Harry Potter
Lord Of Light And Darkness
Book1
Life's a Prophecy
Chapter 4
Training In Heaven and Hell
Disclaimer:As before I do not own the wonderful world of Harry Potter.
Beta'd by: RPMcMurphy (Primary Beta) and Clara Minutes from 'Perfect Imagination'
Harry took the next moment to look around.
The beings seated in the stands were all staring down at him with great interest.
All seemed to have the same transparent, glowing body that he had, though some were different colours and others again were brighter.
One of these beings, who Harry recognised as the one who had spoken beforehand, was completely engulfed with blinding white light, which made it very difficult to see clearly. In fact, Harry had difficulty seeing much at all.
Around this being were multiple smaller white creatures with wings, which somehow reminded Harry of a creature he had only seen once before, and that was in a Muggle children's story book…or a … what was that book Muggles read from… or rather one particular Muggle read from.
The Dursleys used to go to something they called Mass, but Harry was never allowed to attend. His uncle always claimed he would disturb everybody else somehow with his freakishness.
"Angel, Harry," the being said with the same kind, gentle voice as before.
"Pardon?" Harry asked, as he was suddenly brought back to reality.
"They are called Angels, Harry," the being repeated.
"They are Ang… Oh… right," Harry said, realising what the being was talking about.
"But, but, that means… that means…doesn't that mean…you… you…." Harry couldn't bring himself to say the rest, as words totally failed him.
"Yes, Harry, that's right, I am," the being said warmly.
Harry promptly fainted.
"Overkill," another voice said as a few Angels carried Harry's ethereal body into another room.
"You know what affect you have on others," the same voice admonished.
"Please, I know, but there is nothing special about me… really," the kind voice replied.
"Yeah right, and I'm the Devil's concubine," the other voice said sarcastically.
"My dear friend, how long have we known each other?" the first voice asked.
"Oh, er… I don't know… can't really say… a very long time," the other being answered. "Longer than anybody here can remember."
"And in all of this time, have I ever expressed any wishes to be treated differently to anybody else?" the first voice asked.
"No, you haven't," the second voice replied uncomfortably.
"Please, you don't have to feel uncomfortable about that," the first voice said.
"But you're God, you're the Alpha, Omega, you… you can be anybody or do anything you want," the second voice said loudly.
"Enough, let's debate this another time; I sense young Harry has just woken up again. Could you please bring him in, Gabriel?" God asked one of the Angels, who happened to be standing near by.
"Of course, it shall be a pleasure," the Archangel answered, and with a flash he was gone.
A minute later, Harry walked back into the chamber followed by the Angel.
"Ah, Harry, welcome back, sorry about that earlier on, I have a tendency to forget the affect I have on certain new arrivals," God said gently with a benign smile.
"So, you're really God?" Harry asked, amazed and greatly intimidated. He still could not see the being's face, or the rest of its body clearly. In fact, he could not even figure out what gender the being --God -- had. Not even the voice gave away a sign.
"Excuse me, may I ask you something?" Harry asked cautiously.
"Of course you may, and the answer is I am neither: not male, nor female," God answered.
"Yes, he's something more," another voice from the stands called out haughtily.
"Fate, that's enough!" God boomed, which caused several beings, including Harry, to jump with fright.
"Sorry!"
"Contrary to the myth that I can't get angry, I regret to say that I can," God answered, looking back at Harry. It was clear from the way God said this that the almighty being was not used to becoming angry and definitely not for something as trivial as this.
"Now, I think it's time the meeting began… speaker, if you will!" God called out, motioning towards a raised area in front of the stands, a statement which received quite a lot of approving, though slightly humbled, mumbles from everybody around.
God's brief outcry had clearly unnerved many of them.
From the left side of the stands, a familiar figure, which Harry had seen somewhere before, though he could not place where, stood up to walk to the raised podium.
Numerous eyes followed him as he approached and some even pointed him out with excited whispers.
"Dear gentle spirits and other gentles alike," he began, taking a moment to slowly turn his head to look all around the chamber. "Please bear with me for just a moment, this shouldn't really take long. I know you're all eager to get back to all of your extended families, and other… activities, so I promise I'll try to keep this short.
"As you all know, last century we had a debate whether or not to send a particular deceased, named Harry James Potter, who is with us today, back down to earth. At first, the issue was met with a substantial amount of opposition, which also included the Holiness, God… rather regretful, but not very surprising I may add.
"However, after a few long discussions, the council finally agreed to allow said deceased the choice to return to earth to finish what he had so valiantly started, namely the defeat of that evil dark tosspot who calls himself a lord… Voldemort."
For the first time as far as Harry could remember, nobody gasped or made involuntary noises or movements as Voldemort's name rang throughout the hall, though some had faces of disgust and sorrow.
Nobody laughed as Voldemort's nickname was uttered. The fact that everybody was able to hear and say Voldemort's name so freely, without the slightest sign of fear, surprised him. Not only were they not afraid of the Dark Lord, they also made fun of him too. Here were beings who clearly showed Tom little or no respect at all.
Suddenly, the speaker turned straight towards him.
"I will now ask the deceased whether he is willing to take on this worthy task."
"Lord Harriot James Potter-Gryffindor-Ambrosius-Black, heir of the houses Potter, Black, Gryffindor, and Ambrosius… do you accept said mission, to hunt down several key Death Eaters in service of Moldywarts as well as the ugly wart himself, and to rid us of this monstrosity, so help us all?" Godric asked, earning a disapproving frown from God, but a few sniggers and giggles from a few other beings around him.
Harry gasped, while others laughed and gaped at Godric. For a second Harry just stood still with his mouth open before he realised that he had been asked a question. The sheer amount of titles, and their names, not to forget the crude, indignant version of Voldemort's name, made his head spin.
"Yes, I do," Harry said after a while. He could not believe that he, Harry Potter, was the last descendent of not only Godric, but also Merlin.
So I'm the heir of Gryffindor… not only Gryffindor's but Merlin's heir too, Harry realised, dazed as it finally sunk in.
Oblivious to Harry's thoughts, Godric continued to speak.
"In that case, dear gentle spirits and others alike, I deem the motion passed."
As soon as Godric finished his little speech, the whole chamber erupted into great cheers.
Silently God rose from its seat and made Its way over to the stand, which Godric quickly vacated. Immediately the whole chamber became deathly silent.
"Thank you, Godric, though do please refrain from using… special names," God said, nodding towards the old wizened spirit.
"Alright! In accordance with what was said today and by the wishes of the council, I herewith endorse the revitalising and consequential rebirth of newly deceased Harry Potter and regrettably sanction the hunt and execution of three Death Eaters and Dark Lord also known as Lord Voldemort.
"However! … let it be said that I do not willingly agree with this and only endorse it as per the will of the grand council and the greater good. As such I will leave the council chamber in protest.
"However, as before, the needs and wishes of the many out weigh the needs and wishes of the one… so be it… thank you."
With these last words, God left the podium and made Its way out of the chamber. The angels followed shortly after.
The room stayed silent in a state of mild shock. Only one being who had entered the chamber during God's speech seemed remotely happy and was clapping cheerfully.
Harry realised that everybody seemed to get up and frantically move to a different area of the chamber as the new arrival came his, her, or its way.
After several minutes of quietness and serious contemplation, another being rose and walked to the podium. Immediately all eyes turned to face him.
"Right… hmmm… ok…" he said awkwardly, then took a deep breath. "Since we now have official yet reluctant permission, let's get down to business, shall we?" he asked after another moment of complete silence.
"It has been agreed upon that Harry here should receive certain formal training."
Hearing this, Harry turned his full attention to the new speaker.
"I hereby ask for a few volunteers to come forward to train Harry Potter for his upcoming mission… we only have one chance, so let's not mess it up."
"Is anybody willing?" he asked again. His voice sounded proud yet extremely solemn.
The room remained silent. Nobody seemed to have the courage or the desire to train the small, skinny saviour in front of him or her.
"Is there nobody at all," the speaker asked again calmly.
Still silence echoed through the hall.
Harry was about to despair when out of the blue, the being who everybody was avoiding started to speak.
"Well, well, well, isn't that a sight, ho ho ho," he said laughing.
"Tell you what, I'll train you, Harry," the being proposed, which made the whole chamber gasp in complete horror.
All of a sudden the whole chamber erupted into an angry mob of screaming lunatics.
"No way will you teach Harry Potter, go back to Hell where you belong," an outraged voice said from the crowd as several chairs flew through the air.
"Yes, what are you even doing here, Satan," another voice called out.
"Get out of here," a third voice spoke.
"SILENCE!!" a very angry voice rang out, and immediately everybody hushed and tensed up. Some had faces of worry, others even expressions of fear on their faces.
Looking around, Harry realised that God had re-entered the room. The blinding white glow had disappeared and for the first time Harry could see a very ancient, wrinkled figure with a transparent beard, which touched the ground in layers. Slowly the glow came back again and everybody relaxed.
Little did Harry know, the last time God lost control of Its anger was when the Dark Ages reigned down on earth… and before that, when a meteor wiped out ninety-nine percent of the population, resulting in the Stone Age.
There was plenty of cause to be worried, as far as the council was concerned. True, it was extremely rare for God to get 'really' angry… angry enough to cause such a situation, but…
With a small sigh, God walked into the middle of the room and turned to face Satan.
"I'll keep this short, Satan."
"Yes," the devil answered, raising his eyebrows in response. Even he seemed slightly nervous.
"As much as it pains me to say this, I want you to take over the Dark Arts training while Harry is amongst us. Will you do it?" God asked with sorrow in Its voice.
A huge smile appeared across the Devil's face, which quickly increased into a full-fledged evil, sadistic grin.
"Of course I will. Let's say, it would be an honour," he replied and a laugh escaped from his mouth.
Several beings looked nervously at each other, others had faces of worry while others again had faces of complete outrage as Satan began to laugh.
"I have a certain phoenix to pluck with an old mag… er… wizard down there. I would be happy to train Harry if that means that he will show up here sooner or later. Nobody escapes from my realm, not even a dark nut called Mouldyfarts," he said with a small evil chuckle.
"Though I'll tell you now, don't expect me to go easy on the lad. Before I'm done with him, he'll be screaming for mercy," Satan said with another laugh.
Cringing slightly, and not just due to the name Satan had just given Voldemort, but also due to the knowledge that an innocent soul was about to be sent to Hell, no pun intended, God gave a small weak nod. "Very well, I guess that will have to do, I wish you to start as soon as Harry is ready.
"I'd say thank you but I know how much you hate that word, so… I'll see you."
With that, God left without another word.
The whole chamber was silent, deathly silent: a few were in complete shock, others in denial. Only the devil seemed to be rubbing his hands happily, making small sounds of sadistic glee. It had been quite a while since he had had an apprentice of any sort to corrupt, order, and maim.
"You know where to find me," he said to Harry after a while. "I'll see you down there, when you're finished with your training… with them," he said, glancing at the rest of the occupants of the chamber with a look of evident repugnance while at the same time pointing a blackened mouldy finger downwards. Then, without another word he disappeared with a loud crack, like thunder originating beside you, which shook the room, a long loud cackle echoing behind him.
It took several minutes for everybody else to quiet down again in such a way that the meeting could continue.
"Ahem, well, hmm, ok… well… that was unpleasant," the being who had first asked for volunteers said.
"I'm really sorry, Harry, I'm sure none of us here wanted that to happen," he said, looking at Harry with great sympathy.
The whole room agreed with a low murmur, which made Harry wonder what mess he had gotten himself into this time.
"Anyway… we now have a… 'volunteer'… who is willing to teach the Dark Arts… and certain other things of which I will not utter here," the being said with disdain.
With a sigh he continued to speak. "Now, we still need someone who will teach him spells of the light. I nominate myself…Someone has to cancel out some of the damage Satan will do to the poor boy."
Looking directly at Harry, the being said, "Harry, I, Merlin the great, tenth heir of Ambrosias, humbly pledge myself and my skills to you.
"May I have the honour of instructing you in the ways of the light?" he asked, looking straight into Harry's green Avada Kedavra eyes.
"Er…yes, of course," Harry said, taken aback. Many wizards and witches would have given their first born to be taught by Merlin. This was indeed an honour.
"In that case, I, Godric Gryffindor, solemnly ask for the same honour," Godric said as he too took a step forward.
"And so will I," said a familiar voice, and Sirius stepped through the chamber doors.
Harry's eyes widened with surprise.
"I changed my mind. I know I said I wouldn't see you again, so sue me," Sirius said with a grin.
Harry launched himself into his godfather's arms.
"And so will we," said two other familiar voices in unison, and Harry froze.
"Mum, Dad?" he asked as he looked up hesitantly to see his parents standing nearby.
Without another word, Harry released Sirius and ran over to his parents, tears of pure happiness falling from his eyes.
Two days later Harry was deep in training.
Godric, Merlin, James, Lily, and Sirius (Dumbledore didn't join them as he still had some heavenly forms and registration papers to fill out, which Harry was able to skip due to his age and the fact that he wasn't staying anyway) had all made it clear from the word go that they were going to train him until his ethereal toes fell off, literally.
At first, Harry did not take them seriously and he laughed, but he soon wished he had not.
Needless to say, he soon found out why it was so easy to get a replacement of a random body part.
According to Sirius, people in Heaven could decide whether they wanted to do something, unlike in Hell where you had no choice, as the Devil made all the rules. However, when they did something, they did it, all or nothing (well, most of them anyway.)
This made Harry wonder what Hell would be like, and he shivered at the thought.
He never heard his father reprimanding Sirius for telling him a blatant lie.
Sirius, however, shrugged it off and quietly reminded James that what he had said about Hell was true for all they knew, and that Harry needed to be prepared… for anything. That shut James up and he grudgingly agreed. While neither had ever been in Hell before, the word and it's meaning were more than enough for either of them.
When his teachers, or Masters, as they now wanted to be called, told him that his toes would soon be falling off they weren't joking, they meant it, and Harry's laughs only made them drive him harder from one exercise to the next.
After the first week of training in Heaven, Harry was forced to do training rituals, which he would not have dreamt about in a million years.
Sirius just laughed at that when Harry mentioned it to him and told him that in the After-Life a million years was like a Sunday walk in a park, meaning non-existent.
Soon the physical exercises decreased and Harry began to learn various spells of the light.
Harry did ask them why he had to do physical exercises, as he did not have a real body.
His masters answered that it did not matter, that it was part of the deal…and that if it made him feel better, he would receive a respectable level of fitness, equal to the amount of effort he put into it here, once he went back down to earth. Harry grudgingly agreed.
At first his masters went over his entire Hogwarts curriculum from everything he learned in his first year up to what he would have learned in his seventh year.
For the first few days Harry didn't pay too much attention, as he already knew all the spells and the theory behind them. This stopped, however, when his teachers, began to throw in a few trick questions, and when they started to hex him whenever he answered a question wrongly.
When Harry complained that he already knew everything, they just gave him extra work, which quickly made Harry shut up and concentrate on what he already had to do.
Once in a while, certain visitors from different parts of Heaven would come to watch and give bits of advice.
Sometimes bets were held to decide when Harry would crack under the strain of the exercises, and there were huge odds against Harry, as Heaven's resident Goblin bookies traded favours as well as 'Truths and Dares' instead of Galleons and Sickles amongst its gambling residents. God seemed to turn a blind eye at this.
However, oblivious to everything happening around him, Harry somehow always managed to come out on top, much to certain individual's disappointments, no matter how difficult the drill, lessons, and exercises became.
In one such lesson, James made Harry run a marathon before duelling with him for the rest of the day, after which an absolutely exhausted (James had given Harry his feelings over his muscles back again) Harry vowed to never accept any help from his parents or close relatives ever again, whenever he was finished here.
Sirius and James took turns in teaching Harry numerous spells ranging from harmless but useful light spells to deadly and usually illegal semi Dark spells which, while not as deadly as the Unforgivables, would still all earn you a one way ticket to Azkaban had you used it on earth, at least after the Ministry had banned them.
When Harry mastered the spells verbally, they continued on to nonverbal spells and from there on to verbal wandless magic, and finally on to nonverbal wandless magic.
In the end, Harry could do all of the simple spells wandlessly and only needed his wand for the most advanced spell and those which you couldn't perform without a wand.
Sometimes Lily would join them and participate in a few duels with Harry whenever Sirius and James needed an extra partner, or when they were otherwise unavailable.
Most of the time, however, she concentrated on teaching Harry how to create and remove wards from numerous objects. Lily had been an excellent warder in her time on earth.
In fact, it was widely known that she had warded Gringotts and other famous places.
Godric concentrated on teaching Harry how to fight with numerous weapons ranging from a simple penknife to a two-sided sword, which was very difficult to handle and with which Harry constantly cut himself.
In one duel, Godric managed to cut off all of Harry's arms and legs before summoning a few forms, which he then proceeded to fill out for Harry so that he could get his random body parts replaced.
Harry had never been happier that he was not able to feel pain. (Obviously Godric had disabled Harry's new feelings prior to this exercise.)
Finally, yet importantly, Merlin started to teach him the arts Legilimency and Occlumency, and was not satisfied until Harry could not only literally block off an invader in a split second, but could also send back a 'feedback' through the open link, which could give the invader a severe headache as well as inflict brutal pain. In serious cases memory loss, unconsciousness, or even death could occur.
As well as blocking people from his mind, Harry would also be able to practically read other people like a book, though eye contact was still needed for certain information, or if the target was skilled in Occlumency. Even then, success was not always guaranteed.
Merlin would have started teaching Harry how to become an Animagus, but for some reason Satan specifically forbade him to do so.
Instead, he took some time to go over parts of Harry's other subjects with him, placing an emphasis on Potions.
Finally, after a good year, the day finally came when Satan arrived and took Harry away, down into the depths of Hell.
Harry had never been as frightened or as nervous before. The stories he had heard had only caused him to become more and more nervous, though it must be said that none of those who had told him about Hell had ever been there.
If Harry had thought that his parents or Sirius's training had been bad, he quickly changed his mind: Hell, was just as the name said… Hell.
Satan never gave him much rest… he did not give him any rest at all, saying rest was a luxury Harry did not deserve. Even Uncle Vernon had never said that.
He constantly taunted and abused Harry, continuously firing hexes and other nasty spells at him, no matter what he did. With his feeling restored, (It was the first thing Satan did when they arrived) they were not only extremely painful but also exceedingly annoying.
In the end, Harry was wishing for his time with the Dursleys, daily.
Anything is better than this, he thought after a particularly stressful and exhausting experience where Satan made him carry several pounds worth of rocks up a mountain only to tell him to bring them down again later on. The loads were so heavy that Harry regularly collapsed while ascending the mountain.
Harry frequently asked himself how his body could survive this brutal treatment, and each time he remembered that he did not have a body at present. The pain he was experiencing was just part of the deal.
The horror stories about Hell, which Harry had heard in Heaven, had long been justified, ten times over. At least when he told them, he would have the memories and other evidence to back up his claims.
Harry had to do this everyday for an entire month, and Satan would increase his load before he could grow accustomed to it. Satan seemed to enjoy torturing Harry in any and every way, but then again, that was Satan. To top it all off, Satan really took pleasure in following Harry up the mountain, cracking a whip every few seconds.
At least Harry now had no reason to be afraid of the Cruciatus Curse, once he got back to earth.
Before long he was finally satisfied and only then did he let Harry off, claiming that he didn't have endless time to train worthless manure (nicer term), like him, for which Harry was extremely grateful.
Finally, after long months of learning Dark spells and other 'questionable' subjects as well as some elemental training, (Harry found out he had inherited some elemental powers, namely those of Fire and Air from Merlin, though they had stayed dormant due to his abuse at the hands of the Dursley's, he could now create tornadoes, bolts of lightening from his hands, manipulate fire, as well as walk through fire and cast huge fireballs), Satan started teaching Harry his own brand of magic. In all of this time the punishments… and the pain…never ceased.
This included certain long forgotten spells, most of which Harry vowed he would never use, save perhaps on Voldemort himself. Some spells however, Harry found very interesting and even highly amusing, much to Satan's surprise.
With only four months of ethereal training time left, Satan explained to Harry why he did not allow Merlin to teach him the art of the Animagus.
Satan claimed that what he was about to teach Harry could only be taught to someone who did not know how to transform into an Animagus, as both were completely incompatible and only made it more difficult to learn or use the other.
Satan called it the art of shape shifting and it needed an immense amount of self-control.
When Harry asked what he would be able to do, Satan explained the art with a few simple words:
"The insanely difficult art of shape shifting is literally the ability to change into any object or living creation, whether it be animated or unanimated, solid or liquid… in short, anything."
This completely overwhelmed Harry and made him cry out in surprise. With this ability, he would be practically invincible, he thought.
However, Satan knew directly what Harry was thinking and he quickly told him that as with everything, there were certain side effects, the first one being that Harry would not be able to do other magic during and for at least one minute after transforming. Obsessive use of this ability would leave him severely weakened and may even result in a magical coma, though he admitted that overuse varied from wizard to wizard.
Satan also warned him that he should never be transformed longer than a maximum of two hours, otherwise certain memory loss or permanent transformation into the creature or item in question could occur.
That, put together with the fact that a transformation was always very painful, made it look much less welcoming. Harry was quickly brought back to his senses, as he did not like the idea of turning into a cup permanently, and he solemnly vowed to only use his new ability sparingly, once he had learned it.
Satan also taught Harry the old long-forgotten arts of Teleportation and Phasing. Teleportation was similar to Apparition. Though much more dangerous, it would enable him to teleport through all but the strongest wards.
When Harry asked what type of wards he would not be able to teleport though, Satan answered with blood wards or grade nine true wards, which made Harry realise for the first time just how safe he had been at the Dursleys, though he quickly squashed the idea after a certain image of fifteen Death Eaters and a Dark Lord swam into his mind.
They had not helped him then, had they, he reminded himself.
Phasing in and out, Satan had said, was the ability to temporarily leave the physical world and enter a state of flux where the phased, could not be hit by any spells, weapons or items, and where the individual could also move through walls and other solid objects.
The side effects were serious, as phasing was very dangerous: any mistakes were normally fatal, and while in 'flux' he could not do other magic or touch objects.
Harry agreed, the idea of returning to the normal world inside a solid wall was not a good one, though if he could master the art, he could be practically unstoppable as while in flux, spells could not hit him.
Finally, yet importantly, Satan demonstrated how to summon some low classes of undead, such as skeletons, and certain low class demons, which Harry found very interesting, but also very unpredictable, as the summoned creatures had no real minds of their own and were inclined to attack anything in sight, master or foe. On the other hand, the undead do not feel pain, they always obey orders, if badly, and they do not stop fighting if a random body part falls off. The demons were clever but had the unfortunate tendency to rebel against their master, and were therefore not really recommended.
In the end, Harry decided to only use them in enclosed areas where they would not be able to easily turn on him, or as a last possible resort, should the need for some extra muscle ever arise.
At long last, after two full years of back-breaking and body part-replacing training and many spells later, Harry's time in Heaven and Hell had come to an end.
Harry was standing in front of his parents and his other masters, saying his last goodbyes.
Even Satan was present, much to everybody else's disgust, though strangely enough Harry had become quite close to the despicable creature. It had been surprisingly easy once Satan's 'pain treatments' had begun to ease their effects on him.
Then Harry suddenly saw the ethereal forms of two people whom he had not seen for at least two years. He quickly excused himself from his escorts and ran over to his two old friends.
"Ron, Hermione," he called out, after he got close enough for them to hear.
They immediately turned around. Hermione squealed with delight, while Ron just stood back and watched with open eyes.
"My… mate what have you been doing here, you look… different," he asked after a study of Harry's evident muscles and otherwise stunning body.
"Yeah, I know, a year in Hell can do that to you," said Harry with a smile.
Hermione gasped as she heard this.
"Oh… Harry, I'm so sorry… whatever you were doing in Hell, it must have been awful," she said with tears in her eyes.
"Yeah… mate what were you doing down there, actually what are you doing up here at all?" Ron asked, frowning.
"Did Mouldy finally kill you off too?" Ron said jokingly, using Heaven's preferred version of Voldemort's name.
Harry looked at Ron strangely. "You didn't tell him?" he asked Hermione, after realising that Ron really didn't know.
"No Harry, I… I didn't even know you were here," Hermione said quietly, still shaking from hearing that Harry had been in Hell.
"What! Did no one tell you?" Harry asked, surprised.
"No, nobody did and after you didn't arrive after they… after I died, I thought you had somehow managed to survive," Hermione said sadly, shuddering at her memories of her last few moments on earth.
"Well, I didn't survive, in fact I blew the whole block up," Harry said, which made Hermione squeal again and Ron reach out to close her gaping mouth. Both were in shock.
"Gee mate, its no wonder why we had so many new arrivals here from the Surrey area that day, you really know how to go out with a bang, don't you?" Ron asked, impressed.
"Yeah, but that's not all," Harry answered with a wicked smile on his face, which made his friends look at him in alarm.
"Guess what, I have a return ticket back to earth," Harry said, which caused Hermione to look confused and Ron say, "No way."
"How did you, how is that possible?" Hermione asked, giving Harry a strange look, which made it clear that she didn't believe a word Harry had just said.
"Well, you see, God… himself… no herself… no… oh I don't know… anyway…God sanctioned my return back to earth, in fact I'm leaving in a few minutes… we were lucky to meet as it is," he said awkwardly, then he suddenly realised.
"Hey guys, I just realised, if everything works out as planned, you, and quite a few others, including Sirius and even my parents, could be back down there again soon," he said excitedly.
This really was news for his friends, who practically jumped with joy.
"I… I can't believe it," Hermione cried out, "How in Heaven and Hell did you manage to obtain permission from God to go back… that's… that's unheard off… the last time that happened was… " she paused.
"Yes Mione," Ron said with a grin.
"Actually I don't know," she said, stunned, clearly shocked by the revelation that she didn't know something
"I know," Harry said cheekily, "but as Snape… and Sirius used to say, the normal rules don't seem to apply for me," Harry added with his best imitation of Snape and a huge grin on his face, causing Hermione and Ron to laugh.
At that moment, James and Lily stepped up behind them.
"Hello everybody, I hope we are not disturbing something important, but Harry here has a one way express ticket back to earth, which is waiting for him," James said wisely.
Ron and Hermione just answered: "Hello Mr. and Mrs. Potter."
"What! You knew about them and didn't tell them about me?" Harry asked, aghast.
"No Harry, we didn't… you really didn't need the extra attention," James answered, smiling.
"Eww you sounded just like Snape," Harry said in annoyance, but he also had a smile on his face.
"No I don't," James answered, in mock horror at the revelation.
"Anyway, back to reality," Lily intervened, "You shouldn't keep a few poor people waiting longer then you have to, I'm sure quite a few individuals, including ourselves, are quite eager to get back down there once this is all over. After all, we have a lot of catching up to do," Lily said pleasantly with a wink.
"I'll have to send off tax reports for the last sixteen years," James moaned, sighing loudly.
"Oh, right… yes," Harry said sheepishly.
"Okay guys, I'll see you back down there, hopefully," Harry said as his parents started to lead him away.
"You may stay right where you are," said a gentle warm voice, which belonged to none other than God, who was followed closely by Satan.
Hermione put her hand to her mouth, gasped, and nearly fainted as she realised who had just arrived.
"Oh my God," she said out loud, before she could stop herself.
"Yes, that's me," God said and gave her a small smile.
Ron just stood still, too shocked to move.
"Are you ready to go?" God asked Harry, as God turned back to face him.
"Er yes… I think so," Harry said after giving his friends and his parents a last look and a final hug of farewell.
"All right, hang on," God said, and without another word God reached down and grabbed a cloud beneath Harry's feet, creating a small hole by pulling the cloud away as if it were a carpet, and with all the grace of a drunken one-legged ostrich and a cry of surprise, Harry began to fall.
"Oh by the way, I have a little present for you down there. You'll know it when you see it," God said loudly as Harry fell.
"And don't forget the money spell… you won't have access to your vaults," James added.
"We love you," said Lily.
"Bye Harry…see you soon," Hermione and Ron chorused.
"Go and good luck… my apprentice," said Satan just before everything went dark.
Harry never heard the cries of complete shock from his friends, a faint groan from God, and a small chuckle from Satan.
Harry was on his way back at last.