When the youngest of the gods appeared in Olympus in a celebratory flash of bright light, he'd expected at least some of his fellow deities to be glad to see him; to offer sincere greetings and ask when the party was going to start as was the custom that had been the norm for millennia. Yet there was nothing, not even so much as a nod from the perpetually kind Aphrodite who had as of yet not even noticed his arrival.
He sought Aphrodite out with his eyes and found her huddled together with Eros, Apollo and Hermes near what had become her little corner of the great hall. They all seemed extremely pleased about something, with the goddess of love bouncing excitedly on her toes like she hadn't done since Paris had spirited Helen off to Troy in the name of love.
He started to move over to where the trio was talking, but he'd only taken a couple of steps when Aphrodite finally noticed him.
"Dionysus!" she exclaimed as she wildly motioned with her hands for him to hurry over and join them. Dionysus smiled kindly at the goddess and quickened his pace. When he reached the small group Aphrodite placed her petite and perfect hands upon his shoulders and gave him a smile that would have warmed the Minotaur's heart if the creature still lived. "He did it and she said yes!"
Dionysus glanced at an obviously amused Apollo before looking upon Aphrodite again. "Who is he, sister? And what did he do to her, whoever she is?"
Aphrodite tapped his right shoulder and said his name in a playfully admonishing way, as though she had expected him to know who she'd been talking about and he was feigning ignorance just to tease her.
"The Dark Knight of Gotham, brother, and Diana of Themyscira," she said excitedly as she gave him a gentle shake. She drew him into a hug so tight and so full of love that naturally flowed from her that it nearly burned him, though it would have been a blissful burn and not a painful one. "They're engaged!"
"Engaged, sister?" asked Dionysus as Aphrodite released him from her embrace.
It was Apollo who answered, his voice nearly as musical with amusement as the songs he played on his lyre. "Betrothed, brother. Our dear sister is trying to say they are to be wed."
"You need to keep up with the lingo of the times, Dion," said Hermes with a wink.
Dionysus gave Hermes an annoyed glance to let him know- AGAIN- that he hated it when Hermes called him that, and then turned back to Aphrodite who was still holding his hand. "That is wonderful news, sister." He gave her hand a gentle squeeze before releasing it and turning to face the other gods and goddesses of Olympus.
"My fellow gods and my dearest goddesses!" he exclaimed as the first table heavily laden with jugs upon jugs of various types of wines appeared out of the blue in the center of the room, followed by another at one end of the great hall and yet a third at the opposite end. "My dear sister Aphrodite has just told me the joyous news!" Another table filled with plates of food and nectar appeared next to the first table as music suddenly began filling the room. Dionysus lifted his arms upward and began to slowly spin around saying with great exuberance as more tables of foods and wines materialized within the chamber, "The Dark Knight and Amazon Princess are to be married. Ambrosia for everyone!" In little nova like flashes of light jugs of ambrosia appeared in the hands of each and every goddess save Dionysus, who stopped spinning and looked upon Ares who had growled at his pronouncement. "Ares…always so sour." Dionysus laughed and then, with an evil grin upon his face snapped his fingers and said as Ares' jug of ambrosia doubled in size, "A double dose for you then!"
There were cheers from the gods and goddesses, salutes and calls of thanks to Dionysus who simply nodded graciously at them all.
"Aren't you going to celebrate with us, Dionysus?" asked Aphrodite as she moved to stand next to him, the miniscule layer of ambrosia adorning her upper lip from the generous sip she'd just taken doing nothing to lessen her beauty.
Dionysus looked to his sister and gave her a perfect smile. "In a moment, sister. There is something I must attend to first."
Before Aphrodite could ask Dionysus disappeared and reappeared in the kitchen of Wayne Manor. The lone occupant of the room looked up from whatever concoction he'd been preparing- and from the aromas that had instantly assailed his godly nose it was going to be very good indeed- and fixed him with an appraising gaze.
After a moment the mortal addressed him. "May I help you, Master Dionysus?"
Dionysus' head tilted in surprise. "You know who I am, mortal?"
"Of course, sir," replied Alfred as he continued to prepare the evening's dinner. "I am well versed in the mythos and literature of antiquity, and if I do say so myself I am more observant than the average butler." Alfred picked up the roaster and turned towards the large oven. Before he could blink Dionysus appeared next to the oven and opened the door for the butler to lay his burden inside.
Alfred closed the oven door and faced the god. "Thank you, sir. Now, is there something I can do for you?"
Dionysus nodded and then bowed slightly in gratitude. "I wish to provide celebratory drink to your master and his betrothed," he said grandly, "and you know him better than anyone, mortal or god. What would be his preference?"
Alfred brought himself to his full height in indignation. "The wine cellar of this estate, sir, is equipped with…"
Dionysus held up his hand to stop the elderly human and said, "I meant no offence, wise one. I only meant that I wish to bestow upon them a gift."
"I see." Alfred paused in thought for a moment and then said, "Master Bruce is not a fan of champagne, as he's consumed more than enough in the guise of the playboy at wasteful functions to turn him from it. He does enjoy an occasional wine. I have a nice bottle of 1982 Chateau Cheval Blanc that…"
"Please, mortal," interrupted Dionysus who was aghast at the thought. "Do not punish your master and the princess so."
Alfred managed to keep from bristling at the intimation that he would willingly allow Master Bruce or Miss Diana to suffer for any cause. "Well then, god of wine and celebrations, what do you suggest?"
"A nice cognac…"
Three hours later Bruce and Diana, Bruce having just returned from another productive day at Wayne Enterprises and Diana having only moments before transported down from the Watchtower to have dinner with Bruce, walked into the kitchen.
Bruce was barely a step into the expansive kitchen when his defenses went on full alert and the Bat sprung forth to take control. Alfred never- NEVER- left dishes in the sink while preparing dinner, yet there was the sink nearly full of the utensils he'd used this afternoon.
"What is it?" whispered Diana from his left. She had also sensed something amiss and like Bruce had heightened her senses and semi crouched into a posture that she could quickly and easily convert to either offensive or defensive.
Instead of answering Bruce bolted for the door to the pantry from which access to the wine cellar was to be found. It was the very slightest of noises he'd heard, but it was enough. He ran through the door, Diana tight on his heels and jumped down into the cellar without touching any of the seven steps.
What he saw was even more disturbing than the thoughts he'd had in the few seconds it took him to get into the cellar, thoughts of Alfred suffering unfathomable horrors at the hands of the Joker or one of his other enemies. No this was worse: a few feet away stood Alfred and another person who was, according to his garb and demeanor, one of Diana's gods.
Diana landed next to him and he heard her gasp in surprise which drew the attention of Alfred and the unwanted visitor.
"Master Bruce," greeted Alfred, and though his voice was sure and steady, there was the underlying thickness of inebriation as well. "May I present Dionysus, sir, who has come…excuse me, sir." Alfred gently tapped his chest with his hand and then cleared his throat. "He has come to ask my opinion about something."
"Indeed I have, wise one," replied Dionysus as he affectionately patted Alfred's left shoulder and turned towards Bruce and Diana, whose jaw had almost hit the floor. "And you have been most helpful."
Bruce quickly surveyed the room and found a number of empty wine bottles adorning the table top, as well as several that had been opened and only had mouthfuls gone from them. Even the 1982 Chateau Cheval Blanc…
"Come, Alfred," announced Dionysus as he took put a steadying arm around Alfred's shoulders. "Let us go back upstairs out of this hole on the ground."
Diana and Bruce watched in fascination as Alfred and the god wobbled past them on unsteady legs. They glanced at each other as Alfred and Dionysus moved up the stairs, relying heavily on each other and the handrails.
Bruce gave them one last look as they disappeared from view, then looked sharply to Diana when he heard the god say to Alfred, "Let us discuss the party. Will the Nymphs be invited? Because let me tell you, Alfred, they really know how to party, especially the maenads. Let me tell you about the time they…"
Diana stifled a laugh that threatened to blow past her lips at the look of supreme irritation on Bruce's face more than anything else, even if the whole situation was more than a little absurd.
She smiled at Bruce and said, "Looks like Alfred has a new bff."
Bruce thought for a second and then asked, "Bff, Princess?"
"'Best friend forever'," she said with a smile. Bruce actually groaned and then fixed her with a withering look. "What?" she asked innocently and then said as she laughed, "I keep up with the lingo of the times."