Alright, so I was planning to have this chapter out before midnight tonight. And I might've done it... but then there was an earthquake and it kind of really freaked me out and my muse was apparently really scared and wouldn't come back to me for a few hours after it happened. In case you were wondering, I'm fine. Everyone's fine. It was just... very unexpected and kind of unnerving for someone who lives hundreds of miles away from the nearest active fault.

I also wanted to give a quick mention to purplangel to let you know how much I appreciated your message. It may or may not have made me cry... I keep trying to come up with some eloquent response to tell you how happy it made me but I just can't find the words. Thank you so much.

Anyway... without further ado, here's the 4th chapter of The Silence.

The first thing Kate felt in the morning were the tears that were dried onto her face. The dried tears left invisible lines down her cheeks that cracked at every slight shift in her facial muscles. She began to move her hands to try to rub the sleep out of her eyes, but the movement caused a sharp pain that made her release a small hiss of pain. She lowered her arms back down to her side and took some deep breaths.

Kate realized that her wound hurt more this morning than it had the previous night. She could only assume that her emotional breakdown the night before had something to do with it.

She wasn't sure how long she had stayed up, sobbing all alone in her hospital room. Kate knew that she was supposed to get some sleep, but there was no controlling her tears once they started.

However, before she could completely lose herself in her thoughts of the night before, the nurse that had been on shift when Alexis had shown up bustled into Kate's hospital room with a concerned smile plastered on her face.

"Hey there, sweetie." The graying nurse said, checking Kate's chart, "feeling any better?"

Kate nodded, "Yes, much better…" Kate's words were cut off as she hissed in pain.

The nurse had moved around to the side of the bed and started to move Kate into a sitting position. The nurse, hearing her pain, gave her a sympathetic yet stern look that clearly said 'don't you dare lie to me.'

Kate sighed, her chest still throbbing. Her voice was barely audible, "It hurts a little bit more than it did yesterday."

"I bet it does…" the nurse said, moving around to the monitors on the other side of Kate's bed. She had quickly learned that Kate was not someone you generally had to mince words around. The Detective wanted to know everything regarding her recovery and her injuries, so she let the words slip off her tongue, "… After all the shaking you were doing last night. We tried everything we could think of to calm you down but nothing was working. We eventually had to sedate you to get you to go to sleep. Doc was afraid you were going to rip out your stitches." The nurse gave Kate's monitors a nod and looked back at Kate. "I'm going to go get the Doctor so he can check you out and make sure everything's alright."

Kate nodded numbly, and the nurse promptly left the room, leaving Kate once again alone with her thoughts.

People had come into the room after Alexis had left? She had no idea. She had been so overcome by her emotions that she didn't even realize other people were in the room with her. She felt her cheeks begin to heat up. That did not happen to her. Katherine Beckett never lost composure and if she did, she made sure she could hide it. Kate clenched her fists. She swore to herself a long time ago that no one was ever going to see her break down.

When had everything spun so completely out of control?

She knew the answer immediately: everything changed the moment she approached Richard Castle at his book party three years ago.

Before then, Kate had been in total control of herself. She managed to hide the fact that she was hurting on the inside and funnel it into her work. She surrounded her disappointment and anger with a wall of stone and projected nothing but determination and drive.

She had to be strong to keep what was left of her broken family together. Kate couldn't afford to wallow in her own grief because she was too busy trying to pull her father out of his own. And she managed. Kate got herself into therapy to try and fix what was broken in her life. She learned to live with her pain. She learned to move on. At least, that's what she told herself. What she really did was become apathetic.

And then Richard Castle entered her life and all the feelings she had long ago suppressed bubbled back to the surface and seeped out of her pores. At first, she constantly felt annoyed by her constant shadow. She couldn't bite back the agitation quick enough to hide it. And Rick Castle knew exactly what he was doing to her. He teased her mercilessly, always having a witty comeback for anything she said.

But soon things changed.

Instead of feeling constantly annoyed at Rick, she began to feel content. His presence in the seat next to her desk became a welcome addition to her precinct life. She would banter right back and knock him off balance and she felt as though her smiles were once again becoming genuine. They would flirt and tease each other and generally just have fun together. It wasn't awkward anymore. It became comfortable.

Before she knew it, those feelings evolved again.

Somewhere over the course of their time together, everything became so much more serious than she had ever intended them to be. She kept forgiving him whenever he hurt her because she wanted him to be there in her life. The subtle glances lasted longer, the flirting had a newfound edge underneath it, and the trust they began to have in each other rivaled the trust that Kate had only put in her mother. Somewhere along the way, their friendship turned into a partnership. Somehow, comfortable transformed into secure.

With Castle, she felt important. With Rick, she felt safe.

I'm not the only one he's willing to die for anymore.

Alexis' words circled through her head, her heart momentarily speeding up the same way it had the night before.

That was the whole issue right?

Rick and Kate had insinuated themselves so deeply into each other's lives that the need to protect each other was second nature. If one of them saw the other in any sort of immediate danger, their only priority became to get the other one out of there safely, regardless of their own safety. It's why Rick didn't think twice about staying in the city with her while he sent his mother and daughter away from a dirty bomb; he didn't want her to face any of that alone. It's why she hadn't thought twice about shooting Dick Coonan the moment he aimed his gun at her partner; even then losing Castle wasn't an option. He held her while they were freezing to death, came up with a ruse that saved not only her life but Ryan and Esposito's as well, and beat up a trained assassin with his bare fist before he was going to shoot her.

He tried to take a bullet for her.

If you don't care about him then stop being so damn selfish and let him go.

Kate took a deep breath and let it out slowly, taking satisfaction in the slight discomfort it caused in her chest.

Kate was fully aware the Rick would do almost anything for her. He'd proved that on multiple occasions. But the problem was that Kate let him. She let him get away with putting himself in danger to take care of her, knowing full well that Rick had a daughter he needed to go home to every night. She knew how much it would devastate Alexis if she lost her father so young, especially since he was the only person in her life that had consistently been there for her.

Kate had made a promise to herself as soon as she found out Rick had a daughter. She swore to herself that she was never going to put Castle in a situation where she couldn't protect him. Kate made a vow that she was never going to allow Alexis to become a victim of uncertainty and murder like she had been. She was never going to tell her that her father wasn't ever coming home again.

And yet he was still in her life, standing in front of dirty bombs holding her hand, being stuck in freezers trying the keep her alive, and trying to push her out of the way of speeding bullets.

She was breaking her promise daily.

Kate was so surprised when she felt a hand fall on her shoulder, she almost jumped. She quickly snapped her eyes up and met the concerned gaze of her doctor. The pink quickly made its way back onto her cheeks. She had spaced out. Again.

"Good morning, Detective." Her doctor said kindly.

"Good morning," she responded quietly.

The doctor, clearly sensing that she wasn't up for talk, removed his hand from her shoulder. He took a deep breath, pulled a pair of rubber gloves out of his pocket and snapped them on. "Well then," he said, infusing optimism into his voice, "Let's get you all checked out so you don't have to see me again until dinner."

Kate smiled slightly at her doctor's attempt at humor, but it didn't reach her eyes. She couldn't stop thinking.

I want my Dad to be there when I graduate high school and college.

The doctor lifted her wrist and checked her pulse.

I want my dad to walk me down the aisle and dance with me on my wedding day.

She felt the cold metal of the stethoscope press into her back as the doctor listened to her breath.

I want my dad to help me raise my kids the same way he raised me.

Kate felt the doctor press a new bandage over her vicious, red stitches.

And he can't do that if he's dead.

"Alright, Detective," the doctor said, taking off his gloves. "You're all set for the day. Luckily you didn't pull out any stitches last night, but you came close. They'll probably be a little more tender today…" He paused for a moment, "there's a man in the waiting room who wants to see you. You feeling up to it?"

Kate, nodded numbly, assuming the man was Castle. They needed to talk about what happened, no matter how badly she wanted to ignore the conversation.

"Alright, I'll send him in," the doctor said, he began to walk out of her room. "Take it easy, Detective Beckett."

Kate glared at his retreating form. As if she was going to be doing anything physically demanding being stuck in this hospital bed.

Kate was still glaring at the door when a form emerged from the other side. It was, however, not the man she expected to see this morning.

"Hey, Katie," Jim Beckett said cheerfully, moving closer to his daughter's bedside. He leaned down and kissed her on the cheek.

Kate gave her father a small smile, truly happy that he was here. Jim sat down in the empty chair next to her bed and they sat for a moment in silence.

"Alright…" Jim finally said, grabbing her hand. "What's wrong?"

"What makes you think something's wrong?" she asked as innocently as possible.

"Your smile's not the same," he said. He paused for a minute and gave her a smile, "And you haven't asked me what I'm doing here yet."

Kate didn't have to know that the nurses had already informed him about his daughter's episode the night before while he was out in the waiting room. He knew his daughter, and didn't want her to stress out about the fact that news of her breakdown was common knowledge in the whole ICU.

Kate almost rolled her eyes at her father's comment, but she quickly realized by the look in his eyes that he was not going to let it go like he normally would.

"Rick and I had an argument last night…" she said quietly, avoiding eye contact with her father. "… About my safety. It got him kicked out of the hospital. And then…" she took a deep breath, "Alexis stopped by later that night, and told me to stop 'leading Castle on.' She told me to stop being so selfish and let him go back to being her dad."

Kate caused for a moment, moisture forming in the corner of her eyes without her consent. But she wouldn't cry again. She would not allow herself to lose control in front of her father.

"She's right," she finally whispered. "I'm being so selfish with him, Dad. I always want him around and I shouldn't…"

"That's because you care about him, Katie."

She knew she should try to fight it, but she couldn't anymore. She did care about him. She cared more than she liked to admit. But she knew she shouldn't. That was the problem. It was becoming harder and harder to fight the reason she had given herself to fight her feelings; they worked together, she had a boyfriend, he was just wanted her for the challenge. She was lying to herself and she knew it, but that didn't mean she was going to give in. They worked well just the way they were. Kate wasn't willing to lose what they already have. She wasn't sure she'd be able to deal with it.

She hated herself for that.

She shook her head slightly to clear her head and went back to the conversation at hand.

"I know that he's in danger, Dad. I know it and I let him stay anyway when my life is none of his concern."

"Katie, if you think you're going to be able to keep that man out of your life, you're sadly mistaken."

She ignored the butterflies that threatened to fly away in her stomach.

"This is my job. Not his. It isn't his fight, Dad."

"Katie…" he said firmly, "that man cares about you. You're going to have a hell of a time trying to get him to back down. He's almost as stubborn as you are."

"He has a family, Dad. A daughter and a mother who would be absolutely devastated if he never came home again."

"And you don't?" His voice was calm and soft and it completely disarmed any retort she was planning to make. If there was one thing about being in the hospital, she realized just how big her family was when the entire precinct gang plus the Castle clan were camped out in the waiting room until she woke up. They all cared about her just as she cared about them.

Jim continued, "Do you remember when your mother used to have 'family' dinners. She'd spend all afternoon cooking and we'd set the table for three people and she would say we needed at least five more table settings or else we wouldn't all fit? She'd invite our friends and our neighbors and coworkers to eat with us. She used to say…"

"Your real family members are the people you aren't related to, but chose to eat their meals with you anyway. I remember…" Kate said.

Jim nodded. He knew she would remember, "What I'm trying to say is that family cares more about you than you seem to realize or care to admit, and you care about them, too."

Kate dipped her head and gnawed on her lower lip.

Jim squeezed her hand, "I think it's time for you to finally accept what has been staring at you for quite some time now." Jim leaned forward and, with his free hand, gently tilted her head so they were looking in each others eyes. "It's time to jump into life."

She gave her father a small smile at the use of one of her Mother's old lines. Johanna was always telling Kate that in order to live a fulfilling life, you just had to take a deep breath and jump in, risks and all.

Kate was about to reply when she heard a soft knock on the door. Both Jim and Kate looked up in surprise and stared at the door.

Rick was hovering in the doorway, looking clean-shaven and put together and anything but well rested. He broke the silence first.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled quietly. "I'll come back…"

Jim shook his head. He gave Kate's hand an extra squeeze and stood up, "I was just about to leave anyway. I have a meeting with my sponsor in a little bit." Jim leaned down and kissed Kate on the forehead. With his lips still pressed against her forehead, he whispered so only she could hear, "Take a deep breath… and jump."

I'm sorry the beginning seems so choppy. You can clearly tell what point in writing I was at when my entire house started shaking. hahahaha
As always, Love it? Hate it? Have any interesting earthquake stories? Let me know what you think.