Hi all! So I'm extremely sorry this update has taken so long. Exams and work took over my life there for a while. But I couldn't abandon these two! I hope you haven't either.

The silence at the dinner table is frosty. Billy tries to fill it with jovial chatter, and you make a token effort to answer his questions and give half-hearted smiles at his Dad jokes. Rachel pokes at her food and does not speak except for one word answers when spoken to.

As soon as dinner is finished she announces that she is going to visit Leah.

"Don't wait up." She calls over her shoulder as she stalks out the door.

Billy turns back to you with raised eyebrows.

"What?" You ask, delaying.

"Last time dinner was this quiet I was eating on my own. I'll tell you, the conversation was a lot better then, too." He says dryly. "You want to tell me what all that was about?"

"Why don't you ask Rachel?" You grumble. You are not in the practice of sulking or holding a grudge. It doesn't go with your personality. But there are some things that are sacred, that you won't forgive. Rachel insulted almost all of them, and you're not going to forgive that in a hurry.

Billy sighs, an exasperated sound. "Because, Jacob - Black, I am asking you. So can you kindly answer, please?" Despite his 'please' and overly courteous language, his tone brooks no argument. Billy doesn't only have authority because of his ancestry.

You pick at the grain on the wooden table with your thumbnail while you speak. "We had a fight."

"What about?" He asks in an overly patient tone.

You pick at the table a bit more while you decide how much to say.

"Rachel is, for who knows what reason, acting like a…..uh," You glance up at him before rephrasing quickly, "Not being very nice, and she said some stuff so I said some stuff and then I asked what was going on in Seattle… and she lost it."

"What did Rachel say, and more importantly, Jacob, what did you say?"

You huff in frustration, and you don't want to tell him this.

"She said something about Bella that….Wasn't nice, so I told her it was a shi….uh, crappy thing to say, and then I asked about what happened in Seattle." You leave out the part about your mother, because you don't talk about her much and you don't know how Billy would react.

Billy's dark eyes, your eyes really, assess you steadily as you speak and for a few moments once you're finished.

"Did something happen in Seattle?" He asks slowly

"How should I know? It's not like she'd tell me." You mutter in response, toeing the floor.

"But you think something did." It isn't a question.

You shrug. "I guess, I mean, when was the last time Rach came to visit? Plus, she's all moody…Well, more moody than usual that is."

Billy nods slowly. "Ok. Do you have homework?" You raise your eyebrows at the abrupt change of subject…And the subject. Billy usually doesn't remember to remind you about homework, although you like to think he just trusts you to do it.

"Already done."

He nods again. "Ok. What are you doing tomorrow?"

"Not much."

"Well, Bella will be here, won't she?" He asks pointedly, as if it's a given. You suppose that it has been, actually.

"Nope. Well, she and Charlie are coming to the cook out at the Clearwaters, but not till then."

Billy raises a dark eyebrow at you. "Why not?"

"She has a Biology project."

"Uh-huh." He nods, and thinks this over for a moment before asking, "So what's going on with you two these days anyway?"

"Dad…" You complain.

He raises his hands. "Hey, I'm only asking. I'm trying to be responsible here Jacob. Do I need to give you 'The Talk' again?"

"DAD!" Your eyes widen in horror, and you groan, scrubbing at your (suddenly burning) face with your hands.

"I'm serious, Jacob. Do I? I mean, she's here every day and you two are outside or down in the shed and you know I can't supervise you. So I'm asking you, Jacob, do we need to talk about this?"

"Dad, seriously? Oh my God, I can't believe you're even asking me...We're not...Bella and I, we aren't like that." You finally manage, your eyes darting everywhere but at Billy, your face red-hot. And you ignore the little voice inside you that cries out in protest, because now is not the time.

Billy nods slowly, but doesn't say anything more for a few minutes. You sit in silence, you trying to recover from mortally wounding embarrassment, Billy obviously lost in thought.

Eventually, he turns his eyes to you again and says in his slow, measured voice, "Ok. And you'll tell me if that changes, right, Jake?"

"Yeah...sure." You mumble, and push your chair back from the table, beating a hasty retreat to you room.

The loudest music in your collection is not enough to block you clamouring thoughts. Billy earlier questions have given rise (Insert snicker from your inner thirteen year old boy) to images...Images of you and Bella. Together. As in, together, doing stuff. Stuff, as in, like...You get the idea.

And while the idea of you and Bella...together like that is incredibly attractive, it reminds you of that fateful day when you found out more about Bella than you wanted to know. You consider, sometimes, whether you'd rather be living in the blissful ignorance of before or whether it is actually better to be forewarned. You still don't know the answer.

And so the dead silence of your house, at 2:30 in the morning, is no match for the volume of your thoughts.

The silence, however, is suddenly broken by the sounds of somebody opening the front door, shutting it loudly and then stumbling over something, followed by a hissed curse. Rachel.

She moves clumsily through the house, stumbling over things and swearing ferociously, though quietly. And then she's pushing your door open, the hallway light flooding into your room. She step hesitantly inside and whispers loudly, "Jacob? Jacob, you awake?" If I wasn't before, I sure would be now, you think wryly.

"Yeah. What's wrong?" You mumble, shielding your eyes from the too bright light.

She is slumped against the door frame, and when you respond she walks over to your bed, swaying dangerously. And you don't need to smell the alcohol on her breath to know that she's totally wasted.

She half sits, half falls onto your bed, resting her hand on your arm. She leans over and smooths your hair out of your face, reminding you of a thousand times when you were little that you would wake up from your dreams, throat sore, cheeks wet and the word "Mommy" ghosting your lips. The twins would come in and hug you, one climbing in on each side of you, wrapping you in their arms and telling you "Shhhh….Shhhh….Don't wake Dad up Jake. It's ok. We're here. We're here Jake."

Over and over. We're here, Jake. Even though Mom's gone, it's ok. Because we're here, we're gonna look after you and we're not going anywhere. Except that they both left the Rez as far behind them as they could, as soon as they could.

But she's here now, Rachel, and you don't know why. Somehow, you think it's her nightmares that have brought her here this time, not yours.

She sighs and quickly wipes her cheek while you lay there silently, no idea what to say or do.

She kicks of her shoes and tells you to shove over, her voice thick with tears and tequila.

You do, and she lays back, snuggling into your side.

You lay in silence for a while, and just as you start to think she must be asleep she whispers, "I'm sorry Jake."

The words float in the air, and you want to ask what for. For insulting Bella? For being cruel to you? For coming in here drunk and obviously looking for something that you can't identify and like any boy, pretty sure you don't know how to give? For changing?

For leaving?

Before you formulate any words, she scoots a little closer and mumbles, "I shouldn't have said that stuff about Bella. I'm sorry. I don't…I don't know why…" She huffs a little, a gust of tequila air against your cheek, "I don't know her. I'm sure she's fucking saintly." She pauses, and mutters "Shit. Sorry, I didn't mean to swear. Don't swear, Jake. Girls don't like it, and ladies don't do it."

You all climb up the ladder, like you've seen Daddy do because you want to see what the Rez looks like from above, from the roof of your castle disguised with wood and red paint. Of course, climbing it all three at once might not have been the smartest idea. The ladder falls, all three of you landing in a pile of wriggling, kicking and bickering limbs, letting fly with language unbecoming….Language your Mom didn't know you knew. She hears the crash and flies out to check that you're all ok. As soon as she's sure you are, she starts on a lecture about swearing.

"Girls don't like it, and ladies don't do it." She informs them in a tone that brooks no argument, her dark brows pulled low. But little Jake hasn't learnt that women are always right just yet, and he demands to know what any of that has to do with him. He's certainly not a LADY, and he doesn't care what girls like, coz girls are gross and they have cooties.

Mom rolls her eyes and tells him he'll understand one day.

The memory fades, leaving only an ache in your chest.

"It's just that…I don't want you to get hurt Jakey. You're…I know I'm not the sentimental type but…You're my baby brother, and I love you." She says quietly, hugging you close. "And maybe you don't know this, Jake, but we don't register with people like them."

"We? People like them?" You ask, finally speaking, your voice soft in the dark room.

"Yeah, them, Jake. Them. Us against them." She says, her voice turning bitter.

"The Rez, with it's own rules and the tribal council and the whole 'outsiders thing.' You think it's bullshit and then you get out there in the real world and you realise they were right. All they want is to sweep you under the fucking rug."

"Who?" You ask gently, puzzled but trying to understand.

She continues as if she never heard anything, her tone turning bitter. "Stay late and help with the report, even though you have class in the morning. Order food in, but never go out together. Go to a motel, but never to his home. "Yeah, I'm married, but we're getting divorced. Yes, I still live with my wife, but in separate rooms, we barely speak. No, I don't love her like I love you. Yeah, you can meet my kids and my parents and my friends….Just wait till the divorce comes through. Just wait, darling." She says mockingly. "And you believe it, and think you're special until one day you go out and see him with his goddamn wife, all over her. Kissing, and holding her hand. Not getting divorced at all. "I'm sorry baby, I'm filing the papers soon. I don't love her, I'm leaving her for you, I promise. You're the only one I want. Until one day, you read in the paper about them renewing their fucking vows!" She finally stops, her breathing ragged and shaky, while a cold and heavy weight settles in your chest.

"I mean, seriously," She exclaims, her volume rising, "Who renews their friggin' vows when they were supposed to have filed the divorce papers already? I should've known better. I should never have got involved but…" She trails off, her voice trembling with her impending tears. "But I honestly thought that he meant it. Every time he said he was sorry, he was leaving her, he loved me, we were meant to be…I truly believed it. I thought he was it. The one. God," She laughed sardonically. "Imagine if he actually was? Can you imagine? He wouldn't even come here." She whispered.

"I wanted him to come and see where I grew up, meet Billy, meet you. I told him that no one would know who he was, they didn't have to know he was married. You know what he said? A reservation, baby? I don't want to insult your up-brining darling, but I don't think I'd fit in there. And is it safe? It's dangerous on reservations you know, you shouldn't go back either.' Like we're fucking…Like we're animals, Jake. I know the Rez is far from perfect, but it was my home. And you know the worst thing? I agreed. Yeah, maybe it would be dangerous for you, in your fancy car and your thousand dollar suit with your big shiny gold watch. And you know what Jake? It would have been. I mean, maybe not with me, but if he turned up here on his own, it would be dangerous."

She's ranting now, her voice low and intense. Your fists are clenched with this unshakeable desire to find this dickhead and hurt him. Hurt him badly. Hurt him until he bleeds and feels maybe just a fraction of what he's doing. Rach is far from blameless, but he's the one who said the goddamn 'I do.' But Rachel is still talking and you try to listen, so you can maybe understand. "

You know how much weed is growing in the woods over there Jake? But, oh no, weed isn't strong enough for half them around here, they need heavier shit than that. The streets are crawling with the drunk, the drugged, the unemployed…. The school's missing half the kids every day and the teachers are part of the problem- How many times did I hear about them screwing around with one of the kids, or scoring off them, or worse still…The kids getting stuff from them?" She shakes her, pounding her fist once against the sheets.

" It's my home, Jake, but I don't always want it to be. I don't want it for you. And I….I know I'm not here, but I lie awake at night and I hope you're not…Hope you're not getting involved with the crops, and hope you aren't at Denny's every night getting beer even though he knows you're too young, or even worse, scoring something. Hope you're not brawling, and that you're going to school and doing ok there and that you have some kind of ambition to do something. And now, since I started to hear about Bella? I hope you're not getting too involved, too invested in her Jake, because she won't stick around. I can't believe she has so long already."

You have no words to answer all the things Rachel says. All the things that…How do you answer so many years of anger and frustration with empty, hollow, meaningless words?

"You're a great kid Jake." Rachel finally says after the loaded silence continues for minutes on end.

"You're smart, and funny, you're happy and so wonderful to be around. And, much as I hate to admit it, my baby brother's a little bit gorgeous." She adds and even in the darkness, you can hear the smirk in her voice.

"And you deserve, so much, to be happy. But think about it Jake. What's she gonna do? Yeah, the Chief doesn't mind if you're friends. But she's his only daughter, and I doubt he'd be thrilled with you guys being any more than that. I can't believe he lets her hang around here as much as he does. What about her Mom, huh? You're too young to remember this, Jake, but I'm not. I heard Mom and Dad talk about how Renee came from a well to do family. Renee's mother was the daughter of some French or Italian businessman who came to America and put the cherry on top of his fortune, and she married a highly successful lawyer." She pauses to let that sink in before she continues, unrelentless.

"I mean, come on Jake, how is Bella gonna introduce you to the family? Huh? Yeah, so the Chief is firmly middle class, but he's comfortably middle class. And who did she grow up with Jake? This baseball making step father of hers, he's not making peanuts. So what's she going to do, Jacob? Take you home to meet them? Then what? 'So, Jacob, where are you from?', 'What do your parents do?'"

She laughs sarcastically. "Of course, you can always tell them about your sisters. One of them gave up an amazing scholarship to get married right after graduation. But that's ok. She lives in Hawaii and runs a lovely, successful, resort with her husband. What about the other one? Oh yeah, well, she's in college in a dead end degree and working but she's screwing around with her married boss while she's at it. She's not going to do it, Jacob. That's if you two even got that far. How much shit do you think she'd get at school? She's popular, I bet, pretty girl like her. She's not going to throw that away to date a kid who's not only younger than her, but from La Push as well.

"Rach….Don't…Don't say that about yourself. And….And even if that stuff about Bella was true, and I think you're underestimating her, by the way," You say weakly, "It doesn't matter because…Because Bella and I are just friends and I think…I think that's all we're even going to be."

She digests that for a moment or two, before she drowsily murmurs, "I'm sorry if that makes you unhappy, Jake but…Maybe it's for the best. Maybe you should back of being friends with her a bit, too. Make it easier on yourself."

You lay there, silent, no idea how to respond to that and hating the voice inside that screams out in protest, that the day you distance yourself from Bella is the day that Hell freezes over but….

But.

A seed is all it takes.

A seed of doubt that keeps you awake long after Rachel drifts off, all that tequila catching up with her.

A seed that is enough to keep you awake for hours, until, just as the faintest of light is beginning to peek across the dark sky, you finally fall asleep.

So…Yeah. My updates should hopefully be more regular from now on, as things have settled down for me somewhat. I've already started on the next chapter so put me on alert to hear about it! Also, I have a couple of one-shots that will hopefully be posted soon, though they are not Bella/Jake stories. Still, if you're like me, you might like a lot of the Twi guys :)And as always...Please review! Let me know which Twilight character you love the most, and why. Reviews are better than snuggling with Jacob…*sigh*