This is a little late, but hey better late than never…

Disclaimer: I have not dealt with anyone with PTSD or any other psychological problems from war. Everything in this story is either researched or straight from my imagination so if something is wrong, if you find it offensive then please review or PM me and I'll change it right away.

Anyways, enjoy.

Edward instantly stood at attention, both arms at his sides. General Stone chuckled before murmuring "At ease marine." He stalked towards Edward, giving him a once over before extending his hand. "Glad to see you made it home in one piece."

Edward bit his tongue to stop his retort. He just nodded and gripped General Stone's hand. "Thank you sir."

He smiled. "The Purple Heart ceremony is Saturday. I expect to see you and your lovely wife there Major General." He said, flashing a smile at Bella.

Edward swallowed thickly before nodding. "Of course sir."

"Have a nice afternoon Mrs. Cullen, Major."

Bella gripped Edward's hand tightly, forcing him to relax as General Stone pulled out of the driveway.

"C'mon. Let's go inside before you get sick." Their hands stayed twined together as she led him up to the front door. "Go lay down, your mother will keep an eye on Abby. I'll be in there in a second, okay?"

Edward nodded solemnly before slowly limping down the hall, avoiding the kitchen altogether. He collapsed onto his side of the bed, his dog tags clanging against his bare chest. He gripped the chain, memorizing the feel of the metal beading under his fingers.

His eyes stayed focused on the ceiling, tracing over the different shapes the popcorn pattern left. Edward tried to rein his thoughts in; he didn't need to break down in front of Bella. All the time he spent in Afghanistan he was weak; he refused to stay that way any longer.

Edward rolled onto his side, facing the door, resting his head on the decorative pillow behind him. He took deep calming breaths, waiting until Bella opened the door. He smiled at her, his first real smile in a while, as she walked into their room. Her eyes scanned over him, her lower lip trembling before she jumped onto the bed and threw her arms around his neck.

"Shh." He gently rubbed her back whispering how much he loved her and how sorry he was for leaving her. "You're safe baby, I've got you."

"So many nights," She sobbed into his chest. "I had to stare at your empty side of the bed, and think, believe that you weren't coming back. Your clothes practically mocked me!" She shook her head, nuzzling her nose against her name tattooed on his peck. "Then when Abby would ask me when you're coming home, I would break down crying, escape into here and then cry even more."

Edward cleared his throat before kissing the top of her head, quickly changing the subject. "Do you remember the promise I made when I was first shipped off?"

Bella nodded, wiping her eyes before sitting up. "'Somehow, some way I'll always come back to you. And if not, don't let Emmett put the moves on you, cause I will find a way to kick his ass.'" She smiled as she said the last part.

Edward gently wiped her tears away with the pads of his thumbs. "I came back to you love, I'm here and I'm not going anywhere. I'm sorry I left you without knowing, I'm sorry for everything I put you through because of my being a marine. But know you were always first to me," He took her hand, resting it over his heart. "You were always in here, in my thoughts. You kept me tethered to the earth when all I wanted to do was let go."

"I love you," she whispered quietly into his neck, her light breaths causing the hairs on the back of his neck to stand up.

Edward tightened his arms around her, pulling her close to his chest, resting her body in-between his legs. "You are my life, my soul," he kissed her lightly, "my reason to live. Never forget that."

Bella shook her head, silently promising to never forget it. She leaned forward, gently brushing her lips against his, a light caress that made him sigh. She smiled, her lips forming into a perfect upwards curve, her eyes reflecting her happiness.

They were his favorite feature. They were always a dead giveaway of her emotions, amplifying her feelings constantly. Edward would so easily get lost in them, wondering what she was thinking or just enjoying the comfortable silence.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Bella asked softly.

Edward tensed, his body rigid and defensive. "There's nothing to talk about." Lie.

Bella sat up and gently ran her fingers down his cheek. Her eyes were filled with hurt, tears brimming on the edge of her eyelids. "Don't lie to me Edward. I know you're hurt, I know that something's wrong. Share it with me." She cupped his face in her hands. "Share your burden."

Edward shook his head, successfully breaking her grip before running his fingers through his hair. "What I experienced isn't something you should or need to know about. It's my burden. It's my penance for letting my men perish. I will carry it with me until I die." Quietly he added, "I deserve to."

"Edward–"

"Edward!"

Edward's head whipped to the side, following the voice.

"Major Cullen, they're invading!"

"Find cover!" Edward ran behind the nearest wall, cocking his AK-47 before staring down the sights. "Fire at your own will!" Sweat was rolling down his temples; fear was flowing off his body in waves. He was trained for this type of situation, but he never believed it would ever happen.

His choices were fatal. Any choice he made affected the lives of himself and his men. So much stress and worry instantaneously fell onto his shoulders. He cringed as foreign voices rang through the alley. Edward was able to only catch bits and pieces of what they were saying.

Split up.

Capture.

Kill.

Edward panicked as smoke slowly crawled along the ground towards him and his men. He spun on his heel and ran, praying his men would follow suit, never chancing a glance back.

Edward closed his eyes, cutting her off before she could continue. "I'm going to take a shower." As Bella got up to join him he added, "alone," in an empty voice.

"O-okay." Bella cleared her throat. "I'll be in the living room if you, um need me..." She stole one last glance at him before silently walking out of their room.

Edward stared at the closed door, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath before retreating into the bathroom. The hot water did little to soothe him, the biggest ache in his body resonating in his chest. He rested his forehead against the shower wall, the cool tiles a sharp contrast against the hot water beating down against his back.

He couldn't wrap his head around how quickly his and Bella's conversation turned to hell. Was he always going to be this way?

"Fuck!" Edward clenched his fingers into a fist, punching the hard shower wall before shutting the water off and carefully stepping out. He threw a towel around his waist before sitting on the closed toilet lid, spinning his wedding ring around his finger. He ignored the slight pain in his right hand and took a deep breath.

He needed to fix it.

Edward heaved himself off the toilet lid, resting his palm against the wall to steady himself as he stalked out of the bathroom. He called out for Bella, confused when he didn't get a reply. He slowly dressed in a pair of sweats and a USMC t-shirt before walking down the hall, cane in hand. He forced himself to stay calm as his mind raced through the possibilities as to why he was alone in the house.

Edward instantly relaxed as he came across a piece of paper with Bella's familiar scrawl on it.

Your wallet is in your night table drawer with the keys to the Volvo.

Your mother, Abby and I went grocery shopping.

-Bella

He frowned at the note and the lack of "I love you" or "Love, Bella". He was definitely in deep shit. Scanning over her words a second time Edward noticed more writing underneath Bella's note, rolling his eyes at his mother's familiar script.

I don't know what you did Edward

But you better fix it ASAP or I'll

Kick your ass myself.

Love, Esme

Edward paused, racking his brain for ideas. He thought back to the conversations he and Bella had once he returned from deployment. Those few times when she was honest and open; she talked about settling down in a nice neighborhood, find a house with a big yard and a preferably a red front door. So he sat down at his laptop, searching different real-estate sites for the perfect neighborhood between both his parents and hers.

It didn't take long to find the perfect place.

He couldn't hide the huge grin that spread across his lips as he looked at a few pictures of a three thousand square foot house. He didn't bother to look at the price, just wrote down the address and the real-estate agency's number before grabbing his wallet and the car keys.

Edward drove to the only Commissary on post, silently hoping Bella would forgive him. The sticky note with the address of the off-post home was a heavy weight in his pocket. Edward knew buying a house wouldn't solve their problems, but offering Bella something positive in light of their current situation seemed like a good idea.

Sometimes acting as though nothing happened was the only way to move forward.

SEMPER FI

Edward felt his hope deflate once he pulled into the parking lot of the Commissary. The little burst of energy he had found was now gone. Anger at himself, at his situation at God, at everything came crashing down on him.

He was exhausted. Every inch of him ached for release, for a break from everything. He wanted Bella back, he wanted his life back. Their house on the port was suffocating him. It was possible that subconsciously that was why he wanted a new house. He doesn't want to walk through the front door and be haunted by memories. Edward wanted to make new memories with his family.

He was tired of having his happiness ripped away from him.

Edward gripped the door handle with a renewed vigor, internally scowling at the cane glued to his left palm. He tried his hardest to ignore the pitied glances thrown his way. He didn't have to flash his military ID at the door, his shirt, dog tags and cane were identification enough.

He quickly waved at the few military wives he recognized, not in the right frame of mind to hold up a conversation with them. Edward scanned the aisles as he walked by, searching for Bella's familiar mahogany colored hair. He froze mid-step as the musical sound of her laughter floated towards him. He turned down the next aisle and tried to quicken his pace until he was able to wrap his arms around her from behind.

"I'm so sorry love." Edward murmured into her hair. "I don't want to shut you out." I hate being this fucked up in the head. He added to himself.

Bella gripped his forearms before leaning into his embrace. "I know."

They stayed in their embrace, in their little bubble until a high-pitched squeal broke the spell. "Daddy!"

Edward smiled before kissing Bella's neck and extending his arms towards his daughter. She carefully approached him, weary of the cane in his hand.

Without hesitation Edward scooped her up into his arms. "Hi baby girl."

Abby started playing with his hair, her brow furrowed much like Bella's when she's deep in thought. "Did you and mommy fight?" She questioned, her hazel eyes meeting his, filled with worry.

Edward snuck a quick glance at Bella, silently asking for help before turning back to his daughter. "What makes you think that sweetheart?"

He gently smoothed the hair out of her eyes, smiling as she gripped his hand. "Mommy was crying and grandma was mad and we left without you."

Edward sighed, resting his very intuitive daughter on the top of the grocery cart.

What should I tell her?

The truth. "Yes, we did have a little fight, Abby. You know where I would go for a while?" She nodded her head slowly. "Well some bad things happened there that scared me."

"Like the boogey under my bed?" She added.

Edward chuckled and kissed her nose. "Kind of, baby girl. But sometimes daddy thinks of those things and gets scared of them again. Mommy was worried and daddy needed a moment to himself to think of more happy things to not be scared anymore." He looked into her eyes. "Okay?"

Abby nodded in understanding, throwing her arms around Edward's neck before sighing. Within seconds she was asleep, content that her question was answered. He looked up at his mother, relaxing as she smiled at him. One less woman upset with him.

"I'll take Abby home so you two can get a chance to…talk."

As Edward opened his mouth to argue, Bella grabbed his hand and thanked Esme before dragging him out of the store. "I'll drive." She said, quickly slipping her hand into his pants pocket to retrieve the keys before unlocking the Volvo. Once they were both seated inside, she started the car. "Speak."

Edward took a deep breath, staring down at his lap awkwardly. "I don't know what to say."

Bella looked over at him for a second before focusing on the road again. "Say something Edward, I hate being in the dark about everything. I want to help you but you won't let me!" Her arms flailed above her head, demonstrating her frustration.

His reply was instant. "Because I don't deserve your help."

Bella sighed, shaking her head to herself. "In time you'll realize that's a bunch of shit."

Edward nodded hesitantly but didn't say anything. Both were silent for most of the drive home. Edward was lost in his thoughts. He wanted one day without his problems shoved into his face. He didn't get one damn second to talk about something else before it was back again.

Like an itch you can't scratch it bothers you. It's glued to your body, slowly irritating you, past the point of impatience.

And you can't escape it.

Edward cleared his throat, clearing the haze his thoughts became covered in. He reached into his pants pocket, taking out the yellow sticky note. He rested it on the dashboard as Bella parked the car before getting out and walking to the front door. As he gripped the doorknob a tiny hand gripped his wrist.

"You found a house with a red door?" Edward slowly turned around to face her and nodded. "For me?"

He nodded again, trying to gauge her reaction. She threw her arms around his neck and started sobbing against his shoulder, and just like that, he knew he took a step in the right direction.

And welcome to the bottom!

Commissary is the grocery store on the post. [Info from Wikipedia]

All of the next chapter will be a flashback, hopefully will be done soon. I'll consider an updating schedule if there's more demand, if not this will go up at my own pace.

Reviews are better than buying a house.