Hey all,
I'm back, though sadly now that my travels have come to an end, now is the time I have to knuckle down and find a real job:( In the meantime, I managed to squeeze out this chapter. Hopefully you are all still interested and like:)
It was a little after midnight when we eventually left Jaspers.
Both Emmett and I were worn out after the past few days. We rode home in relative silence, as I sat collecting my own thoughts.
I don't think Emmett could take any more of my moaning, and besides that, there was not much left to say anyway.
Like it always did, talking with Jasper helped. Finally getting things of my chest soothed my concerns that I was going crazy. I mean it was hardly rational to be head over heals after one afternoon, right?
But as Jasper had said, love wasn't that simple. It could hit at any moment. He should know, he and Alice were living proof of that.
And whilst the depth of my feelings towards a girl I hardly even knew, was slightly terrifying and completely foreign to me, I couldn't deny that letting it all out had eased some of my concerns.
When I woke up the next morning, it was with a fresh and positive attitude. I was determined not to worry, or over think -as I had the tendency to do. Instead I had to be patient. Slow and steady wins the race, so the saying goes.
Plus, it wasn't like I could start chasing Bella now anyway. I wasn't lying to her when I said I was too busy for a girlfriend right now.
I was due back in LA the following day for the premier of my latest release, and then would be back to finishing the filming of my current project. It was a pretty gruelling schedule, but once that was complete I would be back in London and free to really set my sights on Bella.
I was busy packing a few final things into my suitcase, when my phone started ringing. Seeing the called ID, I cautiously answered, keeping it a safe distance from my ear.
"Hello Alice." I smiled, waiting for that chirpy voice to puncture my eardrums. Alice was way too cheerful in the mornings. It was plain unnatural.
So she surprised the hell out of me, when all I got was a simple "hello Edward" in response.
The silence that followed, was very unlike Alice. Usually I had to fight to get a single word in with her on the other line. Something must have been off!
I was just about to question her when she beat me to me.
"I must say I am very disappointed in you Cullen. Keeping secrets from your friend. I am deeply hurt and offended," she said, feigning hurt.
"Excuse me?" I asked slightly taken aback.
"You've met someone!" She squealed, and in the process nearly deafened me.
"Damn Jasper," I muttered. I should have known he wouldn't be able to keep his mouth shut, especially when probed by Alice.
"Don't curse him. You're the one holding back on me. I'm happy for you, really I am, but why wasn't I told? And what about my friend, she'd be perfect for you!"
"Not that old story again," I interrupted, fisting a hand in my wayward hair. A few months back Alice had wanted to play matchmaker with one of her single friends. It didn't quite work out.
"That was months ago and noting ever came of it."I argued back.
"I still haven't given up," she stubbornly declared. She paused momentarily before her next onslaught of questioning began.
"So what's she like then, this mystery girl. Is she smart? I bet she's is, and pretty too. She better be good enough for you."
I smiled to myself. Bella was certainly good enough, too good if the truth be told.
"She's special Ali. She's different ….." I paused as Leah walked in, with a scowl on her face.
"Look Alice I have to go."
"Oh no you don't. Don't you dare try fobbing me off Edward!"
"No really Alice I have to. Before I do, Jasper mentioned you will be in New York at the end of the month. I'm heading there around that time. Maybe we could meet up then?" I offered, hoping to distract her somewhat.
"Yeah that would be wonderful,"she beamed. I could hear her excitement in her voice.
"I'll check my schedule and get back to you." I promised.
"You better, we have much to talk about," she cheerfully declared. I stifled a groan at the thought of her face to face interrogation.
"Goodbye Alice."
"Bye Edward, and keep me updated," she ordered, before the line went dead.
I turned around to find Leah looking at me with the same pissed off glare she had when she walked in.
"You cant afford to have any distractions, especially now that things are taking off," she said all business like.
"Alice is a friend, and I will meet her if I want to," I firmly responded.
"I wasn't talking about Alice and you know it!" She glared at me, before turning on her heels and storming off.
Returning back to LA was more difficult than I thought it would be. Despite the distraction of today's premier I was less than enthusiastic about the prospect of a night under the spotlight. If I am honest, I had felt that way since the day we left England. It was like I was missing something, or someone, but I tried not to dwell on that too much.
Despite my hopes of putting all thoughts of Bella to one side, I was pretty fucking miserable. Thankfully I was able to cover my emotions well.
In the meantime, I was busy reading through one of the latest scripts I received just this week, when Emmett joined me in the living room.
"Here I thought you might want to read this," he announced, shoving a newspaper in my hands and heading back into the kitchen.
"Page 10," he said with a smirk.
Intrigued, I skipped the front few pages, eagerly heading towards whatever had Emmett so animated.
My heart stopped dead in my chest, the second my eyes fell upon the main heading.
The real Edward Cullen, by Isabella Swan.
Stupidly, it never occurred to me to search out Bella's article. Boy was I distracted of late.
I stared at the article for a few seconds in apprehension. Now with it in front of me, I was both curious and slightly concerned about what she may have wrote. The real Edward Cullen – shit! What did she think of me?
There was only one way to find out...
As I began reading, my eyes widened in joy. Her article was well written, funny, sweet, but most of all honest. I must have been reading it the 5th time, when Emmett joined me on the sofa. He flipped the TV on, before arching a knowing eyebrow.
"It seems you made quite the impression yourself," he said, sinking his teeth into the enormous bacon sandwich he had brought in with him.
The shrill ringing of my phone put a stop to any response I may have had. Jumping up, I quickly pulled the phone out of my pocket, and headed for some peace and quiet.
"Hey mom," I said, making my way inside the kitchen. We had a few minutes of small talk about our flight over and general chit chat before she brought up this evenings main event.
"Are you excited about the premier? I've seen all the preparations on the TV," she beamed. Though I could hear the enthusiasm in her voice, it shouldn't have surprised me. She was proud of everything I had ever achieved.
"Yeah it should be a good night," I replied, trying to sound genuinely excited. Obviously I failed.
"Are you okay son? You seem a little distant."
"I'm just tired that's all." It was partially true.
"Edward ..."I could sense the concern in her voice.
"Mom I'm fine," I interrupted. "Honestly, its nothing that a nights good sleep wont cure," I said, hoping to pass it off as nothing more than a bit of delayed jet lag.
"If you say so." She agreed, but I knew she wasn't buying it for one minute. There was not a lot that got past her.
"Oh before I go, I happened to come across something in newspaper today."
"Argh mom what have I told you about that crap!" I rubbed my head in aggravation.
"No, listen here it was nothing scandalous. Just a nice little article I came across."
"Oh really." I played dumb,knowing full well which article she meant.
"Don't play coy with me, son. Is this not the girl that had you all worked up last week?"
"Worked up!" I muttered, shaking my head in disbelief.
"Yes you were. It seems like the feeling was mutual," she cheerful declared.
"She was doing her job that all. She was hardly gonna make me out to be horrible."
"Trust me Edward, words can only go so far, and she was more than complimentary. She sounds smitten."
An awkward silence fell between us. I didn't know what to say. Was she right? Did Bella have any feelings towards me whatsoever?
"Mom please I have to go now," I said as the silence dragged on.
"Okay dear, but you should really thank her for writing such nice things."
It wasn't a bad point. Now why didn't I think of that.
"How?" I shyly asked.
"Girls like a bit of good old fashioned romance. Try sending her some flowers, or a letter,"she offered.
Flowers would be too much. I didn't want to appear like the love sick fool that I was. Instead I would settle for a simple letter.
"Fine, I will speak to you later. Love you."
"Love you too son. Take care."
As soon as I got off the phone I went straight over to my desk, seeking out a piece of paper and an envelope, before I had time to change my mind. Grabbing the nearest pen, I took a moment to compose my words before scribbling down a simple message.
Bella...
It was nice meeting you. I enjoyed our time together.
Hopefully our paths will cross again soon.
Thank you for such a complimentary piece!
Yours Edward x
It was nothing earth shattering or monumental, but it was a start. Thankfully I already had Alice's work address, so that would save me from having to go through Leah or Emmett.
I had not long returned to Emmett, when again my phone vibrated. This time it was Alice.
Thanks again for doing that favour for me.
The piece was a hit! You're my hero.
PS: Do you have anything to tell me yet? Update soon.
xxxx
I quickly text a reply back to keep her happy.
Glad I could be of service.
Sadly no news yet :(
E xx
The rest of the day was a bit of a blur, amongst all the preparations and a last minute panic about of all things, what suit I would be wearing. At least it made the day pass quickly and before I knew it we were on our way.
One minute I was in limo, the next I was making my way down the red carpet, through blinding flash lights. I put on my best smile and after signing as many autographs as possible, headed through to the screening. This was always my least favourite part. I always found it so incredibly awkward to watch myself on screen, especially when you know you're being judged for it.
The after party was more of the same over the top extravagance. In truth I hated such fancy gatherings, because they were full of all my fellow celebrities, industry big wigs and pleaser's.
There is so much focus and myth that such events are glamorous and prestigious, but ultimately it is usually just a room full of fake people, all of whom are there for themselves. Needless to say I left before midnight, much to Leah's disgust.
With the premier our of the way, I was back to the job I actually got paid for. Filming started last week and since then it had been relentless and downright exhausting. It would be much of the same story for the next few weeks, as we tried to stick to schedule.
Yet despite the distraction, I felt more and more isolated and unhappy as the days passed. Trying to keep bella to the back of my mind was pretty hard work. Though I had thought I was covering it well, it seems I had been driving Emmett crazy. We had just finishing dinner when he finally snapped.
"That's it, I've had enough of you're moping! We are going out," he announced.
He stood up with hands folded across his chest, in a clear you will do as I say stance. I stared back at him blankly. The last thing I wanted right now was to go out.
It seems Emmett was having none of it. "It will take your mind off whatevers got you in such a mess."
Though I tried to protest, 20 minutes later I somehow found myself ready and waiting for our ride into town.
That didn't mean I was happy about it, but hey it couldn't hurt. For one thing, I could use the distraction.
Needless to say, I was in a fairly bad mood on the ride to the club, and when we got there my fowl mood only increased,even after we skipped the line and headed to the VIP section.
Ah, clubs, there always the same. The atmosphere was sweaty, loud,and lusty, everything you'd expect, even at an exclusive club. It was full of your typical Friday night crowd; few too many drinks, all out for a good time. Shame I had left the party spirit at home.
Emmett handed me a drink just as his phone started ringing. He downed his drink in one, I followed shortly after when he headed outside to take the call.
In his absence I ordered another shot of the strongest thing possible. It went down well, far too well. I was on my second and third in the space on a couple of minutes.
If I thought drinking would help numb the pain it failed. Miserably.
I kept drinking, but if anything, it only made me think more about the person I had desperately been trying to avoid thinking of. To make matters worse, it didn't help that everywhere I looked, there were brown haired disappointments. Truth was, no one lived up to Bella. How could they? She was unique.
I sighed, sinking further into my seat. I had switched back to JD after the last shot burned particularly badly, and once again my thoughts returned straight to Bella.
She had probably not even thought of me once since that day. Even after I sent the damn letter off, I got no response. Swallowing another gulp of Jack, I imagined that right now she was probably out having a good time, laughing, smiling and blushing that adorable way only she could.
And here I was, completely enthralled by her, left alone staring at a half empty glass. Fucking pathetic.
My mood hit an all time low when I noticed a group of girls whispering and staring at me. I knew where this was going. As one member of the group approached, I studied her, but felt nothing whatsoever. Don't get me wrong, she was undeniably pretty, gorgeous even. She was tall, slim, with a great body, and long blonde hair and perfect skin.
She was most guys dream, but not to me. Sadly she was no Bella.
I vaguely registered her talking, but couldn't concentrate enough on what she was even saying. Normally I tried to be polite, but tonight I felt too drained to even be civil.
All I wanted was to sit on my own. Obviously she didn't pick up on that, and she continued to flirt outragously with me. When she reached her hand out to my arm, I pushed her away the second it made contact.
"Look you're just not my type. I prefer brunettes" I said, not even attempting to mask my disinterest.
For a moment, she appeared taken aback, but thankfully she got the message, and sauntered off towards her next target.
Emmett took that moment to return. He eyed me curiously before he spoke. "A bit blunt there weren't you?"
I shrugged and ordered up another drink, knocking it back almost instantly.
"Your on the hard stuff too," he commented, inspecting my glass.
"So," I replied, trying to act indifferent.
"So you gonna tell me what's up? You've been on edge all week."
"Its nothing," I replied, swaying a bit in my seat.
He shot me a warning look. "Edward, I've known you since we were 10 years old. We both know that isn't true."
"I don't wanna talk about it." Besides, I really didn't think he needed to watch me fall apart.
"You're not going anywhere till you get it off your chest. I for one, am sick of your whinny ass hanging around the place like someone killed your cat. Now talk!" He encouraged, completely unaware of the monster he was unleashing.
Emmett looked alarmed when I took another large swig of my drink,so I took another gulp just to spite him.
"Its Bella." I sighed.
"She's the chic from the newspaper?"I could only nod back.
"Might have know it be woman related," he muttered under his breath.
Looking up he appeared sympathetic and for some reason that bugged the hell out of me.
"I get that you like her but get over it already." He made it sound so easy.
I had had far too much to drink by this point. My head was fuzzy, my vision blurry at best. I could even hear myself slurring each and every word. But I didn't care, I was smiling in-spite of my turmoil.
"You don't understand. I cant. Even if I wanted too. She's perfection. No, wait, she's more than perfection. She absolutely amazing, and funny and beautiful and smart. Did I mention she is beautiful and completely perfect. She has the ability to make my heart stop with just one simple look."
Emmett was cringing besides me. "You don't even know her," he interrupted, looking at me like I had quite possibly lost my mind.
"I know enough to know that I want to spend the rest of my life with her."
"Oh please!"
"No I mean it. The first time I saw her it was like there was suddenly this pounding in my chest." I thumped my chest as if to emphasise the point, and only succeeded in knocking over the glasses that were in front of us.
Emmett was quick to clear up the mess, whilst I slumped back in my chair.
"You know what the saddest, worst, most gut wrenching part is?"I asked to no one in particular. By this point Emmett looked even more alarmed than I had ever seen him before.
"She is an angel, and I am someone who doesn't even come close."
"I'm pathetic," I shouted, slamming down my now empty glass.
"No your drunk."
"Truth is, I will never be good enough for her." I carried on regardless of how desperate I sounded.
"Enough!" Emmett pounded his fist on the table, the vibration enough to rattle what glasses were left there.
"I have had it up to here with all this self loathing crap. And I'm sick to fucking death of hearing about how perfect Bella is. Now, you're not allowed to mention her again tonight. We clear?" his voice was firm.
"Whatever." I grumbled. I was about to order another drink, when he swiped my glass right out of my hands.
"Oh no you don't, you've had more than enough already! We are leaving now," he announced, reaching out and taking a firm grip on my arm. I felt myself being lifted out of my seat, but I couldn't protest even if I wanted too. My legs felt like jelly, my head was throbbing, and my eyes were shot to shit.
I tried to reach up to shield my eyes from the blinding light, but my arms failed me. So instead I closed them for a spilt second. I would just close them for a minutes...
The next morning I woke with the hang over of all hangovers. I spent a while in bed nursing my bruised ego and pounding headache. All I wanted to do was bury myself in a hole and never resurface, but eventually I had to face the music.
I sat up quickly, my head spinning from the fast movement. I rubbed my tired eyes as I got up, and managed the short walk into the living room before collapsing on the sofa. At least the room wasn't spinning anymore, as I vaguely recalled it had been when we returned home the previous night.
Moments later Emmett appeared in the kitchen doorway. He offered me a knowing nod, whilst I cringed at the memory of the brief therapy session I inflicted on him.
He came over balancing a couple of mugs, a bowl of cereal and a small pieces of paper. He handed me what I strongly suspected was a receipt of last nights carnage.
Looking down cautiously, I inspected the damage and nearly choked.
So much for last night taking my mind off things. All I got was a rotten hangover and a pretty impressive bar tab.
"Jeez I didn't realise I had that much,"I said in disbelief.
"I told you to slow down. You're lucky you didn't give yourself alcohol poisoning," he scolded.
"Here," he said, handing over a much needed cup of coffee.
Suddenly I felt the need to apologise."Sorry I went all crazy on you last night," I offered.
"Its cool." he shrugged of my apology. "You moving on now?"
I didn't answer straight away. For one thing I knew I couldn't make any promises.
Because, despite last nights drunken ramblings, my feelings towards Bella hadn't changed. All it had showed, was that this creepy obsession was getting me nowhere. There was nothing I could do from half way round world to make her mine. That didn't mean I was giving up- it just meant I would have to wait until I was home, and hopefully get a return on that favour Alice owed me.
"I cant explain it, but I cant let go."
"Thought as much," he replied smiling, before his face suddenly turned serious.
"Just promise to never pull any shit like last night on me ever again. You're lucky there were no paps around. Leah would have strung you up if that little spectacle had made it in the papers!"
"No shit." I could picture the roasting Leah would have given me. I was hardly in her good books as it was.
"You good now?"Emmett asked.
"I'm good," I replied honestly. In spite of the slight queezyness in my stomach, I had reached a milestone. From now on there would be no more moping and pining.
"Well okay then. You better get your shit together, cos we have a busy couple of weeks ahead of us before we get to go home."
It couldn't come fast enough.
Not too whiny and depressing I hope?
Review, if you want me to continue with this story.
xxxx