AN: Edward belongs to Stephenie Meyer and Bella Swan – I have no claim on him. I hope you enjoy reading this chapter and then take a moment to review. Thanks – Midnight Walking

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My Angel's Face

The problem with being a vampire was the fact that even our minds worked on high speed. Despite the fact that the flight felt long without my mind working overtime, its was working overtime only extended the time in my opinion. I had finally worked out why Bella did what she did; I didn't accept it, but if her love equaled mine in any way, as I suspected, then her pain also equaled mine. How much pain could a human endure before it drove her to death as a release? That was a question I refused to ponder, but it played around the edges of my mind.

All those thoughts, plus the realization that Bella's love was true and I threw it away, were bad enough, but what made it even worse was that every time I closed my eyes I saw Bella's face. Every expression, every feeling, and every endearing feature crossed before my eyes. It was like watching a rerun of the times I saw her. The first being in the biology class when I saw the monster I was reflected in her eyes. That was the first vision to cause a sharp stabbing pain in my chest. I knew what I was, and I knew I was a danger to Bella, but I had never meant to play a role in her death. I had tried so hard to prevent her demise.

I saw her face once again as she watched Tyler's suburban sliding toward her. Then there was her expression in the hospital when she realized I wouldn't explain anything about what had transpired when I saved her life. At the time, I thought she would just be pleased to be alive, but the resentment and anger on her sweet face tempted me, maybe not as much as her blood at that time, but the temptation was still there; I just had not recognized that form of temptation at the time.

Then a variety of pictures flashed through my mind of the times I watched Bella sleeping wondering if I dared to begin any type of relationship with her. Even though I hadn't realized it then, those nightly visits began to change my feelings for her. I still remembered how my heart felt the first time she said my name while sleeping. I knew it was the closest I would ever be to having an angel whisper my name. My name flowed sweetly and lovingly off her lips; the same lips that I desired to kiss every time I saw them. Not only did I want to kiss them, but I also wanted to taste them. I had always known that the first time our lips met, if she allowed it, it would be the sweetest taste ever imaginable, and I had been right. Every kiss became sweeter as our relationship developed.

As I dwelt on Bella's lips, I could feel them kissing my neck, my chin, my cheeks, and finally my lips. I yearned for them more than I yearned for her blood. I ached inside knowing I would never feel her lips on mine ever again. I would never again taste the sweetness of them or of her.

The slide show in my mind of Bella's face continued. I saw her in the street facing those three villains. The look on her face as she saw the door open to her and her expression when she realized I was driving. Next, I saw us as we drove to Forks from Port Angeles and Bella was sharing her newest theory about what I was. Her face was so revealing at that moment. It reflected her fear, concern, and curiosity all at the same time. I had been positive she would want me to drop her at her door, and she would never want to see me again, but Bella wasn't that weak. She couldn't totally hide the surprise when she realized she had been right, but there was never a look of disgust or hatred on her face or in her eyes. The first time I saw her cry, I felt wretched because I had caused those tears to flow. I had so wanted to reach out and taste her tears. I wanted to know if they tasted the way her blood smelt, but I refrained from fear that I would push just a little too much and I would lose her forever.

I wanted to laugh at that last thought. If Bella had had her way, I would never have lost her at all; we would have been together forever. As it was, we would be apart forever because she was in heaven and I would never go there. I was positive of that fact; I had hoped Carlisle was right, but I couldn't bring myself to develop any real hope about his conviction. No, Bella was now in heaven, and once I ended my existence, I would be elsewhere.

The next image that entered my mind was the expression of surprise and amazement when she first saw me in the sun and the first hint of her love as we sat together in the meadow. I almost laughed aloud when I remembered her expression the first time I ran carrying her through the forest. Her sweet lovely face had turned a shade paler than mine. I remembered it sent a wave of fear through me thinking I had finally scared her into running from me, but her determination once again surprised me.

Bella's determination was a personality trait I admired. Her determination always centered on others. She was always striving to help them and keep them safe. I never saw her use her determination to override someone else's will with her own. Even when she faced James, her determination was to keep every one except herself safe. If it meant sacrificing herself to save others, she was determined to carry it through. The image of her lying on that dance floor broken and bleeding was one I forcefully pushed away. It was bad enough that it had happened but that was not an image I wanted to relive. To help banish that image, I focused on Bella at the prom. Alice had taken a beautiful work of natural art and enhanced it so that Bella shimmered like the angelic being I always knew she was. I swelled with pride when I saw Bella because I knew she would be the most beautiful person at the prom.

My pride, I thought. That was what brought me to this point. My pride in doing what I thought was right despite what others thought, despite what Bella thought, and despite what Alice had seen. My pride brought Bella and I to this point, and it was only fitting that I end the miserable existence that I had catapulted myself into by being too stubborn and prideful to admit I was wrong. My pride hadn't allowed me to admit that Bella did love me the way I loved her, that I did want to be with her forever, and that she should be given the choice of whether or not to stay with me despite the danger.

The worst part about what I did was that I allowed Bella to die thinking I didn't want her, that I didn't need her, and that I didn't love her. I knew she believed those things because I saw it in her face that night in the forest, and I heard what she said. I had expected a long argument; I had expected Bella to force me to show her what I was saying was true, but that wasn't what had happened. Bella believed every hurtful hateful lie I told. It had been much easier than I had expected, and that alone hurt me because she could so easily believe that I didn't love her, but the other thing that tore my heart out was the look of utter loss on Bella face as she tried to comprehend that I was truly leaving her.

Bella's face was not the only part of her that clung to my mind, I could also hear Bella's voice; it never left me. Mostly her voice berated me for what I was planning on doing. Her disapproval was quite evident in her tone just as it was on her birthday after she had finished watching Romeo and Juliet. Her anger when she discovered I had planned to end my existence was evident not only in her voice, but also in her eyes and facial expression.

As I sat waiting for my flight to end, I could once again hear Bella telling me that I should never, ever under any circumstance think about ending my existence. Bella might not physically be around to remind me of what she thought, but her essence was still in my mind and it screamed at me for making what she considered a foolish decision.

What had she expected? That I would merrily go on with this non-life once she left me alone? No, there was nothing and no one who could convince me that this world had anything to offer me. With Bella gone, my whole world had vanished. I was plunged into a sunless unending void with no hope of ever finding a way out. I would never love anyone like I loved Bella, and I would never have Bella back in my life. That slender thread of hope I once clung to about going back to her on bended knee seeking her forgiveness had vanished when she jumped off that cliff and plummeted to her death, and the worse part about that thought was that I wasn't there to catch her.

I would never again be able to catch her if she stumbled and fell. She had fallen for the last time and I had let her down by not protecting her. Although, I had never imagined that I would need to protect Bella from herself. Besides, she had promised me not to do anything dangerous or foolish. She should have kept her promise. 'Bella, you should have kept your promise. If not for me, then at least for Charlie,' my mind raged. She had a right to hate me and hurt me, but she shouldn't have hurt Charlie like that. Charlie and I had lost everything.

My Bella was gone forever. My heart was gone forever. Soon, I would be gone forever.