Nick had stayed the night but barely got any sleep in the chair beside her bed. The gears in his mind were turning. He was worried about his partner. Nick had already been told by Fin that she hadn't been raped but she was still severely sexually assaulted. It scared him. He had a million things on his mind. Nick had leaned back in the chair, crossed his ankles, and propped his feet up beside Olivia on top of her bed after she'd drifted off for the second time that night. She'd woken up briefly when Cragen had left. It hadn't been for long.
Now, it was probably early in the morning and Nick still couldn't manage sleep.
"What are you thinking about?" she asked silently as she tapped one of his feet that were beside her to get his attention, drawing him out of his thoughts.
He raised his eyebrows and his eyes drifted to his watch.
"Liv, it's just past four am. Go back to sleep…" He told her, giving her a light smile. She wasn't doped up on pain meds like she had been earlier. The nurses probably lowered her dosage after she had drifted off.
"I'd rather talk to you right now if that's alright?" She asked. He could tell she was fully awake. Olivia had been asleep for several hours now. Maybe her body did want to wake up for a bit.
"Of course," he told her and she smiled at him. "What do you wanna talk about?" Nick asked her.
"What were you thinking about?" Olivia tried again.
Nick shook his head. "Nothing, nothing…" he replied, dodging her eyes and looking around the room instead.
"Nick," She called to him. He finally met her eyes and she continued, "What is it? Talk to me…" she asked him.
"Really, it's not important and it's none of my business…" he told her silently.
"…I wasn't raped if that's-" she started, clearly misreading what he was thinking.
"No, I know that, Liv… It's alright, Fin told me." He stated slightly panicked. He knew she probably wouldn't want to discuss Lewis and he hated her mind had automatically went there.
"Then what?" she questioned, pushing herself up with her good arm so she could sit straighter and face him better.
Nick was silent. He was wondering if he should say anything but deep down he knew he shouldn't. This was Olivia and it was her life. He had no right to talk to her about it but he cared about her. So, he decided he would talk to her anyways.
"…you… and Amanda…" he finally stated. Olivia held her gaze with him. She didn't look panicked or surprised because she wasn't. If Cragen knew, she had figured Nick did. She just hadn't been sure how he'd approach the subject or if he'd even mention it at all.
Olivia gulped out of the slight nervousness she felt.
Her face was soft and so were her words.
"Is this where you give me the religious catholic pep talk about how I'm going to hell for bedding another woman?" She was half serious and half joking. Honestly, she didn't know what to expect from Nick. Olivia knew he was religious just as Elliot had been. Only difference was, she was almost certain Elliot wouldn't have backed her play. He probably wouldn't have been rude about it, but she figured his heart would have still felt it was wrong.
"No. God no!" he said quickly and a small smile appeared on her face. She was relieved. "If she makes you happy and vice versa, then yeah, go for it. I'll support you, you have to know that, Liv." He told her honestly.
Apparently, this conversation was making Nick slightly uncomfortable because he removed his feet from her bedside and sat up straight.
"Then what is it?" She asked, letting her head roll to the side on the pillow.
"I'm your partner…" he stated. "I thought you trusted me…" he told her. Olivia could see sadness in his face.
"I do trust you, Nick…" she promised him.
"Then why didn't you tell me? Fin knew, I can tell. He wasn't the slightest bit surprised…"
"I told Fin when I was having a panic attack…" she confided in him, laughing at herself and the memory. "I just blurted it out. He wasn't supposed to know. Amanda and I… we had agreed to keep it between us until we could figure out exactly what it was…" Olivia told him honestly.
He thought carefully before his next statement.
"And what is it?" Nick simply asked, looking to Olivia. He was calm. She could tell he wasn't mad but his eyes showed concern for her.
"We're dating… she's my girlfriend, someone special in my life…" Olivia answered him. "That's as far as we've gotten for right now." She huffed at her own frustration. Things had been going good between her and Amanda. Now, Lewis had fucked everything up.
"I'm sorry…" she offered to nick, pressing her lips into a thin line.
"No, don't do that." He told her. "Don't apologize for keeping your personal life personal."
Silence engulfed them. Olivia was ready to leave the hospital. She truly was. The sounds, the smells, the atmosphere… she hated it all.
Nick took a deep breath. "I was waiting until it was set in stone before I said anything but now that this… situation… has happened…" He stated, playing with the wedding ring on his finger. "Tomorrow, this ring comes off…"
Olivia lifted her head to get a better look at him.
"What?!" She questioned Nick quickly.
"Maria left me…" he told her while staring at his hand. "She took a job in D.C. and is taking Zara with her. They leave tomorrow. She told me she wants a divorce." He confided in her.
"Nick…" she said lovingly. "I'm so, so sorry."
He smiled a sad smile. "We're starting out with a separation… I'm not giving her a divorce without fighting for her and really trying to save our marriage…" He stated. He needed to change the topic soon or else he was going to get emotional.
"So anyways… if Amanda makes you happy," He told her. "I'll back you up… you should be with someone that you love and makes you happy…" she gave him a small smile as she leaned back against her pillow.
There was that "L" word again. People seem to keep throwing it between her and Amanda.
Olivia was starting to feel uncomfortable. Her wrist was beginning to really hurt so she mashed the call button to call in the nurse. She asked for some more pain meds. They gave them to her and she was out of it again. To be honest, this was the best sleep she'd ever gotten. Even before Lewis happened she wasn't exactly sleeping well.
When Olivia woke up the next time, it was around 7 am and she had demanded to go home. She felt better and she wanted to leave. Soon.
Amanda had been fully prepared to go back to the hospital but much to her surprise, Olivia had been released bright and early, nearly two days ahead of time. Olivia had done some serious sweet talking with her doctor.
She'd begged and begged to be released. Her arm had been fixed and put in a cast already, her wounds were treated, now they purely wanted her to stay for observation due to her concussion. Olivia had persuaded the doctor to let someone else watch her for a few days so she didn't take up a hospital room that the hospital desperately needed.
Nick of course disagreed with her early release but there was not much he could do about it.
He'd driven Olivia to the one-six that morning because she had to give her statement to Tucker and the agent. If she would have stayed at the hospital, they would have come to her but she had declined. Tucker was more understanding than usual. He was nicer and wasn't so harsh with her like he normally would be. It was like he actually felt sorry for her.
Olivia sat in an interview room with him, another IAB worker which was a lady who was in charge of taking notes and recording her statement through video and audio, her captain, and her union rep. She didn't need representation but Cragen hadn't taken no for an answer, wanting to cover all the bases.
"I was able to break free of my restraints. There was a struggle…" She'd told them. "I uh… I managed to incapacitate the suspect and get the gun…" Olivia stated. "I got the handcuff key from his pocket. I freed myself and called for backup…"
"And then before help arrived, the suspect tried to escape?" the IAB woman asked.
"He managed to get to a standing position and lunged at me…" She recited as she had been practicing in her head for over a day now. "I used the metal bar from the bed frame to subdue him…"
"Rather than to shoot him at point blank range?" The lady asked.
Olivia nodded her head yes. "I made a judgement call…" She told the woman.
"Alright, thank you Detective Benson." The woman told her. "I'll forward you her statement, the case file, the rape kit, and forensics." She stated as she turned, talking to Captain Cragen. "I'll be in touch."
Tucker had stood back and let his co-worker talk. After she finished, he'd given Olivia and Cragen a nod goodbye and both IAB workers exited the room.
Olivia followed Cragen into his office through the adjoining door so she didn't have to walk through the squad room.
Her arm was in a sling, her forehead still had dissolvable stitches, she still had a black eye even though the swelling had gone down significantly, and her lip was still split open. She looked like a train wreck if she was being honest.
"As far as the department is concerned, you're a hero. They'll want a press tour. You are officially on mandatory leave." Cragen told her.
Olivia pressed her lips together in thought. It was a normal habit that she had but she needed to break out of it for now. With her lip split, it hurt. It's wasn't the best habit to have anyways.
"…How's the lawyer's mother?" Olivia asked lightly.
"She's doing better. She'll be released from the hospital tonight…" He looked at Olivia with sympathy. Cragen knew she'd been forced to watch what was done to the woman.
Olivia nodded her head. "Good, good…" she stated but it was only a routine answer. Olivia knew that woman wouldn't be okay for a long time.
She swallowed hard as she had another thought come to her.
"Where am I going to go?" Olivia wondered out loud more to herself than talking to Cragen. "My… My apartment is a crime scene." Her gaze traveled around his office in thought.
"The department will put you up in a hotel…" he told her silently. "It'll be nice, they're calling you a hero. It's on the NYPD's dime so, take advantage of it… Order room service, rent movies on the television… the works." Cragen gave her a small smile.
"Or…" he stated more softly. "You could stay with a fellow detective… You've been through a lot and should be around a familiar face. I'm positive the department wouldn't give two thoughts to it…" he told her. It was uncharacteristic to hear him refer to Amanda like that. Olivia knew Cragen was choosing to ignore it job wise, but his support meant the world to her.
"I'll take the hotel room…" she whispered silently.
He nodded his head, accepting her answer.
"Give me a few minutes to make the phone call and I'll let you know what hotel they'll be getting you," he said as he sat down at his desk and picked up the phone.
Olivia walked over to his window, gazing out into the squad room. She saw Fin, Nick, Munch, and Amanda gazing back at her.
Much hadn't visited her at the hospital and she was okay with that. They had a silent understanding. He'd visit her eventually and he'd use humor to get past the pain and angst he felt as he was dealing with her attack.
She wasn't the only victim here. Her squad were co-victims and so was her captain. What had happened to her had affected them too.
This wasn't the first time she'd been a victim in the bullpen. After Sealview, it'd been hard to walk back through the squad room but this time, it was much harder because there were eyes on her. Everyone had known about her assault now, unlike Sealview. Everyone was staring because she was famous. Her picture had been on the news for four days.
Everyone aside from her squad probably thought that she'd been raped. She was getting tired of everyone feeling sorry for her. She could see it in their faces.
Olivia gave her squad a sad smile before reaching up with her good arm and closing the blinds to Cragen's office.
The Captain finally ended his phone call, telling her that they were putting her up at The Lexington Hotel. Wow, they were really treating her. That was a nice hotel indeed.
Cragen opened his office door, calling Fin in per Olivia's request. She didn't care to have some rookie in uniform escort her and since Cragen wasn't taking no for an answer, she had requested Fin.
Olivia and Fin walked through Cragen's side door, into the interview room, out of the interview room door that led into the hallway, and down the back hall to the back exit. She didn't want to see the press or Amanda at the moment.
"You gotta talk to her…" He'd whispered to her as they walked.
"I know…" She told him truthfully. "Tell her to come by my hotel room later on this afternoon…" Olivia said, looking to Fin as he nodded in confirmation and holding the door open for her.