10
I had just graduated from medical school and planning my big move to Forks for my internship when Alice called me in the middle of the work day. I enjoyed living close to her and Jasper and it saved me from being alone on many holidays.
I studied constantly and had little time for any sort of social life. I had also grown up emotionally and cringed whenever Alice or Jasper mentioned Bella and the whole gay episode. I never looked back anymore and truly hoped Bella was happy and doing well professionally.
I pulled my phone from my pocket and answered with a smile, "Shouldn't you be working?" I teased Alice.
"You are going to just die, Edward. Oh my God, you won't believe what I found out," she said in a very dramatic fashion that was typical of Alice.
"Okay, kill me," I said and hoped she would get right to the point.
"Guess who is going to be on our show?"
"Brad Pitt," I said, knowing how much she loved him.
"No, Bella Swan," she said and my entire body turned numb. I had no idea why a major talk show would have Bella on as a guest. I hadn't heard anything newsworthy about her, but I spent most of my time with my nose in a book.
"Why Bella?" I asked with a strained voice.
"She wrote a book about turning a gay guy straight," she laughed. "I had to read it for research and she is so talking about you. I mean, she gives really, really, personal details. Jasper is going to shit his pants," she said and I really wanted to cry.
"How does she figure she turned me straight?" I asked in fear.
"Hum….maybe it was the fact you screwed Jessica and Lauren for most of the semester after you moved out. Did you really think she wouldn't be watching?" Alice asked.
"So she wrote a stupid book, why would she be on the show?" I asked and prayed it had nothing to do with what she wrote.
"Because GLADD and tons of support groups are having a fit about what she wrote, so we are having a huge moral discussion about it with opposing sides. She'll be the first guest to start the firestorm," Alice explained.
"This has nothing to do with homosexuality Alice, the whole book is a lie because we were playing each other. You have to do something to end the charade, this discussion can't happen," I said in fear.
"Are you willing to come on the show and confront her, let everyone know the truth?" she asked.
"Are you fucking kidding me? No way," I yelled at her.
"Then the discussion goes on. I can't go to my producers and say the guy she changed was never gay but I can't prove it."
"Shit," I said in frustration.
"Edward, you have to come forward. You can't have parents believing their kids can be screwed by a pretty girl and suddenly turn straight. You have an ethical responsibility to come forward," she said with a serious voice I never heard Alice use before.
"Can I be on the phone?"
"No," she said emphatically. "She can say it isn't you, you have to show up in person. Tell the world how she played you for a thesis paper so you played her back. You won't seem like a prick, she will."
I sat silently as I worked through my options and she added something else to think about. "If you come on, Jasper will have to come on, too. How do you think it makes me feel knowing my husband is going to be humiliated on national television."
"He didn't do anything," I said quickly and she laughed loudly making me cringe. I could tell she knew more than she knew before and I suddenly wanted to get a look at that book.
"You made Bella believe he did stuff and boy was her imagination fertile."
"Alice, you have to do a tour of The Colony so people understand what an amazing place it is," I said to help my cause.
"Hey, did you know she never had a step dad, the place was provided by the school for her research. You can make all kinds of shit out of that," she said and I realized how completely I had been fooled by Bella.
"Set it up," I said in anger.
"Seriously, you can't back out Edward, if we go national with this and you wuss out I'll lose my job."
"Do it," I said, "And get me a copy of that damn book."
I spent the next two weeks reading and dying of humiliation. It looked so much worse reading it on the written page. I took notes and wrote rebuttals to all the passages that looked so damning. It was the first time I got to see her side of the story and I realized she felt more for me than she admitted.
Her honesty was refreshing when she was talking about herself, but when it came to my actions I cussed her openness. I got a few calls from Jasper and ignored them. I knew exactly what he wanted to say and the names he wanted to call me, I didn't need to actually hear them.
I had to trust in Alice and when she called with a show date I sucked up my pride and went to their house to see them. Jasper answered the door and walked away without saying a word. I sat down and looked at Alice beaming and Jasper huddled angrily on the edge of the couch.
"So what's the game plan?" I finally asked.
"Okay, we're bringing Bella out first and let her tell her side of the story. We'll go on the tour of The Colony and then come back to the tapping of the show."
"Wait, shouldn't I be there for the tour, you know, to point out things that made the place so amazing," I begged.
"No, we're showing a dorm room first and then comparing it to The Colony," she explained and I nodded my approval. "We are not letting Bella know you are at the show, so after she is pressed about the data we'll bring you out."
"So I just confess I'm straight and that's it?" I asked with hope.
"You have to admit you tried to convince her you were gay and explain why, then talk about finding out about the paper she was writing so we came up with a way to ruin her data. But, Edward you can't let tears or anything get to you. Keep your cool and just talk truthfully."
"So why does Jasper have to come?" I asked.
"Exactly," he yelled angrily.
"Because it is your word against hers unless you have someone to back you up, and just so you know we are flying Lauren in, too," she announced as if I would be angry.
"Really?" I asked with a smile. I could use some familiar company and planned on spending some quality time with her.
"Yeah, but she's married and pregnant," she said and laughed at the look on my face.
I glanced at Jasper and struggled with what I needed to tell Alice so he shook his head, telling me to keep quiet. "It might help," I said to him and Alice looked back and forth between the two of us.
"What?" she asked.
"I have a video of me and Bella…in bed," I said and Jasper groaned loudly.
"Oh God," Alice said, "She doesn't know does she?"
I shook my head and finally said, "It would help her cause, not mine."
She looked at Jasper again and I could tell she was hoping she wasn't going to hear anything disturbing about her husband. She didn't ask me anything and I knew I had to be totally honest and hope she decided the show was a bad idea. "I had sex with Bella and then asked her not to tell Jasper. I have it all on the disk. I was trying to give her hope she could use her data and then crush the hope after getting everything on tape. Jasper came over and we had her totally convinced I chose him over her."
"Well, if she brings up anything about that night you might have to bring up the recording. Is there anything on there that could show you are straight, besides the actual sex with a woman?"
"I haven't watched it," I admitted.
"Well, I'm going to have to watch it, and I want to thank you in advance for ruining my sex drive for months," she said and Jasper glared at me further.
"Or thank me for giving you some idea's for Jasper," I teased and he threw the butt of his cigarette at me.
Alice picked up a sheet of paper from the coffee table and handed it to me. "Here's your call sheet and a driver will pick you up. Send me the tape and we'll see you on Monday," she said and I stood to leave.
We all walked to the door and I felt such a sense of foreboding. I was nervous but knew it was something I had to do. I also knew I was going to catch hell from many gay rights groups for pretending to be gay for gain, but I was going to be apologetic and hope there wouldn't be too much fall out.
I really hoped my maturity and the fact I was now much more sympathetic to their cause would help to temper the anger from the activists, but I knew Bella's anger was going to be another matter. This was so much more than destroying her thesis paper, this was taking away her credit as an author, and it was all over a stupid apartment.
I also had to admit there was a part of me really excited to see her again. As much as we tried to play each other I really had developed feelings for her and wanted to believe she had done the same, at least that was what she wrote in her book.
It was stupid to think we could reconnect after what I was about to do to her, but the male in me, which would never seem to grow up, wanted to believe we could go to dinner, laugh about the experience and end up in bed. The more likely scenario was being stabbed by her during the show and left for dead.
I went shopping for a decent suit to wear for the show and settled on a light grey fitted suit with a silver shirt and tie. I got a haircut and manicure and grew more nervous as the day quickly approached.
I woke up Monday morning with a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. I drank a cup of coffee and ate just a bit of cantaloupe because I was too nervous to eat anything else. I got dressed and met the limo in front of my building. A production assistant sat forward and held out her hand.
"Hi, I'm Heidi. You'll go to makeup when we arrive and then be sequestered in a back room," she explained.
"I won't see the first part of the show?" I asked.
"Yeah, you'll have a monitor to watch, we just don't want other guests running into you beforehand. We want everything to be a surprise," she said with a smile.
I wondered if she had read the book and couldn't look her in the eyes. I didn't understand why I would be kept from Jasper and Lauren; they were supposed to be on my side. I felt maybe the show had something they were going to spring on me and I hated the thought of it.
We pulled in front of the building and I was ushered inside and taken down a back hallway and into a small room where I was asked to remove my shirt. I sat in a chair as they applied makeup to my face and neck and then whisked away to a room with drinks and a tray of foods.
I couldn't sit still and paced nervously back and forth. When Alice entered the room I gasped in relief. She gave me a quick hug, making sure not to mess up my makeup and told me to sit down.
"Just relax, Edward. Try to have fun with it all and don't come off as self righteous or confrontational. But I want you to be totally honest with me about something, okay?" she asked.
I knew there was something else. I could feel it when I got into the limo and hoped Alice was here to warn me. I swallowed and nodded for her to continue.
"I watched the video," she said hesitantly and I suddenly became afraid she was going to tell me I fucked like a gay man or something. "To me it appeared…well, I guess I should just ask outright."
"Come on, Alice, you have me worried here," I said with a tight voice.
"I think you and Bella fell in love with each other," she said and leaned over to look at my eyes as I lowered my head.
"That's preposterous," I said softly.
"That wasn't just sex, Edward. That was two people giving everything they had to please one another. Actually, it was more than that, it was, God, this sounds so crazy, but it was making love."
I stared at my hands and shook my head back and forth. I didn't want to admit she was right because it meant I tried to destroy someone who possibly loved me. We were attracted to one another and felt a sexual pull toward each other, which was how Bella worded it in her book.
I had feelings for her but it wasn't love…was it? The show was starting in less than ten minutes and Alice just pulled the ground out from under me. I regretted ever agreeing to this whole thing. She stood to leave and I waited for her to turn on the monitor before I asked.
"Where's Jasper?"
"He's in my office, do you want me to send him in here?" she asked.
"Yeah, that would be great," I said with a sigh of relief.
She left the room and a few minutes later Jasper opened the door and walked in. He was dressed in a suit coat and tie and I hoped nobody thought we would make a good couple. He sat on the couch and we turned to look at each other.
"I'm wishing I never agreed to this," I said with nerves.
"Too late," he answered and we both looked at the monitor to see a producer talking to the crowd.
The host of the show was introduced. She was in her late forties and wore heavy makeup but an attractive woman all the same. She had a slight southern accent that only came out on a few words. She seemed friendly and unassuming, which was exactly why her show was so popular. She teased with the audience for a moment and the taping began.
"Hello," she said with a big smile, "And welcome to the Mary Gentry show. Today we have a very sensitive topic regarding homosexuality and if it is something that can be changed. Dr. Bella Swan, PhD. wrote the book, My Brother's Keepher, get it?" she laughed, "Keep-her."
The audience applauded and the taping stopped to move a camera to a different position and apply some powder to Mary's face. I thought it would be like a live show and the interruptions were driving me crazy.
She finally began filming again and walked through Bella's resume, which was quite impressive and said, "Let's bring out Dr. Swan."
The crowd clapped as they were instructed and Bella walked onto the stage.
11
My heart went right to my throat at the sight of her. She was still beautiful and looked exactly as I thought she would. Her hair was a bit shorter and straightened and her face was more defined giving her the look of a woman instead of a student.
She smiled and I could tell she was nervous. I wanted to steal her away and save her from what was coming and Jasper could read my thoughts. "Don't go easy on her, Dude, she used you."
I only nodded and couldn't force my eyes from her. Mary welcomed her and asked some generic questions and the only thing I heard was the fact Bella's fiancé was here with her. I let my eyes finally move away from her and I felt a sense of loss.
The discussion finally moved to the book. Bella began explaining the reason for performing the experiment and how it was all part of her research. She talked about searching for the right guy and how he had to be sexually active and in a committed relationship. I shook my head at the lies she was telling.
The filming stopped and Mary gave a few takes for commercial breaks so I stood and began pacing. Heidi opened the door and motioned for me to follow her. I felt like I was glued to my spot and couldn't move. Jasper stood and came over to encourage me.
"Edward, don't get played again," he said and it was just what I needed to hear. Bella wasn't someone I loved and was going to hurt. She played me and was angry she got played in return. I wasn't even sure she believed what she wrote and may have done it out of revenge.
I followed Heidi down the hallway and could hear the tape running of The Colony tour. I stood behind a fiberglass wall and waited for my introduction. When the tour ended they took another break to bring out another chair and then Mary said, "Dr. Swan we have a guest here who can confirm or deny your assertions in your book."
"I am well aware of the critics of my book, but I also want to point out they have their own political agenda's to protect, so I don't consider them objective readers," Bella said.
"Well," Mary said with a very sweet voice, "Let's see what our guest has to say. Audience, please meet the subject of Dr. Swan's book, Dr. Edward Cullen."
I walked onto the set and the crowd cheered loudly. Bella spun around to see me and her face drained of color. She didn't stand but remained seated in shock. I shook Mary's hand and walked over to sit next to Bella.
"Hello, Dr. Swan," I said without looking in her eyes.
"Why are you here?" she asked with a tight voice and tried not to move her lips.
"To defend myself," I said in the same manor.
Mary smiled at us both and asked, "Have you read the book Dr. Cullen?"
"Doctor?" Bella asked.
I looked at her and smiled smugly, "M.D., not PhD. And yes I've read the book; it was quiet a work of fiction." The audience laughed and Bella squirmed in her chair uncomfortably, obviously wanting to call me choice names.
"What was fiction?" Mary asked.
"I was never gay," I said and looked at Bella as she shook her head in disbelief. "Bella was working on a dissertation for her graduate thesis and was looking for a guy willing to lie about his sexuality in exchange for a great apartment. I found out when she gave a teaching assistant the paper to edit, so I decided to convince her I was actually gay and ruin her work. My supposed lover was in on the rouse. She tried to play me and I did the same in return."
"I'm sure Edward is afraid to admit his bisexuality because of his prominent parents," Bella said. "I was privileged to hear his sexual encounter and actually helped him become…comfortable with having a sexual relationship with a man."
I let my head fall and Mary caught my reaction. "Dr. Cullen, have you had sex with a man?"
"Never," I said. "Bella, in her attempt to humiliate me into confessing I was pretending to be gay for the apartment, used some…things without my permission when we were having sex for the first time."
"Things?" Mary asked.
"Anal stretchers," Bella said loudly and the audience laughed uncomfortably.
"She also lied about being in a relationship with a married man and asked me to teach her how to perform oral sex correctly," I stated and everyone gasped.
"I didn't need your instruction," she said angrily and I smiled.
"So you just wanted to blow me?" I asked.
Mary quickly jumped into the discussion. "Okay, this is daytime television; we need to keep it clean. Dr. Swan, do you refute the facts Dr. Cullen is stating."
"I know what I saw around the apartment between him and his lover," Bella said so Mary pulled out the next surprise.
"Let's meet the man Dr. Cullen supposedly loved. Jasper Whitlock come join us on the stage," Mary said and stood to applaud.
There was another halt in the program as they brought out another chair, and Bella leaned over to me. "I'm not stupid, Edward. You and Jasper were all over each other until you slept with me, then suddenly you're only with women on campus."
"Exactly, because I was never gay and you never saw what you thought you saw. Jasper and I were fighting so much because he wouldn't go along with my pretence until we found out about the paper."
Our discussion was interrupted and we were asked to refrain from speaking with the cameras were not rolling. I sat silently as Bella crossed her legs and bounced her foot furiously.
The cameras came back on and Jasper walked onto the stage. I stood and shook his hand but Bella remained seated again. He sat next to me and gave Mary an odd glance and went back to looking at the ground.
"In full disclosure," Mary said, "I have to tell you Mr. Whitlock is married to a member of my staff, Alice."
Bella huffed loudly and stared daggers at me. "Yes," Jasper said, "I've been with Alice since my sophomore year in college. I have never been gay or ever touched a dude, or even thought about touching one," he said and the audience laughed loudly.
"My friend is quite homophobic," I teased and he glared at me.
Bella suddenly came to life. "I'm sorry but if Edward was not actively gay he was suppressing his natural self, I mean, you should see his closet of clothing and how particular he is with his style and dress. Plus, I took him to a gay club and he danced with two men."
"There is nothing gay about caring about your appearance, and I danced with my eyes closed, thinking about you, until the guy got a chubby against me," I yelled at her and the audience erupted into screams as Mary gave me another warning.
Bella turned to speak directly to me and said, "So when you asked me to not tell Jasper, it was all an act."
"Yes," I said.
"Are you referring to this?" Mary asked and the part of the video where I used those words played on the monitor.
Bella's face looked stunned and she turned slowly to look at me as the audience made whooping noises and whistled. I was ready to smirk at her, but the look in her eyes stopped me. I saw more than shock or embarrassment.
"You filmed us?" she asked with hardly any volume.
"You used me," I said and tried to make it sound authoritative but my own voice lacked conviction.
"I threw the paper away," she said as she reached up to wipe her tears. "I thought that was just you and me, until you mentioned Jasper and then moved out. I didn't understand why you turned to those other girls when…."
"When what?" Mary asked and I knew what Bella meant without having to say it in front of America. Bella wasn't using me that night, she was offering herself to me and I threw her aside. I moved out and into relationships with other women after convincing her totally I was gay, making her feel rejected and used.
I sat quietly as the show continued on. Lauren was introduced and explained I had told her about the charade and the use of a fake name. She also verified Jasper had been in an exclusive relationship with Alice and they were together often, making out in public and leaving parties together. Bella and I sat silently without offering any more commentary.
Mary finally spoke directly to Bella, "Does this make you reevaluate the content of your book?"
"It moves it into the fiction category," Bella said and the crowd cheered loudly.
"Will you offer an apology to the groups who opposed your theories?" Mary pushed and I finally spoke up.
"Bella was fooled into her theories; it wasn't done out of maliciousness or to become part of anyone's agenda. She is a victim in this mess and owes nobody an apology," I said earnestly.
"Are you defending the woman who maligned you so badly?" Mary asked.
"She did nothing to me. I wasn't even aware of the book until she was scheduled for this show."
"I'll donate the proceeds from this book to GLADD," Bella said and the crowd cheered loudly again. The show ended and everyone stood as Mary spoke with the audience and then we were led back stage. Lauren rushed over to speak to me but I excused myself and followed Bella into a room.
She fell into the arms of some man and began to cry. He was dark and muscular and looked at me like he wanted to rip me to pieces. Bella finally looked over at me and said, "Jake, this is Edward."
"I just wanted to talk to Bella for a few moments…alone," I said and he raised his chin and stood firm.
"It's okay, Jake," Bella said and walked him to the door and gave him a quick kiss before he exited the room. She turned to face me with tears running down her face.
"Bella, if I knew you were writing this book I would have told you. I never meant to hurt you professionally, I only wanted to get back at you for playing me," I said and it sounded mean and callous.
"I can't believe you filmed us," she said with a quiet, broken voice.
"I'll give you the recording," I said. "And all copies, too." She handed me her card and I saw she was still living in Seattle. "I'm doing my residency in Fork," I informed her.
"Great, we'll run into each other often, Jake lives in Forks," she explained.
"He isn't married is he?" I asked with a crooked smile and she tried her hardest not to smile in return but she couldn't pull it off.
"No, and he doesn't criticize my performance either," she said and her joke really hurt for some reason.
I nodded and said, "Yeah, you were pretty much perfect."
We stood silently, neither one of us willing to walk away when Jasper and Alice walked into the room. Alice looked a bit hesitant to approach Bella, but Bella smiled and extended her hand. "It's good to see you again, although I'm a bit embarrassed over the situation."
"Don't be," Alice said, "I thought Edward was gay sometimes, too. But Jasper is a no brainer; I mean, come on, he's so conservative he would remain in the closet forever."
"You're not helping Alice," I said and everyone laughed. Jake returned and wrapped his arm protectively around Bella.
I moved to the back of the room to speak to Lauren and catch up with her. She was married and having her first child. She seemed happy and I apologized often for interrupting her life but she assured me the trip to Chicago was exciting for her.
We finally all parted and headed off in different destinations. I got the CD from Alice that the show used and made her promise to delete the file I emailed her. When I got home I sent the file to Bella and destroyed the CD telling her all the copies were ruined.
It made me feel a bit responsible for once and two days later I got into my car and drove toward Washington. I had long hours and hard work ahead of me and having my father as my boss was going to add extra pressure. I was going to miss Alice and Jasper, but I was excited to reconnect with Emmett and Rosalie.
I made it to Nebraska when I got a call on my cell phone. I didn't recognize the number and answered to hear Bella's voice.
"Edward, it's Bella," she said softly.
"Hi, how did you get my number?" I asked since I hadn't given it to her and it changed from when she had it years ago.
"I called your parents. I suggest you shut it off after speaking to me since the episode aired today. Your father is a bit pissed," she informed me.
"Shit, maybe I'll tell them your book was true and they'll be so relieved I'm not gay anymore that the other stuff won't matter."
She didn't respond so I mumbled, "Sorry, I hope it hasn't been too bad for you."
"Well, I was fired but whatever," she said and I pulled over so I could really talk. I sat with my fingers pinching the bridge of my nose.
"God, Bella, I'm sorry."
"Edward," she said softly. "I watched the video."
"I haven't seen it," I confessed and she seemed shocked by the news. "It isn't like I wanted to look at my own ass," I said and she laughed.
"You should have, it's a great ass."
I smiled and got hard by the conversation and the memory of her body. She sighed loudly and said, "Am I seeing things that weren't really there?"
"What are you seeing?" I asked.
"It wasn't a con, it was me and you in the moment and nothing else mattered," she said as if trying to convince me.
"It began as a con," I admitted. "I set it up and got you to come to my room, but once you climbed onto the bed it became real. I got lost in you and it was really hard to get back on script."
It was quiet for several moments and she finally whispered, "Thanks, Edward."
"Are you going to be okay?" I asked.
"Yeah, I have my wedding in a couple of weeks and then I'll look for a new job."
"Two weeks?" I asked and felt sick that she was going to be unavailable. We would be close in proximity but I was too late. She didn't answer and it made me wonder if she was crying. I finally said, "Is he your wonderful?"
"Drive safely," she said and I wasn't about to let her off that easily.
"Bella, please tell me he's your wonderful and you're not going to settle for pretty good. I'm asking you to answer my question," I said forcefully.
She chuckled but it didn't sound like she found anything funny. "Goodbye," she whispered and hung up on me. I quickly called her right back, but her phone had been shut off.
12
I was driving through the night and my anger was keeping me awake. I wanted to confront Bella and see if she was marrying Jake because she was in love or felt he was the only man who loved her. I wasn't sure what my feelings were, I just knew I was ready for a relationship now and couldn't get her out of my mind.
Everything about her haunted me. I could picture her mouth pulling into a smile and it made me smile. I could recall with perfect clarity the way she smelled when I hugged her. Alice's words about the video were echoing in my head and I knew I had to make an attempt to find out if I loved Bella or not.
I pulled over in Wyoming and got some sleep before pushing on the next day. My parents were stunned when I arrived home in the middle of the night, making it home a day before I planned. I collapsed on my bed and slept for ten hours.
I finally got up the following afternoon and came into the kitchen to find something to eat. I reached for the fridge and froze when I saw Bella's face smiling back at me. I pulled the invitation from the magnet and looked at the happy couple.
I wanted to see something sinister in his face and be able to read regret in hers, but they both looked happy.
"You're awake," my mom said and came up to hug me tightly. I kissed her cheek and felt comforted by her presence in front of me.
"You look great, mom," I said with a smile.
"Have a seat and I'll make you some food," she said and I walked over to sit on a bar stool. She noticed the invitation in my hand and said, "That's right, you know her."
"Subtle, mom," I said and she smiled. "What's this Jake guy like?"
"He's a great man, Bella is lucky to have him," she said and my heart lurched.
"Better than me?" I asked quietly and my mother spun around with her mouth open.
She looked into my eyes and said, "Oh dear, you're in love with her, aren't you?"
"I don't know mom, and it looks like I won't get the chance to find out. I guess I just want her to be happy," I said.
My father came into the room and I stood to give him a hug. He gave me a disappointed look and then pulled me into his arms. "I would ask what you've been up to, but I saw the national televised show."
"At least I can tell you I'm not gay," I said as I tried to lighten the mood.
"I would much rather have a gay son, than an unscrupulous one. If it wouldn't have happened so long ago I would have pulled your residency."
"Carlisle, leave him alone, his heart is broken," my mother said as she made my sandwich.
"My heart is not broken," I said and shook my head.
"He's in love with the girl and she's marrying Jacob Black," she clarified and I groaned and walked from the room. The last thing I needed was my mother and father getting in the middle of the mess I had going on.
I turned on the television and dropped into the recliner. My father brought me my sandwich and sat down on the sofa so I hit the mute button. I took a bite and then looked over at my father to get it over with.
He seemed to be struggling with what he wanted to say, so I said it for him. "I'm sorry, dad, It was stupid and juvenile but it was over five years ago. I learned my lesson and it won't happen again."
He waved his hand to stop me from apologizing and furrowed his brow before saying, "Son, if you…feel something for this woman."
"Dad, it's fine, really. I'm just being nostalgic," I said and took another bite of my sandwich.
"I'm just saying maybe you would be a better fit for her," he said as he winced.
"Why is there something wrong with the guy?" I asked.
"I'm not saying that," he said and took a deep breath. I got a weird feeling that he knew something about Jake and couldn't say what it was. I waited for him to look at me and stared into his eyes.
"Dad, I feel like you're giving me a warning or something. Is Bella in danger?"
"No, don't be silly," he said and shook his head again.
"Well, I plan on giving her a call," I said never actually planning to do it, but my father's actions made me a bit curious. He instantly relaxed and began filling me in on hospital policy and staff. I nodded appropriately and pretended to be listening, but my mind was on Bella.
After I ate I emptied the clothes out of my car and settled back into my childhood room. I then showered and put on fresh clothes before lying on my bed and texting Bella. I'm in Forks. I want to see you.
I sat my phone on the mattress next to me and waited with my eyes closed. Her reply came less than ten minutes later. Can't, I'm at Jake's.
I felt a surge of jealousy and replied. Be creative, it won't take long. Come to my parent's house.
She never responded and I hoped Jake didn't question her, or worse, she showed him my message. I was planning an alibi and put on my running shoes. I headed down the driveway and turned onto the empty winding road just as Bella came around the turn.
She pulled over and I walked up to her window as she lowered it. She was in shorts and a t-shirt with her hair pulled into a ponytail. She looked so much younger than at the show, fragile almost. I placed my hands on the frame of her car door where the window disappeared and smiled down at her.
She smiled back and looked at my fingers as she spoke. "How was the drive?"
"Long, and filled with time to think," I said and she nodded without asking me what I thought about. "Can you come in?" I asked and pointed at my house.
"Get in," she said, "I know someplace we can talk."
I walked around to the passenger side and she drove down an obscure mountain road to a parking area leading to a trail. I followed Bella several yards into the forest and she led me to a large meadow. Several large rocks made a tower of places to sit so we walked over and sat down.
I wasn't sure what to say so I offered my apology again. "I'm sorry you lost your job."
"It's okay; I needed to solve the issue of Jake living here, and my job being in Seattle, anyway."
"So if you hadn't been fired what were you going to do?" I asked.
"Monday thru Thursday in Seattle, Friday thru Sunday here," she said with a shrug.
I stared at her and she wouldn't look at me. I didn't need to ask her anything else. Her last sentence told me everything I need to know. I took a deep breath and blew it out loudly before I stood and walked a few steps away from the rocks.
"Alice said the video was not of two people having sex, but two people making love. Do you agree with her?" I asked.
"Edward, this isn't some supposed relationship, I've agreed to marry him," she said with a sad voice.
"Can you answer my question now? Is he your wonderful?"
"Sometimes your wonderful can turn out to be pretty shitty," she said and wiped a tear that fell from her eye.
"Only if you don't fight for it," I said and walked back to stand in front of her. "Do you want a life of pretty good? You deserve better than that. Say yes to me."
"What if my wonderful is not good for me, shouldn't I choose the pretty good?"
I tried to figure out how she could believe I wasn't good for her. I lived in her town and was doing my residency to become a physician, what was wrong with me as an option? I felt my confidence wane a bit and began kicking a rock buried deeply in the soil.
"Edward, I was humiliated on national television. All the invitations have been sent, can you imagine if I cancel my wedding?"
My eyes snapped up and I grew angry. "You're marrying the guy so you won't be embarrassed?"
"I passed embarrassed a long time ago," she said loudly. "I've been ruined professionally and economically. Jake still wants me and you're just the guy who screwed me over. You did nothing but lie to me."
"We both lied," I yelled. "But I'm the guy who made love to you and felt you respond to me. I'm the guy who let you do unspeakable things to me and then taught you how to please me. You came back to my bed because that is where you belong. The lies got you into my bed am I supposed to regret that?"
"You're a hot guy who's great at sex, period," she said but her eyes wouldn't look at me again.
I wondered if she really believed that and there was only one way to find out. I reached out and took hold of her hand to pull her to her feet. I leaned in to kiss her but she turned her head. I wasn't falling for her game; she was letting me hold her, not even attempting to pull away. I waited for her head to turn back to me and I placed my lips onto hers.
She wasn't responding at first, only letting me kiss her as she held perfectly still but I kept at it until she began to thaw in my arms. Her lips responded first and then her body got into it. Her hand went into my hair and her leg rose to wrap around my calf.
"I want you," I whispered into her ear.
She pulled me back to the pile of rocks and turned me to stand against them as she moved down my body. I inhaled as she pulled my running shorts down and chuckled at the sight of my jock strap. I was waiting for the moves I had taught her, but she was competent without my instruction and she was going to prove it.
She wasn't tender or tentative at all; she held my cock in her hand and then took my entire length into her mouth and down her throat. I cried out and my hands had nothing to hold onto and I pounded my fists against the hard granite.
Bella grabbed my hips and pulled them toward her, getting me to pump hard against her mouth. Every time I tried to calm my movements she would pull on me again. I gave it to her hard and fast and she never choked once.
When I came my legs became weak and I had to pull away from her so I could sit against a rock and catch my breath. She didn't say a word and got up to walk back to the car. I pulled up my jock and shorts and ran after her.
"Hey," I said and grabbed her arm. "Don't walk away."
"I have to get back, I have a dress fitting tonight," she said and pulled out of my grasp. I stared stupidly as she got in the driver's side. I had no idea what just happened and everything felt surreal.
I got into her car and looked at her as she turned on the engine and pulled away.
"What the fuck is going on?" I asked and she glanced at me.
"What do you mean?"
"You blow me and go back to Jake?" I asked incredulously.
"What don't you understand, Edward? I'm engaged to a guy I trust but in love with a guy who is nothing but a hard dick. The way I see it, I can have both," she said and I noticed how her tears began to fill her eyes.
I thought back over our conversation and realized I didn't offer her anything but sex. I had tried to talk her into dumping Jake but never told her I wanted her to be mine. I looked back at her as she continued driving and said, "Bella, I love you and I want you to pick me."
She turned harshly into my driveway, tossing me against the car door and slammed on her brakes.
"Do you really think I am that stupid?" she yelled. "You have ruined my life from the moment you walked through my door. You are unethical and selfish and narcissistic and so full of shit. The only reason you even look in my direction is because I am engaged and you can't stand it."
"I can't stand it because you belong with me," I screamed loudly.
"Really?"
"Yes, really."
"What's my middle name? When is my birthday? What am I afraid of?"
I saw her point, we really didn't know each other very well but it was what I was asking her for. I was such a stupid fuck, instead of using my time with her learning more about her; I shoved my dick in her mouth.
I nodded and tried to swallow before reaching for the car door. I placed one leg out of the car before saying softly, "I would like a chance to get to know the answers, and if you are marrying Jake just so you can be a married woman or because you don't think you deserve better, you're wrong."
"Am I supposed to consider you something better?"
I shook my head back and forth, "No, not at all." I got out of the car and headed toward the house without looking back at her car. She drove away and I felt I was chasing a shadow. I walked into my house and slammed the door behind me.
"Edward," my mother called out, "You have dirt all over the bottom of your shorts."
"I know mom," I said and stomped loudly up the stairs as the absurdity of my life shined like a beacon over my head.