The next day we were all on our way to the beach house. I still couldn't believe what had happened last night. Me and Conrad kissed, Jeremiah proposed for goodness sake! And with Susannah's ring, that was just unfair. How was I supposed to say no to Susannah's engagement ring? So I didn't say no. I didn't say yes either, though. I told Jeremiah that I just didn't know. I told him that I didn't know what to think with him having sex with my best friend and then proposing to me in the very same night. And that was true, but that wasn't all the reasons why I put off saying yes or no.
The other reason was that kiss. When Conrad kissed me, everything I thought had gone away had come back. All those old feelings, came rushing back and just blinded me. Jeremiah was my first kiss, but Conrad was and always be my first love. So, where did that leave me? I could just right off the kiss, I could just pretend it didn't mean anything. I could say yes to Jeremiah, marry him, spend eternity with him. But I just didn't think I could do that, because that kiss, that kiss did mean something. But what it meant, that I didn't know. What I did know was that I couldn't make any decision, especially one that determined my whole future, without really thinking deep down at what I wanted, what I needed. And I wasn't quite sure how to do that.
So, I told Jeremiah that I needed a little time to think things through. And that began with me not riding up to the summer house with him like I had the two previous years. That also meant that I was riding up with Conrad. I mean, It wasn't exactly that I wanted to ride with Conrad, it was just that I couldn't really tell Jeremiah that he also couldn't ride with Conrad either, and I wasn't positive if Conrad wouldn't tell Jeremiah about our little kiss. And if Jeremiah found out about that kiss, that wouldn't be good for anyone.