She blinks, trying to rid herself of tears. She sits on the edge of her bathtub in her bathrobe. She stares at her hands. They tremble as the palms face the ceiling. She stares at the scar on her left hand. Now she understood. She understood why Jane tried not to look at her hands. It was just a patch of imperfect skin, but it was a daily reminder. A reminder of a feeling of terror that no one should ever have to experience.
The phone on the bathroom counter begins to vibrate. She returns to reality. She stands up, and quickly wanders over to the phone. She grabs the phone off the counter. She doesn't bother looking at the screen, she just answers.
"Hello?"
"Where are you?" A familiar voice questions.
"I'll be there soon."
"Where did you go? One minute you were here, and then you were gone."
"I..."
"Don't tell me that you went home to shower again."
"Sorry."
"Maura...tomorrow,"
"You say that everyday."
"I mean it. Tomorrow you are going to sit down with a therapist. The way that you're dealing with this is not healthy."
"What do you want me to say?"
"Just hurry up," Jane hangs up in irritation.
Hours later Jane goes into the morgue. She slips in quietly. Maura doesn't look up.
"Why do you have to tiptoe around everywhere?"
"Maura I'm a cop, being quiet is part of the job."
"Well..."
Jane answers before Maura can finish her sentence, "I know, I need to try not to sneak up on people."
"Exactly. Do you need something?" Jane asks as she reaches for a scalpel.
"I was wondering if you're up for dinner."
"I'm getting ready to open this guy up," she replies.
"Can you make it snappy? I'm hungry."
"Can you wait an hour?"
"It's only going to take an hour?"
Maura holds the scalpel. Jane immediately notices that her hand is shaking.
"Why don't we eat, and then you can do your... thing?"
"I don't think that's a good idea."
"Why not?"
"I just don't," she admits.
"Your reason?"
"I don't know. It's going to rain, don't you think?"
Jane glances at her own hand for a millisecond, "It's going to pour, what's your point? Since when have you ever been bothered by rain?"
"I just..."
"If you don't want to go just say so."
"It's not that."
"So what then?"
"I'm just not hungry."
"Not hungry or..."
"Jane," she groans.
"Fine, but if you need me I'll be having dinner... alone."
"Now you're trying to make me feel guilty."
"Is it working?"
"You're being very childish right now?"
"Not to try to play on...," she redirects, "Doesn't it ever bother you to be down here all by yourself with all these dead bodies, late at night?"
"First of all it's not late at night," Maura checks her watch, "It's seven thirty, and it's not the dead that I worry about."
"So what's the answer to the dinner question?"
She lays the scalpel aside. "Fine," she agrees.
The following morning Jane meet's Maura in the morgue. Jane places two cups on Maura's desk. Maura doesn't look up from the computer.
"I brought you something," Jane starts the conversation.
Maura looks over at her. "Coffee?"
"You can have mine," she offers.
"What did you bring me?"
"Hot chocolate. You were just saying yesterday how you felt in the mood for hot chocolate."
"Thank you," Maura takes the cup. She pulls the cup to her lips, but before she can take a drink she catches a whiff. She slams the cup back down on the counter.
"Something wrong?" Jane questions.
Maura doesn't reply. She jumps out of her seat.
"Are you ok? You don't look so good," Jane comments noting that all color has drained from Maura's face.
Maura grimaces, "I don't think so," she admits. She rushes over to the sink. Jane jumps up. Acting quickly, grabbing her hair just before she vomits into the sink. After heaving, Maura takes a moment to catch her breath. She grips the side of the stainless steel sink. Jane steps away. She empties the cups into another sink, and rinses them out. She tosses them in the garbage.
Maura returns to her seat, after rinsing her mouth out. Jane watches her closely.
"You want me to get you some mouthwash?"
"No I've got a toothbrush, and some mouthwash in my purse."
"Do you always carry a toothbrush, and mouthwash?"
"Uh... sometimes."
"What's going on?"
"Nothing, I'm fine," her cheeks redden.
"Don't lie. You're not good at it," Jane warns.
"I should finish my report..."
"Yeah, I'll head out."
Maura doesn't argue.
Twenty minutes later Jane is sitting at her desk. She finds herself staring at her desk calendar. She taps her pen on the desk.
"Something on your mind?" Frost questions from the other side of the desk.
"I should have known," she jiggles her leg.
"Known what?"
"Look at the date," she answers.
He looks at the date.
"So?"
"Three months to the day," she answers.
He takes another look at the date.
"She's acting weird?"
"-er than usual? Yeah," Jane nods.
"So..."
Jane takes a moment to think. Something pops into her head, "I've gotta go."
"Where?"
"Don't worry about it."