A Subconscious Fight
DISCLAIMER - I do not own Victorious, or any of the Characters, Images, or any else that is in any way related to it.
FYI: Italics is someone's dream, Bold is someone's inner thoughts, and Bold Italics is a Text Message.
A/N: I know the description of the story says its about Tori's struggle. And it is. However, the first part of this is Cat handling what happened at the end of Chap 3.
Chapter 4 - I Will Be Happy
Cat was trying her best to adapt to a life without Tori. Her apartment, which once was full of life, had become a tomb, hollow and dark. Just like Cat's spirit. Cat was trying to move on, and Jade was coming twice a month to make sure she kept taking care of herself. After Cat's depression had led her to not eat, resulting in the loss of fifteen pounds in one month, Jade immediately suggested her best friend come home and live with she and Beck.
After promising to try and turn things around, Jade allowed her to stay in New York, but wouldn't leave her alone for too long. Her best friend had needed her once before, and now needed her more than ever. Whenever the voices weren't attacking her, the pain of losing Tori took over.
Cat never thought her life could have gotten worse, but after having her mind and spirit cleansed of her darker past, she fell in love. And then the girl she feel for started harming herself after taking on too much pressure of helping. The pressure became too much, and her life was forfeitted, without much of a fight. Cat, blaming herself for not being more attentive and caring, was drowning herself in sorrow. If not for her best friend, she surely would be gone also.
Cat heard the knock on her apartment door, Jade letting herself in. Jade had a key, after sneaking Cat's away and making a copy. She had to let herself in most of the time, because Cat was too wrapped in pain to acknowledge anyone or anything around her. Thankfully, she had money from her family, so her bills weren't out of hand. But Jade was doing her best to keep from losing her, but knew she wouldn't last long.
"Cat?" No response.
"CAT?" Cat looked up, but couldn't see her gothic friend.
"HEY, KITTY CAT?"
Jade shook Cat, knowing that it was no good. This girl could sleep through most anything, except cold. So Jade, knowing it was necessary, picked up a bottle of ice water, slowly emptying it on the readhead's hair.
"Huh?" Cat, groggy after trying to stay awake with Tori in the hospital, looked up. Hoping it was just a terrible nightmare, she quickly banished any hope when seeing Tori attached to all the machines around her. The light beeping of Tori's heartbeep, slow and steady, was the only thing giving Cat any hope.
"Cat, c'mon. I know you love her. But you can't stay in here. Robbie got here early, and André was hoping you could help him with something."
"What?" Cat was in a mood that could only be described as a mix of "Fuck Off", "I Don't Care", and "Whatever, leave me alone." Her voice depicted her sorrow and anguish, Jade instantly picking her up and leading her out of the room. Had it not been for her strength leaving her, Cat would have surely broken away and turned back to stay with Tori. But she was done fighting. She didn't know what to think, how to react to what had happened. "If Tori can't fight, how can I? I know we beat him, but if he got to her, and he decides to come after me again, then how? I can't live without her, and I can't fight."
Jade picked up the pain, knowing that anything could send Cat into a fit. And if it did, the entire hospital would be aware. No one knew how to cry like Cat, and she always made it apparant what was wrong. "Cat, just come with me, please. Tori will be okay." Placing a light kiss on her temple, Jade led her to the waiting room.
"Hey, Little Red!" André was doing his best to cheer her up, but Cat didn't feel like being happy. If Tori wasn't, or couldn't be, why did she deserve to be? André wrapped her up, rubbing her back slowly and lowering his voice. "You know Tori loves you. And you know she'd never leave you. You don't know exactly what happened."
Cat looked to him, a faint smile on her face. Trying to look hopeful, Cat failed miserably. She knew all the signs of a cutter. She had been one herself. Arms wrapped in blood soaked garmets? Check. Light slashes on the arms, trying to stay away from major arteries? Check. Severe mental trauma recently prior? Check.
"Cat, look. I know it looks bad." Getting four sets of pissed off eyes looking at him, Robbie finished quickly. "But you know her. She's a fighter. She might have lost one battle, but you are the war. A war that all of us, including you, KNOW she won't lose. Right?" All the evil looks dissapated, knowing that Robbie was actually saying something helpful, for once. Cat nodded, and gave a genuine smile for the first time since returning to her apartment earlier that evening.
"That's right, Cat. She needs you now more than you needed her. She doesn't know how to fight like you did. You need to help her, teach her. I think it best if you both take time away, let everything settle down. Just spend time alone, making sure to drive home just how much you love each other. Make sure this never happens again." Beck watched as Cat's eyes were elated to the thoughts of keeping Tori locked away, and "driving home" their love.
Everyone knowing the look on Cat's face, they shared a laugh. If anything about Caterina Valentine were true, it was her ability to go and never stop. She had more boundless energy than an entire Kindergarten classroom. If she needed to rid herself of some of it, she had absolutely no problem doing so. And Tori loved helping her with it.
A doctor came into the waiting room, annoncing Tori's name and getting five sets of concerened eyes looking at him. Cat started stepping up, Jade by her side.
"Victoria Vega?"
"That's me." Cat extended her hand, the doctor skeptical.
"Are you family?"
"I'm her fiancé, Cat. Her family is on the way from Los Angeles, and won't be here until morning."
"Okay, well I can't talk to anyone who isn't immediate family."
Jade, knowing the way to talk to doctors, stepped in. "Excuse me, doc, but you have an obligation to make sure Tori is taken care of, right?"
"Of course."
"Well then, please tell me how you expect anyone other than her fiancé to treat her the best? And take care of her?"
"Well, I-"
"OR-" Jade hated being interrupted. "- how you can expect to keep her in the dark when the one she loves is in the hospital with a large amount of blood loss, and probably psycho-sematic trauma?" Knowing the final few words went over Cat's head, Jade rubbed her back. It was her silent sign of "I'll explain later." Cat didn't say anything, nodding accordingly. The doctor sighed, giving in.
"Well, Cat, Tori had a large amount of blood loss. Thankfully, you found her in time. A few minutes longer, and she might not be here. But after stitching the lacerations, and giving her blood transfusions, her vitals are finally coming around. She will be in the hospital for a few days for observation, but may be released by the weekend."
"Four days. Four days until Tori is back home. I love her too much to let her go. And I will teach her to fight. I will protect her, just like she protected me."
"Okay. Anything else?"
"When she gets home, she will be very weak. I suggest at least a week of bedrest, maybe more if things are too tough for her. I am writing a reccomendation for a psychiatrist, suggesting that she see her at least twice a week."
"Okay. Any medications?"
"I can't write anything for depression or the likes, because it's not my field or specialty. The psychiatrist will have to do that. I am writing one for the pain she might feel after leaving, because her body will be weak."
"Thank you. Anything else?"
"Not that I'm aware of, but in time we may know if anything else is needed. Once her body rebuilds its blood count and she regains her strength, she will be able to tell us what she needs. Until then, we just wait. Is there anything else I can do for you?"
"I'm okay. Thank you." Cat extended her hand, allowing the doctor to leave.
xxxxx
David and Holly Vega finally arrived at the hospital, with a whining Trina, around sunrise. Trina, though she loved Tori, was still as vain as ever, and didn't understand that even though her sister was in a bad way, why she should have to come and watch her sleep.
"Because, young lady, we're family. And just because you think so, the world DOES NOT revolve around you."
"Buuuttttt dddaaaaadd." Trina was persistant, knowing that the cute guy she had pressured into asking her out might not do so a second time. So if she had to flake, she may not get another opportunity.
"No. If not for Tori, at least stay for Cat's benefit. Jade said she was going mental without Tori. And you remember what Cat said, right?"
"Yeah." Trina's voice was rather disinterested, but she understood. Or at least, complied. Cat had fought off the same thing Tori was going through. So Cat would need to be extra strong for Tori. And Trina needed to support Cat so she could do the best job possible with her baby sis.
"Okay. Now I'm sorry if this isn't as important as whatever else you had planned, but this is where we will be, until further notice. And don't try and sneak out. I'll cut off your funding." David had agreed, much to Trina's delight, to pay for her to move to New York and pay her acting classes. Once he convinced her to move across country, he knew Holly and he would be more than happy with an empty nest. They missed their daughters, but not the drama and constant crap that came along with them.
Cat welcomed the Vega's with a weak smile and even worse sounding hello. Not her usual chipper attitude. All three sets of eyes on her knew the situation was dire. When Jade had called and said Tori was in the hospital, but wouldn't give an exact reason, other than Cat's brother, they all expected the worst.
"Cat, is everything okay?" Jade let Cat tell the Vegas what was happening. For one, she was the closest to the situation, and could easily tell the signs and such and keep them in the loop. They knew Cat would keep in touch on a regular basis. Two, it would help Cat grasp the reality be forcing her to talk about it. Third, it would help her build more strength by letting her know first hand that she had a safety net if needed. So Cat solemnly walked forward and told them the news.
"Tori will be fine. The doctors said that after stopping the bleeding, that Tori was too weak for any real treatment. So they are keeping her here for a few days for observation. She won't need physical therapy, but she will need to see a specialist. They will sit her down and teach her to focus her negativity while there, as a healthy release, and to dwell on happier things when gone. Obviously, they don't want this happening again."
Cat's voice had enough conviction that everyone knew Tori would be in good hands. No one expected it of Cat, but she was being rather mature and handling everything like an adult. But after being through everything herself for as long as she had, it came naturally to her. She understood everything without anything having to be explained.
After warm hugs from her future in-laws, Cat smiled to Jade while walking to Tori's room. She was going to see Tori one last time before heading home and letting Tori's parents take over for a few hours so she could rest.
All the beeping and machinery brought a tear to her eye, and her voice was rather shy and painful. She was trying to hide, sheltering herself from it. But with it ever apparant around her, there was no escape. But she knew not to let it weigh her down. "Tori needs me. I have to be strong. I can't let her down. I love her."
"Tori, listen to me. I know you must be scared, with everything that has happened. And I know you don't like asking for other people's help if you don't need to. But this is something you can't do on your own. You know I went through the same thing, and I couldn't have beaten it without you. So please, let me help you." Cat leaned down, placing a light kiss on her forehead. She squeezed her hand, looping the engagement ring around a few times before leaving. With another sad whimper, and a tear in her eye, Jade led her to the car where Beck and André were ready to take her home.
xxxxx
Tori was quite confused. The room she was in was hollow and dark, no light or sound anywhere. She could hear something, a rather faint beat that kept a constant rhythm. She could feel something warm around her arms, a handcuffing sensation that felt like it was tying her down. Unable to move or find any purchase against the darkness, she sat, waiting for anything to happen. Eventually, the rhythm's echoing volume grew, dragging her out of her prison.
Tori finally awoke rather painfully, the lights and machines around her sending her mind racing. "Where am I? What happened?" Her mind was blocking the trauma, as if to protect her from herself. Tori looked up to see her parent's eyes looking down on her.
"Mom? Dad?" Two sets of tear filled eyes met her's, and she couldn't hold back any longer. The pain encompassing her body, the emotion on her parent's face, she couldn't help cry herself.
"TORI!" Holly, not wanting to touch anything or pull any wires, got to her as quickly as possible. Tori winced in pain, not knowing exactly what had happened.
"Mom, what happened?"
"You lost a lot of blood, sweetie?"
"How?"
Holly didn't know how to tell her daughter her wounds were self inflicted. It wasn't a topic of conversation most people knew how to have. She looked down, pointing at her arms. Tori struggled to move, the pain paralyzing her. She eventually saw the stitches, and felt the searing pain that came along with them.
"Did... did...", Tori couldn't form the question. But her parents instantly knew what she was asking.
"Yes, sweetie, you did."
"Why?"
"I was hoping you could tell us." The psychiatrist that had been reccomended was stepping in, a business card in hand. She gave it to David, stating that she was there on orders from Tori's doctor. David moved, allowing the woman more room to work. She looked at Tori, hoping to prompt a response.
"I can't do this. Where's Cat? Why did she leave? What will I do?" Tori's mind was racing, any and all negativity finding its way in rather quickly. There wasn't anything positive about her situation to calm her down. Her parent's frieghtened looks, the weird looking older doctor looking at her, the beeps and tubes all around her. She was finding more things to be depressed about, and started slipping down. Her heart racing, she started panicing.
"TORI. TORI, CALM DOWN." Her mother's voice had no effect, Tori starting to try and move. She couldn't, which in turn sent her panic even further. After the bells and whistles of her machines alerted those around her, a doctor came in.
"I NEED 10mg OF MORPHINE, STAT!" Placing the syringe in a tube, which relayed into the latina's bloodstream, she was out cold in moments.
Cat, who had returned from home after a nap, had walked in in the middle of the farcas. Knowing what was going on, she looked on helpless as Tori was knocked out. Her mind picked up Tori's fear, answering her own subconscious questions. "Can I help Tori? YES. WILLI help Tori? YES. But how do I if she won't let me? He got to her, and he has gotten to me before." Cat's resolve changed in that moment, her mind remembering something that had happened.
"Caterina Valentine, I know this is a bit quick, but I know now why you love me, and that I love you too. You complete me, and you pretect me, even when you are faced with the darkest of situations. I have thought about this endlessly as I watched you lay there. You are the most beautlful, amazing girl I know. And I'm sorry it took me so long to realize it. But now that I know, I want nothing more than the opportunity to prove to you how much I love you, and how I want to be here for you and with you, in the darkest and brightest times in your life. I want to share the joys of life, and the fear and uncertainty that comes with it. Will you, will you marry me?"
Cat finally understood what Tori meant by "the fear and uncertainty that comes with it." This was their fight, their struggle. Everyone goes through struggles in their lives. Some are much bigger than others. Her mind played with that thought, those words. Her resolve and conviction strengthened. "You will not get her. You didn't get me. I will beat you again, and I will be happy. WITH HER. FOREVER."
Okay, chapter 4. I wanted Cat to have another struggle with her past. The stress of Tori harming herself set her back a bit, but remembering what had been said, forced her to move on from it. Tori is about to hit therapy, and be forced to deal with it, also. Will she have the fortitude and courage to overcome it, or will she be overwhelmed? I hope I am keeping this interesting, and hope you will continue to review. On that note, please, R/E/R!
P.S.: Just a heads up for anyone looking for a good Victorious Story. Some of my favorites, in no particular order, are:
What's In A Secret by Italo Capasso (Jori)
Streetlights by amberpire (Jori)
The Yin and The Yang by Quitting Time (Jori)
The Art of Falling In Love by .Point (Cori)
I Should Hate Her by DarkMistKiss (Cade)
If any of the authors mentioned above do not want their stories being advertised here, send me a PM and I will edit and remove them at my earliest convenience.