Electric 13 Chapter 4

"Joe, what are you doing here?" I asked only slightly annoyed

"I was invited, it was a free meal, and I had this feeling that you would be showing up here tonight. So what's the deal with avoiding me? Is it something I've done?" he asked.

"I don't know Joe you tell me. Have you done or not done something lately that would annoy me?"

He didn't get the chance to answer before my mother called out that dinner was on the table and that Joe and I needed to come sit down. He looked very confused and this just annoyed me more. The thought suddenly occurred to me that maybe this ring wasn't for me. Maybe there was someone else. This sounded crazy even to me though, because we spent a lot of time together and surely I would have heard by now if there was another woman in Joe Morelli's life.

The table at my parent's house was especially crowded tonight. Valerie and Kloughn were there with their children. Mary Alice was still acting like a horse these days, and Angie was still little Miss Perfect. Lisa was in a high chair with a few baby crackers to keep her content so that Valerie could eat. My mother had the pot roast, mashed potatoes, gravy, green beans, roll's and salad on the table. My father had already filled his plate with everything, but was skipping over the salad. Valerie seemed to be watching everyone eating the roast, potatoes and gravy. She looked a little wistful, but ended up just putting salad on her plate. I decided that probably I should skip the salad too just to make sure that there was enough for Val.

Kloughn looked a little bit goofy this evening, even for him. His eyes were especially bright and not very focused and he had a goofy grin on his face. Grandma Mazur was the first to comment on this. "Is something wrong with Albert? He looks kind of like the people in the nursing home that take them special happy pills."

"Albert is going through a particularly stressful time right now and his doctor gave him a little something to help him through it. He said it might take a few days for his body to get used to it," answered Valerie.

"He started me off with a real small dose, but I already feel much better. This food is great by the way. I love pot roast," he said as he dropped a huge bite of mashed potatoes and gravy on his shirt. "Oh shoot!" he said still smiling. "Well it's ok, we can just get that our later right," he said and he continued eating. Everyone stared at him for a moment and then concentrated on their own plates.

"Maybe I should get me some of them pills. Do you think Medicare would cover some of them?" asked Grandma

"Maybe you should go to the home and see if they would put you on some," mumbled Dad.

"Frank!" scolded my mother.

"Maybe you need some of those pills," added Grandma. My dad started to have that really bad look in his eyes. I was a little worried about Grandma.

"Who's ready for cake? It's chocolate with strawberries!" cheered mother trying to distract my father. It worked. He pushed his plate aside while my mother went for the cake.

"I can't believe you thought I would miss any of this," Joe whispered in my ear.

After eating cake and getting some left over's from mom Joe walked me out to my car. "Cupcake, I'm really not sure what is going on, but I really think we should talk. Can we go to my place and try to work all of this out?"

I really felt the need to have this conversation on my turf. "Let's go to my place," I said.

"Alright, I'll follow you there," he said eyeing me skeptically.

I was getting really nervous about it on the drive to my place. I wasn't sure what to say to him. To be honest I did kind of like how well he fit in with my family and I know they really liked him. I was also really annoyed that he just showed up there like that. It felt like he was invading my space, and I also didn't know if I was ready to talk to him about the ring. I really wanted to avoid that subject for a while.

Neither of us said anything as we walked up to my apartment. When we got inside, Joe surprised me with a soft and passionate kiss. "I've missed you," he said.

"Joe we need to talk. I am starting to get really confused about us."

"What are you confused about Cupcake? We love each other; I thought things were going well."

"So did I" I mumbled and looked away. He wrapped his fingers around my chin and forced me to look at him.

"Look, this would be a whole lot easier on both of us if you would just tell me what is going on here."

I decided to just blurt it out; I didn't know what else to do. "Joe, I know about the ring. I know you bought it weeks ago and I don't know why you decided not to give it to me."

Joe looked at me for a moment and I watched the emotions across his face, shock, fear, remorse, and anger.

"Look, I don't know how you found out about that, but it's not a fair reason for you to start avoiding me."

"It doesn't matter how I found out," I said getting really angry now. "What does matter is why you decided not to give it to me, or was it meant for someone else?"

"Stephanie, you know damned well that ring was meant for you. And I think that we both know the reason that I haven't been able to give it to you."

"Well Joe I guess we don't both know, maybe you should clue me in!"

"You're not the only one who knows about things Stephanie. I know things too. Did you really think I didn't know about your nights with Ranger, or about the feelings he has for you? Do you think I haven't noticed the way you look at him sometimes? How can I propose to a woman that looks at another man with more passion and feeling than what she looks at me? How can I propose to you if you won't even admit to me the things you have done with him? I love you Cupcake and there are lots of days that I can feel how much you love me too, but ever since the night that Ranger got shot I have been able to feel that you have feelings for him even more. There are times that I could sware you are thinking about him when you are with me. When I bought that ring, I thought that maybe if we were committed to each other then you could let him go. But I am not so sure about that anymore and I have just been giving myself sometime to think this through. I don't want to loose you Stephanie."

I really wasn't sure what to say to that. It never occurred to me how much this must be hurting him. I don't want to loose Joe, but I also realized in that very moment how truly unfair this was to him. I love Ranger and it was in a different way than the way I love Joe. My love for Ranger is the scary kind that I have always tried to avoid and it might never work with him, but it's not fair for Joe to be just the safer choice. He deserved someone that wanted him the most. I had to end this for him.

"Joe, I want you to know that I was never with Ranger when we were together. In fact we only slept together one time, and I was pretty sure you and were over at that point. You are right though this isn't right. I think that maybe you and I would never really work in a long term commitment. We are going in different directions Joe. I am becoming even less 'Burg, while you are becoming more so. We wouldn't be doing anyone any favors by continuing this. I think it's only fair if we end this," I started crying then and he held me. "Shit, I don't like doing this." I said.

"I love you Cupcake. I hope you find whatever it is you are waiting for." He kissed me on the forehead and left the apartment.

I locked the door after him, before I threw myself on the bed and cried myself to sleep.