Hey, guys! This week is a humor-based chapter that largely consists of screwing around with Jacques Schnee.
Enjoy!
Most people who enter fake relationships do so as a way to escape drama. The fake partner in question is usually someone their parents and society will almost universally approve of, freeing the person in question of annoying inquiries like "So, when are you going to get over this phase?" or "Why aren't you with someone yet?"
Weiss's fake relationship was the complete opposite.
It happened when she was meeting her father for what turned out to be the last time after officially leaving home. They were at an outdoor café, her father grimacing with distaste at the portable cup that held the coffee Weiss had ordered for him. His bodyguards stood nearby, their faces impassive.
"Be reasonable, Weiss," Jacques said in a haughty voice that set Weiss's teeth on edge. "You have to realize how terrible this scandal is for both of us. The press is having a field day with the 'Rebel Schnee Daughter.'"
"And whose fault is that?" Weiss asked coldly, taking a sip of her coffee. Now that she didn't live in the Manor anymore, it was a lot easier to meet her father's frosty gaze, even if it did make her tremble just a bit on the inside. "Did you honestly think I'd stay after you disinherited me and threatened to pass me off as mentally unstable? Did you think I'd wait for you to commit me somewhere?"
"I'm still not convinced that your mind is fully stable," Jacques grumbled. "But, I know I can't stop you from destroying your own life at this point. You will, however, stop dragging your brother through the mud with you."
"I'm sorry, but how is talking to my brother and encouraging him to make his own decisions 'dragging him through the mud?' He seems to be doing quite well as the Company's heir." Recently, he had started pushing for better treatment for Faunus employees. Several long chats with Blake and Sun may or may not have had anything to do with that.
"Of course, you'd think that. And what about this business with James Ironwood breathing down my neck?"
"I'm sure I don't know," Weiss said primly, though she did know very well.
"Don't play dumb with me!" Jacques snapped, his face starting to turn red. "You talk about me committing you, but your sister is actively trying to lock away her own mother!"
Weiss's grip on her cup tightened slightly. "Winter isn't trying to lock anyone away! Mother needs help, and she certainly won't get it from you. You all but encouraged her to drink herself into a stupor!"
"Don't you start blaming me! It's not my fault that her brain is incapable of handling simple truths."
"Simple truths like the fact that you never loved her, and married her only for her name? Truths like that?" Weiss barked.
"Lower your voice!"
"I will not!"
Jacques stood up with a huff. "I can see that I wasted my time coming here. I hoped that you would be reasonable, but clearly, all you want is to destroy the family name. I should have made your brother heir from the beginning. You and Winter are nothing but a disappointment to-"
"Hey, babe!" All of a sudden, an arm had been casually slung around Weiss's shoulders, and a pair of lips was pressing a quick kiss to her cheek. "Fancy seeing you here."
Weiss just barely kept her composure as she realized that the intruder was none other than Sun, sporting the most casual grin in the world as he slipped his tail around her waist. She caught his quick wink and realized immediately what he was doing.
"I told you I was meeting Father today, sweetie," she said, lightly touching his cheek and giving him a fond smile. "Honestly, you can be so forgetful sometimes."
The look of utter horror that came to Jacques's face in that moment was truly a once-in-a-lifetime experience. It had every satisfying aspect one would crave from an attempt to drive someone to near insanity: a red face, wide eyes, an involuntary twitch of one of the eyelids, a mouth that he probably didn't even realize was open, and a few inarticulate noises that expressed a combination of sheer rage and disbelief. It was a face that Weiss would remember for the rest of her life.
Still sputtering at the sheer indignity of it all, Jacques stood up, snapped at his bodyguards, and walked off toward his nearby limo. Weiss stood up to watch him go, leaning slightly into Sun as the door slammed shut hard enough for the windows to rattle, and the car drove off.
Once the limo was out of sight, both Sun and Weiss dissolved into laughter, Weiss clinging to her friend's arm while he doubled over. Nearby, more laughter sounded from around the corner.
"Yang!" Weiss gasped, recognizing the voices. "Blake, come out here!"
The two emerged, holding onto each other for support as they laughed the very breath out of their bodies.
"D-Did you see?!" Yang howled. "His f-face! Holy crap!"
"I know!" Sun guffawed, holding his stomach. "When I said 'Hey, babe!' Sweet Dust, I swear he had a stroke!"
Blake was holding her Scroll, pointing to it as she tried to recover. "I got- I got a picture!" she managed before she had to sit down in Jacques's recently-vacated chair.
"Dude, I know people who would pay money for that!" Sun grabbed two more chairs and sat down next to Blake while Yang sat next to Weiss, wrapping an arm around her girlfriend's shoulder.
Once Weiss's breathing returned to normal, she looked at the three. "So, whose idea was that?"
Yang grinned sheepishly. "Mine. We knew you'd be meeting him today, so we thought we'd stand by for moral support afterward and take you out on a double-date if you were feeling up to it."
"But then, he started being a mega-dick," Sun continued. "And we decided to screw with him a bit."
"Okay," Weiss said. "But why did Sun come over instead of my actual girlfriend?"
"I was going to," Yang said. "But Blake pointed out that, if we're gonna freak him out, we should go all the way."
"Yeah, and I'm basically everything your dad hates," Sun noted. "I'm a young, cocky badboy Faunus who walks around with my awesome bod on display for all to admire." He leaned back in his chair while Blake rolled her eyes.
"Wouldn't he hate Blake more?" Weiss asked. "I mean, then he'd be horrified at me dating a Faunus and another woman."
"We considered that," Yang said. "But, a male Faunus means the potential for old Jacques to have Faunus grandchildren in the future. Oooh!" She waggled her fingers while widening her eyes comically.
Weiss snickered, shaking her head. "You're all terrible." She placed a hand over Yang's. "But, thank you. I certainly wasn't expecting much from him, but…"
"It still hurts," Yang finished, kissing Weiss's brow. "I get it."
Sun grinned. "Glad you realized what was going on. Sorry about that kiss, but I had to be convincing."
"If we weren't such good friends, you might have gotten an elbow to the abs," Weiss said dryly.
The four continued to chat as they went back into the coffee shop, ordered more drinks and pastries, and returned outside.
"So," Yang said. "What now? Do we keep acting like Weiss is dating Sun to make the media go nuts?"
"What if someone sees her with you?" Blake asked.
"Eh, we'll tell them we have a three-way thing going," Yang said with a smirk. "That'll really drive them crazy."
"I mean, if we're going that route, you'd might as well throw me in there as well."
"Oh, you want in on this action, Blake?" Sun asked with a snicker, poking her cheek lightly with his tail. "You know, we could probably make them buy it. I wouldn't be surprised if people like Jacques thinks we Faunus have huge, crazy org-"
"Okay!" Weiss cut in. "Let's keep this somewhat civilized, please!" Her friends burst out laughing, and she rolled her eyes. Still, she couldn't keep the smile from her face as she held her girlfriend's hand and listened to her friends' increasingly-idiotic plans.
It was times like this that told her that she hadn't lost a thing when she left her father for good. Between her siblings, her friends, Yang, and maybe her mother someday, she had all the family she could ever need.
I apologize for the sparse Freezerburn content, but Sun kinda muscled his way into this one. I mean, I've had this scenario in mind forever! I desperately need Sun or Blake to fake a relationship with Weiss for the sole purpose of screwing around with Jackass. I need it, okay? Anyhoo, stay tuned for a longer family-based piece tomorrow.
If you like what you see and want to show extra support while earning sweet rewards, my P/atreon is Solora Goldsun.
Peace out!