I know, I know. I suck. I know I don't update often, and what I do update is insanely short or far from the last update. My hours at work are still insane, for a month or two they did narrow down a bit but over the winter I had a hard time with a lack of energy. I was falling asleep after even the shortest of shifts and I'm think I've mentioned before my hours change each week. Then it was a problem with my computer, then my mother had three seizures' when I went to go see her and was in the hospital for a week. Now my hours are growing where I'm at work for longer periods more often again.
My father is an alcoholic and I have had a love hate relationship with him for years. I used to cut back when I was fourteen. I struggled with my image of myself and I still do at age 21. I don't need others to tell me when I'm messing up because I already know and am beating myself up for it. At work my co workers have been making comments and it's just not fun to work anymore.
I'm going to therapy to work through my image issues, and get support to deal with everything. I'm trying to become more confident with who I am and decisions I make without worrying over every little thing. Some days it's hard because I end up breaking down crying, others it's easier and I feel happy with who I am. Somedays it's back and forth.
I am so sorry that I haven't been writing. I have so much going on and I hate letting you guys down. I'm trying, I swear I'm trying to get back to writing. I want to be a writer full time but I need a job to support me till I can make it. I am trying to finish my chapters and update but it's hard with everything.
I'm sorry. I'm not giving up, I'm just going slow and writing when I have the time and when I know I can do my best. Because you guys deserve the best chapters I can write now that I have a little more experience.
Please don't rush me, please don't hate me. I'm trying.
-Nin