Doc Martin is owned by Buffalo Pictures. I own nothing related to it but enjoy it immensely.
Have been encouraged to use better punctuation, especially around dialogue. Hope this works.
A Marriage of Inconvenience
Another probing question during the wedding preparations: How to raise their children? In the church, outside the church, public schooling, private schooling, athletic, musical, studious, freewheeling, readers, video-game players, with what values, experiences, moral guidance?
Harking back to Louisa's awful neighbors, the pretentious psychologist, his wife Terri and their undisciplined son, Sam, Martin and Louisa knew several things about child rearing: a child needs boundaries set and a few rules to live by, nearly as much as he or she needed love, and the basics, like food and shelter. As to the other things, well, they hadn't really had conversations around them yet.
Martin was of the opinion that they should provide the minimal answers to get them through the pre-marital counseling with Father Jack, receive permission to be married in the church, and move through the process as quickly (and painlessly) as possible. Louisa, on the other hand, welcomed the opportunity to force a few conversations with Martin. It was one of the things that both attracted and frightened Martin, because he knew conversations were, for him, like minefields. Without realizing it, he would step onto a conversational landmine, or launch a verbal grenade, without knowing exactly where the danger lay.
Another question: What are the signs of a successful marriage? They each had to provide a list of such signs, which they would discuss with Father Jack. And remember, this was the question that pretty much stopped Martin the first time they hadn't quite made it to the altar.
Martin's list was practical: they should love each other, he should provide for them (by provision, he meant a safe home, nutritious diet and plenty of exercise), they should bring up Philip to be a healthy, happy child. More recently, he had learned that he should also contribute on some level to Louisa's happiness by telling her once in a while why he loved her. In this way, he could somewhat answer the question that had caused their circuitous route to the altar … do I make her happy?
Louisa's list was more heart-centric: they love each other, they love their son, family and friends, they should try and understand each other, they should listen to each other, they should build a loving and safe home together, they should both contribute to their home, they should provide their child with a wonderful education and bring him up knowing he was loved and wanted.
At their premarital counseling session, Father Jack asked them to read each other's answers.
He asked them, "What does it mean to love each other? You each have that at the top of your lists, but it's literally the shortest thing on each of your lists. What does loving each other mean to you?"
"Providing a safe and healthy home environment," said Martin.
"Showing you and telling you how much you mean to me," said Louisa.
Father Jack immediately responded to their descriptions, "Exactly. Each of your answers is correct, but do you see how they differ? For Martin, one of the most loving things he can think of doing is making sure you're provided for, Louisa."
As she answered that observation, Louisa said to Martin, "Don't get me wrong, that's fine with me, but all I really want, from time to time, is to hear you say that you love me and Philip, and that you want to be with us."
Once again, Martin was a bit confused as he said, "Of course I want to be with you. I told you once, I can't bear to be apart and that's still true. I am not in the habit of openly discussing my feelings. It's … not natural."
"What's not natural is not letting the most important people in your life know how important they are, especially when one of those people is me," said Louisa, a little miffed.
Father Jack jumped back in, "Louisa, Martin is giving you some very honest feedback. It's not natural, to use his words, for him to say these things. Maybe over time and with some effort on his part, Martin will learn to use words as well as actions to show you how much he loves you. And you, Louisa, might remember that these words from him are … well, they're special, aren't they? You can set the example by thanking him for all the things he does for you and Philip."
Louisa was a little chagrined to realize that she was as much to blame for their communications breakdowns as Martin, and decided she would do exactly as had been suggested. The truth was, they could all benefit from a little more civility to each other as they started their new life together.
In all other areas of the counseling, they adopted Martin's more direct, less detailed, approach – try and get through so they could marry and get on with their lives. It was a good decision.