Disclaimer: I do not own Criminals Minds
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It was after the 7th time she had awoke from almost the same nightmare that she gave up on sleep. The first had been a perfect recollection of what had happened that deadly night, the second one was Hotch dying, the third was Rossi, the fourth JJ, the fifth Emily, the sixth Reid and the seventh, the one that scared her the most of all was Morgan. All of them had held back on the stairs, she had done the same thing; she had stood and she had nothing as Tim Cannon hacked their chests apart, each of them dying in front her eyes. She sat up put her back against the wall, her legs brought up tight to her chest, her arms on a death grip around her legs and her chin placed in the dip between her knees as she stared at the wall of Derek's bedroom. She looked at the clock next to the bed, 1:47am. Only another 5 hours and she could have the almost safe haven of the daylight.
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'Okay so he killed in cold blood?'
'No not exactly, he was a lecturer at Cal-Tech, he had a thing for the girls but they passed, something about Penelope stuck. Stuck so much he felt it right to eliminate those who loved her.'
'Hence why she wants us to leave her alone.'
'Exactly but the thing is she needs us to look out for her.'
'Which we are going to do?'
'To the best of our ability. Morgan is making her stay with him as his place was checked out first. For now I think we should get some sleep, we need to be on the game.' Hotch said as he stood from the coffee table that him and Rossi had covered in the case file of Penelope's parents and brother's death.
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She didn't realise she was crying at first, the tears were just falling; she made no sound just complete silence filled the room. She had been awake now nearly 4 and ½ hours and she was making no indication of closing her eyes any time soon. She didn't want to see them die over and over and over again in her dream like state. They were alive and willing to love her and protect her regardless, the last thing she wanted was to watch them get murdered.
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'So the plan is we stick together, it's always Morgan and Penelope and one of us?'
'Always.'
'Do you think she'll get over this?'
'As long as she doesn't lose anyone.'
'Her friend already died though.'
'Well of course but she doesn't want any of us to protect her, if something happens to one of us then I don't think she will ever forgive herself.'
'Well let's make sure nothing happens to one of us, we protect one another.'
'Okay and when Rossi or Hotch are looking after her, we stick together.'
'Yes.'
'Definitely.'
'Okay well Reid, me and Emily are going to take my bed are you sure you're okay with the couch?'
'Positive, I'll keep my gun near. Night guys.'
'Night.'
'Night Reid.'
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Sun was coming up, still not enough sleep in her system. Yet she refused to sleep, if she was plagued with nightmares within the first 24 hours god knows how bad they were going to get. She realised she would have to sleep sometime but for the mean time she could make it through the nights.
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'Hmm 7.' Morgan thought when he looked at his watch on the coffee table. He stood and went into the kitchen, he put some coffee on. He made a vow to protect to her and that was his plan. No one was going to get his baby girl no one. He poured some coffee for him and Penelope and then walked into the bedroom.
He was shocked to see her sitting up, her legs drawn up close to her chest, her eyes just staring, the darkness gathering already under her eyes, he knew at that point she hadn't slept at all. He put the drinks down and sat on the bed. He reached and placed a hand gently on her shoulder but pulled it away when she jumped.
'Sorry baby girl, it's me.' She looked at him sadly. 'P how much sleep have you gotten?' She shrugged, that meant practically none at all. He got closer to her and pulled her close to him, he felt her body tremble as she cried again. 'Hey hey baby girl what's wrong?' When she didn't answer he knew it was worse than he feared. 'Nightmare?' She nodded in his chest. 'P we are going to get through this okay?' She nodded again. He pulled her away from him and looked into her eyes. 'I'm going to sleep with you every night that I can okay?'
'Are you sure?'
'If it will help you get some sleep then definitely.'
'Thank you.'
'Now you going to tell me about the nightmare?'
'Nightmares.' She corrected him.
'You had more than one?' He asked worried.
'Seven.' She said embarrassed as tears began to well and drop from her eyes, she really was an emotional wreck at the moment. She knew that it would pass; she knew she would get angry and get control but for the moment shock and fear had gripped her so tightly that all she wanted to do was cry.
'Hey don't be embarrassed.' He said, she looked him in the eyes and saw that his held so much trust, loyalty, honesty and love. 'Come on tell me, get it out in the open.'
'The first one was what actually happened and the rest... the others were...' She cried some more unable to say the rest.
'Were of us, the team?'
'Yeah... you were all in my brother's place instead of him, each time I stood and watched as he killed you at the top of the stairs, again I did nothing.'
'Baby girl it was a nightmare, okay? We are still okay. The guys will be over in a bit and you can see for yourself that they are fine.'
'Okay handsome.'
'Now are you going to try and get some sleep?'
'Not now, I can't.'
'Okay then you come out and sit with me okay?'
'Yeah.' She said sadly and softly.
He took her hand gently in his and walked her out; he placed her on the couch with his quilt and got her comfortable. He kissed her head before getting his phone out and going to retrieve the coffee's he had left behind.
'Hotch.'
'Hey Hotch you guys are still coming over right?'
'Yeah, everything okay?'
'She's hardly slept.'
'Nightmare?'
'Try multiple, I think she gave up on sleep.'
Hotch sighed worryingly. 'I knew this would begin but not this soon. Right I'm going to go to hers with Emily get some clothes together and then I'll be round. Say an hour? JJ and Reid should be with you well around in about 30 minutes.'
'Okay I'll see you in a bit.'
He closed the phone and walked back out, he noticed Penelope was in the position he had found her first thing that woman, again she was just staring, her face completely void of emotions again. He began to worry that she was shutting off from reality.
'Don't worry handsome, I'm fine. Just thinking.'
'You want to talk about? Off load on me.'
'Are you sure?' She shifted to look at him. 'I mean no one has before.'
'Positive. I am all yours.' He said as he sat opposite down near her. 'From the beginning.' She gave him a look. 'P I know it's hard but the sooner you let me in the sooner I can give my all to help you out. I won't think any less of you, just like you never did me.' He saw her understand what he meant and relax.
'I had been out at a party with my best friend Kate; she was more a sister than a friend we were always together. She lived at home like me while we were at Cal Tech, her mom had picked us up because we had been drinking, I walked in and found it strange that every light was on. I mean it was before midnight so I shrugged it off as it was a Friday. I found the TV blaring but my stepdad wasn't in the living room, he didn't answer me when I called so I went on and got some things before heading upstairs to look for everyone. As I was coming out of Joel's bedroom my mom screamed from her bedroom, I was then someone called me and all my brothers were in a room. I went to them and they had a plan to get me out. When we knew our mom was dead we decided to take charge and run. All my brothers wanted me surrounded as they knew he was after me and we were doing good until Matt held back. I stopped and watched and then ran just a little too late and the man got me in the back. When we got out all my brothers put up a fight and got him as the police turned up.'
Derek nodded, proud of her for telling him and keeping the tears at bay and keeping herself under complete control. He knew being able to talk about it was bringing her strength back.
'I sat outside and ignored the commotion around me, I cried when I saw Joel. He wanted me to get help but I kept refusing. At the end of the day it was my fault he was there, we all had heard him say it.' She looked down at her hands and then back at him. 'Joel and Drew forced me up and took me to the EMT's when they took a look at my back, they saw that the knife had been dragged down my back, everyone was worried because I hadn't flinched or responded to the pain. I just shut off. When we got to the hospital and we were all sorted the police came to talk to us. My dad was found in the living room, on the floor. His throat had been slit. He had been dead in front of me all along. My mom was found on the bed in my parents room with 17 stab wounds to her chest and stomach and Matt was found at the top of stairs with 11 stab wounds to the chest.' She smiled to him reassuringly, the smile that told him she was doing good. 'We were all taken in by friends, Kate took me in but from there my brothers become detached, they didn't stick by me when everything came to light, they backed away and everything was my fault to them. All three of them dying was down to me in their eyes.'
Derek didn't speak, he wanted her to keep going the best she could.
'It was found that the man in the house was a lecturer at Cal Tech, he had this thing for girls, he always attempted to try it on with me but I always refused and walked away. He was a creep not to mention a pervert. I guess he kind of got angry that I wouldn't agree to the things he wanted, and thought that if he emptied the house of my family then I would run to him and 14 years on he still has an obsession with me. After we all found out, I went off the rails more so than I was and that's when I went underground to be picked up by the B.A.U. The nightmares began the first night I was out of hospital, the following day I was put on anti anxiety pills to help and they did but now they don't.' She looked down again.
'Hey P look at me.' He waited for her to look up. 'I promise to help you and I will, together.' He smiled at her. 'Don't doubt that.'
'I don't but if something happens to any of you, it will be my fault.'
'We understand.'
'That's what my brother's said but they still turned their back on me. I'm so scared its going to happen again with you guys.'
'We won't. This time we know what we are up against. Your brothers can play the blame game all they like but we won't.' He noticed she didn't truly believe him. 'Trust me baby girl, have I ever lied to you before?' He was right and she knew it, Derek Morgan would never lie to her to appease her mood, that was one thing in their relationship that she loved, they could shoot honesty at one another and it would make them stronger not weaker. Right then and there she truly believed that he wouldn't shut her down in his life, and nor would the others.