Chapter Four

I feel a tapping on my shoulder and jump. I don't know how long I've been in the library but my brain is starting to turn to mush from all the studying.

I turn and see Finnick.

I take off my headphones and smile.

"What are you doing here?" I ask.

He sits next to me and kisses me.

I smile. I didn't expect that.

"II wanted to see you before the concert and you did say you spent time at the library." He says with a smile.

I nod.

"So how is Annie?" He asks.

"Honestly Annie is tired." I say.

He smiles.

"Why is that?" He asks.

"Two exams and an essay due all on the same day. It's like a perfect storm." I say. I hate when lots of things are due on the same day.

I'm fine with writing papers but it's the studying that gets me.

"And Johanna wants to throw a party at our apartment." I say.

"I know I got the invite from her." He says.

He looks at me strangely.

"What?" I ask.

"I don't know I feel like I should've met you before." He says.

"Why?" I ask.

"Because I've been to Johanna's house parties before. Since you live with her you were probably there."

I shake my head.

"I don't like staying at our house when Johanna has lots of people over. If I can't find something to do for awhile then I just lock myself in my room." I say.

"Oh." Finnick says. He sounds confused by this.

It's better than saying I'm socially awkward and hate confined spaces with lots of people.

"Well I could accompany you during her party." He says with a smile.

"I'm trying to work on that Saturday so I can avoid it."

He nods.

"Well if that falls through my offer stands." He says with a smile.

I smile too.

"How did you meet her?" I ask. I just realized I don't know. I wonder if Finnick told her how we met.

"Johanna?" He asks and I nod.

"At a party. She gave me her phone." Finnick says with a smile.

"She gave you her phone?" I ask confused.

"She was trashed she said she couldn't remember her number so she gave me her phone instead. I called an uber and made sure she made it back to her apartment. However I forgot about her phone in my pocket. I already knew her address-"

"You did meet me then." I say remembering.

Johanna was passed out when there was a knock on the door. Someone- apparently Finnick- came over to drop it off. They asked if Johanna lived here and if she was okay.

I told them yes.

The person gave me the phone with a hand written note on top. I didn't read it. I'm sure Johanna would've if it were me.

"What are you talking about?" He asks.

"You gave me the phone because Johanna was passed out."

Finnick looks puzzled by this.

"I do know I didn't give it to her. I didn't remember your face though. " Finnick says.

"I didn't remember yours either." I say and smile. "Did you go on a date with her?" I ask. Johanna said she had no interest in him the other night but she could've lied.

He snickers.

"No. Johanna Mason is way too intense for me. She's a good friend, but I could never imagine dating her." He says.

"Wonder why she gave you her number then."

"I believe her words were because you're pretty. We shared an English class together and have been friends ever since.

I nod.

"So, what are you doing the day?" He asks.

"Class. Work. Rest." I say.

"Do you work everyday?" He asks.

I shake my head.

"Wednesdays and Sundays I always have off. The rest is day to day. I usually work four days a week."

He nods.

"If I went to the restaurant would you get to wait on me?" He asks.

"Not all the time my section does get full." I say.

"Well, I think you would be worth the wait." He says with a smile.

My phone alarm goes off.

"I gotta go. I have class." I say.

"Okay." He says.

Should I kiss him goodbye? I think to myself. He kissed me right as he came up to me like he has been doing it all his life.

You're over thinking things Annie. I think to myself.

I stand up and he takes my hand.

"MInd if I walk you."

"No, but it's in the Math and Science building." I say.

The Math and Science building is on the furthest edge of campus. Johanna and I call it limbo because almost nothing else is there. Not business or any other school buildings it is just patches of grass for miles.

"I don't have anything better to do at the moment." He says with a smile.

We hold hands walking the twenty minute walk to the Math and Science building. The building has a cool sculpture outfront that when you are standing at the right angel looks like the periodic table.

"Here you are." He says with a smile.

"Yup." I say.

I kiss him this time briefly. I don't want to stop. Kissing Finnick is like a disease it infects you all over. However, this is in a good way.

"Are you sure about this Annie?" Johanna asks me while I'm putting my hair into a braid.

"Yes, I'm sure." I say.

She's worried about me going to this concert with Finnick. It isn't that I'm going with Finnick. It's that I'm going at all. She knows I don't like big crowds. Johanna and I went to this last year or tried to. I had to leave early.

"Okay because-"

"Johanna don't worry. I'm fine. I appreciate your concern but I'll be fine." I say.

"Okay." She says.

I can tell she is still going to worry about me.

"Besides, I can handle whatever happens." I think to myself.

Although having a panic attack in front of Finnick, a guy I just started dating, wouldn't be ideal. I don't want him to see me like that. I know it will probably be inevitable, but not yet. I don't want to scare him away. I really like him and have been looking forward to this for days.

"Okay." She says.

"I appreciate your concern Johanna. I really do, but you don't need to worry about me and if something does happen I can take care of myself." I say.

"I know you can. I just want to look after my best friend." She says with a smile.

I smile.

She rarely calls me her best friend. It's not because she doesn't believe it. It's because she doesn't like opening up and showing this side.

"Aw Johanna." I tease.

She rolls her eyes.

"Go have fun with Finnick." She says.

I nod.

We agreed to meet up near the Student Center. The event is on the green which is right in front of the Student Center.

I leave the house.

I ended up wearing school colors since this is a school event. Red and gray all over. Our mascot is a bull so it's very attractive. I decided to wear my hair up whenever I wear spirit gear. I hope Finnick wasn't expecting me to dress up for this. Our other dates were just jeans. The first date I wore a dress but he didn't show.

I find Finnick easily outside the Student Center. He is also wearing a bull t-shirt with dark jeans.

The student green is filled with multiple people. Probably the majority of campus and maybe a few outsiders. You're supposed to use your student i.d to get in, but it is on the student green which is out in the open and not that hard to sneak into.

"I see you wore spirit gear as well." He says with a smile.

"It is a school event." I say.

"Yes it is." He says.

This isn't just a concert there are food booths and carnival like games surrounding the student green.

"So did you figure out the band?" I ask him.

"The flyers say Panic! At The Disco is the main act, but won't go on until nine. The openings are local bands and Zedd right before Panic! At The Disco. You in to any of those bands?" He asks.

"I Write Sins Not Tragedies. In high school that was like my mantra, but I haven't really kept up with their music." I say.

They don't always get very popular bands. Although I have heard one song by them on the radio over and over again recently.

We play some of the stupid carnival games. I am excellent at Skee-Ball. I earn my prize which is a cheap pair of silver and red spirit beads. Finnick is terrible at almost every game we play. He could be letting me win, but the way he reacts makes me think otherwise.

"C'mon let's go." Finnick says and takes my hand as we head towards the student green where more people are. Almost all the local bands have played. The only one left before the main act is Zedd and he is known worldwide.

He finishes his set which was good.

I look around and see all the people there are more people. So many people.

What if there is an emergency and we can't escape. I think to myself.

I breathe in and out deeply.

You're outside Annie of course you would be able to escape. I think to myself but it doesn't matter.

I start to get that panicky feeling and walk away.

"Annie?" Finnick says noticing I'm walking away quickly.

When I stop walking I am far away from everyone else.

When he finally reaches me. He puts his hand on my shoulder.

"Ann-"

"Don't touch me!" I shout at him. I didn't mean to. I don't like when people touch me when I feel like this.

I can tell he wants to comfort me.

I don't know how long I stand here before the panic goes away.

"You okay?" Finnick asks he sounds worried.

I nod.

"Do you want to go home?" He asks gently.

I nod again.

He reaches for my hand but stops himself. I did shout at him to not touch me.

I take his hand so he knows I'm okay.

"Annie." Finnick says gently.

We are almost to my apartment and I've barely said anything on the walk home. It's a fifteen minute walk.

"Yeah?" I say.

"What... I mean... I don't know." He says confused.

"Remember when I said I didn't like large crowds." I say.

Finnick nods.

"I get kind of panicky when I feel uncomfortable sometimes." I say softly.

"You could've said no Annie. I didn't think it was so serious." He says and kisses my cheek.

"I know but I wanted to see you again."

"You don't need to force yourself to do something just to see me." Finnick says.

"I know." I say.

I take out my keys when we get to the door.

I don't want to be alone right now.

"Can you come inside." I say.

It's almost eleven at night I hope he doesn't take this as an invitation. I don't think he will. I hope he isn't that type of guy.

"Okay." He says confused.

I sit on the couch and he sits next to me.

He takes my hands and brings them to his lips.

"It started in high school this panic feeling. My school was big so I couldn't even go to prom or other school dances. Even though I had my friends and a date I couldn't do it."

Finnick is looking at me strangely. He probably doesn't know how to respond.

"We were at that concert for a long time Annie. I think you did a good job"

"I know...I couldn't do that in high school. I could probably last fifteen minutes." I say.

"You've just become more comfortable around people. Remember you told me that was the reason you waitressed." Finnick says.

"I don't know. Johanna and I went to it last year. I only lasted an hour before running home."

"You stayed a lot longer this time." He says with a smile.

"I know. I just don't want to live like this." I say softly.

"It's okay Annie. You're fine here." He says.

I know I'm fine here.

"Finnick." I say softly.

"Yes?" He asks.

"Can you stay here. Can you stay here with me." I whisper. I don't look at him. I'm too embarrassed… and afraid to hear his answer.

When Finnick doesn't respond I start backpedaling.

"You don't have to… you can leave." I say softly.

Why would he want to stay with a girl who can't stay in a room with large amounts of people? Who doesn't like meeting new people. Why would Johanna even bother setting me up with him?

My mind is racing and it is hard to focus on anything else.

When Finnick brings my hand to his lips again I snap out of it.

"Why would I leave?" He asks.

"Because I'm weird. Because there's something wrong with me. Because being with someone like me is-" I say softly.

"There's nothing wrong with you Annie and I like spending time with you." He says and kisses my cheek.

He's so nice. He's so understanding. He's comforting. He's...

My head goes to Johanna's words the other night.

"You don't have to understand. I just thought you would make a good match."

This is why she thought we would be a good match. I think to myself.

"Annie." Finnick whispers and runs his fingers through my hair. "Do you want me to stay here? Do you want me to stay with you?" He says softly. I already asked this, but it's like he wants to make sure I didn't change my mind.

His voice holds no sexual implications. He wants to stay to see if I'll be alright. Sometimes I have nightmares when I have had a panic attack.

"Yes." I say and nod.

I need to say it even though it doesn't sound like he expects sex. I don't want to give him that impression.

"But Finnick... I don't want-"

"I won't do anything you don't want Annie. I just want to make sure you're okay." He says. He places a stray hair behind my ear.

I nod.

"Okay." I whisper.

I stand up and go to my bedroom.

Finnick follows me.

I lie down on my bed.

Finnick hesitates before he lies next to me.

I lean against him and he wraps his arm around me. He is looking around my room curiously. He's never been in here before. My room isn't that exciting. I have a closet, dresser, a small television on top of my dresser, nightstand, desk, and bookshelf. My bedroom is probably over furnished, but I like all of it.

He looks to my nightstand and picks up the book lying on it.

Oh God what was I reading? I think to myself.

When he picks it up I sigh with relief because it's nothing embarrassing.

He picks up my beat up copy of To Kill a Mockingbird. I've had that book since middle school. It's one of my favorite books. I've read that book so many times that I am surprised it is still holding together. The book never closes by itself any more.

"Is this your favorite?" He whispers in my ear.

"Yeah." I say softly.

He runs his fingers through my hair once more and kisses the top of my head.

"Okay then." He says and adjusts himself so he is leaning on the headboard. He moves me so I am resting on his chest. I can hear his heartbeat and close my eyes. He is moving around a lot though.

"Don't expect me to do a southern accent." He says softly.

I open my eyes.

"What?" I say confused.

"When he was nearly thirteen, my brother Jem got his arm badly broken at the elbow. When it healed, and Jem's fears of never being able to play football were assuaged, he was seldom self-conscious about his injury. His left arm was somewhat shorter than his right; when he stood or walked, the back of his hand was at right angles to his body, his thumb parallel to his thigh. He couldn't have cared less, so long as he could pass and punt."

Finnick's voice is soothing. Him holding me and reading my favorite book to me makes me feel safe. It feels familiar but new at the same time.

I close my eyes and lean on his chest again. I listen to his soothing voice and heartbeat. He kisses the top of my head a few times.

"Finnick." I whisper after he finishes chapter three.

"Yes?" He says just as soft.

"Are you okay?" I say and look up at him.

He doesn't know me that well and we are cuddling. I don't want him to feel like I'm forcing him to be here.

I could tell him to leave when I hear Johanna come home but I selfishly don't want him to leave.

"I'm perfectly fine Annie. Are you okay?" He asks and I nod. "Shall I continue reading?" He says with a smile.

I don't know Finnick that well. All I do know is that I like his arms wrapped around me and that I don't want him to leave.

"Sure." I say and rest my head back on his chest.

I wake up. Finnick is gone but I can hear his voice through the door. He's talking to Johanna.

I don't remember when I fell asleep. I see the book on the nightstand Finnick left it open and since it is so old it stayed open.

I look at the page and see one of the lines I highlighted. This one wasn't because of studying it's because I like the quote.

"I do my best to love everybody… I'm hard put, sometimes—baby, it's never an insult to be called what somebody thinks is a bad name. It just shows you how poor that person is, it doesn't hurt you."

Atticus Finch, such a good Father and diverse character. I think to myself.

I wasn't the most popular in high school. My anxiety and lack of friends didn't help. The wise words of fictional characters were sometimes more comforting than real people.

I hear Johanna's voice now.

"Annie doesn't usually sleep with guys this early. I'm surprised." Johanna says.

I know she is teasing but it is still annoying.

"Nothing happened." Finnick says annoyed. Which makes me smiles

"Right. Annie does get embarrassed talking about this stuff-"

"Nothing happened I just wanted to make sure she was okay."

It's silent. I'm about to get up when I hear her voice again.

"I knew that concert was a bad idea." Johanna says.

"She stayed longer than she did last year if that makes you feel better." Finnick says.

"You didn't leave when she told you the truth." Johanna says.

"How could I leave her? She's nice and kind."

"I knew you would fall for her. Didn't think it would happen this fast but you like her."

"Of course I do."

"I mean like her enough for her to be your girlfriend."

"Woah slow down Johanna." He says.

"I don't get why you are so afraid of that word." Johanna says.

I roll over.

I don't want to hear the rest of this conversation.

Am I just meant to be a fuck buddy? No Johanna knows I would never do that. How can I date someone and not call them my boyfriend? I think to myself.

The longest I've gone dating someone without calling them my boyfriend was a month. I just didn't know how to ask what the hell our relationship was. When I finally asked he looked at me like I was stupid. Obviously a few months later the relationship ended.

I roll out of bed still in my clothes from last night.

I get up and head to the kitchen.

They both pretend that they were doing something rather than talking.

"Good morning Annie." Johanna says.

"Morning." I say.

I notice a box of donuts on the table.

"Did you get me one?" I ask Johanna.

"Yes it was the last powdered sugar jelly. I had to stop Finnick from taking it." Johanna says.

"I thought it was filled with custard." He says.

"I saved it for you though."

"Thank you." I say.

Finnick walks over towards me and gives Johanna a look that says go away.

Johanna rolls her eyes and goes to the living room.

"So I gotta go." He says.

"You weren't staying until I woke up were you?" I ask.

"No just good timing." He says with a smile.

I can't tell if he is lying but I'm sure Johanna can so I can ask her when he leaves.

"I'll text you later." He says and kisses my cheek.

I nod.

"Bye Finnick."

"Bye Annie." He says and presses his lips to mine and leaves.

"So was he lying?" I ask as soon as he is gone.

"About staying until you woke up?" Johanna asks with a smile.

I nod

"What do you think?" She asks me.

"I'm hoping the answer is no." I say.

"I know he doesn't have class until noon so he was probably talking truth." Johanna says because it is 10:30.

I nod.

"So how much of the truth did you tell Finnick?" She asks.

"What are you talking about?" I ask.

"I know you didn't sleep with him."

"Is that what he told you?" I ask

"Finnick is a gentlemen, he didn't have to tell even though I teased him about it."

"I just told him about high school and the concert last year."
.

"Interesting." She says

"Finnick doesn't need to know everything right away. I really like him… I don't want to scare him off." I say.

"Eh since he didn't leave you alone all night I think it will take a lot of convincing to scare him away." Johanna says with a smile.

"Is that why you picked him for me, you knew he wouldn't run away?" I ask.

"Maybe." She says with a smile.

"Good enough for me." I say.

I take the donut and head back to my room to finish To Kill a Mockingbird. I've read it so many times I've lost count. However, it does sound better coming out of Finnick's mouth.