Why We Broke Up
Chapter Four: Mess
by tyrantsandcreampuffs

Athrun was present during my graduation ceremony. He sat beside my father, and they seemed to get along well enough. I could see them chuckling, probably exchanging some light jokes. I knew my father always had a soft spot for Athrun and my father seemed to swell with pride, knowing that Athrun became successful. Kira was also in the audience with Flay. They were on the other side of Athrun; Kira being at the far-end. Kira was afraid of my father; although my father was willing to accept Kira like his own son, Kira was still pretty embarrassed about the whole thing.

When they called my name, I went up onstage and accepted my diploma; and then I took a deep breath, knowing that it was officially the beginning of adulthood for me. My father looked on proudly and Kira was applauding; Athrun was beaming at me and then held his camera up as I waved discreetly. The whole day was pretty surreal and before I knew it, I was out having a celebratory dinner with my family and Athrun.

In the end, I couldn't tell my father that I didn't want to work in the corporate sector. I was always taught to do what was expected of me, else my father would be disappointed. And my father had really wanted me to take over the company one day and so I accepted the position of floor manager. It was alright and wasn't too stressful because all I had to do was order people around; and the people who worked in our company were competent—otherwise, they wouldn't have made it through my father as he personally screens everyone who worked for him.

Although, I do believe there was one person he had overlooked.

Yuna Roma Seiran.

Cocky and arrogant, he was everything I hated in a human being. But I couldn't just get rid of him on a whim because he was the son of my father's closest friend, Unato Ema Seiran, the trusted CFO of Athha Corporation. After a year in the company, Yuna had magically convinced his father to assign him to the expansion development program—which required the two of us to stay in Aprilius for a year as we expanded the company in the Plants.

I hated his guts. Maybe that's why I ended up agreeing to date him.

"So how are you finding Aprilius so far?" Athrun asked me from across the table. We were at some classy restaurant where he knew the owner personally, someone named Heine or something. "The last time you were here was Siegel's funeral, right?"

"Yes. It's quite nice here, actually; but I miss Heliopolis already."

"It's been your home your entire life. Of course you'll miss it." He took a sip of wine before resuming. "It must be fun for you, though, being in charge of starting up your family business here in Plant."

"It's what Father always wanted," I said with a small smile. "If he's happy, then so am I."

"You still haven't told him?" Athrun was there when I accepted my father's offer in the company and he had looked disappointed when I did. "Cagalli—"

"I know, I know. But I think it was good for me, really. Experience is experience—and I've learned quite a good deal from my colleagues. More than I ever did from those in my course in college, if you ask me."

"I'm sure you've learned a lot from that dolt Yuna, too," he said with a snigger. "Speaking of that idiot, where is he now? Wasn't he assigned to the same project as you?"

I bit my lip. I wasn't sure how to tell Athrun—and I didn't know why I was afraid to tell him. Maybe it was because I knew he was going to judge me for my decision, but we were both adults and that was enough to warrant some respect for my choices.

"He's at the apartment which the company rented."

"And you? Where are you staying?"

"At the apartment which the company rented."

I counted in my head. Three, two, one—

"You mean to say that you two are living together?" His outburst was heard around us and I had to send apologetic looks to those at the surrounding tables. "You hate him! How can you stand living with him? How could you have agreed to these conditions? Uzumi wouldn't have allowed it—""

"Yuna's my boyfriend."

Again. Three, two, one—

But there was no loud reaction. Instead Athrun had a look of betrayal and slight disgust on his face. As though I had disappointed him yet again. I was wavering inside, but I remained sitting tall outside. Athrun was going to respect and accept my decision. I was going to make him.

"He's an asshole."

"He's good to me."

"You hate him."

"They say there's a fine line between hate and—"

"Don't give me that bullshit excuse." He was very angry with me and was visibly seething with it. "Why the hell are you dating him? You know he's no good."

"You haven't even personally met him!"

"I've heard enough from you to form a proper opinion of him, and now you're telling me that you've gone against your principles! First you lie to your father about what you want in life and now you're dating a guy you don't even like! What's next? You're going to tell me that you're also sleeping with that other guy in your office—"

I slapped him hard right there and then.

"Fuck you, Athrun."

The haze in his eyes dissipated and he looked as if he became aware of the words which flew out of his mouth just seconds ago. But the damage had been done and I felt his words turn into knives and dig deep through my skin and into my bones.

"Cagalli, I'm sorry. I didn't mean any of that—"

"But you did, Athrun." I shook my head and placed my napkin on the table. "When you decide that you're actually sorry, I expect Yuna to receive a bouquet as an apology."

I walked away and left Athrun at the table. That was our first fight in the history of our friendship and I felt angrier than I've ever been. Athrun was disappointed with me, sure, but I was also disappointed with him for not being as understanding as I hoped he would be.

The next week, Yuna asked me why in the world Athrun had given him flowers. That same afternoon, I sent Athrun a message telling him that we were okay.

Not a month later, he introduced me to Meyrin.

"What does she mean?" Meyrin blinked, confused, between me and Lacus. "How could Cagalli not have been listening?"

The two of us were locked in some stare-down. If there was a magazine in heaven, Lacus would be the face of every issue of Patron Saint Weekly—even if she maintained her contacts down in hell. Lacus was the nicest person I knew, but she was also one of the most manipulative. Being in the entertainment business for as long as she was, it wasn't really surprising that she knew what to say to pull strings and gut reactions.

"Lacus—" I started, but then she cut me off.

"You know that Athrun needs this intervention." Lacus held only conviction in her tone. "You know that Athrun does not have his heart in whatever arrangement he and Meer has."

I sighed. I knew those. I knew that Athrun somehow wedged himself between a rock and a hard place. I know that he had an almost heroic sense of duty and that he always stayed true to his word. So if he had promised himself to Meer, then that would take precedence over any other commitment.

"His wedding's a month away." The persistence of the two had worn me out and now I just wanted to sleep on the couch in the break room. In fact, it was quite tempting to up and leave them for the comforting silence the break room offered. "What would you have me do?"

"Just talk to him, Cagalli." Lacus was very encouraging and sincere as she spoke. "You're his voice of reason."

"He'll listen to what you say," Meyrin offered meekly. "After all, he listened to you when you told him to break up with me."

I stared at the redhead in surprise as the thought hit me that she knew. She knew of my conversation with Athrun that eventually led to their separation. I thought she didn't know and didn't blame me—but Meyrin always had more hidden than she let on.

"Meyrin, I didn't—"

"No, it's okay, Cagalli." Meyrin's smile reached her eyes and I felt something in my stomach twist. "I know you didn't exactly tell him to. But still. I never once blamed you. How could I hold someone liable for just being honest?"

Meyrin was still smiling and I couldn't believe just how kind she was being. All this time, she knew that I indirectly had a hand in their separation, but never once blamed me. She had been civil the entire time and now I felt like I owed her.

"I let Athrun leave because I thought he'd finally act on his feelings for you. I thought he'd finally let himself be happy." Meyrin was now looking at her tea cup and I could see her a single tear sliding down her cheek. "If I had known he'd instead be throwing his life away, then maybe I wouldn't have let him go."

Yuna and I weren't the most consistent couple. We would fight a lot, call it off; then he'd come back running after a few days. It wasn't exactly the healthiest arrangement, but it's what I'd been accustomed to after over a year of dating him.

Athrun pointed out that I became extremely defensive every time we broke up. He'd remind me that not every guy was 'an asshole like your stupid boyfriend'. But at least he tolerated Yuna for me when I brought him along—for which I was grateful.

We were in the middle of yet another break when Athrun called me over. For relationship decisions, we found ourselves consulting each other—why, we didn't really know; but it was always nice to have a friend to reassure you that your life wasn't falling apart. It was pretty serious when Athrun was the one asking to meet up because his relationship with Meyrin was definitely more mature and less problematic than mine with Yuna.

I sat on a chair by his kitchen counter while he prepared some lunch for the two of us.

"So," I started, rocking my chair back and forth. "Trouble in paradise?"

I saw Athrun roll his eyes. "Couldn't I have invited you because you're my closest friend here?"

"I'm not a substitute for Kira."

"See, you're getting defensive again." He was chopping up tomatoes and onions, and it amazed me just how skilled he was with a knife. "Why don't you just leave Yuna for good? He's so toxic."

"Hey, I'm here for you. You're the one who has a story to tell, not me."

"Can't we be here for each other?"

"You've lectured me enough on the merits of being rid of Yuna that it could probably be counted as a college course," I teased him and didn't miss the blush that stained his cheeks. He rolled his eyes yet again and threw in the chopped vegetables into a pot. As he stirred, the aroma of onions and garlic wafted into the air and my mouth watered at the scent of it. "Damn, that smells good. Remind me why I'm not marrying you again?"

Athrun turned off the stove and faced me. I looked over his shoulder, wondering why he left the sauce remain uncooked; and then he spoke.

"I don't love Meyrin."

I snapped my gaze from the pot to his eyes and blinked. They'd been dating for a year now and I thought that they were as serious as one could get in a relationship. Athrun's real feelings were like headline news to me.

"I don't love her. I can't bring myself to," he added. "She is sweet, loyal, kind and intelligent—she's practically the perfect girlfriend. It would be so easy to take the easy route and just go for it, but then I don't know if I'll be able to love her the way she deserves."

"Why?" was the only thing that came to mind. "Why don't you love her?"

He walked to the counter and placed his elbows on the table and his face in his hands. He seemed to be overthinking again and as much as I wanted to reach out and give him a pat on the shoulder, I knew he needed the space so that he'd clear his thoughts properly.

"I feel like I'm betraying myself," he said after a while. "It feels as though I'd be lying to myself and to her if I went on with our relationship. Meyrin deserves better."

I didn't want to explicitly tell him to leave Meyrin. I knew how devoted the younger girl was to Athrun and how she saw Athrun as some Prince Charming who had swept her off her feet—whatever prince you can find in the IT department of Minerva, at least. I honestly liked the two of them together because they looked straight out of a fairytale when they were together; Meyrin, the blushing princess, and Athrun, the ever-gallant prince. I had thought they were good together, really. But seeing Athrun as distressed as he was, I couldn't really think of any advice to tell him.

"I don't love Yuna," I instead admitted, hoping that it would make him feel better. "The heavens know how much I hate him. He's elitist and thinks everyone is beneath him. And he is so, so vain that I've caught him staring at his reflection in the mirror too many times to count. He's terrible and, as you said, toxic. I don't love him—and I will never be able to love someone like him."

"Then why are you still with him?"

"I honestly don't know."

"You deserve someone better."

"And you deserve to find someone you can love."

He nodded once, twice, and then turned back to the stove. He resumed cooking, adding water and salt into the pot and then mixing whatever concoction he was preparing.

Athrun still had his back to me when he spoke again. "I love you, you know that?"

I didn't like how sentimental he sounded; but as he was my oldest friend, I let it pass.

"I love you, too."

Athrun broke up with Meyrin the day after our conversation. It was a disaster in the office when Meyrin began accusing him of infidelity because there were rumors circulating in the office that Athrun had already started seeing someone named Meer Campbell while they were still together. Athrun remained calm and tried to handle the situation as maturely as he could—or so he told me.

I didn't know what was truly going on with him and Meer. I didn't even know who she was. She was somehow related to Gilbert Dullindal, who was, like my father, often listed in business magazines for excellent practices. But I knew nothing about her personally. Athrun wouldn't tell me anything because Meer didn't mean anything to him—or so he convinced me. But I didn't exactly have a reason to doubt him, so I believed him—which was more than I could say for Yuna. He had started to avoid me like the plague, which went terribly for him because we lived together. I didn't want to think even worse of him, but he was acting very suspiciously.

After a tiring day at work, I told him I'd be meeting up with Athrun for dinner and will be coming back to the apartment a bit late. Usually he'd pick a fight because he would get insecure whenever I mentioned Athrun, but he had just told me to enjoy myself. He was being unreasonably nice, which was not very like him. After dinner, Athrun decided to walk me back home. That was when we walked into Yuna unceremoniously screwing his secretary, the pretty little brunette, in what was supposed to be our room, on what was supposed to be our bed.

My world had been turned upside down there and then and I felt nauseous. Athrun said that I had began throwing expletives around like candy on Halloween and that it was quite difficult to restrain me when I was trying to land a shiner on Yuna's smug face. But when Yuna told me not to tell his daddy about his infidelity else he'd find a way to ruin me, Athrun decided that he'd be the one to teach Yuna a lesson.

After leaving a bruised and bleeding Yuna on our apartment floor, Athrun grabbed my hand and led us out of the complex. I knew he was bringing me to his place; that was the only place we could go to anyway. It was only when he closed the door behind us that I began to break down. I wept freely as Athrun hugged me to his chest, and he didn't mind that I was ruining his dress shirt with my tears. He was the only one I could show such vulnerability to. Not even Kira had seen me cry as much as I did for my failed relationship with Yuna. Though I knew we were doomed from the beginning because he was so, so wrong for me, there was still a part of me that wished he would become better; that I could have made him better.

He was shushing me, cradling my neck and running his fingers through my hair—all this in an attempt to calm me down.

"You didn't love him, Cagalli," he reminded me, his voice soft and soothing in my ear. "Just let him go."

I knew in my head that I was supposed to agree, that Athrun had been right all this time about Yuna; but for some reason I was shaking my head.

"Cagalli—"

I didn't want to listen to him comforting me. I hated feeling pitied. My head was spinning and my heart was pounding, telling me to get off my pathetic ass and do something, anything. I pulled back and his hands slid down to the blades of my shoulder. I didn't know what was happening, but not a second later our lips were locked and my hands were running through his hair. It was probably a minute in when it dawned to me what I was doing. I shouldn't have been kissing Athrun. He was my closest friend. I had known him since we were children. I had just witnessed my boyfriend of two years cheating on me. And the excuses piled up in my head until I had gathered enough strength to push him away.

"I just want to go to bed," I found myself saying, but in actuality I was hardly drowsy. I walked back until I couldn't feel his skin on mine. I took slow steps until I reached the guest room, and I couldn't bring myself to look back at him in the living room. "Good night."

Meyrin wasn't the only one with regrets. If there was one night I could go back to, it would be that night; and not to relive seeing Yuna awkwardly sprawled over that poor girl. Though the two of them did get justice—and by that, I mean my father had the two of them fired and Unato, out of shame, sent his heir down to earth—I never really thought much of Yuna after that; I hardly felt a sting when I would remember how he had cheated on me. What mattered that night was the choice I had made when I walked out on the opportunity of starting something with Athrun.

The problem was that it was so hard for me to imagine us being anything more than friends. I was so comfortable with him that I didn't want to risk our friendship for something as flimsy as a relationship—and since the incident with Yuna happened less than an hour before our kiss, I was already traumatized; I couldn't help but imagine Athrun betraying me the same way. Though that could have been because I always got incredibly defensive whenever Yuna and I would separate. Athrun, as I knew him, would never stoop as low as Yuna had.

And there also remained the nagging thought that Athrun didn't love me. He'd just recently separated from Meyrin and was probably facing some pressure at his office. That was it, that was why he had kissed me back. He was just relieving tension. He didn't love me. Not back then, and definitely not now.

After Yuna's exile, I also left the company. My father wasn't too pleased with my decision, but he understood that I needed the time to myself. He signed off the check that would allow me to take some amount from my trust fund and turn it into capital for the café I was going to start in the city. It felt like I was starting all over again, where I could finally be honest with myself.

I didn't see Athrun for a while after that night. Neither of us tried to reach out to each other, and I reasoned to myself that his distance was because he was busy with work again. He had mentioned that he was personally picked by Talia Gladys-Dullindal to be part of a team that would lead the company's latest scientific exploits, so I didn't want to bother him when he was supposedly doing important stuff for the betterment of mankind. Meanwhile, I was also making myself busy by signing off documents and watching over the renovation of the space I was renting for my new venture. Before I knew it, it was weeks before we saw each other again; and when we finally did, he had a black-haired beauty hanging off his arm.

"Hi," she introduced herself, her voice eerily reminding me of Lacus's. "I'm Meer Campbell, Athrun's fianceé."

Note: Hello! This update came really early because I realized I was going to be busy for the next two weeks, so hopefully this is enough for you guys. This chapter is the longest so far and reveals more about what happened to Athrun and Cagalli. I have two exams scheduled and I really need a reason to not be stressed out. Leave a review and let me know what you thought of this chapter! :)