Hermione was being driven up the wall. Even with the use of a time turner, she felt like she was running out of time. She checked, and rechecked, and rechecked every source in the library and still couldn't find any solid leads. She had been searching for a month and her actual school work was suffering. For the first time in her life, when Professor McGonagall had asked her a question, she spoke the words that were once forbidden in her mind, "I don't know."
At the moment, she was trying to focus on her potion, but she could tell that what concoction she comes up with might be enough to be passable, but it goes against her own natural grain. She was losing sleep and she ended up crying alone some nights. She was losing her best friend, and that thought alone was unbearable to her, especially after everything they had been through.
What infuriated her the most was how calm Harry looked. None of their fellow classmates knew. They sent Ron an owl explaining the situation, and asked him to keep it a secret from the rest of his family. Harry didn't want the news to spread beyond that. He didn't want to be treated differently, and that almost made Hermione laugh in bitterness.
She was so wrapped up in her thoughts that she didn't notice the bell ringing. She bottled her incomplete and appallingly poor potion and walked it up to the front. "Ms. Granger, if you could stay behind, please." She was startled out of her own thoughts when she heard Snape's voice travel soft enough for only her ears to pick up. She gestured for Harry and the others to go on ahead without her, and waited before the door to the classroom closed, leaving her and Snape alone.
Snape let out a weary sigh before he spoke, "Am I correct in assuming that your performance is slipping because of the task I appointed to you?"
She decided to be honest, "Yes sir."
"Have you found anything that could be of any use?"
"Only that the curse in question was called the Cruentis Cor. It's origin dates back to the days of Merlin, and the original intent of the curse was to take every bad feeling you have and turn it against you, eventually killing you, or the victim suffers in silence to the end of their days. There is nothing that states how the curse is performed or how it could be removed. The knowledge was said to have been lost during the massacre of the Druids. The only known documentation that exists are translations from the Standing Stones."
Snape thought about this. His own research turned up very little as well, and the whole situation was just as taxing on him. "Ms. Granger. I appreciate the work that you've put into this, but being a Professor, I cannot let you leave without advising you of the consequences this is putting on the rest of your work. I know what you are going through, and my telling you to give up is not an option, but what I want to know from you is, what if this is a lost cause?"
Upon hearing this, Hermione couldn't help but break down into tears. Snape could understand why she was upset beyond the obvious, but he couldn't bring himself to speak any words of comfort. She sniffed a bit, and dug out a tissue from her bag. "I'm sorry Professor. I know this whole thing is ridiculous. I just can't help but think how unfair it is. Harry spoke to me the other night, and he pretty much said the same thing."
"How is Mr. Potter fairing in this?"
"I don't know. He says… he…" She took a deep breath. "He says…" The words wouldn't come. Instead, she fished out a spare vial, drew her wand to her temple, and pulled out the wisps of a memory, which she then promptly bottled. She put the vial on the desk and stepped back, "I'm sorry Professor, but may I please be excused?" She let out a breath, defeated.
"You may. I expect you to write me a full essay on your findings in order to make up your marks in class." Snape offered. He watched the girl leave without another word before reaching the vial. Curiosity made him want to view the memory immediately, but he had another class in a few minutes. He pocketed the vial and tried to think about the situation that dominated his thoughts as of late.
After dinner, in the privacy of his rooms, Snape pulled out the vial that held the curious memory. He poured it into his pensieve and allowed himself to be pulled into the smoky vision. The mist around him shifted into the familiar shapes of the Gryffindor common room. "Hermione, please just let this go." Mr. Potter said.
"I can't Harry. I can't just give up."
"But you are letting yourself get behind. I will not have you jeopardize your future by wasting your time on something that's a lost cause."
"How can you accept this so easily? How are you so calm?"
Harry came close and took her hands in his. He looked straight into her eyes. The connection between the two would have appeared intimate to an outsider, but this was a connection of the utmost trust. "Hermione. All my life, I've had to accept things as they are. I had to accept that my parents were dead, and I was in hell with my relatives. I had to accept the fact that I was a wizard, and my life as I knew it was about to change forever. I then had to accept that everyone knew my name for something I never had control over. I had to accept that people either overly liked me or hated me because of my name. I had to accept that I was to be put in danger time and time again. I had to accept the fact that I've fallen in love with the one man who will never look at me the same way… ever. I also had to accept that I was most likely going to die in the final battle. And now… I have no choice but to accept this as well. This curse… it was supposed to turn every bad thought or hurtful word into a stab at the heart, correct?" She nodded, "Then I really should have been dead long before this. Wouldn't you agree? The bad press alone would have done me in long ago." She let some tears slip, but she nodded anyway. "Don't look at the negative. Instead, I'll just go and live a little bit before the end. I've already written to Ron. We're having a large family gathering at the Burrow, a holiday full of happiness and joy, and then I will leave. I don't want anyone to mourn my death, and I don't want anyone to be sad. I want you to remember me smiling. And going off on an exotic trip. An adventure to live. And so I'm asking you and everyone I know honor my final wish… Learn to just let me go. Let me fade into the woodwork, and let me disappear. After the holidays, I won't write to anyone, and I won't let anyone know where I am. I will be just Harry. Harry until the end."
Hermione couldn't stand it. She threw her arms around her friend and sobbed. He held her close and gently rubbed her back. He didn't cry, just commiserated with his friend. Finally, when she calmed down somewhat, she asked, "What about Snape?"
"What about him? Nothing more needs to be said between us. I'm thankful that he's just ignoring me now. Although I almost feel left out when he snarks at the other Gryffindor's. I'm almost slightly jealous." He tried to laugh. "He'll just receive a final package from me when the holiday break begins. I don't want him feeling responsible for me, and I know that my forgiveness will fall on deaf ears, so I've arranged for something special to simply show the sincerity of my feelings."
"What if you found someone else? What if you could learn to love another? Wouldn't that help?"
Harry sighed. "I don't know. Ever since I found out Snape was the one I was in love with, I couldn't see anyone else. I know that's hard to believe, but there's just something that fits. You know? No matter how much he hurts me, those feelings haven't faded. You'd think I'd come to my senses by now. That's why, if I leave, I might be able to get the most out of living. But to live without love… what kind of life is that Hermione? Even if I didn't have this curse. The fact that the man forever hates me was enough for me to be lonely and miserable all on its own. I didn't need a curse to feel the pain."
This was where the memory was fading. Severus pulled himself out of the basin, and went straight to his liquor cabinet. Pouring himself a snifter of brandy, he thought about Harry and his situation. Harry was no different than a patient coming to terms with the idea that they will soon die. The thought troubled him personally, because not only did his actions lead to Lily's death, but now he was going to be tied to her son's as well. Harry was right. No amount of forgiveness would make him feel any less responsible. He'll live with this guilt to the end of his days.
He still couldn't figure out why the boy had feelings for him. Despite what Harry mentioned in his 'quiz', he's tried to think if it was gratitude, sympathy, pity, or some other mistaken emotion that could trick Harry into thinking that he loved his dour Potion's Professor, but the curse wouldn't affect him so if that were the case.
That was another mystery. This was a bastardized version of a forgotten curse. How could they possibly find anything useful? Even for a well-known curse to take a different route, there would have to be some strong underlying magic to change the desired affects. Take the Avada Kedavra, for instance. Harry was living proof of how that curse could act differently than the original, most used intent. Lily's love threw off the balance that powers the death curse. To welcome death so another can live.
So what of this curse? What originally drove it? Who created such a curse? It was clearly an unregistered piece of magic if the Ministry didn't have any permanent documentation of it. Voldemort might have found the spell and cast it wrong. Or there was that time when Voldemort did share Harry's mind briefly, so maybe he knew the cruelest way to kill the boy. So many variables. He was starting to get a headache from the possibilities. Potions were simple. Stir once and twice in the proper direction, use the proper ingredients in the proper amounts, and you'll get them same result, no matter what. But magic was influential based on the power of the wizard and the natural aura of magic around them.
Severus finished his brandy and shifted his thoughts. Harry. What about Harry? Should he let the boy disappear? Or should he do something? He felt that if he did nothing, then he would not be able to forgive himself for passing up his one chance to reconcile… something. He needed to observe Harry, and see if there might be something more that he could do. Perhaps he might be able to keep the boy safe for an extra year. He needed to be able to keep an eye on him… and he knew just the way.