It has been a week since Olivia's revelation. As Elliot gives her the silent treatment, what steps does she take to rectify her mistakes?

It was weak and it was poor decision making, but somehow I ended up back in the arms of the wrong man. Back in his bed. I needed to feel something other than sad, even if it was only for a moment, and even if afterwards I was left feeling even more depressed as a consequence.

With every touch, I pictured Elliot's hands. And with every kiss, I dreamt of Elliot's lips. And as Ed was on top of me, I imagined the way that Elliot's chest would feel against mine. It was unhealthy. While physically my body was connected to Ed's, true intimacy is of the heart and mind, and I had left both of those in Elliot's apartment the previous week. There I was, fantasizing about one man while having sex with the man who was keeping us apart. Ironic.

It was twisted, but it felt amazing. The idea of Elliot thrusting inside me, touching me where Ed was, pulling my hair, biting my ear, making me feel good. Ed had always performed well between the sheets and being honest, that was the only reason I kept coming back. It was purely superficial. We had nothing in common other than that pure, animal instinct. That was what drew me in on that drunken night when this all started. I needed someone to take control and he was there, and willing to do just that. I can't explain it, but it happened.

But this night had been unlike any other. The ecstasy was unlike ever before. I could feel my body trembling to Elliot's rhythmic thrusting. I mean Ed's. The two men had become a single entity in my mind, while I knew the truth, I was able to deny it for long enough to pretend that it was Elliot who was unloading inside me. My whole body convulsed, and as it did I opened my mouth to say his name - 'E…' Fortunately, I also opened my eyes to Ed, intently staring back at me, which was the rude awakening I needed to save myself from screaming the name that I was thinking. The name of the man that had really got me there that night.

After the deed, I felt particularly dirty. I covered myself, rolled to my side and faced the wall. As I lay there my mind became stuck in a pit of self-loathing. Ed's voice acted as a very real reminder of where I was but it also interrupted the tears that were about to start flowing. It was bittersweet.

'You're not usually this shy,' he said, moving his hand under the sheets and down my body. His touch made me flinch. When it was silent I could pretend it wasn't him, but his voice, so distinctively husky and low, made it impossible. 'Have I done something? Are you mad at me for something?'

I'm mad at myself I thought.

'I'm sorry,' I said, sitting up and beginning to dress myself. 'I've got a lot going on.'

'Well, I can help you forget about it again,' he said, as he kissed my neck from behind. Even without looking I could picture the smirk on his face. His tone went from playful to serious as he continued. 'Or we could talk about it? You know I am capable of more than just sex?'

'I know, and that's sweet… Which makes this hard…' I said as I turned to face him. He had a look of disappointment which surprised me. I thought we were both aware of the impermanence of our arrangement and the looming expiry date we faced.

'Oh boy. I know where this is going. Come on, let's hear it.'

'I think that this… Us… I think we've run our course. Don't you? It's been a lot of fun, it really has.'

'But…' He replied, preempting my excuses.

'But, I'm in a different place from when we met. Maybe we both are? As so… Maybe we don't make sense anymore? I just think it's time we call it quits - before things get messy'

'Is this because I suggested that we talk about things? You know we can still keep things the way they are and have the occasional conversation about how we're feeling?'

'No we can't Ed. Feelings make sex complicated and I've dealt with enough complicated in my life.' Up until that moment I had done rather well at hiding my true motivations, but I knew from his reaction to my last comment that I had been caught out. Dressed, I stood and attempted to take my first step towards the door, making a quick escape before things became difficult.

However, before I could move my feet Ed reached out for my hand, anchoring me to his bedside. My feet, planted like roots were unable to move. 'This isn't about me is it?' Asked Ed, looking up at me.

'What do you mean?' I said, deciding to play dumb. The trouble was that Ed was no fool.

'A friend at the courthouse tells me Elliot Stabler's finally getting divorced.' He looked at me before continuing, 'but I'm sure you know that already.' He forced out a defeated smile, one that didn't convey any happiness, but instead suggested that he understood.

'You're a good man, Ed. You really are.'

'But I'm not Elliot Stabler,' he said, waving his figurative white flag in the air.

Ed wasn't perfect but he had been there for me and he deserved honesty. So that's what I gave him, raw honesty. 'I love him, Ed. I've loved him for fourteen years. I'm not sure if I know anything else.'

'I get it. You don't have to justify yourself to me. Let's not pretend to be something we're not.' He let go of my hand, setting me free and releasing me to the wild. I couldn't tell if his nonchalance was genuine or a cover for any feelings he may have developed. 'But, if you do change your mind…' He said, patting the space on the bed beside him. Although he seemed hurt, he maybe wasn't ready to close our chapter completely.

'I know where you are,' I smiled. As I made my exit, I took one look back at him. 'And just to be clear, those things I said, about you being a good man? You know, if you tell anyone about that, I will have to kill you.' He laughed, and I left.

While that door of my life had firmly closed, it was unclear whether the next would ever be willing to open for me.