop the smile that was still dancing on my lips. The bastard had a way of making me feel something akin to happiness. It wasn't necessarily a bad thing, but I'd become so accustomed to wallowing in my own self-pity it was definitely a change.

Pushing up onto my shaky legs, I stretched out again. I had to force myself to eat something. If you didn't want people knowing you had a slight problem with narcotics, the first step, for me at least, was to make sure I didn't drastically lose weight. One look and people would see right through your bullshit. As it turned out, it was also my only rule for exotic dancing. No one liked to look at a bag of bones shaking their coccyx at them. It was unattractive. Unattractive meant no tips. So it was a necessity to eat, whether I was hungry or not.

I stumbled around my apartment on jellied legs as I waited for my frozen pizza to cook. I tried picking up my book again, but when the words turned into indecipherable code, I figured my brain was still a little too fried just yet. So instead, I turned to my second love, Pride and prejudice, and the ever-charming Mr. Darcy. I liked to fantasize what my life would have been like had I met Darcy rather than Elizabeth, sure he was an ass in the beginning, but he was a rich guy that had thought status was everything. It was when he realized how much of an ass he was that he changed his ways. Though through all his faults, he never faltered in his affection for Lizzy. That was something I'd thought about a lot in my life since I'd left Forks.

Shaking off the morose feelings, I curled up on the couch with my pizza and nibbled at it as the characters frolicked on the screen and I tried not to think about how much I wanted a love like that.

Again.

Just as Darcy was making his first attempt at a marriage proposal, my phone rang pulling me out of the little world that had absorbed me into it and back into the steely bitch that was reality. I glared at my phone before pulling it off the table and staring at the 'unknown' at the top of the screen. Being unlisted wasn't exactly unusual in Vegas, half of Vegas seemed to think they had something to hide, and when you had a gambling problem and were hiding from loan sharks I guess it made sense. Having not paid attention to Ryan's number when he called earlier, I figured it had to be him calling back.

"Mr. Darcy, is that you?" I asked, snorting a little as I waited for some sardonic response from Ryan. Being this goofy meant I had too many drugs still in my bloodstream. "Hello?"

When there was still no response, I hung up, figuring the stranger with the wrong number really didn't appreciate my sense of humor. Well that, or they were horrible uncultured. Either way, I'd always found it rude to not say anything, even when you had a wrong number. It only took a second to explain the faux pas before moving on.

When I leaned forward to grab the remote from the table, the phone rang again with the same 'unknown' it had the first time. I was tempted not to answer it at all, but the melting pot I called my brain, hadn't processed the common sense to see whether the call that actually had come from Ryan was listed or not. I actually convinced myself it would be rude not to answer.

"Hello?"

I waited for a while to make sure I wasn't just being impatient. But after another "Hello?" and more silence, it was pretty clear that the asshole on the other end of the line had the wrong number again.

"Listen asshole, you obviously don't know me or you would talk. Seeing as you can't even extend that courtesy, fuck off and leave me alone."

I hung up with a satisfied nod and scrolled through my call log. Apparently, Ryan didn't have a gambling problem, because his ten-digit number stared back at me from the call log. I save him as a contact to solve further confusion, and hit play on my movie.

As it turned out, Ryan did end up calling back just as I was crawling into bed. Actually seeing his name on my screen made me feel a lot better about answering this time around.

"Well hello, I thought you'd forgotten about me." I sang into the phone, that gluttonous smile tickling at the corners of my mouth.

"You seriously think I could do that while I'm stood at the door staring at your car?"

"Shit. I forgot about that. Son of a bitch."

"I figured you had. Do you want me to pick you up on my way to work tomorrow night?

I thought about what I had planned over the next two days, and shrugged, once again realizing that he couldn't actually see my reaction.

"I don't need it. Do you think you could pick me up on Tuesday though?"

"I don't know about that. You see, I am going in that direction, and I am going to pass right by your apartment." He went silent for a minute and let the sound of another of my favorite songs pound out in the background. My small smile was now a full curve of lips. "You drive a hard bargain, Bella, but you're on."

"Is that disappointment I hear? Anyone would think you hadn't seen me in a month." I teased, fluffing my pillows and studiously ignoring the fact that his smell lingered on the one he'd used.

"You know me so well. Still, it's probably best you're out for another night."

"Why do you say that?"

"One of your stalkers friends stopped by and asked about you. Dave and I took care of it, but he really didn't like hearing the word no too much."

"What did he look like?" I asked, thinking that it could have been anyone from his bachelor party, but there was also a possibility he went back to Forks and blabbed his mouth and Jacob had heard it. That wasn't something I wanted to deal with anytime soon.

"Tall and blond."

I searched my hazy mind for images of the guys at the bachelor party in the den. My only recollection of a tall blond guy had been the best man, Dennis, or was that Danny?

"From your vague description, it sounds as though it was his best man. Probably best if you pretend you don't know what they're talking about. Just act as though there's no one named Bella there. Ever."

"Bella–"

"I'm fine. I'd just rather not have anyone there know my real name. It saves problems from happening."

"You got it, beautiful, it's your call after all. I'll see you Tuesday night, but call me if you get bored."

"I will." I grinned, a small groan rumbling in my throat as I sank into the bed. I felt tired down to my bones. "Goodnight, Ryan."

"Wait. You're going to bed? What are you wearing?"

"Goodnight." I laughed, shaking my head. There was something comforting in his innuendo. For me, it was easier to deal with than the serious conversation we'd had. This was the kind of conversation we normally shared. It set definitive lines in the sand and left no room for misinterpretation... Okay so that was bullshit. I knew he was flirting with me because he meant it. I just kept him at arms length this way, which was something he could understand.

"Night." He finally chuckled. The music drowning out the other conversations buzzing around in the background as he returned to his post.

Hitting end on my phone, I hooked it up to charge, before killing the lights and rolling over and, blissfully, passing out.

I spent my next day off much the same as I had the previous one. I read for as long as I could, but the need hit me stronger and a lot sooner than it had the day before. I attributed that to the fact that I'd only taken a half dose, and it had been my only fix all day. Commendable, but I was paying for it. As much as I liked to think I didn't have an addiction, I was starting to see that I was lying to myself. I depended on it. I needed it. Even if I didn't exactly want it, my body craved it, and would continue to crave it until I lost all rationality. It called out to the place it knew I'd hidden the stash, and there was no denying the calling.

All I could do was try and cut down my dose and spread them out as much as I could until I could call it recreational again. If my small interaction with Ryan had taught me anything, it was that I needed to clean up and deal with all the shit like an adult. I would never be normal, hell, I didn't want to be, and I could never trust myself to love again, but I could go on. I could honor my dad's memory and try to be as close to the person he believed I was as I could get.

I'd gone to bed feeling more hopeful than I had in years. As I curled up under the covers I pat myself on the back for coming up with a good plan. A plan I could stick to in some small respect. All I could do was promise to try, and as I closed my eyes and the dark enveloped me I promised to do just that...

Right up until I woke up in the middle of the night in my sweat dampened sheets that were tangled around my limbs as I kicked myself out of a nightmare. The red eyes and red hair of my would-be murderer lingered in the dark room, imprinted onto the back of my eyelids.

Dammit. It was a face I knew well, a face that had haunted me for years. My overheated body turned to ice as I found myself unable to shake the reenactment of my dad's death that had just played, on repeat, verbatim. I knew that I was deluding myself in my wistful dreams of sobriety and actually having any kind of life at all. I was destined to die by Victoria's hand, and the heroin was the only thing making the hours in between bearable.

This was what happened when I got complacent. I let down my walls and the bitch never hesitated in coming back into my subconscious to remind me that she hung over my head like death itself. She may not know where I was at that moment, but it didn't mean she wouldn't find me eventually. In fact, I believed she counted on it.

I'd been an idiot to think I could live a normal life. It was a romantic notion that would never come to fruition, because I spent my life looking over my shoulder for her.

When I woke up the next morning, I took a full hit and lay on my back as the warmth spread through my veins and carried me away into a world where the only thing that mattered was the spinning of the fan over my head, and the gentle thrum of the blades as it whirled. I stayed where I was all day, ignoring my food rule. I didn't want to ruin the effect of the high that was washing through me and lingering as a convenient little cover over my problems that lay piled in t he corner.

I glanced at the clock periodically, and only moved when I absolutely had to get in the shower and get ready for work.

The sun had long disappeared from the sky when I opened the door to greet Ryan. He was leaned against the frame in his suit with a smile that made some deeply buried part of me stir. He was, as always, well groomed and completely and devastatingly handsome, and his eyes made their usual circuit over me, making my skin tingle. He was dangerous, especially for someone as weak as I constantly was.

"Your chariot awaits, my lady."

"You're such a gentleman," I said in response with a smile, fighting the urge to squeeze his cheeks... and kiss him.

Bad Bella.

He swept into a bow before taking my bag from me, and backing out of the way so I could lock the door. He chattered all the way to the club, either not noticing my lack of participation, or choosing to ignore it. For me, it was nice to just listen to him twitter on. It mellowed me out until I was relaxed enough to finally join in with his laughter. He'd somehow managed to drown out the echo of the nightmare that had slowly started creeping back into my consciousness, for which, I was grateful.

He pulled the car into the spot next to mine and killed the engine, both of his hands landing on the steering wheel as he stared out the window. The neon light flashed and lit up his handsome features as he took a deep breath.

"Here we are," he finally said. "If one of those jackasses from the den shows up, you come and get me. I don't give a shit what Brian says."

"Did they show up again last night?" I asked, a little concerned that this was still an ongoing thing. I hadn't given it much thought, but that was only because I hadn't had the inclination to think much at all. It was a side effect I didn't see that much problem with until it was too late.

"Yeah, but I think it was a different guy. They're persistent, I'll give them that."

Somehow, that didn't reassure me. I'd never had a problem in the club before. Sure, some of the guys got a little brave with their hands at times, but that was about the crux of it. As far as I was concerned, it was my place of work and I needed to keep my personal shit out of there. I just hoped that Mike was considerate enough to keep this to himself and leave this alone once he left Vegas. The last thing I needed was Victoria hearing it through the grapevine.

"Hey, Ryan, could you do me a favor?"

"Anything."

"If anyone asks for me, or Bella Swan, just tell them you've never heard of her. Pretend you don't know me at all."

"That's easy," he said with a wink. "I don't know a Bella, but there's is this beautiful woman called Trinity that I would love to seduce."

I leaned over the console of his car and planted a kiss on his cheek before getting out and pulling my bag with me. I was ready to start my shift and lose myself in the music. The thought of not having another day off for a week seemed like a great thing for me.

I used to hate being the center of attention. There was a time in my life, if someone so much as looked at me, I would go into full blush mode and hide behind my hair. That wasn't the case anymore. For me, it gave me a sense of power and control knowing I could lure these men in by taking off my clothes and shaking my ass at them. Having their eyes follow me as I worked the pole meant I could, in some way, fulfill a fantasy of theirs. So that's what I did.

With my eyes drowsy and hooded, I ground myself against the pole in time to the music. I hung upside down with my hands tangled in my hair as though the pole were my lover, my hips gyrating as the bass took over my body. I got the men's attention, then made them beg for more, giving them glimpses of the pleasure I could bring them for the right price.

I never slept with them, I hadn't fallen that deep into the rabbit hole. I did, however, give them a dance that kept them coming back for more.

I crawled toward one of my regulars with a predatory smile. He always carried a wad of fifties on him, and just loved to slide his hand up my thigh to deposit them. I didn't feel the touches, I never did. I was too numb to feel anything but the music. It rolled down my spine and rocked my hips, making my legs shake as though I'd just got off.

I cradled my breasts before sliding my hand down the damp skin that covered my ribs. I lowered myself onto my stomach slowly and stuck my ass into the air, smiling as expletives and groans of lust were shared among the men who were offered the view. Bills were folded and tucked into the sad excuse for underwear as the last of my time on the main stage played out.

My high was boosted as the rush of adrenaline from my exhibitionism flooded my veins. I scooped up some of the bills that had fallen loose and sauntered from the stage, much to the disappointment of the men I'd enraptured.

"Trinity, you have a private room in five," Brian said, as I shoved cash into the locked box with my name on it. We each had one as a safety measure. Brian had seen too many fights breaking out when cash went missing from bags in the locker room.

"That was fast."

"It's why you're one of my top acts."

I shook my head as he slapped my ass and wandered away. I grabbed a towel and headed toward the changing room to dry off and change into something new. It was routine, which made it as easy as breathing for me. I didn't have to think about it at all, and for me, that was perfect. Dress, strip, and repeat... Easy!

"Girl, you lucked out." Candi laughed as I entered and grabbed one of the thin towels from the rack. "I saw the guy that requested you, and hot damn, he's pretty."

"The guy with the fifties?" I asked, scrunching up my nose.

Sure I was very accommodating and alluring to his face, but he was far from handsome, let alone pretty. Still, I was paid to make him feel like the only man on the planet, so that's what I did, as long as they didn't touch me of course.

"Oh God, no. He asked, but the other guy got there first. Look like you're forming a waiting list."

"Ooh. Now I'm curious."

"You should be. Don't keep him waiting, Hun. It would be a shame to lose him to one of these piranhas."

I changed as quickly as I could, my curiosity getting the better of me. I may not have much hope for the future, but dammit, I could still look and appreciate, and if he was a decent tipper, it was all the better for me, right? Touching up my make-up quickly, I headed to the private rooms.

There was a small gathering outside of room five that still had the door open as was customary. They whores weren't even being subtle about their gawking, which, considering the fact that we'd had celebrities before, was quite unusual.

Confused, I stepped through the crowd and into the room, giving the girls a grin before pushing the door closed between us. Music was filtering in from the main club, pounding into the dim light of the gaudily decorated room.

With a sway of my hips, I turned to face the man that had managed to cause a stir among the girls. My heart faltered and stuttered as I blinked to see if I was seeing reality. As I came face to face with the guy, it took everything in me not to stagger and flee from the room. If Mike Newton had been a surprise, this was a fucking waking nightmare.

Sat on the red velvet bench was a man whose name I could no longer ignore. A man that had promised he would stay away, and had through most of the traumatic times in my life.

Edward Cullen, cool as a cucumber, had just walked back into my world, sat in the middle of it like he owned it and me... and boy was I pissed.

Authors Note: First, let me say I hope that everyone of you who are on the East Coast of the States are well and safe and made it through the storm. The visuals coming from around there have been harrowing, and you've all been in my thoughts!

Thank you also to Trackstar17 for the amazing music suggestions! I have almost all of them on my spotify playlists now!

Edward's back... Bella doesn't seem happy to see him at all does she! I would definitely say that Mike had been anything but quiet about what he'd seen! There's a lot of ways for Bella to handle this situation... I wonder which road she'll decide to take... ;)

Thank you to everyone who reads, alerts favorites and of course reviews. You guys are amazing and I am so sorry the RR's have come a little late the last few weeks. I am hoping to fix that! I would also like to apologize to those of you that sign in as guests to review. Some of you ask questions and I have absolutely no way to answer you lol! Thank you though! You guys are amazing and I hope you all know how much I appreciate your time in reading this! It means a lot to me!

To PinkIndeed... You're awesome! Thank you for listening to my cases of crazies lol! I will never get used to the randomness that is our conversations!

Hev99 and Sabi'sSookie... There are no words, sisters from other misters! I love you both so very much and I have no way to thank you for your trust and loyalty! I love you beyond it all...

MWAH!