Chapter 4- Talking it out
You never had much spare time since you came back to Chicago, but now it's getting ridiculous. It's been days since you spoke to her. Well, to be honest, you don't talk since that day she went to your place and Chuck had to be there.
Now, you rarely have time to practice real medicine, let alone socialize with your co-workers. You've had trouble sleeping, which means you had time to do your paperwork so, this week, you'll be able to hang out a bit more in the ER. You miss it more than you thought you would. You went to med school to be a doctor, not to be doing paperwork all day! But this job gives you, finally, some financial security and well, let's not fool ourselves: doctors always want to climb to the next level. You're an intern, you want to be a resident, then an attending, after that chief of department and finally get tenure.
You're particularly on your game today. You've seen more patients than everyone else, haven't lost any patients today. You diagnose right on time what's going on with Luka's patient in Trauma 2, while helping Carter in Trauma 1 to stabilize a multiple GSW- you two always worked well together.
"It's nice to have you around!" he says sincerely.
"That's what we all ER docs pine for: a good ol' bloody trauma…".
Things are under control so you ask him "Hey, wanna grab a bite at Magoo's?".
You choose the booth you always do. Carter looks tired. Not tired like after-a-shift-tired, he now has this permanent weariness in him. You've been meaning to talk to him, but with what had been happening lately…
"So… how are you?" you ask quietly, not wanting to scare him off.
"Huh… I'm fine…" he looks surprised that you asked.
"Carter… I've been wanting to talk to you. Since the… since Kem went away, you've been a little distant…". He looks agitated so you readjust your words "what I wanted to say is that if you want to talk, I'm here. I miss talking to you, you know, we're the only ones left from the old gang".
He smiles weakly "Well, I miss her. I've been thinking about going after her, you know?... I don't know if she wants that" he stops.
"Carter, believe me, every girl dreams of that! If that's what it takes for you to be happy, go for it! I'll miss you though…" you smile at him.
"Well, we'll see… And what about you? Still in marital bliss with Chuck?" he teases.
"We're not together anymore. I don't know, it's complicated… it just started the wrong way, I guess…", you shrug.
"Yeah, some people like to date first before gettinh married" he's chuckling now, you want to look angry, but you're happy to see him a little more relaxed.
"So, is there anyone else?" he asks.
"What do you mean?!" you didn't want to sound so suspicious, so nervous. You know he understood something was going on.
Fuck, fuck, fuck.
"Hey, relax, I was just asking! But after a reaction like that I have to believe something pretty steamy is going on…", he wiggles his brow at you.
You're now nervously looking at him, you've been wanting to talk this out with someone, but with Carter? It's weird, he dated both Abby and you. You don't have many friends left at County, so…
"It's… something weird happened a few weeks ago. I've been confused, not knowing how to react, what to do. It's one of those situations when you have no idea of what you're doing because it's all so new" You feel yourself relaxing a little.
"Huh… he's married?" Carter looks confused too.
"No! it's not that… it's… I don't want to talk about it", you shake your head.
"Then why did you bring this up? What's going on, Susan?", he insists.
"It's… I don't know Carter… I… slept with a… woman". There, you said it.
He's looking at you wide-eyed, really surprised.
"Wow! I never thought you…" he mutters quietly. "Is it why you never wanted to sleep with me when we were together?" he asks sheepishly.
"Carter! No! I'm not a lesbian, if that's what you mean… it just happened…".
"Well, I'm just asking, I mean you never wanted…".
You cut him off "It's not that I didn't want to sleep with you, it's just that we were both into other people, it didn't feel right. If you were just any other guy… We've known each other for a long time, I like you a lot, it wouldn't be fair…" It's true, you don't want him to feel rejected, or anything.
"Yeah, maybe you're right… But I'm really curious now… who is it? Anyone I know?", he says all excited like a little kid.
"Carter… I'm not saying" you try not to look him in the eye.
"Oh, my God! It's Weaver! You slept with Kerry?!" he's laughing loudly now.
"Shut up, Carter!" You look around assuring yourself that no one heard him.
"It's not Kerry, it's not someone from the hospital". You're not glad to be lying, but you don't want to expose Abby, she would never forgive you.
His pager starts beeping, saving you from his questions.
"It's the ER… You're so going to give me details later…", he chuckles at you.
"Yeah, keep on dreaming!", you deadpan.
He puts on his coat "You're not coming?".
"They didn't page me", you smile, fluttering your eyelashes in a silly way.
After you finish your coffee and go back to the hospital. You check the board, the charts, trying to find an interesting case. Nothing very interesting, so you pick the good old "bounce-back migraine" when Kerry Weaver stops you.
"Susan! I was looking for you…". After all these years her voice still gets on your nerves.
"Kerry, I was on my break…", you start elaborating an excuse but she interrupts you.
"It's ok, it's just there's something I need to discuss with you, do you have a moment?".
"Sure… Huh, Neela? Curtain 2" you say giving her the chart.
Kerry leads you to the lounge "Before you ask, it's good news".
"Oh, really?" You're relieved, you were thinking she was already going to complain about your administration.
"As you know, the Emergency Medicine National Congress is in a few weeks…".
"Yeah, in LA, I wouldn't mind…" you laugh.
"Oh… Well, that's great. I was going to invite you to go with me" she smiles at you.
"Really? Thanks I would love to…", you nod.
"But I can't make it… I don't want to leave Henry here for a week…", she smiles.
Wow, that is something you never thought you would see: Kerry Weaver putting work in second place.
You smile at her "I understand".
"So… just think of who you want to go with you and let me know by the end of the day, so I can arrange things, ok?".
"I can bring someone with me?", you ask a little too excited.
"Uh, yeah. Someone from the department, I mean…" she looks confused.
You nod "Yes, sure… Uh, I'll let you know then…".
As Kerry leaves the lounge, you think of how to approach her. Of course, she's the only person you're thinking about.
I hope she says yes.