When we were done changing (and the boys were deemed decent by me,) it was six thirty, so we walked to the Performance Space, which was empty. I winked and Mark and Roger and hopped up on stage, singing 'White Wedding' by Billy Idol, thrashing and giggling. By the tenth time I had said it, I was screaming, "HEY LITTLE SISTER SHOTGUN!" and just as I struck a pose for Mark's camera, Joanne and Maureen walked in. That got major giggles from Roger, who had been laughing the entire time. I kept rocking out to my own little beat until Maureen came up, laughing, took the microphone and stopped the madness.
"Hey! This is my show!" she said playfully, then started singing 'White Wedding' with me. We did stuff like that for a while, until Joanne said,
"Come on, baby, a half hour until the show starts and people start showing up." Maureen pouted a little, but agreed and sang her protest song, 'Over the Moon,' one last time before Joanne, Roger, Mark, and I started setting up. People started pouring in at about ten of eight, and Roger went to go look for Mimi. Mark walked around, finding the X's we had put down earlier so he could have good places to stand and record the show. I pulled up the chair I had picked out so I could sit down and write about the show and get the article to my editor as soon as I could. Mark stood behind me, and I didn't know he was there until I heard,
"And also attending Maureen's performance tonight is Kiley Davis, the drama queen of Avenue B. Tell me, Kiley, are you planning to write about this entire show for the New York Times?" I turned around, laughing, and said,
"Yes, and hopefully my incredibly, well, censored to protect my career, editor will accept it as my big advance." I smiled, then I grabbed the camera and kissed the lens. Before Mark could flip, I said, "Hey. Would you rather it be you I was kissing?" When he hesitated, I start laughing maniacally and screamed, "SO YOU DO! AHAHA!" He blushed fiercely.
"Hey! I didn't mean it like that! Did you not see me glare, or is it too dark in here?" He shuffled to try to get to a well-lit angle, but by then, we had been interrupted by the sounds of a motorcycle and the whoops and hollers of the audience behind us. I whipped out my pencil and notepad, and Mark hurried to his first position, still next to me so I could make fun of him. I wrote down,
Enter Maureen Johnson, our exotic performer who is protesting the replacement of Tent City and the Performance Space with the apparently-glorified Cyberland. Already the crowd is going mad, and she's eating it all up. In the back, trying to hide, you can see Benjamin Coffin III and his investors, including his father-in-law. Will the police stop the performance? You never know...
I stopped writing as the lights brightened up on stage and slipped my notepad and pencil into Mark's bag, right next to me. Maureen flipped her hair off her face and smiled at the cheering audience.
"Last Night I Had A Dream. I Found Myself In
A Desert Called Cyberland. It Was Hot. My
Canteen Had Sprung A Leak And I Was
Thirsty. Out Of The Abyss Walked A Cow -
Elsie. I Asked If She Had Anything To Drink.
She Said, "I'm Forbidden To Produce Milk. In
Cyberland, We Only Drink Diet Coke."
She Said, "Only Thing To Do Is Jump Over
The Moon"
"They've Closed Everything Real
Down...Like Barns, Troughs, and ...
Performance Spaces...And Replaced It
All With Lies And Rules And Virtual Life.
But There Is A Way Out..."
The crowd was eating up the dramatic performance, and I had to admit, she was a lot better than she was during all her soundchecks.
"Leap Of Faith, Leap Of Faith,
Leap Of Faith, Leap Of Faith...
"Only Thing To Do Is Jump Over The Moon"
I Gotta Get Out Of Here! It's Like I'm
Being Tied To The Hood Of A Yellow
Rental Truck, Being Packed In With
Fertilizer And Fuel Oil, Pushed Over A
Cliff By A Suicidal Mickey Mouse! - I've
Gotta Gotta Gotta Gotta Gotta Gotta Gotta Gotta Gotta Gotta Find A Way..."
I was entertained by the crowd's reactions, they were laughing and smiling, and Mimi screamed, "Yeahh! Go Maureen!"
"To Jump Over The
Moon
Only Thing To Do Is
Jump Over The Moon
Leap Of Faith...
Then A Little Bulldog Entered. His Name
We Have Learned Was Benny."
Everyone turned around and grimaced and boo'd at Benny, who was smiling knowingly.
"And Although He Once Had Principles, He
Abandoned Them To Live As A Lap Dog To
A Wealthy Daughter Of The Revolution.
A 1-2-3
"That's Bull," He Said. "Ever Since The Cat
Took Up The Fiddle, That Cow's Been Jumpy.
And The Dish And Spoon Were Evicted From
The Table - And Eloped... She's Had Trouble
With That Milk And The Moon Ever Since.
Maybe It's A Female Thing, 'Cause Who'd Want To Leave
Cyberland Anyway?...
Walls Ain't So Bad. The Dish And Spoon For Instance.
They Were Down On Their Luck -
They come knockin' On My Doghouse Door and I Said, 'Not
In My Backyard, Utensils! Go Back To
China!'" Bee dee bong "The Only Way Out-Is Up," Elsie
Whispered To Me. "A Leap Of Faith. Still
Thirsty?" She Asked. "Parched." "Have
Some Milk." I Lowered Myself Beneath
Her And Held My Mouth To Her Swollen
Udder And Sucked The Sweetest Milk I'd
Ever Tasted."
Well then. I thought as Maureen leaned over and pretended to suck milk from an imaginary cow, This isn't that bad. I leaned my head on Mark, who was still standing next to me. He looked down at me , but said nothing.
"Climb On Board." She Said. And As A
Harvest Moon Rose Over Cyberland, We
Reared Back And Sprang Into A Gallop.
Leaping Out Of Orbit!!!
I Awoke Singing
Leap Of Faith, Etc.
Only Thing To Do
Only Thing To Do Is Jump
Only Thing To Do Is Jump Over The Moon
Only Thing To Do Is Jump Over The Moon
Over The Moon-Over The
Moooooooo
Moooooooo
Moooooooo
Moooooooo
Moo With Me
Thank You!"
And just as everyone started mooing, the police kind of lost it and started yelling at the protesters nearest them. And they just happened to be next to Mark and I. I stood up, brushed myself off, and grinned. Mark tried stopping me, but I was already right behind an officer.
"I've already been in jail." I whispered to myself. Then, taking a deep breath and not thinking twice, I screamed, "MOOOO!" The cop turned around and tried grabbing me, but I was too quick. I had already ducked and tripped the cop, laughing. But before I could gloat to his friends, a hand was pulling me by both elbows, dragging my feet along. "Hey punk, lemme go!" And then I heard a familiar voice.
"Calm down, it's me!" Mark said, pulling me up so I could stand. "You're not going into prison again, what if this movie doesn't make any money? I'm not quite sure the New York Times are taking articles from the local jailhouse. I stuck out my tongue at him, but hung on tight. We came out of there just fine, better than the people in handcuffs, anyway. I pulled Mark over to a bench and finished my article, then handed the pad to Mark. He read it over and smiled. "Great job! Really great. I'm not sure why you're not in the staff by now." I smiled and hugged him tightly around the middle, then remembered:
"We have to go to the Life Café!" I pulled Mark up by the hand and we ran through the snow. We stopped by the office of the New York Times first, where I offered my editor the article I had written, and, seeing the opportunity in a first-to-know basis, he bought it from me as soon as he saw it.
"I see great things in you, Davis." He smiled in a paternal matter; I knew it was all an act but I took the money anyway. When I walked out into the lobby, Mark stood up and I waved the ten twenties in front of his face. He smiled and hugged me and I stuffed the bills in my pocket.
"Now let's go sell that film!" We walked next to the television station, where they took the film and paid big bucks for it almost instantly. Feeling accomplished, we walked hand in hand in the ankle-deep snow to the Life Café. Mark ushered me through the door just as the rest of our little group was about to sit down.
"Mark!" "Kiley!" "Oh my God, are you guys alright?" "We were just wondering where you were!" We quieted them down and told them the news. Maureen seemed flattered.
"Are you serious. You did that for me?" she asked, and we both nodded. She smiled brightly and hugged us both, considering we were still holding hands. "How can I repay you guys?" Joanne intervened, trying to pretend she was laughing.
"Let the lovebirds pay for dinner." she said, motioning down at our interlocked hands. We followed her gaze and quickly let go. That little trick got applause and cheers from everyone, until the maitre'd came over.
"No, no, no, no, no! You can't eat here, not tonight!" he said quickly, motioning at our group of eight. That got a chorus of "What?" "Why not?" The maitre'd sighed. "You always come here, and you don't order anything."
"Well that's a lie!" Mark said, "Just last week I ordered a tea." We all laughed and clapped him on the back.
"You couldn't pay." The maitre'd countered, and that got an "Oh yeah..." out of Mark. Angel, smiling, sidled up to the front of our group.
"Well, tonight we can!" She waved a wad of money in front of the maitre'd's face. "Come on, you guys." The only thing the distressed maitre'd could say was, "Please don't move the tables together!"
But we were all too busy greeting one another, and the restaurant was filled with introductions, laughter, and congratulations. We had pushed at least five or six tables together when we finally sat down. Just then, Maureen stood up again.
"Well, well, well... Benjamin Coffin III, the enemy of Avenue A." Tom piped up, "You've got a lot of nerve, showin' your face around here." Benny sighed, smiled a little, and stood up.
"Look... I didn't want this to happen." I pouted a little and said, "Well... you put the cops on standby. You had to at least be expecting something to go wrong." He saw me and smiled. "Hi, Kiley, how's the journalism going?" he said in a smug fashion.
"Shove it." I replied, and Mark said, "Jerk." Feeling a lot more confident now, I said, "Look, why don't you take whatever else you have to say to us a shove it up your ass, see if any of us care." I got applause and cheers from my company, I was all the way down at the end of the table, so if Benny heard, everyone heard. He smiled again. Roger, curious, asked, "Hey, Benny. Why didn't Muffy..."
"Allison." Benny corrected him quietly. Roger paused a little before finishing his question.
"...miss the show?" There was an awkward silence, and Benny sighed and said, "There was a death in the family."
"Who died?" asked Angel, concerned. "Our Akita." Benny didn't sound remorseful as he said this, but Roger, Mark, and I all looked at each other and said, "Evita!" Angel looked down and Tom started chuckling. That was way too ironic.