Chapter Four
In the dark I see you perfectly. My one and only desire. In my arms I feel you dance for me. You've set my world on fire.
I felt the breath leave my lungs in a flash as he sang. My heart had been electrocuted. I had to close my eyes as his voice filled the auditorium, bouncing off the walls and echoing through my body. I stood, paralyzed. Then, as I slowly opened my eyes, the lights came on in a brilliant flash.
There he was.
Damien stood in the center of the stage in a tight black t-shirt and jeans, only feet away from me. The previously silent crowd went wild, screaming with deafening volume. He smirked, standing in place as the band began to play. He waited, exerting his power over the raging fans begging for more. Finally he moved, made his way to the edge of the stage in a slow stalk. The screaming hit new heights. He tossed his hair as he spun, sweat flying in the lights, and then crouched down, leaning forward until the front row audience members could almost touch him and then backing away with a smile. He was playing the audience with every move, and they were like putty in his hands. I stood, mouth open in awe, as he danced his way across the ramps while the band played a solo. The crowd clung to him like iron to a magnet, desperate for anything he would give them. As he hit his final note, the lights blazed a vibrant blood red before going out completely.
His second song was with a guest artist…some famous singer named Missy Bryant who I remembered hearing girls at school gush over. She joined in his power ballad and the two sang to one another. The audience seemed to enjoy seeing another celebrity perform, but it was obvious they wanted Damien all to themselves and one duet was enough. Another blackout hit and then the next song began. The process continued. The audience seemed to grow even more energetic as the night wore on and I lost myself in their screams, watching blackout after blackout. The screams never stopped and the fans never tired. If anything, they grew stronger with every new song.
I realized I had been holding my breath. I looked around with a gasp. How long had the show been going on? I desperately sucked in air and tried still the pounding in my chest. It was as if I had fallen asleep, but I remembered every second of every song with vibrant detail. I jumped back as the technical team swarmed around me backstage, calling cues and grabbing water bottles and towels. This must be the last number.
The lights slowly came back up. Damien sat at a piano and began playing a beautiful ballad. I blinked in confusion. Why did he even need pianists if he could play so well himself? Slowly, lights began flickering in the audience as people pulled out their phones to wave in time with the beat. He had captured them one last time, now in the mournful cry of a broken heart.
The rain hits your lips and I remember that kiss. But when the night comes and the thunder claps, it is him in your arms and you that I miss. You and those lips like lightening.
Tears stung my eyes and I attempted to blink them away. I peeked into the crowd and saw thousands of expressions mirroring my own. Every face in that audience was captivated. The piano blocked Damien from my view, and yet I could feel every word come off his lips like he was singing them to an empty room. The last chord rang with finality. I watched as he stood and welcomed his band to the front, all bowing for the screaming fans. I was motionless, frozen in place and still entranced. Damien took one closing bow and then made his way off the stage.
Directly towards me.
Body jolting into action, I turned and ran as quickly as I could through the backstage maze. People swarmed the hallways, rushing in all directions as the break down and packing began. Every twist of the hallway led me in a new direction, and it didn't take long to realize I had no clue how to get outside and back to the bus.
"Layla girl!"
I whipped around at the feeling of a hand on my shoulder and sighed with relief. Dani hardly looked like herself, sucked into a tight costume and buried under heavy makeup.
"Hey, are you okay?" She frowned. "Come with me, you can hang out in the dressing room while I change."
"Actually…" The last thing I wanted was to be near people. I needed time to process everything that had happened. I fumbled for the words.
"It will only be a couple minutes. I just need to hang up my costume and then we can head back to the bus. Come on."
Dani took my hand, still worried. I followed her further down the hall to a set of red doors with paper name cards. She opened the one marked "dancers – female" and blast of noise hit my ears. The room was packed and chaotic. I pulled my hand from her grasp and attempted a casual smile.
"I'll just wait out here for you." I gestured to an alcove outside the doorway.
"You sure?"
"I'm okay, really! I'll just be right here." Dani closed the dressing room door and I collapsed outside in a nearby armchair.
Alright, time to figure out what the hell just happened. What was going on with me? I was acting like a thirteen year old girl. Damien Reeves was clearly a showman. He knew how to wrap people around his finger, but that didn't mean I had to let him do the same to me. Clearly I was blowing the whole concert out of proportion.
But it was really that amazing.
There was something about the way he sang. I had never let a person have as much power over me as he did those two hours. For once in my life, I had had no control. It was terrifying and thrilling at the same time. I felt alive.
But now I had to get a hold of myself. I was twenty-two years old and it was time to act like it. This was a perfect example of the power of music. It was beautiful and life-changing and I could appreciate it as a fellow performer without acting like a complete idiot.
I took a deep breath.
"Oh, here she is. Hey Layla, this is-"
I froze.
"…anyway, you know him of course. I just wanted you guys to meet officially. Layla will be your personal slave to the keys as long as you need her. She is quite something." Mick finished with a smile.
I stood slowly, body tense as a board. I reached out numbly and took Damien's hand in my own. Our eyes locked for a split second and then he looked away.
"Good to meet you." He gave a nod and dropped my hand as abruptly as he had taken it, walking away. Mick smiled apologetically and followed.
I sunk back into the chair like I had been punched in the stomach.
"Hey girl, you ready?" Dani stopped in front of me and frowned. "What's wrong, Layla?"
"Nothing." I shook my head and quickly stood, grabbing her hand. "Let's go."
We hurried back to the bus, but the inside was teeming with noise and excitement. I sat for a moment and tried to fit into the chaos, but my mind was racing so fast that all I needed was quiet.
"When do we leave?" I asked Dani.
"Not for another couple of hours. They won't finish packing until two or three in the morning."
I thought for a moment. "Is there anywhere else with a piano?"
"I know there was a warm-up room inside the arena. First door on the left I think. Otherwise the only other piano is in Damien's bus."
"Thanks." I smiled gratefully and grabbed my bag, stepping out of the bus into the warm night air. The silence was a sharp contrast to the earlier noise of the crowds. My ears felt fuzzy, softly ringing. This must be why everyone backstage wore earplugs. I would be deaf in a couple months if I didn't get with the program. I crept around the crew as they carried heavy pieces to one of the buses and snuck in the back door. The first door on the left was unlocked and I sighed with relief as my eyes fell on an old upright Yamaha sitting in the corner of the small room.
Collapsing on the piano bench, I ran my fingers over the keys tenderly and then began to play. My eyes closed. I played about leaving my family, about leaving my friends, about going to the concert, about meeting Damien. I played about green eyes and pain and hope and fear and everything in between. I asked the piano how to fix everything, and the piano answered, carrying my fingers in a tornado across the keys. By the time my hands stilled I felt better. Here was something I knew. Something I could trust. I basked in the silence for a minute until it was too deafening to bear. Then I played a soft chord and started singing.
When the ground lifts up to take me, and the shadows in the air hate me, you know where I'll go. The dust will wrap me softly, and the breath will leave my lungs. But if you reach out and touch me, my soul will come undone.
I smiled as the song took shape in my mind. This was always how it worked for me. An idea formed, a melody sunk into my brain and then the words just followed. It was a guilty pleasure that no one else knew about, not even Maddie. Getting the words out always made things seem more manageable. I stopped and started again, going on to a second verse this time.
"What is that?"
Oh god. I stilled. Breathe. I was afraid to turn around.I could hear his footsteps come into the room as the door closed. He stopped behind me, so close that I could feel the heat from his chest on the back of my neck. We stayed in uncomfortable silence for several seconds.
"What are you playing?"
I didn't respond. What was I supposed to say? My mouth went dry and I felt him lean over me. His chest touched my shoulder and I jumped up, knocking the bench over in the process.
"Sorry. I'm in your way." I mumbled. I walked quickly to the door and bolted out the entrance into the dark. The stars were dull in California. Even with a clear night they shone like muddled beacons, nothing like they did back in Pullman. Leaning against the brick wall of the arena, I sank to the ground and looked up to the sky.
What the hell was wrong with me?