Cucumber was walking to the tunnel, as he held up his bicycle and prepared to ride off. He then revved the motors, pressing a button. Twin exhausts appear, as they appear from the back, while he rang the bell, signaling his green flag with his insignia: his face with a pickle in the background. He then placed a small pillow doll of his brother, Mike, and said, "Okay, little buddy~! I'm gonna enjoy riding off into the skies!"

He prepared, but was immovable. He then smiled, "Oh… I forgot to add fuel~!"

He opened the canister in the back and placed a dirty gum sock, a black banana peel, and his extra pickle. He revved off and said, "Okay! Countdown! 5! 4! 3! 2! Onn-!"

WHOOOOOOOOOOOSH!
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" He screamed, as the bicycle zoomed off, before he could finish the countdown.

He flew off, as he flew to the skies. He threw the Mike Pillow Doll and called, "BOMBS AWAY!"

The pillow fell, as it bounced off into a huge metallic box. It sprung out a corpse of a soldier of Dent's, showing a sign that says "DENT'S!"

A huge column toppled down, landing onto an open chasm, forming a bridge. Setsuna and Vincent gasped, as the column said "This way." Vincent moaned, "They don't pay me enough… But then again, I'm not even a year-out."

They went off, as Cucumber crashed near the citadel.

20 minutes ago…

(Vincent): Where have you been?

Cucumber disappeared, heading to a soldier, as he was scrounging in the box. He snuck behind him and stabbed him in the back with his katana. He then stuffed him inside, as he began to modify the box.

15 minutes ago…

Cucumber spray-painted the column, as he tilted the column forward a few centimeters. He walked off and vanished, after finishing his first pickle he was munching on.

The bike was destroyed in the crash, as he cheered, unscathed and unharmed, "WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-HOO-HOO-HOO! THAT WAS AWESOME!"

Wasn't it rude of us to let your allies be far away from the battle?

"Hey, even if they're on my payroll, screw them!" Cucumber barked, "Dent and Dr. Gel are mine! This is my fic! We're ending this!"

He rushed off, as a woman in silver hair and with blue eyes and white eyeliner, wearing a revealing silver uniform, with big breasts and a Teigu tattoo on her chest, watched on. She whispered, "Oh, this is perfect… My master brought me back from the dead, only to get back at the Night Raid jerks. I want to have Tatsumi back to life. And freezing the Cucumber Man will be easy."

Akame ga Kill's Esdeath (back from the dead)

She dashed off, as Cucumber saw the platforms freezing, as he asked, "What the hell? Did Sub-Zero had an open contract?"

He didn't… But someone knew about you…

Esdeath appeared, as Cucumber asked, "Huh? You mean Snow White here?"

Boner engaged!

Is she-? Fuck! She's one of the Imperial Army members, the Jaegers!

Cucumber saluted, "Ja wohl, hot tits! What are you even doing here?"

"Your fic is in need of a little harem and sexuality… Perhaps maybe we can fight… for Dent's sake. My master wishes to end you, so I can have Tatsumi's head."

"Uh… NEWS FLASH – The head of Makoto Ito is not Tatsumi."

Read the script.

"I don't care!" She roared, "He's LIKE my Tatsumi! He broke my heart and I won't be broken, again!"

She formed an icy aura, as Cucumber said, "Dude… What are you, an ice mage?"

"Something like that. I have an Imperial Arms that can use ice powers. But I'm dead. So, it infuses into me, since I am a powerful undead goddess of ice! And death awaits you!"

She fired ice javelins, as he dodged out of the way. He cried out, "YAAAAAAH! DAMN IT ALL! THEY ALL COME HERE! DID MIZ-K HIRE NEW ANIMES?"

He didn't use other characters, well-known.

Yeah! Where's Akame? She's awesome!

Cucumber ran off being chased by the ice attacks. He shrieked, "HEY, NERD! IS THIS YOUR IDEA OF FANSERVICE? Where's Admiral Akainu when you need him? I've seen One Piece, where he bested Aokiji!"

I don't think the Marines will assist you… seeing you're a nut case and a murderer.

"HEY! I murder people, for the hell of it, and because I kill evildoers!"

Esdeath hissed, "You think you, a mass-murderer, can best me?"

"Watch it, Frosty! Cucumber isn't a man of murder! I kill, just to be for justice! Lemme tell you something, Ice Nips! I was in a computer club, during my high school days in Syracuse. I flunked out in college exams, and started to run a major in Canada's Most Elite Technology Club. But flunked that, too, only to be belted by electric waves of digital information. Anyway, the guy who idolizes Jack Klugman, well, I've seen every episode of Quincy, and NOT The Odd Couple! I'm a comedian, but I ain't that funny! And then, I became one with my powers, but Fouronica came along, and became Field Marshal Gallstone. But we got annexed by a million people. Then I met Becky, the love of my life, only for your master, Dent, to murder her! I swore myself into perma-celibacy, but I am fawned by beautiful women! After that, my smartness, superspeed, and strength increased, and I became the man with a combination of Klugman, Lewis, Howard, North, and Wilson! Don't believe me, look it up! And by the way, Seiyu is an awful sadist, since she's always shouting for justice, but she's a total fuckhead loser, like you! And I'm saying that, because you're labelled as antagonistic!"

She gasped, as Cucumber built an ice sculpture of the Fouronica symbol, as he said, flipping the bird, "Hey, Esdeath! Welcome to my fic, Akame ga K-bag! (Damn! That came out wrong!)"

Nice carving skills.

"You… You bald-headed freak… What on earth is-?"

She blushed, as she went closer to him, feeling aroused. Cucumber stepped back, as she held her sword up. He asked, "Uh… … …What the fuck is she-?"

She held his hands and whispered, "What's your name? I never sensed someone with a massive skill, other than your bizarre style."

Cucumber said, "Jerry. People call me Cucumber, because-. Eh, you get the idea."

She blushed, as she kneeled down, reaching for his pants, "I think I know why… Lemme see your cucumber…"

PUNT!
"HEY, BACK OFF!" He kicked her off, as her body was nudging, and her big breasts wiggling, "NO ONE SUCKS FROM DOWN THERE!"

Down where?

He did a D-X chop and said, "Down THERE!"

She kneeled up and moaned, "As you wish…"

They kissed, as Cucumber felt the passion, despite that he's a little pissed off. He thought, "Okay, seriously? This frostbite woman is trying to kill me, and now suddenly, she's into me!"

It's your fic. And you said that you're into Becky. But, spoiler alert, she's dead!

Yeah! Have sex with Esdeath! It's a dream come true!

He moaned, as he kissed, but thought aloud, "Fuck. I don't know. Would Becky approve it?"

The scene turned white, as Esdeath was on a boat with Cucumber. She sang to him, wearing a revealing white evening gown, while Cucumber was still in his green shirt and white pants. She cuddled by him, as she French Kissed him, passionately. But then she whispered, "Your place or mine?"

He said, in romance, "Mine…"

Esdeath chuckled, "Hell, it is."

She vanished, as Cucumber was about to plummet into a waterfall.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! SHIT!"

The boat fell, but landed after only three feet. He sighed and groaned, "Yeah. That was a bit of a letdown. I think Esdeath was just punkin-. Ohhhhhhhhhhhh…"

He saw a huge waterfall, this time, only fifty feet tall. He griped, "Perfect."

He plummeted into his watery death, falling from the waterfall and into the jagged rocks. Esdeath giggled, as she blushed, "I didn't want to do this, but that Cucumber man was hot… Also, that was for insulting Seryu and her death. It's Seryu! Not Seiyu!"

She walked off, as she said, "It's a shame…"

Down below, Cucumber's boat was totaled into the jagged rocks, but his corpse was nowhere to be found.

"HEY! HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEY!" He cried out, "FOLLOW MY VOICE!"

The camera turned left, as Cucumber crawled up to a small island of rocks, as he coughed, "Man! I always fall for the Honeypot!"

Except with NO sex!

You always do that, Casanova…

You cannot cheat on Becky, but you ALWAYS cheat death!

He's the star of this fic! And who falls for the Honeypot?

Cucumber squeezed his head, squirting water from his ears, as he said, "OH! That is so rich! Esdeath is SO DEAD! Uh, again."

He crawled up the wall of rocks, as Esdeath was relaxing on the top of the mountain, in a beach chair, having an orange drink. She held her glass, with a curly straw, which formed a heart, and sipped in it. She said, "Cold day in Hell, huh, Jerry?"

She blushed, "Do me, right now…"

Cucumber made it to the top, as he moaned, "Okay, you dirty c(BEEP)! NO ONE makes me fall for the Honeypot, and gets away with it!"

Esdeath blushed, as she said, "Is that what you think? I only did it for everyone's sake… and to assure peace for justice. And you came along, and you're exactly like Tatsumi. Do me, and seduce me."

Cucumber barked, "What part of celibacy do you not understand?"

Yet you fawn at the ladies.

"Yeah, but I don't kiss them, or go to third base! That's for Becky!"

"You make me sick! You care for your dead ex? I am designed for proper sexual functions."

"Hey, believe me, you might wanna reconsider on the Mattie Herring campaign, Mata Hardy. Plus, I don't date fuck-bots, with big tits, savvy?"

He held up his katanas, as he roared, "Now, not to sound gay, but I have a date with a huge gorilla and a masked man, and you're in my way! That gorilla killed that yandere, took the not-Tatsumi head, and Dent returns, suddenly wanting my head! Now, I run into a groupie, like you, who is hot with F-cup boobs, and an icy look that can kill a guy that can suck face! Now, one side…"

Cucumber prepared, as Esdeath bowed her head in shame, as she whispered, "I'm so sorry… Master…"

She glowed in a bright icy aura, as she charged at him. Cucumber sliced through Esdeath, as he moaned, seeing Esdeath slashed in half, "Well, that was anti-climactic. Now, moving on."

Esdeath regenerated, as she formed two of her. Her long hair flowed over, covering her huge breasts, as she stepped forward. She removed her jacket, and showed her bare chest. She whispered, "Would you kill me, all for your vengeance, or for this love of my body? My heart is cold, but my body is re-!"

SLASH!
He decapitated her, and suddenly, she regenerated from her neckhole, as her tattoo blinked red, back and forth. She said, "Seriously… Deadpool's not the only one with regeneration skills. Esdeath is forever… You see, I am programmed to regenerate my body. I am invincible, as my master made me so."

Cucumber moaned, "Fuck! Did she steal my abilities?"

NO! She is just a copycat clone!

Wait… Isn't Esdeath dead already?

"Hey, yeah!" He barked, "But how can I end this Ice Queen?"

Esdeath glowed her eyes red, as she beeped, "Target: Jerry Holowitz… Objective: Kill… Such a waste of human life… no, error… Mallow life."

"You do know I am a little of both."

She's not listening.

Becky's ghost appeared, as she was behind Esdeath. She said, "Excuse me…"

Esdeath turned around, as Becky went through her. She winked, "Try melting her. I feel her shivering icy body within her."

Made of ice and snow? Figures.

"Thanks, Becky." He said, as he prepared a fire attack, "I have no fire abilities, but I know what is the perfect move."

He held up a slingshot and called, "HEY, FROSTY! Time to die!"

Esdeath cried, "MY LOVE!"

He flung upward, as a huge ball of fire was heading to the sky. It exploded, as it produced a huge sun. Cucumber wore shades and said, "Well, babe, how's that for a sexy beach fun?"

Esdeath was blinded by the sunlight, but then she started to sweat. Her skin was actually melting, as her body was turning into slush.

"OH, NO! Tatsumi… I am coming… I'm melting! MELTING! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

She was melting into a pile of water, as she moaned, "Jerry… It was not my fault… He made me do it… I… love you… I… always…"

She was reduced to a puddle, as her body melted away. Her last words were…
"Uh, narrator, I think she's not speaking, as a melted snow woman."

Esdeath's exoskeleton emerges, as she beeped, "SEDUCE ME! I LOVE YOU!"

Cucumber screamed, "KILL IT WITH FIRE!"

WHAM!
Becky's ghost whacks the robotic Esdeath exoskeleton with a mallet, as she winked, "Job done."

Esdeath was submerged into her own melted puddle, as Cucumber held his ghost wife and whispered, "My hero…"

The entire scene turned white, as Cucumber was back in his apartment, making out with Becky. They were on the couch, as Cucumber pinned Becky down, kissing her.

"Baby… You're the greatest…" He smiled.

She giggled, "See? I knew you wouldn't leave me."

"Trust me. No sex for me, at all. Only for you, my babe."

Becky sat up and pouted, "Well, that may be so… But I'm dead. It's time to move on, for our sake. I mean, you were entranced by Esdeath, and I had to step in. Besides, I'm just jealous of her."

"Hey, what can I say?"

Becky whispered, as she kissed him, "I'll never forget you. Forgive me, but… I think you should see other people. It's over! We're through! Britney and Justin has a snowball's chance of getting back together, as much as us!"

Cucumber cried, "WHAT? Is it a little too late for a breakup?"

Becky turned away, but said, "It's alright. I'll always be with you… in your dreams. And I'm saying it out of kindness and love. Goodbye, Jerry… I love you…"

She vanished into thin air, as Cucumber complained, "Great! Cock-blocked in my own fic, twice, already! Uh, Esdeath didn't count, since she was flirting with me."

He broke his own door down and appeared in a background of the Canadian flag, holding up his trademark weapons – twin cucumber-print machine guns. He posed, as pyrotechnics go off.

"See that, nerd? That's an "America FUCK YEAH!" moment!"

Subsiding his relationship matters, our intrepid hero is now in the huge hallway of Dent and Robecca, with portraits of themselves, all over the walls.

Isn't it nice of Becky to bring you to Dent's citadel, after that intimate moment with Esdeath?

At least we made it, before that huge Herculean Mammoth made it here.

"Yeah, but now, it could be any minute, now! Dent had to stall for time…" Cucumber said, "I blame Esdeath."

He griped, "OH, SHIT! I forgot to ask about Becky's demise! I forgot to ask her what happened that day!"

Don't worry, you got one chapter to go. Now, let's kick some ass!

A couple of Dent's evil soldiers appeared, dressed in black uniforms, as they charged at him. One soldier cried out, "LOOK! It's the Cucumber Man! GET HIM!"

Cucumber smiled, "You guys are so predictable! I like it!"

He fired at the soldiers, "BANG! BANG-BANG-BANG! BANG! BANG!"

Most of the soldiers fell dead, as he was excited, "HO, man! Becky Fisher, I think you gave me my confidence back!"

You're ALWAYS so confident!

And it riles you up, doesn't it?

"Confident about that asshole, Dent?"

He ran down the halls, as he plowed through the soldiers, "Sorry, but dousing their ugly pics of themselves in blood, I hate to do it more, but I'm in a hurry~!"

He ran up the stairs, and hacked and slashed through more soldiers, with his katanas. He called out, "Yeah! It's cutting time!"

He said, "Dent's up in the top! Get going!"

Well, where is it?

Where's what?

Your big stupid question?

Oh. You mean… "Where are we NOW"?

We're inside Dent's newly-made citadel. We could be close to his rooftop fortress office.

Huh?

The guy usually has his final battles, atop the highest peak of citadels, castles, or burning down buildings.

Oh, right.

Cucumber made it to floor #3, as he said, "Damn, his place is huge!"

He was a fan of HUGE things.

But I bet his wee-wee isn't.

"Hello, compensation~!"

More soldiers appeared, as a couple of Esdeaths appeared, holding up ice staffs and ice wands.

Hello, ugly ice girls!

"I knew Dent would clone dead bimbos!"

He fired at each of the cloned soldiers, as Cucumber called out, "JUSTICE ALWAYS TRIUMPHS, AND YOU DON'T EVEN NEED AN IMPERIAL ARMS!"

Most of the Esdeaths are slashed into body parts, sporting out wires, gears, and chrome skin.

Damn. MORE robot clones.

I bet it has G-E-L all over it!

"Phrasing! But seriously, NO! MORE! GYNOIDS!"

Kill Dent, and you're free to do as you please!

"Roger dodger, codger!"

He fired again, killing more soldiers, as he complained, "We must be getting closer! Dent is sending us a whole mess of clones, robots or otherwise!"

At least most of them are bleeding!

Cucumber finished off more soldiers, as more of Esdeaths clones appeared, holding up ice swords. Cucumber sighed, as he said, "Seriously? Esdeath is icy, but it's too much!"

They surrounded him, as Cucumber vanished from the scuffle. He dashed away, as he called out, "Hey, someone call the landlord, because the pilot light's broke!"

He arrived at the top floor, as he saw a huge coliseum, with Dent's statues on the background. Dent called from the PA, "DESTROY HIM, MY MIGHTY MELONMEN!"

Four huge melonmen, with dark green skin, scarred and cut, marched by, as they started to shake the ground.

"Oh, boy! Melons! My kind of fruit!"

Yeah! Delicious and nutritious, and packed with vitamin C~!

You make our head hurt.

Cucumber dodged each Melonman, as he called, "Hey, Dent Fucker! Come on out! I ain't playing games!"

"Damn you, Cucumber! KILL HIM!" Dent cried out.

Dr. Gel appeared, as he called, "FOOL! You cannot best the superior might of the Gogol Empire!"

Cucumber started to hack through each soldier, as he called out, "Hey, Magilla! I'm busy! Fuck your Empire!"

Dr. Gel roared, "YOU! YOU DARE DEFY MY INTIMIDATION?"

He removed his labcoat and pounded his chest, roaring like a gorilla. Cucumber laughed, "OH, HO! NOW WE'RE TALKING!"

More soldiers appeared, firing at Cucumber, as Gel started to run after him. Cucumber landed a swift kick to the torso, as he slashed the necks of two soldiers. Three more soldiers appeared, as he stabbed them in the chest, and then shot at their faces. Gel grabbed Cucumber by the torso, but Cucumber squeezed out and stamped his head. The huge gorilla stomped to the ground, as more Melonmen appeared.

"JESUS! I'm getting tired and my director muscles are cramping! How many more of those stupid soldiers are there?"

Just enjoy the senseless slaughtering!

YES! HA HA!

He obliterated more soldiers, as Gel hollered, "CUCUMBER! YOU ARE AN ABOMINATION TO HUMANITY! THE GOGOL EMPIRE WILL END YOU!"

He called out more soldiers, dressed in white, orange, and blue, as they were in gasmasks and armored vests. Cucumber cried, "THERE'S MORE?! SWEET MAMMY! IT'S AN ORGY OF DESTRUCTION AND CHAOS! Man, I wish I had an extra set of arms!"

He dashed off, as the soldiers chased after him. He launched more pickles, and the soldiers slipped on them, as they fell to the floor.

BABOOM!
The pickles exploded, as Cucumber called out, "OH, YEAH! Thank you, HEI Pickles, good for the pickle lo-, oh, great! More baddies…"

Dent cried out, "DO NOT FAIL ME, ESDEATHBOTS!"

Cucumber yelled out, "NEXT FIC MIZ-K DOES, NO ROBOTS!"

Dent called, "YOU CALL THIS YOUR OWN LARP?! DESTROY THEM, MY BEAUTIES! DO NOT FAIL ME!"

The Esdeaths said, "Roger, sir. We love you, Cucumber…"

Cucumber shot at the gynoids, as he called, "HEY, STUPID! I'm NOT into her! Plus, she's not my type, being a soldier of the Imperial Ar-, MY GOD! HERE THEY COME!"

More Melonmen appeared, as a few of them are red and yellow. One Melonman flexed, as he shot fire, while the yellow Melonman shot corrosive yellow acid on the floor.

"Seriously! Did Dent buy his slaves and minions in bulk?" Cucumber asked.

He called out, "Heads up! More Melon-tubbies!"

Bing-badaboom! Be careful!

Yeah. And stay away from the yellow one. We just had that shirt cleaned.

BLAMMO!
Cucumber blasted down the Red Melonman with a flaming pickle. He called, "BOOM, BITCH!"

He cried out, as an army of red and yellow Melonmen appeared. The red ones shot fire, as he cried, "AAAAAAAGH! HOT! HOT! HOT!"

How many have we killed, during this chapter?

I LOST COUNT!

Cucumber extinguished himself, as he cried, "KEEP THROWING THEM AT ME, DENT! I'M COMING WITH EVERYTHING YOU GOT! I'M LIKE IN KILL BILL, THE FIRST ONE, AND I'LL HACK EVERYONE IN MY WAY!"

He continued to slash and slice the soldiers, as Gel yelled, "THIS CANNOT BE!"

The Honey Groupies appeared, as they cheered on for Cucumber. Dr. Gel cried, "WHOSE SIDE ARE YOU ON, ANYWAY? You're supposed to be for Dandy's cheer section!"

The first Honey Robot giggled, "We don't love you, anymore, you big ape!"

The second Honey beeped, "We love Cucumber~! He's awesome~!"

They cheered in a robotic unison, "Yay! Yay! Cucumber! Yay! Yay! Cucumber!"

Dent roared, from his PA, "JUDASES! How can this be happening?"

Cucumber roared, as he was in a pile of broken Esdeath Androids, mulched Melonmen, and slaugheter Soldiers. He cried out, "Now, it's your turn, you yandere hater! And give me back that severed head!"

Gel held it up and called, "You want this?"

THAT'S THE HEAD!

Careful. It could be a trap.

Gel smirked, "You can have it. Here."

He threw the bag to Cucumber, as he held his arms out. A Honey Robot gasped, "JEROME! LOOK OUT!"

She ran out to the floor, heading to Cucumber. He prepared to make the catch, but slow-motion began, as the Honey Robot intercepted the bag, as Gel cried, in slo-mo, "NOoooooooooooooooooooooooo…"

Honey winked, as she slurred, in the slow speed motion of the scene, "Come see me… Cucumber Man… You hunnnnnnnnnk…"

BOOOOOOOOM!
The robot exploded, as Cucumber dove backwards. He gasped, as he remembered the memories, again.

Dent screamed, as he fired a pulse wave of black energy at Cucumber, as he roared, "ENOUGH OF THIS! CUCUMBER! YOU ARE A CESSPOOL OF DISEASE! YOU HAVE NO LIFE, AND YOU RUINED EVERYTHING, FOR I ALWAYS WIN!"

Cucumber was cornered, as Dent cried, "NOW DIE!"

Becky shrieked, as she ran to him, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

She dove in and took the bullet, taking the dark blast into her chest. Cucumber cried, as he was shocked, "BECKY!"

His flashback ended, as the Honey Robot fell to pieces. He kneeled down and saw her destroyed head on the floor, rolling tears in her eyes, and sobbing in a compressed electronic voice, before lowering to nothing.

Cucumber growled, "So… Those Honeys… That was when-. Oh, that tears it…"

Gel gasped, "But how? My best robotic idol… obliterated by her disloyalty and insubordination!"

Cucumber held up a portal gun, as he said, "Hey, Magilla…"

SHOOP!
He fired from below his feet, as he said, "Look down."

Gel saw his feet over a huge hole, with the view of the starry sky. Gel plummeted into the abyss, as he screamed, "YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! I FAILED YOU, DENT, MY MASTER!"

Cucumber kissed the Portal gun and said, "Yeah, now don't ask how I got this baby."

The portal closes, as Cucumber taunts the soldiers. The few remaining soldiers ran away in fear, as Dent was screaming, "No… NO! This is not possible! I always win against this despicable little midget of a Mallow! How is this possible?"

Cucumber called out, "Hey, Dent! One down, one to go! And that leaves YOU! Also, thank you for awakening my past, and why Becky sacrificed herself to save me! She wanted me to be happy. That's all!"

The Honeys cheered, as they chanted, "YAY! YAY! CUCUMBER! JERRY, JERRY! He's our man! If he can't do it-! Uhhhhh… What rhymes with man?"

Cucumber facepalmed himself, as Dent griped, "GAH! Useless machines!"

Cucumber said, as he spray-painted the floor, "Yeah, what are ya gonna do? Anyways… Let's do it! It's Final Battle time! Then I can retire in peace, and be director of some fanfics by my good old buddy, Miz-K Takase."

Dent appeared from the balcony, as he yelled, "Cucumber… You insolent little… No matter. Attack them, my darling husbands…"

"Husbands?!" He asked.

Bacon, Gold, and Celery returned, as Gold called, "Gold, gold, time for gold! Paybacks are gold! Fuck Cucumber, eat gold! Didn't think you can kill the gold, did you? Well, lemme tell you that there'll be gold in 2016 and 2017. Gold is rich, Gold is nourishing, Gold is great! Gold-gold-gold!"

Celery called, "Celery, Celery, time for celery~! Go get some of this celery action! Dent loves his Es-celery-death robots, but they should suck on my celery. Celery wants retribution! Let's play Celery Wars II. Celery-celery."

Bacon concluded, "Bacon, bacon, time for bacon. Cucumber isn't bacon. Dent is bacon, yahoo! Time to die! This is the best bacon day of my bacon new life! Bacon-bacon-beacon-bacon~!"

They fired at him, as he ran off to cover. He cried out, "Gold?! BACON?! CELERY?!"

Hey! Didn't we kill them, or escaped from them?

Must be more of Dent's clones.

"WHATEVER! Those food-object clones are about to get PWNED! At least the new Celery smells better, though! Must be celery freshness!"

He hid behind the walls, as Bacon, Gold, and Celery fired their AK-97s at him. Cucumber called out to the 4th wall, "Hey, I need a break! Can you cut to the final chapter? Kinda stuck in a rat in a dead place!"

The Honeys cheered, as Cucumber said, "Of course, knowing these D-listers…"

He held up a huge machinegun and call, "Hey, jokers! I'm gonna blow your world to shreds!"

He held up another huge machine gun and cried, "You think Torgue set me up with some highly powerful ammunition? Pickles aren't for surprises! Pickles are for… Say it with me, kiddies. 1, 2, 3, altogether now~!"

KABOOOOOOOM!
"EXPLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSIONS!"

He fired his huge twin Torgue Cannons, as it shot out highly dangerous dark green pickles, covered in broth and juice. It pierced into Gold and Celery, as Cucumber cried in a psychotic tone, "DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE!"

Bacon gasped, as Gold and Celery were killed by Cucumber's PKL-88 guns, as he called them. He said, "Bacon, bacon, this sucks bacon. I wanted to be bacon overload, but he can't, until Bacon will date Bacon, and gets it on with Bacon, so Bacon can be a Bacon grandbacon, soon. And my bacon isn't fully packed, so I bacon needed a bacon operation!"

RATATATATATATATATAT!
Cucumber kills Bacon, as he said, "Try and make another Bacon commercial, AGAIN! Also, your check is in the mail. Thanks, guys."

Bacon croaked, as he coughed, "Need… more… baaaaaacon…"

He let out a death rattle and died. He held his hand up and called out, "I stand corrected."

FAQ: NO original characters or anime characters were harmed in the filming of this fic.

Cucumber yelled at the 4th wall, "NOW YOU SAY THAT?"

Dent glowed in a dark aura, as he hovered down, yelling, "Must I do everything myself?"

He was in the middle of the floor, as another Dent applauded slowly. Cucumber gasped, "What th-?"

A couple of Dent clones, wearing his magenta balaclava and his black suit and cape, were surrounding Cucumber, from above the bleachers. He asked, "Uh, which one's the real you?"

Dent called out, "DESTROY HIM!"

Cucumber cried, "NO! CUT THE SHIT! WHO ARE YOU, REALLY? And also, are you gay, making Esdeath android sex dolls, and having Bacon, Celery, and Gold as your husbands?"

Do the math… Dent is NOT a woman… but he is NOT gay.

WAIT! Then that means…

The Dents unmasked themselves, as it revealed to be a woman's head with long brown hair. Their bodies changed from male form to female form, as a woman's voice called out, "Cucumber… You ruined my love life, because of that floozy of a bitch! Now, my Dent clones will finally end you, the same way you killed my darling Dent~! KILL THAT BASTARD!"

Cucumber asked, "Wait… Do I know her from somewhere?"

WHOA! Dent IS a woman! HE is a SHE!

That's NOT Dent! That's Robecca!

"Robecca Jones? The same Rebecca Sarah Jones that once tried to flirt at me in junior high, down in Syracuse?"

It was Robecca Jones, as she said, "The same! And… SHUT UP! That was a childhood past! My hormones were acting up!"

Cucumber then said, "Yeah, I kinda figured that out, in your teenage wiles. Also, weren't you supposed to be dead, along with your psycho of a boyfriend?"

Robecca snarled, "I AM dead! But not as dead as YOU will be! Dent Clones, destroy this homewrecking asshole!"

They charged at him, as Cucumber cried, "Mommy!"

The scene froze in place, as it shifted to black and white.

Will Cucumber survive Robecca's revenge for killing Dent, the evil Mallow that killed Becky? Will Esdeath get paid, and maybe another Akame Ga Kill gynoid make another appearance in a future fic? Will Bacon, Gold, and Celery get Medicare? After all, it's free. Why is Robecca alive, again? Will Dr. Gel breathe in space? And what of the head of Makoto Ito? Also, has this story lost any sense?
Find out all the answers, except for that last question, as the final battle begins, in the conclusion of this exciting fanfic!