Chapter Four

The cleaners were gaining, the Doctor was gone, and I suddenly saw that we had nowhere else to run. We had come to a barred end that Hoggle was shaking with all his might.

I tried to help him, but it was stuck fast. "What I wouldn't give for the sonic! Let's try the Doctor's wall again!"

Hoggle and I beat against it. "Oh!" he spat. "The cleaners, the Bog of Stench! Your friend sure got his attention!"

The cleaners closed in, shaking the tunnel. And the wall collapsed underneath us.

I coughed in the dust on the ground, suddenly filled with well-being for everyone in the universe. I was alive. Hoggle was alive. We had gotten through, and—

No Doctor.

I stood up to look around properly. Over my shoulder, I watched the cleaners pass us, goblins pumping in the caboose. In front of us, a ladder went up to the surface. No Doctor.

"This is what we need—a ladder," said Hoggle, taking hold and pulling himself up. "Follow me."

I hesitated with my foot on the bottom rung. "I can't trust you. You were taking us back the beginning!"

"I wasn't. I told him that to throw him off the scent."

I gave a short, bitter laugh. "Why should I believe that?"

Hoggle shook his head at me wisely. "Let me put it this way. What choice do you have?"

I stuck out my tongue. "Ugh, a taste of the Doctor's medicine. You're right." I started to climb after him.

"See, you have to understand my position. I'm a coward, and Jareth scares me," he said to me over his shoulder.

"What kind of position is that?" I cried—then cried out again as a rung broke under Hoggle's foot and fell. I would give that step a wide berth.

"No position. That's my point."

"It's not as if he's repaid you for your slobbery." I shook my head and thanked God I wasn't afraid of heights. "In the end he just left you for the cleaners too."

"That's neither here nor there. You wouldn't be so brave if you'd ever smelled the Bog of Eternal Stench."

"But I am brave, and that's the main point. Besides, what's so bad about this Bog? Afraid of a little mud?"

He rolled his eyes. "Did you hear the rest? Eternal Stench. It's, it's, it's—yuck!"

"It just smells?" I said in a flat tone.

"Believe me, that's enough." He shivered. "But the worst thing is, if you put so much as a toe in the Bog of Stench, you'll smell bad the rest of your life. It'll never wash off."

"Ergo 'Eternal,'" I muttered. "I get it now."

Hoggle pushed his head out and breathed deeply. "Ahh!"

I swung my legs out the moment he was out of sight. We had come out of a giant urn back into the Labyrinth.

The entire time climbing, I'd pictured the Doctor at the top of the ladder, ready to pull me out. But I was wrong. All I saw were Ireland-green hedges and statues of people about various tasks—a soldier, a woman with a rolling pin.

"Here we are, then," said Hoggle. "You're on your own from now on."

"Wait, what?" I gasped. "But—I need you! I can't do this alone!"

He shrugged and started to walk away.

"Don't you dare quit and leave me, Hoggle!"

"I said I'd take you as far as I could," he said, looking away determinedly.

"You didn't take me anywhere. You wouldn't be here now if not for the cleaners, you nasty little cheat," I hissed, much like Gollum.

He held up his hands. "Now, don't try to embarrass me. I've got no pride."

The Doctor could have persuaded him. But I had no Doctor, just myself.

All right, don't panic. I'm not Adric, I told myself. Donna would stick up for herself. She would…

"Oh, yeah?" I snatched the cloth pouch hanging from his waist like a fanny pack and rattled it, hearing the jewels clinking inside. Others key-chained to the outside swung around, spots of colored light.

Hoggle grabbed for them, and I raised the pouch above his head. He jumped for it like a pathetic two-year-old. "But them's my jewels! Oh, you, give them back! Oh, give those back to me!"

As I danced around him, still dangling his jewels, I looked around. On my distant right was the castle. I pointed. "There's Tegan's prison. Which way should we two try?"

"Them's my rightful property!" Hoggle wailed, giving up on the jumping thing (which really wasn't working out). "It's not fair!"

"No, it isn't!" I said blithely. "Boo hoo for you."

"Ohhh," said an aged voice. I turned to see a heap of pieced-together robes climb into a stone seat and realized that a face lived underneath. This face sported a flabby nose, long white mustaches, and foggy round spectacles that weren't on the eyes but on the head.

The other thing on his head was yet more interesting. I suppose I can get away with calling it a hat, but for all the world it looked like a long-necked bird with a large black beak, yellow eyes, and a few red plumes.

"Hmm? Cor!" Hoggle jumped. (I didn't. I was getting used to this.)

The wise-looking man ignored Hoggle, drumming his long fingers. "Oh! A young girl!"

"Whoo hoo hoo!" hooted his hat. I blushed.

"Who's the other one?" asked the Wiseman, waving dismissively at Hoggle. Simultaneously, he held his hand out—I assumed to shake mine, but he kissed it instead.

"That's my friend Hoggle," I answered, distracted by the sudden attention.

"I've never been anyone's friend before," Hoggle interrupted, sounding puzzled.

I looked down at his sparsely-populated head. "You're not much of one either, but you're still here, aren't you?"

Granted, I had his most treasured possessions, but Hoggle didn't bring that up. He just stared off into the distance and mumbled to himself, "…I like that…"

I felt myself soften toward the little fellow, who had never had one friend. Ever. Even the Master couldn't claim that!

"What can I do for you?" asked the Wiseman.

"So what do you—" said his hat. The Wiseman coughed to shut it up, and the hat looked sullen.

"We have to get to the castle at the center of the Labyrinth," I recited. "Do you know the way?"

"Ah," said the Wiseman.

"Eh?" said the hat.

"Oh, yes. Huh," said the Wiseman. "You want to get to the castle?"

"How's that for brainpower?" sniggered the hat (I couldn't help agreeing).

"Don't make me shush you again!" snapped the Wiseman, to which the hat replied, "Aw, nuts."

The Wiseman cleared his throat, well, wisely. "So, young woman, the way forward is sometimes the way back."

I looked the way we'd come. It made sense in a Labyrinth to have to twist around, but that wasn't really the kind of answer I'd wanted. "Actually, I meant direct—"

Hoggle snorted. "Are you actually going to listen to this dung?"

"Will you please be quiet?" the Wiseman sniffed.

"C'mon, let him talk!" the hat said, looking delighted.

"PLEASE?" asked the Wiseman quite threateningly.

"All right, all right," said Hoggle.

"Okay?" asked the hat.

"Okay," Hoggle confirmed.

"All right," sighed the relieved Wiseman.

"All right! Sorry," said the hat, looking pityingly at Hoggle.

"Finished?" the Wiseman asked, cross again.

Hoggle squealed, "NOT IF YOU KEEP—"

"Yes, he's finished," I interrupted hastily. The last thing I needed was another enemy.

The Wiseman cleared his throat again. "Quite often, young lady, it seems as if we're not getting anywhere, when, in fact…"

"We are," the hat finished for him.

"We—are," the Wiseman repeated with annoyance, turning his brown-gold eyes upward into his thick white eyebrows. He must have utterly failed to look at the bird-hat.

I bit my lip, torn between frustration and weariness. "But we really aren't getting anywhere!"

"Ha! Join the club!" the hat squawked.

The Wiseman suddenly snored, and the bird blinked. "I, uh, think that's your lot. Please leave a contribution in the little box."

I stared at the dark wooden box the Wiseman held out and hesitated, beginning to pull a jewel out of the pouch.

"Don't you dare! Them's mine," Hoggle whined.

I let the cloth fall through my fingers and swing against my hip, telling the Wiseman and his hat, "I'm sorry. I don't have anything. Not even a plastic bracelet from the TARDIS."

Hoggle cleared his throat.Interestingly, though traveling in the TARDIS gave me delusions of grandeur equaling BAD WOLF, as far as worldly possessions on hand went, I was homeless.

"Gracias anyway, Señorita," said the hat, looking particularly disappointed. I wondered if, like the Doctor, it used foreign languages for kicks.

As Hoggle and I walked on, I sighed, "You could thank me for resisting temptation." I indicated his pouch.

He rolled his eyes and grunted, "Why would you give them anything when he didn't tell you nothin'?"

I looked around at the Labyrinth hedges and couldn't help feeling that Hoggle was dismally right. But I shrugged. "Loads of times kooky advice makes sense afterwards. I learned that from the Doctor."

The irony of this statement hit me. In amusement, I thought, Maybe Jareth is right about not being able to navigate without him. Everything I know, I learned from the Doctor.

The thought was surprisingly comforting. I wasn't about to let my hero down.

A hideous roar interrupted my thoughts. It sounded as if it was coming just around a couple of corners in the greenery.

"What is that?" I asked aloud, taking one step forward and two steps back.

"Yeeiahh!" it continued.

"Oh! Goodbye!" Hoggle turned and started running in the opposite direction on his short legs.

"Wait, Hoggle!" I called. "Remember how much you liked being my friend?" I felt desperate and managed to catch his arm. "Are you or not?"

"Nope! Hoggle ain't no one's friend!" he yelled, twisting his arm free. "He looks after himself, like everyone! Hoggle is Hoggle's friend!"

I stamped my foot as he got smaller and smaller, then vanished around the corner. "That's not the way the world has to work!" This, I thought while I gritted my teeth, was another thing the Doctor taught me. Somewhere in the universe, someone is willing to help you.

"Arrggh!" the unknown creature yelled.

I took a deep, angry breath. "I refuse to be the whiny coward. Things aren't ever what they seem here."

So, in my infinite teenage wisdom, I rounded the corner.

,.,.,.,.,.,.,..,.

All things considered, the landing was surprisingly soft. That is, no permanent damage.

I was in a dark, sandy tunnel with a low ceiling so I had to crouch. There was no light at all except where the trap door lay open. I wished that I could've reached up and closed it, but it was too far away. Ah, well. With any luck, Jareth won't notice I'm gone for quite some time.

For somebody with as bizarre a sense of humor and/or decorating as Jareth had, the tunnel was very nondescript. My guess was somebody else had built it. Or dug it.

So, basically, I just crawled for a while. It seemed so dull. No turns or corners or anything. I had to drop Lars at one point. Crawling on all fours with a screwdriver in your hand is not the most comfortable thing in the world. Then, very subtly, almost imperceptibly, the tunnel seemed to go more uphill. After what seemed like hours of breathing sand, I finally broke through to the surface. And what else would greet me after hours of escape, but Jareth's face.

I jumped back, startled, and slapped a hand over my mouth so I wouldn't scream. Then I frowned, turned my head, and almost laughed with relief. It was a series of rocks arranged so that if you looked at it at just the right angle, it would look like Jareth.

I'm beginning to think Napoleon had a Jareth complex, I thought, shaking my head in disbelief.

No sooner had I had this thought than I heard Jareth's voice. "Well, if it isn't you. What are you up to this time?"

I thought he really had caught me this time, and ducked behind the biggest of the rocks out of habit.

"Erm, nothing," a deep, gravelly voice responded nervously.

I slowly leaned up and peeked over the top of Jareth's rock nose. I saw Jareth (the real one), and what looked like a small, well, ugly little man. This must be that dwarf he mentioned, I thought. Hedwig, wasn't it?

The answer he gave didn't seem to satisfy the aforementioned king of goblins. "Nothing? Nothing? Nothing, tra-la-la?"

"Hmm," I murmured. Not the best idea when you're trying to hide, I know, but he said "Tra-la-la"! And it was the way he said it. It sounded... almost aggressive. When Jareth spoke to me, his voice was always so smooth, as if he was trying to, for lack of a better word, seduce me. Maybe he was, in a way.

No wonder Hedwig was terribly upset. "Uh, well, she, uh, they! Uh, gave me the slip, see," he sputtered. "But I think I hears them now, so I was about to lead her, uh them back to the beginning, like you told me."

This made me furious. They're talking about Grace and the Doctor, I thought. I flipping hate Jareth.

"I see," Jareth said in his aggravatingly calm voice. "For one moment, I thought you'd lost the Doctor. But no, not after my warnings. That would be stupid."

"You bet it would," said Hedwig, determined to agree with Jareth on everything. "Me? Lose the Doctor? After your warnings?" He laughed nervously. This pretty much meant he had lost the Doctor.

Apparently, Jareth thought so as well. "Oh dear. Poor Hoghead."

Hoghead?

"Hoggle!"

Ah...

"I've just noticed your lovely jewels are missing."

This, of course, meant nothing to me.

"Uh, oh, yes! So they are. My lovely jewels, stolen! By that girl, I bet. Well, I'd better go get them back. After I lead her, erm, them, to the beginning of the labyrinth."

"Wait," Jareth said, I suspect with a devilishly devious expression on his face. (Awesome alliteration, eh?) "I've got a much better plan. Give this to the Doctor."

I didn't dare sneak another peek, for risk of being seen. I wondered what it was.

"W-what is it?"

"It's a present."

Oh thanks, Jareth. Real descriptive, that.

"Will it hurt Grace?"

I frowned. Why should he care?

"Only if she eats it. Why the concern?"

Okay, narrows it down.

"I won't harm nobody," responded Hoggle. I pictured him with his arms folded, shaking his head as if to say, "No way."

"Come, Hogbrain! I'm surprised at you, losing your head."

"I ain't lost my head!"

"You don't think a young girl could like a repulsive little scab like you, do you?"

What exactly is Jareth implying? I wondered.

"Well, she said we was—"

"What? Bosom companions? Friends?"

"Ahh. Don't matter."

Huh. Grace made friends with an ugly, double-crossing dwarf. Good for her.

"You'll give her Doctor that, Hoggle, or I'll tip you straight into the Bog of Eternal Stench before you can blink!"

I snickered. Bog of Eternal Stench? Is that the best name he could come up with? Is that the best punishment he could come up with?

"Yes. Right."

Oddly enough, Hoggle's voice sounded as though this was a fate worse than death.

I heard one set of footprints leave and the usual silence that heralded Jareth's disappearance. I slowly peeked over the top of the rock again and saw a small pile of glitter. Or maybe it was goblin dust.

Right, I thought, trying to process everything I'd just witnessed. Hoggle the Ugly Dwarf is about to give the Doctor… something. Something edible… something poisoned. Crap. OH, crap!

I knew I had to warn the Doctor, but if he wasn't with Grace…

CRAP!

I stood upright, took in my surroundings, and started running without being sure where I was going.

Surely I can outrun a dwarf. I have to.

,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.

Imagine a street framed by hedges on one side and by vine-clung stones on the other for a mental image of the courtyard I was hiding on the edge of.

Now imagine the tutu-toting elephant from Sesame Street…

Psych!

What I actually was saw a furry red giant dangling by his feet from ropes above armored goblins. This monster long, limp flaps for ears and forward-sticking horns like a bull's. Strictly, he wasn't quite red or exactly furry—but everywhere he was covered with grey-red-orange hair except on his feet, hands, and face, which were grey-skinned. The goblins soldiers were poking at the moaner with their spears and taunting him. Actually, I realized, the spears were sticks with ugly pink critters on the end, and these were biting the alien/beast.

The Doctor would hate that, I thought. More to the point, I hated it. The poor beast was huge and shaggy, but rather sort of adorable, and he was in pain.

For a moment I started to turn away and leave the creature. Don't judge me too harshly; time was running out. The Doctor was out there somewhere, and we needed to meet up to find Tegan. But then the beast turned his almost rectangular, grey-skinned face and looked straight into my eyes with his small eyes.

Remember what I said about someone, anyone, trying to help you? I decided then that even though Hoggle wouldn't be that person to me, I would be that person to the tormented, tied-up creature. The Doctor had been that person so many times, and if I didn't want to be his puppy, could I at least be a girl after his hearts?

Still looking at me, the creature opened his cavernous mouth. I saw upturned fangs and a wide tongue. But his cries changed key. The beast was—singing?

A rock rolled up and tapped my foot. Without a second thought, I scooped it up and flung it. It hit a goblin helmet so perfectly that the helmet spun around, blinding the goblin.

Mind you, I can't hit a trash can with a crumpled paper. It almost seemed as if magic guided the rock, which wouldn't have surprised me a bit.

More rocks rolled up to me, and soon I incapacitated all the goblins without actually hurting anyone—I figured the Doctor would appreciate that whenever I found him again. The goblins ran off, squealing.

Characteristically incautious, I ran to the rope holding up the creature. He watched me with melancholy eyes. "I'm a friend," I told him hastily, untying the knot.

I had meant to lower him gently, but his weight tore the rope from my hands (ouch!), and he landed hard, and not on his feet.

"Sorry, sorry!" I cried, trying to help him up. "Are you hurt? Can you talk?"

He blinked. "Frrriennd," he said, voice deep and somehow comforting.

I giggled. "Yeah. You're just a big sweetheart, aren't you? My name's Grace."

"Lu-do." He carefully pronounced each syllable.

"That's lovely." We studied each other for a moment, both grinning rather foolishly. "Well, I've got to find my friend—s. Now I'm missing two." I sighed.

"Lu-do help Grrrace find frrriennd-zz."

I found myself ruffling his red fur. "Aw, thanks, Ludo!" And because I am a spontaneous and easily disarmed person, I asked, "Can I hold your hand? I have a habit of losing friends in the Labyrinth."

"Better idea," he said, putting his two-fingered, single-thumbed hands around my waist and dropping me onto his head. Such gorilla-like arms made the lifting effortless. His shoulders (or even his hips) would have made me do the splits.

"This is a better idea, except that I'm backwards." I swayed to keep my balance as Ludo turned. "Nope, sorry, still backwards. Wait! I can see the Doctor's hair from here! DOCTOR!" I shouted, waving furiously.

He jumped up and down, just enough to see me, adding a word each time. "Garace?" Jump. "You—"jump—"grew!"

"Come meet my BFF Ludo!"

"Coming!" Jump. "Stay—" jump—"right—" jump—"there!"

I decided to stay put for once. While we waited, I swung my legs around and explained the Tegan/center of the Labyrinth situation to Ludo. He had one of those faces to which I wanted to blurt out my heart.

As always, the Doctor arrived at a run. "Garace, you found a Rocksinger! What's your name, big boy? Ludo? Piacere, Ludo! You big, hairy, really sort of—"

"Adorable, I know," I laughed.

"Where's Hoggle?"

"Ludo scared him off," I sighed, then brightened. "But he's bound to come back."

"Don't tell me he's your BFF now too," the Doctor said scornfully.

"Well…" I thought of what he'd said when we met the Wiseman. "I meant I took these from him." I brandished the jewels.

"Oho, Garace!" The Doctor's grin forced itself into a scowl. "I completely disapprove."

I'd seen it before ("The Next Doctor" ring any bells?) and just stared him down.

He sniffed, stuffing his hands in his pockets. "Well—I suppose, just this once—I can overlook it."

I smirked. "Oh, goody. In the meantime, I've been telling Ludo about Tegan."

"Lu-do help Grrrace find frrriennd."

"Brilliant," the Doctor said, but the excitement left his voice. "Probably'll turn out to be another Hoggle. I hate being deserted."

"Ludo help Grrrace!" Ludo insisted. "Grrrace Ludo's frrriennd."

The Doctor narrowed his eyes at me. "What have you been doing, Garace?"

I shrugged from atop Ludo's head. "Oh, nothing much. Cough throwing rocks cough. This and that. Cough rescuing Rockslingers cough. The usual. Cough being marvelous cough."

"It's Rocksingers, actually. Because they—"

"All in a day's work. Cough doing you proud again cough. Say thank you?"

The Doctor grinned. "Fine, Ludo can come. Question is, can he handle the running?"

A/N from Zoe: Ludo is my favorite character. : )