simulacra

[ˌsim-yə-ˈla-krə]

Something that replaces reality

July 8th 2018 – 1.00 p.m.

In this world that left expression of sentimental feelings not forgiven and deemed as unprofessional unless it was poured into a form of appreciated art or campaigns for any causes appealing to the power and authority. In the realm where we cannot undo what we have said or done, in this non-anonymous society where our very names are held accountable for our deeds, whatever that may be... Among such deeply flawed, contradicting, yet very human flocks of people, a massive, highly structured city was born in the air, a world accessible from our devices, not even bigger than a brick.

The internet.

Some people say it is merely a representation of our world, our society, ourselves… Hence— a 'simulacrum'. Some deny it and state that the invisible world of the internet is indeed the very part of our world and not in a way as low as a simulacrum. That it is as valid as the 'real world' we live in.

I rolled my eyes, skeptically hissing at the term 'real world' – do they really think the internet is a fictional realm or something?

But – should I even think this deeply about it?

After all, it is such a joyous, abundant world for the truthful and the liars alike.

We can pretty much be anyone we want… We can create our own personas, mold it into the 'us' we have always longed to be. It is indeed a wonderland where we have free choice to become a beautiful lie. It is a fulfilling place where side characters are able to play the role of the main character. Throwing bad words at each other without our names being tarnished, or hiding all our humane greed, envy, and ego away – playing around as a loving, peaceful, perfect pacifist.

Yet it is as truthful as it is full of lies. In this world where people are always expected to act, think, and feel a certain way, the realm of the internet is indeed no less than a liberation, an honest world where revolution sparks and people's sense of individuality is awakened and sprouting. If our physical body living in this physical world were to be our simulacrum, if we have been living dishonestly to ourselves all along, the internet is indeed a sanctuary for our very authentic self to beautifully flourish.

Our simulacra can be anything, for humans can be anything, until the point where they become indistinguishable;

Pathetic to the point it's laughable—

But now I have drowned a little too deep in that dreamy realm.

Deep in thoughts, Lady Gaga's "Telephone" slowly echoes through the café. I scrolled down my Facebook timeline, notebook on the coffee table as I wrote some random stories to help me cope with my boredom.

Ah, didn't I tell you today is Sunday? Guess who thought it was a work day.

Foot lightly tapping on the floor catching up to the song's beat, an abrupt silence followed as the music stopped, and a newsflash flowed through the coffee-scented, calming air.

"South Korean National Police Agency has arrested the leader and members of The Mint Eye Cult. This cult is suspected of illegal drugs use, abductions, torture, and other illegal practi—"

"Iced Cappuccino. Hope you enjoy your cup of coffee," the waitress smiled kindly as she put a glass full of coffee on my table.

"Thank you," thanking her without even looking at her. I was about to reach for my phone when I accidentally saw her face— wait.

Is that me? Like— an exact copy of me?

I'd been staring at her face in disbelief for about five seconds, before she broke the awkward, unsettling ice between us.

"Do you need some help, miss? Would you like to order anything else?"

Still smiling at me with such attentive gaze I would never be able to pull off no matter how hard I try. The more I stared at her, the more I was sure that she was, with no doubt, me.

The way that hair waves and falls. That face. Even the length and shape of her nails, painted in the same hue as me. And ugh— face painted in makeup exactly the same way my face was right now—an extreme resemblance too uncanny to ignore.

"W-why do you look… exactly the same as me?"

I hesitantly ended my question in half-whisper. One second, two seconds had passed— I couldn't even bring myself to look her right in the eyes anymore. Hanging my head to avoid her gaze at its best, but I could see from the corner of my eyes that she hadn't even moved a bit, looking like she is thinking of the right answer, or she might as well be as shocked as me.

Three seconds. I had gathered enough courage to face her properly. I raised my face…

But she just stood there, smiling. It was either a smile full of emotion, or a terrifyingly emotionless one. Then she walked her way back to the open counter.

"Jaehee-unni, have you done the order for table three?"

…J-Jaehee?

"Yes. And for table five, too."

I… recognized that voice. That velvety, soothing, yet fierce voice. Making sure of the voice's owner, I raised my gaze to the two women. My unwanted doppelganger and the woman who turned out to be exactly who I expected her to be, were giggling playfully, gaily, as they exchanged gazes and occasional whispers.

Petrified, I immediately stood up from my chair, which caused it to fall down to the floor with a loud thump.

Damn. She noticed and now she was walking towards me.

'Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop.'

"...Are you alright, miss?"

'Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop.'

"Do you need some… help?"

'Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. STOP.'

Putting an amount of money on the table, enough to pay for more than two cups of coffee, I stormed out of the café.

And a sun shower poured down.