Title: If You Only Knew 4/?
Author: theblackrose16
Beta: elsa_kallan
Summary: Merlin has spent his whole life hiding things. Living in Camelot merely added to the secrets that he needed to keep. As time goes on and he spends more time with Arthur, Merlin comes to realise that he in is love with the blonde Prince. He is completely unprepared for the fact that Arthur may just return his feelings. As if he didn't have enough to hide, Merlin now has to juggle hiding who he is and his relationship with Arthur. Sooner or later something has to give and all the young warlock can hope for is to still be standing when the dust settles. Set at the end of Season 2
Pairings/Characters: Merlin/Arthur, Morgana/Leon, Gwen/Lancelot, Gwaine, Elyan, Percival, Uther, Gaius, Morgause, Kilgharrah
Genre: slash | Semi-Cannon
Warnings: language, slash, violence, mature sexual situations, spoilers, mpreg
Rating: NC–17
Word Count: 3, 317
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
~XOX~
Chapter Four
Long Overdue Conversations
"Merlin, there you are," Arthur greeted the dark haired young man as he opened the door. "My father wants me to attend council again today so you'll be joining me." Beneath the serious tone Merlin could hear Arthur's amusement.
Merlin pulled a face at that. Council meetings were usually one of the most boring things to attend. Half the time he found himself drifting off while still standing upright.
Arthur chuckled at the look on his lover's face. Striding forward, he placed a quick kiss on Merlin's lips before continuing out the door. "Come on Merlin. We haven't got all day," the blonde shouted over his shoulder.
The young warlock shook his head. Something it appeared would always stay the same no matter what.
"Merlin."
"Coming Sire," the Merlin called back, hurrying to catch up with Arthur as the Prince made his way to the council chambers.
~XOX~
Merlin stood behind the chair that Arthur was seated upon with his back to the stone wall and fought off the urge to yawn. The council had been arguing about the same things for the last hour and had made absolutely zero progress. Merlin instead found his attention as well as his eyes drifting to Arthur. The blonde had dressed in his comfortable dark brown trousers with his red jacket - the one with all the buttons he liked to make Merlin polish - over a plain white shirt.
Arthur himself was bored out of his mind. It was occasions such as this that he was grateful that his father had drilled the ability to not show what he was thinking into his head from a very young age. Sometimes he found himself wandering if his father's advisor spoke so much merely to listen to the sounds of their own voices. They could surely go on all day if presented with the opportunity.
"We don't seem to be getting any further at the moment," Uther's voice drew the attention of all. "We shall adjourn for today."
Arthur barely restrained himself from offer a heartfelt thanks to his father. That was until he remembered where and what they were going to be doing next. He loved his people - he really did. It was just the thought of having to sit and listen to the people's complaints when all he wanted to do was get Merlin alone so that he could touch him was driving him insane.
Merlin appeared to sense his mood and followed silently. They met up with Morgana and Gwen at the side door to the receiving room. Uther, Arthur and Morgana swept inside each taking a seat on their everyday thrones with Merlin and Gwen standing to one side while two of Uther's servants stood on the other side of the trio.
Leon stepped forward when Uther waved his hand.
"Your Majesty?"
"Show the first one in," Uther commanded.
Leon bowed his head, turned and nodded to the guards standing by the double door to allow the first person inside to be presented to the King.
The rest of the morning was spent listening to the problems of the peasants. There was a farmer whose neighbour's sheep kept crossing onto his land, another wished their son to train as a squire, a young orphan girl looking for work in the castle as a maid, a farmer whose tree shed its leaves on his neighbour's property... and so it went on. it kind of blurred together after a while for Arthur and Merlin.
By the end of it, everyone was more than ready to escape for lunch in their own quarters.
As all those assembled stood to depart, Arthur caught the sleeve of Merlin's shirt and leaned close to speak to him quietly.
"Gather two plates from the kitchens and bring them to my chambers."
Merlin nodded in relief. He never actually served Arthur when it was just the two of them in his chambers.
He made a quick detour to the kitchens to collect lunch before heading to Arthur's chambers. He'd barely placed the plates on the table before strong arms wrapped around his waist and pulled him back into a strong body.
"All I could think about was getting my hands on you," Arthur whispered in his ear, lips trailing down to nibble on the spot where Merlin's neck and shoulder joined. The red kerchief fell to the floor unnoticed. Merlin twisted round in the circle of Arthur's arms, reaching up to twine his arms around the blonde's neck. Closing the inch between their lips, Arthur kissed his lover. At first teasingly and then more firmly, he ran his tongue along Merlin's lower lip. Merlin eagerly parted his lips as his fingers drifted down to run through Arthur's hair. A groan tore itself from Merlin's throat when their hips came in contact. Suddenly desperate for more, Merlin backed Arthur into the table, nipped at the blonde's lower lip and then sank to his knees. Arthur leaned back on his hands against the table top, starting hungrily at his lover. Merlin peered up at him through his lashes before yanking at the ties on Arthur's breaches. Merlin pulled the brown material down and out the way while Arthur's knuckles turned white with the restraint he was showing at the picture Merlin made.
Arthur's cock jutted out from its nest of dark blonde curls, a drop of pre-cum glistening on the tip. Merlin dipped his head, brushing his nose along Arthur's thigh and inhaling the scent of arousal along with a scent that Merlin had come to recognize as exclusively Arthur's.
Hesitantly, Merlin brushed his lips over the silky head, flicking his tongue out to taste the drop of pre-come.
Arthur couldn't control the hissed curse that escaped or the way his hips jerked forward. Merlin chuckled at his lover reaction and planted a wet kiss on Arthur's hipbone before turning his attention back to Arthur's cock.
The blonde looked down at the dark head bobbing up and down. He couldn't help groaning at the picture that Merlin made on his knees before him. It was the manifestation of many a fantasy for him.
Merlin's tongue darted out and licked Arthur's cock from root to tip. His fingers dug into the blonde's hip while the other frantically undid his own trousers so that he could touch himself as Arthur continued to moan in pleasure.
Feeling his climax building up, Arthur pulled Merlin's mouth off him with an obscene 'pop' and yanked the raven haired man to his feet by the scruff of his neck. Still holding onto the back of Merlin's neck, Arthur held him still, ignoring Merlin's whine of protest at being stopped, and leaned forward, taking his mouth in a firm kiss. His tongue almost immediately swept into Merlin's mouth as he reached down with his other hand and took hold of both of their cocks.
A few strokes later and they were both coming one after the other over Arthur's hand. The room was silent except for their heavy breathing.
Merlin grabbed a cloth to clean himself up, passing it along to the blonde was he was done. A light blush was staining his cheeks but he was working on that.
Arthur couldn't help the smirk that spread across his face as he looked at Merlin but he decided against teasing his lover. After all, he most definitely did not want to be sleeping alone.
"Join me for lunch Merlin."
Merlin smiled at Arthur gratefully, taking the chair beside the Crown Prince.
"How is your mother?" Arthur queried once they began eating.
Merlin grinned. Arthur's affection for his mother was something that he secretly loved. He knew the blonde had grown up without a mother and to see and hear Arthur treat Hunith so respectfully even though she was a lowly peasant never failed to make Merlin happy.
"She's well. They're nearly finished with the harvest and will have enough to last them all through winter. I did extend to her your invitation to come to Camelot but she hasn't given me a definite answer. She did ask after you though."
This time it was Arthur's turn to blush in pleasure. "Oh, what did you tell her?" He asked, trying to appear nonchalant.
He wasn't fooling Merlin though. "I told her you were still a royal prat but that you were well and had asked after her."
Arthur smiled in gratitude but didn't say anything. "Speaking of harvests, they've managed to refill the granary stores to full capacity."
Merlin recognized the change in topic for what it was but didn't call Arthur out on wanting to ignore his feelings. "That's good. I know you were worried about that."
"Yeah, despite everything we appear to have had a good harvest this season."
"How are the repairs on the lower town coming along? They should be just about finished shouldn't they?" Merlin pushed down the feeling of guilt that he always got when the attack and subsequent damage from the dragon was mentioned.
"They finished the last of the repairs two days ago. I've been down to check on it personally when I can otherwise I've had Leon and Morgana keep an eye on them."
"And the knights' training? Didn't you get a few new recruits lately? How are you turning out?" Merlin asked curiously. While he watched Arthur training with the knights, he wasn't always able to do so and sometimes Arthur just needed to rant about a few of the more useless attempts.
Arthur plopped a grape in his mouth and pinched the bridge of his nose in annoyance. "I don't even want to discuss them, they are so useless. I need men that can fight... Like Lancelot. I miss Lancelot."
"I don't think you're the only one," Merlin commented. Arthur raised an eyebrow in question prompting Merlin to elaborate. "I think that Gwen might miss him fiercely and dearly wishes for his return. I think that they love each other or at least near enough."
"Why didn't she go with him then?"
"Gwen stayed for Morgana and I think Lancelot might have thought that you had feelings for Gwen and didn't want to get in the way of that," Merlin informed him calmly.
Arthur frowned at his lover's answer. "You know I don't have feelings for Gwen, at least not like that don't you?" He reached out to place a hand on Merlin's thigh as the other man calmly ate his last piece of cheese.
"I kind of figured that it was implied, what with all that we've done. You're a prat but you're an honourable one. You wouldn't be with me if you wanted Gwen."
The Crown Prince shook his head. Merlin really was unlike anyone else he thought fondly.
"I'm expected on the training field shortly," Arthur informed his lover apologetically. He didn't want to end their lunch but people would begin look for him soon.
Merlin stood and grabbed the empty plates. He leaned down to give Arthur a quick kiss before replying, "I know. Have fun beating your knights up."
"Merlin, that's not the way you talk to your Prince or about his knights," Arthur teased.
"You'll just have to deal with me later then, won't you," was Merlin's cheeky response as he left Arthur's chambers.
Arthur laughed at that. He collected the sword that Merlin had just sharpened where it was lying at the other end of the table and headed for the training fields with a slight spring in his step.
~XOX~
Leaving Arthur's chambers, Merlin headed in the direction of Gaius' chambers. He was halfway there when he spotted Morgana coming from the opposite direction. Seeing the dark haired young woman brought back all his feelings of guilt and sadness. He really needed to actually speak with Morgana alone without the presence of Arthur or Gwen since neither knew of their magic. The conversation was long overdue.
Merlin slowed down and drew to a stop, waiting until Morgana reached him. "My Lady, I was hoping that I could have a word."
Morgana stopped and looked at Merlin, alerted by his tone and the way that he had addressed her that this was a serious request. She still felt some lingering anger towards the warlock for what he had done to her but she understood why he had done it. Her visions had ensured that she understood.
"Of course, Merlin. Come with me."
Together the pair walked through the corridors to a section of the castle that was rarely occupied. Morgana led Merlin further to the entrance of one of the towers. Merlin raised an eyebrow and turned to look at Morgana. The young Seer smiled at him. "We won't be disturbed up there. Nobody goes up anymore and we can lock the door if need be."
Merlin nodded in agreement and they both silently made their way to the top of the tower. They ended up in a large circular room that was sparsely furnished. There was a rug on the floor with a table and three chairs pushed to one side. Other than that the room was empty.
Merlin followed Morgana into the room, shutting and locking the door behind himself.
"I wanted to apologize," Merlin blurted out with his usual finesse.
Morgana tilted her head to the side, staring back at him. "For what?"
"For poisoning you. For not being there for you when you needed someone to help you with your dreams and magic. For not trusting you to make the right choice, for doubting your loyalties," Merlin explained in a rush desperate to get everything out.
Morgana's face went slack with surprise. She had to know that Merlin felt guilty about poisoning her but she hadn't known it had been more than that.
Merlin stepped forward, reached out and clasped her hands. "I tried to help by sending you to the druids but that only made things worse. You wouldn't have had to go through this and make the choice you did if I had been there for you from the beginning. I should hav-"
"Merlin stop," Morgana squeezed his hands, cutting off his self blaming. She tugged him over to the chairs against the wall. Glancing at him from the corner of her eye, Morgana spoke softly.
"Fordwin wamm"
The dust and cobwebs covering the chairs vanished leaving the wood looking freshly polished. She glanced at Merlin again to gauge his reaction at such a blatant display of magic. Merlin picked on her worry, giving her a soft smile as reassurance.
"Thanks Morgana."
Morgana was thrilled to know now for sure that Merlin accepted her.
Once they were seated Merlin took a deep, fortifying breath before taking the plunge. He could almost look at this as a sort of rehearsal for when he finally told Arthur the truth - based on recent events it would be sooner rather than later.
"I also have magic. I am magic.". Merlin didn't look at Morgana's face for her reaction, instead he stared blankly at the opposite wall as he spoke. "I was born this way. Mum said I was doing magic before I was walking. I've had it drilled into me, you know? 'Don't ever tell anyone. Keep your magic a secret.' There are very few people that know. I wanted to tell you when your dreams started getting so bad but..."
Merlin finally glanced across at Morgana. She was watching him with a look of understanding. Out of everyone, she was one of the few people who could truly understand and empathize with what he was feeling and the fear of keeping his magic a secret.
"I can understand if you can't forgive me for what I've done, I jus-"
"Merlin. I forgive you. I forgave you a while ago." Morgana interjected. "When I was gone... Morgause taught me a lot. I know it was only to manipulate me into helping her take over Camelot but she still showed me things."
"Like that spell?"
Morgana smiled. "Like that spell. She... She explained to me that my dreams were visions of what may come to pass and sometimes - although rarely - what has already come to pass. I learned that by suppressing my magic and my visions only the worst and most powerful broke through. By accepting all of who I am, they're not so bad now. Yes, I will still get visions of threats to Camelot but I can control to a degree how badly they affect me. I also dream about the good that can happen. I see so much more now. I saw what would have happened if you hadn't poisoned me and allowed Morgause to win."
The screams still sometime echoed in her head.
- "ARTHUR!"
"Morgana stop please. Arthur is dead because of you and Morgause. Your hatred is destroying us all." -
It served as a reminder of what could have been and what could happen if she decided to walk the path of vengeance again.
Merlin reached out slowly and placed a hand on Morgana's shoulder. "There's something I'd like to suggest."
Morgana broke out of her revive and gave Merlin her full attention. "What is it?"
"Maybe we can practice together. Strengthen our magic and learn new spells. Sometimes just talk about it. It would be nice to have someone in the same position to talk to."
The smile that Morgana gave Merlin at his suggestion was beautiful and full of happiness.
"Merlin, I'd love to. We just have to be careful not to be caught. Uther won't even spare me if he finds out and I'm his ward."
Merlin winced in sympathy. It had to be difficult to know that your father figure would kill you if he learned who you truly were.
"I know and I'm so sorry Morgana."
"It's not your fault Merlin."
The young warlock sighed before realizing how long they had been gone. Someone was bound to notice that they were missing soon. Especially Gwen who would be looking for Morgana.
"We'd better go. I still need to wash Arthur's royal socks."
Morgana laughed. Arthur's socks had become a running joke in the castle amongst the servants according to Gwen.
They slowly made their way down the stairs and went their separate ways at the bottom with a shared smile and the promise to meet again soon.
~XOX~
Morgana was still thinking about her conversations with Leon and then Merlin hours later as she sat in her chambers before her mirror, running a brush through her long, raven locks.
Leon had been a surprise. She had known the knight for years but it was only recently that she had really begun to notice him - ever since she had gotten back from her 'trip' with Morgause. He was sweet and a true gentleman as well as being surprisingly easy to talk to. She remembered the flower that he picked for her.
"My mother loves flowers. She has a beautiful garden that she spends hours in," Leon shared with Morgana, reaching behind himself and plucking a rose to present to her. "According to my mother, pink is supposed to represent friendship, fun and cheeky romance."
Morgana couldn't help hoping that Leon was serious and might be hinting at the desire to get to know her romantically. They would have to be careful - Uther would never ever approve of a mere knight pursuing her. Arthur though... he would understand since he was in love with Merlin. Morgana stopped herself from planning further. She might be making something out of nothing. It would be better to wait and see what Leon did next, if he approached her again. Maybe she would get Gwen to do some careful prodding for her.
Things were definitely beginning to look like they were getting better though and of course that's when everything went straight to hell.
~XOX~
Author's Note: I know next to nothing about flowers except that they are pretty and smell nice so this is the website that I looked: .