DON'T HATE ME

JUST KIDDING I HATE ME BYE

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Two weeks after the wedding, after Riker and Lucy returned from their honeymoon in Aruba, Riker came home to spend a night with his siblings and Ellington. They were having their own little slumber party like old times and it had been decided early on that they were all going to pull an all-nighter. It didn't work out, though. After two movies and an intense giggle fit, Ross sprawled out on the couch and passed out at one, and Riker quickly followed, sitting up straight with his back against the front of the couch. That guy could fall asleep anywhere.

Before he knew it, Rocky was the only one awake. Ellington and Ryland were lying on the floor on opposite sides of the room and Rydel had curled up on the recliner in the corner. Rocky had given the room a once-over, sighed, and finally gone to bed at three.

He awoke later, around four. It was weird because usually he slept deeply, completely undisturbed. He didn't know what had woken him, but he was instantly annoyed. He sighed heavily and yawned, stretching out his muscles. It was a Saturday, so if he wanted to, he could sleep all day. He still had however long he wanted. Thankful for this, he turned over to close his eyes and fall back asleep.

Across the room, Rocky heard someone breathing. It was shallow and rugged, as if they were having trouble catching their breath; he probably wouldn't have heard it otherwise. Rocky's eyes reopened, though he couldn't see in the dark. He listened closely. It was coming from all the way in the other side of the room where he knew Ellington was lying next to the wall.

"Ell?" Rocky whispered.

There was a brief pause before Ellington whispered back, "Hi."

"Are you okay?"

Ellington swallowed and sucked in another breath. "Yeah," he replied quietly.

Rocky stayed there for a second before throwing the blanket off of himself and standing. Ellington was obviously having trouble breathing or something. Rocky squinted at the floor as he walked, sure to step over Ryland and Riker to get to the other side of the room. He sat down on the carpet next to where Ellington was sitting on top of a thin yellow sheet, which he'd pulled from Ross' bed earlier.

"You okay?" Rocky asked again.

Ellington didn't answer. He took in a few more sharp inhales and sat up a little straighter. Rocky put his hand on his back, rubbing it in slow circles, trying to comfort him.

"Can you breathe?"

"Kinda," Ellington murmured.

Rocky frowned. "Well, kinda is not good. We need you breathing well."

"It's just…it's really hot in here. I think it's making it harder to breathe."

Rocky didn't feel hot, so he immediately brought his hand up to feel Ellington's forehead. He blamed his mother for the instinct. He had always thought that it was Stormie being paranoid when she claimed Rocky's face felt hot when he was getting sick, but Ellington really was burning up. His skin was warm to the touch, more so than Rocky knew was normal.

"Your face is hot, man," he noted. "You're sweating."

"It's hot. That's what I said."

"It's not hot. You're hot. I think you're sick."

Ellington didn't answer so Rocky didn't say anything else. He kept rubbing Ellington's back as Ellington breathed audibly. He was hunched forward, looking exhausted and frustrated at the fact he couldn't catch his breath. Rocky brought his right hand over to take Ellington's, holding it in his. He ran his thumb gently along Ellington's knuckles.

Ellington suddenly shivered. Just once. Rocky thought nothing of it until it happened again, and then again. Ellington continuously jolted beneath Rocky's touch. Rocky was starting to feel worried because Ellington couldn't breathe and said he felt really hot, yet he was getting chills.

Rocky stood and helped Ellington up. He held his arm, just in case, and led him to the kitchen. Rocky just wanted to get him some air. Ellington leaned against the kitchen counter as Rocky reached up to open the window behind him. Ellington stood with his face in front of the cool air blowing through the screen. Rocky rummaged through the tall cabinet to get a glass from the back. He filled it with water from the fridge and brought it to Ellington, who sipped it as the breeze blew over him.

"How do you feel?" Rocky asked.

"Better." Ellington nodded. "I think it was just getting stuffy in there."

Rocky sat on the counter and they stayed in there for a while as Ellington cooled down. Rocky was sure he was getting sick again. Ellington didn't look like he felt good at all, even though he claimed to. Rocky knew him too well to believe he was starting to feel better. His eyelids drooped as he stared outside, leaning all of his body weight against his hand on the counter. He looked about ready to collapse.

Rocky remembered five months ago when Ellington had been too sick to go to the show. That had never happened before, not ever. And right after that, the fatigue thing started happening. It got progressively harder for Ellington to even live his life because he was so tired and achy all the time. Rocky didn't know if he was just being paranoid, but he was worried. Ellington had never been as sick as he was that week five months ago, and since then there was something really wrong with him.

Ellington didn't get sick often. So it was weird back in February, the tiredness was weird, and now it was weird again. Something had to be going on. But Rocky didn't want to say anything for fear of seeming too paranoid or even just annoying.

When Ellington finished his water and put the glass down on the counter in front of him, Rocky hopped down to his feet and came up behind him, placing his hand on his back.

"C'mon," he urged, beginning to lead him back to the living room. "Sleep it off."

The next day, Ellington woke Rocky before anyone else was up, before the sun had even come up. They had only slept for two hours since standing in the kitchen, if even that. Ellington said that he was going to go home because he still didn't feel well. Rocky offered to come with him, but Ellington said he just wanted to be by himself and try to sleep it off for the rest of the day.

That night, after Riker went home and Rocky was watching TV with his other brothers and sister, he tried calling to see if Ellington was better. Ellington didn't answer. Rocky assumed he was asleep and sighed, putting his phone away and focusing back on the show.

Ellington was sick for another few weeks. He would be late to rehearsals and end up calling ten minutes after they started, saying that he was still in bed and wouldn't make it. He was only able to text Rocky about once a day to let him know that he was still alive, but then he'd fall asleep or just be too weak to use his phone.

It was a month after the wedding and Rocky was getting worried because it seemed that Ellington was only getting worse as the time passed. He felt sicker and more tired every day. Rocky hadn't even seen him for weeks. Ellington told him he shouldn't worry and that his mom had been over most of the time. When Rocky asked Cheryl what was going on, she said she was sure it was the flu.

Rocky wanted to see him, but he didn't want to go over there unannounced. Ellington could be sleeping or with his mom or something, and Rocky didn't want to be there if he wasn't asked to be.

He spent his nights with his siblings because he had nowhere else to go. Sometimes they did, though — they'd go out with old friends or do what they needed to do, leaving Rocky on his own in the house, carrying his phone with him wherever he went. None of them blamed him, though. They were sure they'd all be doing the same thing.

He was glad that he did have his phone with him, because he got a call from Ellington one night that he'd hate himself forever for missing.

He was almost surprised when he saw Ellington's name because he'd barely even been able to text him. Rocky answered immediately anyway, though, realizing it must actually be Ellington needing him on the other line.

"Hello?"

"Can you come over?" Ellington's voice sounded distant, like he was away from the phone.

"Sure. Sure, yeah, I'll be there," Rocky replied, already on his feet and running to get his shoes on. "Where's your mom?"

"She left." There was a pause. "I just…I need someone to take me to the hospital."

Rocky froze, his blood running cold. "The hospital?" he clarified. He held his phone against his shoulder so he could use both hands to yank his Converse on. He left them untied as he ran toward the door, not bothering with a coat. "Why? What's wrong?"

"I can't get up," Ellington explained. He started taking deep breaths and suddenly his voice was urgent, struggling to get all the words out. Rocky thought he might have started crying, but he wasn't sure. "I…feel like I'm gonna pass out. My legs hurt. My head feels heavy."

Rocky was already in the car and starting it up when Ellington finished speaking. "Okay. Okay, stay on the phone with me." He sort of wished he'd grabbed a jacket because he was freezing, but on the other hand, there were more important things to worry about.

"Okay."

"Is the door unlocked?"

"Yeah."

"Where are you?"

"My room."

"In bed?"

"The floor."

Rocky kept talking to him, just so he could hear him respond and know he was still on the phone. His heart was pounding. He knew Ell had been getting sicker.

He parked the car in front of Ellington's house and told him to wait five seconds. He shoved his phone in his pocket and locked the car before darting up the steps to the front door. The door was unlocked, as Ellington had said. It took Rocky a second to remember that Ellington's room was upstairs and to get his feet to carry him there.

Ellington was, as promised, on the floor. He was lying curled up next to a lamp in the corner of the room. His phone was on the floor next to his head, which was why is voice had sounded far away. He was paler than Rocky had ever seen him. Ell's lips were the same color of his skin and his hair looked like he hadn't washed it in days.

Rocky instantly crossed the room and knelt beside him, wrapping him up in his arms. Ellington's body was just limp against him. It was like he was alive, but couldn't tell his body what to do. He was like a rag doll moving only according to what Rocky's arms did.

"How'd this happen?"

"I fell."

"Jesus," Rocky said under his breath. He sighed and sat up a bit. "It's okay. I've got you."

Ellington looked down at himself. Rocky frowned. He pulled Ellington closer to him, but eased up when Ell tensed and groaned.

"Did I hurt you?" Rocky asked, his tone laced with concern.

"My whole body hurts."

Rocky pulled Ellington against his chest before standing with him in his arms. Ell had his arms around Rocky's neck, his head leaning against his shoulder. Ellington closed his eyes as Rocky started out of the room. Ellington's phone was forgotten on the floor.

"Have you lost weight?" Rocky asked. "When's the last time you ate?"

"My mom's been making me," Ellington told him without opening his eyes.

Rocky had a feeling Ell hadn't been keeping it all down, or just not trying. He was noticeably skinnier.

Ellington sat on the passenger side, his head resting against the window. His eyes were still closed. He looked terrible. Rocky felt bad but didn't know what else to do. He was already going over the speed limit to get to the hospital faster. It was all he could do to help.

They had to wait in the ER because Ellington only really had flu symptoms and there were more serious patients to be treated. They sat in chairs the way they'd sat in the car, but Ell's head was on Rocky's shoulder instead of the window. Rocky held his hand tightly to let him know he was there.

Rocky texted Riker to spread the word that they were in the ER. He sent the same message to Cheryl, who asked if she should come. Rocky promised to tell her if something came up that she'd need to be there. "I'm an adult," Ellington had said tiredly when Rocky asked if he wanted her there. "I don't need my mom."

They waited for hours. Rocky thought Ellington fell asleep against him a few times, but every time, Ell would stir uncomfortably or make a noise. It made Rocky feel like shit. He wanted to do something. He'd done all that he could, though. At one point, Ellington tried to say something, but Rocky didn't hear him. When he asked him to clarify, Ellington just shook his head weakly. Rocky didn't push it.

When Ellington was finally whisked away from him, Rocky waited on his own. He was left in the dark for a while, not knowing what was going on. He didn't ask, though. They knew what they were doing.

He debated asking Cheryl and George to come by, just so Rocky wouldn't be alone. But he didn't want to worry them. He knew just as much as they did at this point. It was just going to have to wait. Riker kept texting Rocky asking him what was happening, but Rocky told him the same thing every time: I don't know. Minutes passed like hours, hours like days, and Rocky was getting restless.

It wasn't for another two hours that Ellington's doctor came out. He shook Rocky's hand and introduced himself as Dr. Ryan. Rocky blinked tiredly as the doctor surged into a long explanation about everything that had been happening and about how Ellington was doing. He said Ellington was very cooperative and that they had done some strenuous tests that Ellington didn't complain about at all.

"His symptoms were very generic, but we had some suspicions given the physical examination and anything he was able to tell us," Dr. Ryan explained. "We ran a blood test. We can't be too sure at this point, but it's safe to say that the results worried us. Does Ellington have any family members that can be reached?"

"Uh, yeah. His parents," Rocky said. "I can...I can call them to come down here. But did you say the results worried you?"

Dr. Ryan nodded. "I did. Ellington is being referred to an oncologist on the next floor."

"Oncologist?" Rocky's brow furrowed. "Isn't that—"

"Cancer," the doctor finished for him. He paused. "We think that it might be leukemia."

Rocky went completely rigid. He was silent as Dr. Ryan told him he was thankful for Rocky's offer but that he would have the nurse call Ellington's parents herself to inform them of the situation. Rocky stared at him, but he was barely listening.

Halfway through, Rocky cut him off and caused a scene in the middle of the waiting room.

He started yelling about how that was ridiculous and that it wasn't cancer. Not Ell, he said. Ell couldn't have cancer. Ell didn't do anything to deserve getting cancer. Rocky swore at the top of his lungs and clenched his fists, and he only got madder when Dr. Ryan asked him to please calm down, there were other patients around at the moment.

Rocky suddenly became aware of the fact that people were staring. The young receptionist looked at him over the desk. Dr. Ryan raised an eyebrow. People waiting for their loved ones watched him curiously, some even with understanding, as he freaked.

Rocky sat down slowly. He knew the doctor said that it might be cancer, that there was a chance it wasn't. But he'd also said something about Ellington's white blood cell count being all out of whack — Rocky didn't understand it fully. It had just scared him.

He apologized to the doctor quietly, staring at his feet.

"No need. I've seen people go through this all the time. I know how hard some people take it."

He said he would be back as soon as there was anything else worth knowing, and that Rocky could see Ellington as soon as they were done, so long as Ellington wanted him there. Rocky thanked him.

He didn't want to say anything to anyone yet. If he went around telling everyone Ellington had cancer and then he didn't, Rocky would just look crazy. So he waited. He sat with his ankles crossed, his arms folded across his chest, and waited. It only took a few minutes for Cheryl and George to join Rocky in the waiting room after they were called by one of the nurses. George went to talk to the receptionist to discuss handling the expenses. Cheryl looked up at Rocky and frowned.

"Can I see him?" she asked.

Rocky shook his head. "Not yet. They haven't let me, either."

They sat together. George joined them soon. Stormie called Rocky crying at one point, saying Riker had told her something was wrong, and Rocky told her not to cry because it was fine. Ellington was going to be fine. There was still a chance, Rocky insisted. But he knew that wasn't likely. They all did. Ellington's parents fell in and out of sleep, George more than Cheryl. Rocky stayed awake.

Hours later, the doctor came back to tell them all that Ellington was sleeping and staying overnight. He said that they had done a bone marrow aspiration and a bone marrow biopsy and that they would get results tomorrow. Rocky didn't ask what any of that meant, nodding silently as Dr. Ryan walked away once again.

Cheryl started crying. George comforted her. Rocky ran a hand through his hair, wandering away from the two of them. He had no idea what to think at this point. He felt sick. It didn't seem right that this was happening. Of all people in the entire world...

Rocky pulled out his phone to call Riker.

"What's up?"

"I'm staying the night," Rocky said quietly. "I'm with Cheryl and George."

"What?" Riker lowered his voice, and Rocky heard movement on the other line. He figured Riker was moving to a different, less-populated room, away from Lucy. "What's happening?"

Rocky wandered toward a corner of the waiting room, away from everyone else. "It—it's not good, man," he mumbled, shaking his head. "They think it's cancer."

Riker was silent.

"I guess we'll know tomorrow. They've been running tests and stuff…I don't know. He's sleeping."

"Want me to come down there?" Riker asked softly.

Rocky shook his head, though he knew Riker couldn't see. He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "No. Just…I'll be home tomorrow. Tell Mom and Dad, alright?"

"Okay. Take it easy, man."

"Yeah, I will. See ya." Rocky hung up and took a deep breath.

He just didn't understand.

The next morning, at six o'clock on the dot, Ellington's doctor came back. Cheryl was barely awake, but she instantly perked up and woke George. They stood up with Rocky, and all three stared expectantly, waiting for anything.

The doctor looked at them tiredly before sighing and hanging his head. They all knew what that meant. But they waited anyway.

"Ellington has a type of cancer called acute lymphoblastic leukemia. Sometimes we call it ALL."

Immediately, Cheryl had questions. The words fell from her mouth in an urgent, jumbled mess, and Ell's doctor struggled to answer them all. Rocky didn't listen.

He spaced out completely until the doctor spoke directly to him. "I'm sorry, what?"

"He asked for you."

Cheryl looked at Rocky sadly as he followed the doctor to the elevator. He knew Ellington's parents wanted to see him, but so did Rocky. Ellington had asked specifically. Rocky would tell him that his parents were there but right now, it was about what Ell wanted.

It was a silent trip up to Ellington's room. Rocky wasn't thinking about anything other than what the hell ALL was and how Ellington had been unlucky enough to get it. He had nothing to say, and neither did Dr. Ryan.

Dr. Ryan stood in the doorway of the room, motioning for Rocky to go on in. Rocky thanked him. Ellington looked up when he heard Rocky's voice.

Rocky had pictured something grand and beautiful and fancy like in the movies, but there was nothing beautiful about the sight in front of him. Ellington looked more tired than Rocky had ever seen him before, even though he'd been sleeping so much all the time. He was still pale as a ghost. He looked even thinner than the other day, and Rocky knew that that was impossible but maybe his eyes were playing tricks on him. Or maybe it was because he was tearing up and everything was blurry, and he couldn't get a hold of himself.

"Come here," Ellington said hoarsely, reaching out as soon as he saw Rocky welling up. Rocky went over to him and leaned down, hugging him tightly. "Don't you dare cry on me, alright? I'm fine. Don't start getting sad."

Rocky shook his head. "You're not fine." He pushed the tears back, knowing it wasn't the time to cry right now. "You have cancer."

"I'm aware," Ellington muttered. "But as far as all the medical stuff is concerned, I have a good chance. A really good chance. So don't cry, because I'm gonna get rid of this soon enough and it'll all be over."

Rocky straightened up and looked down at him. It was amazing. Ellington had just been diagnosed and was already planning his recovery.

"I have an infection. That's why I look like a corpse." Ellington grinned. "But I get to get the hell out of here today and sleep my ass off for the next week."

"Sleep your ass off?" Rocky raised an eyebrow. "Sounds uncomfortable."

Ellington shrugged. "Eh. Don't need it anyway."

"I like it. I think you should keep it."

"I'm glad. Thank you for liking my ass."

Ellington Ratliff didn't have a bad bone in his body, which was why Rocky just didn't get it. He was lying in a hospital bed and joking with Rocky. He hadn't done one terrible thing in his entire life. He was a good guy with great intentions and never wanted to hurt anybody. So it didn't make sense that he got cancer. Why him, of all people?

"Your parents are here," Rocky said. "They want to see you."

"I'll tell the doctor to go get 'em. I just wanted to tell you to go home and sleep, 'cause I know you haven't." He looked up at the clock on the wall. "I was gonna call my mom to come sit with me until I leave anyway, so this is good."

"I'll get them. Are you sure I should go?"

"I told you I'll be home by tonight. I'll call you as soon as I'm there. Okay? Promise."

Rocky nodded. He didn't turn to go right away, and Ellington didn't fight him for it. The situation was surreal. Rocky didn't really know how he was supposed to respond. He swallowed thickly and leaned down to kiss Ellington's forehead. He didn't pull back right away. His fingers tangled in Ellington's greasy hair and he closed his eyes. He just wanted to stay there forever. With Ellington. Alive.

"Now leave me to my beauty sleep."

Rocky stood straight and smiled a bit. He shoved his hands into his pockets and left the room, his heart sinking. He passed by George and Cheryl and told them where Ellington's room was. They both hugged him before he left, and he hung his head as he went.

Now, away from Ell, he allowed himself to well up again as he got into his car.

hahaha bye