Thanks for all the lovely reviews. :) I don't own The Divergent Trilogy.
Dearest Tris,
14 months isn't really all that long in the grand scale of the world, but it can be a long time when you miss someone. It's even longer when you know that they can't come back to you, no matter how much they want too.
I understand now. I know that you didn't do it to be a hero, to die for your cause. You did it because you had an Abnegation heart, no matter how Dauntless your mind was. You did it because you knew what love was, and you knew that self-sacrifice should not be done for forgiveness, but because you love someone enough to be so completely selfless that you wouldn't even ask to keep your life. In that sense, you were perfect, and your parents would be so proud.
When I look back at the person I was before I met you, I realise how cold I truly was. I wanted to die, which would have been selfish. I was too busy hating who I was, what I'd chosen, and what had happened to me to realise that there are people who care for me. You were the one who made me realize how amazing life can be, if you let it. I never repaid you for that, and now I'll never get the chance.
Things have got easier. I know that I may not make it sound like they have, but I'm in a better place now. It would be stupid of me to think that I could ever stop missing you because I won't, and I know that. Going from knowing you to missing you is still one hundred times better than never having known you. I pity those who never got the chance too, and respect those that did because I know that you would have changed their lives. Just, maybe not like you changed mine.
If I'm being honest, Tris, I knew that from the moment I first saw you that you would be my salvation. That you would save us all just by being. You held your head high and you were stronger than anyone I had ever met. I suppose it was obvious from then that you would have to leave us, because the good things never last long.
Things have definitely got better, Tris, but every time I think I think of the life we could have had together it as if I have been kicked in the chest. When I see someone that loved you I want to push them away, because I know that they could never have loved you as much as I did- as much as I still do. You were my figurative angel, and now you are my literal one.
I suppose that's a nice thought, really. That even know I cannot see you or hear your laugh you are always watching over me and protecting me. Things haven't really changed at all then, because that's exactly what you did when you were still here with me.