Sam, for once, was having a great day. They had finally made it to the town where their next case was located, they had found a pretty decent motel to crash in, and he was sufficiently distracted by the detective work to not think about the last few days.

Gabriel, however, was having a bad enough time of it for the both of them. He just couldn't get the other Gabriel - the one from Sam's nightmare - out of his head. Was that really how Sam saw him? As a bully who spouted the meanest things that could come to mind?

The archangel sighed miserably as he sat across the room from Dean and Sam, trying not to stare at the taller hunter as the two worked. Neither human bothered to look up at the angel's loud sigh - this was far from the first time it had happened - though Cas did glance his way from his spot in front of the television.

As another sigh left his lips, Dean finally whirled on him. "Dude. If you're so bored, go find out what the hell is going on in this town."

Gabriel glared at him, but Sam's weary expression as he finally met the angel's gaze tugged at him. "Fine," he said with a scowl. In a flurry of wind, he was gone.

Castiel's eyes widened as he noticed a single feather floating lazily downward to land where Gabriel had been sitting. "That is not a good sign."

Sam breathed out in relief as the shorter angel disappeared. It was getting harder and harder to be around Gabriel as more of the nightmare that he had been trapped in came back to him. So far, he remembered Lucifer and his taunts, as well as the shadowy spectres of the other archangels coming at him with blades readied. Nothing past that. He would wake with a gasp, covered in sweat, still seeing those menacing forms advancing on him.

But he still couldn't remember what, exactly, was making him so jumpy around the shorter man. He only knew that his whole body tensed up whenever he was around the angel.

Dean looked hard at him for a moment but didn't press the issue. Sam was thankful for it, since he wasn't entirely sure what he could say to explain. The hunter shook his head and returned back to the books in front of him.

Neither noticed Cas disappear a moment later.

####

Across town, Gabriel sat on a bench in the town's sad excuse for a park. He watched a few kids playing in the little playground, parents chatting and paying little attention to their charges. A shift in the air beside him informed him of his baby brother's arrival. "What?" he asked snippily.

"You are losing feathers, Gabriel." Castiel didn't look at the archangel as he spoke, unable to speak of such personal things while looking at him.

"I'm fine," Gabriel denied.

"Brother-" Castiel was cut off by Gabriel.

"I'm fine, Castiel," the archangel snapped with more than a little bit of Grace threaded into his voice.

The younger angel nodded and said nothing for a few long minutes. Finally, he spoke again. "Perhaps I should return to the Winchesters."

Gabriel snorted. "Whatever you want to do, little bro."

When Cas stayed on the bench beside him, Gabriel sighed and sat back on the bench. "The strong and silent thing isn't gonna get me to talk about it, bro."

"I was not attempting to make you talk about it, Gabriel. I am simply here for...'moral support'."

When the seraph made air quotes, the archangel rolled his eyes with a half smile. "You're such a little dork, Cassie."

The two settled into a comfortable silence, broken by the laughter of the children across the way. Eventually, Gabriel cracks.

"What I saw in Sam's head...do you think that's how he really sees me?" the shorter angel asked quietly.

Castiel looked sharply at his brother, unused to hearing that note of almost desperation in his tone. "I am unsure, Gabriel. Do you see yourself in that way?"

"I didn't. But now I have to wonder if I've been seeing everything wrong," Gabriel admitted.

"Then perhaps you should reevaluate."

Gabriel sighed. "Yeah, I know."

Silence reigned once more.

This time, it remained unbroken.

#########

After hours of research and digging, Sam finally found the source of their vigilante. A teenager working at the local bank, dabbling in witchcraft and wanting to get back at people who were "being assholes" to people in need. In the end, four people died - all people in a position of power over others who were in a bad way.

Sam and Dean felt sorry for the kid. She'd had good intentions going into the whole thing, so the brothers didn't feel the need to gank her. Instead, after a once-over by archangel to make sure she still had her soul and a stern talking-to by Winchesters, the girl was free to go. After they confiscated her magic books, that is.

In all, a fairly disappointing endeavor.

After they returned to the motel, Sam collapsed face-first onto his bed and mumbled, "Why's it always kids? Why can't they do normal stuff like have unprotected sex?"

"Why Sammy! Are you condoning unsafe sexual practices?" Gabriel mocked from across the room.

Sam just grunted and rearranged himself into a more comfortable position.

Dean glared at the angel but left him alone for the moment in favor of copying Sam and flopping onto his own bed. An arm thrown over his eyes blocked out most of the light and the older Winchester was asleep in seconds. After a few minutes of attempting the same, the younger brother finally gave up with a groan and rolled onto his back. He contemplated the ugly ceiling for a moment before hauling himself up and glancing around the room.

When his eyes landed on Gabriel, sitting alone at the table in the kitchenette and absently eating a piece of cake, he sighed lightly and stood. As he made his way to the fridge for a snack - or a beer - Gabriel looked up suddenly at his movements, fork stuck in his mouth and looking like a deer in the headlights.

Sam tried to ignore the angel in favor of opening the ancient refrigerator and bending slightly to check its contents. Gabriel choked behind him, but the hunter ignored the sound. Finally settling for a half-eaten sandwich from earlier and a beer, he sank into the chair across from Gabriel.

The angel stared at him with wide eyes. When Sam finally looked his way again, Gabriel smiled slightly and asked, "Want some cake?"

Raising a brow, Sam demurred. "No thanks. I don't eat a lot of sweets."

"As a Trickster, I take offense to that statement. Nobody should go without sweets. It's unnatural," said Trickster argued.

Sam shook his head. "Chubby, twelve year old Sammy ate junk food like it was going out of style. I'm not going back to that."

Gabriel was silent for a moment before he tilted his head to the side in what was apparently an angel thing. "Is that why you don't like to be called Sammy now?"

"Yep." To avoid anymore questions, Sam took a big bite of his sandwich, followed by a huge gulp of beer.

For once, the archangel seemed to respect Sam's silent request for peace. They sat in surprisingly comfortably silence until Sam finished his snack and rose to throw his trash away. Before the hunter could move past him and attempt sleep once more, Gabriel gently grasped his wrist.

"Sam, I-"

Sam jerked his hand away on instinct. He glanced at the angel and saw the flash of hurt, but didn't have the strength to deal with his own issues and the angel's. "Yeah?" he asked when Gabriel didn't continue.

"I, uh. I was just gonna say... I'm sorry. For what I've put you through." Gabriel coughed to cover the huskiness of his voice.

Sam stared evenly at the angel. "You really think that makes it all better? Two words don't take back all the months of Dean dying every day. Or that stupid TV land stunt."

Gabriel glared. "I stood up to Lucifer. I died for you guys. I earned my Team Free Will stripes."

Sam glared back. "I went to Hell and was Lucifer's personal plaything. And Michael's, when he decided to join in on the fun. Don't talk to me about Lucifer until you've had him scrambling your brains from the inside out, until you don't know what's real anymore!"

Gabriel's retort was cut off by Dean's voice calling out, "Sammy?"

With a last glare at Gabriel, Sam crossed the motel and sank down onto his bed. "I'm fine, Dean. Go back to sleep."

The archangel was left to stare at Sam's still form, hurt and guilt and anger swirling in his belly. Just as Sam fell asleep, Gabriel took wing.

Leaving a handful of golden feathers behind.

The next morning, Gabriel was still gone. He didn't show when they ate breakfast, or when they started packing their things. He didn't show when the boys loaded the car and waited for either angel to show.

For almost two weeks, Sam and Dean were angel-free. To be honest, it was starting to freak Dean out that Cas had been gone for so long with no word. Sam pushed down his own worry for the snarky archangel. The man didn't want his affection anyways, so why bother?

Finally, Castiel appeared in the motel room they had crashed in for the night on the way to a new case. He was ruffled and unkempt, his expression one of worry. His eyes were icy blue, almost glowing with the power thrumming through him. "Have either of you seen Gabriel?" he questioned immediately.

"What? No. Cas, man, where have you been?" Dean demanded.

"I have been searching for Gabriel. When we last spoke, he seemed...off. Not himself. I am worried for him."

Sam put his book aside and sat forward in his chair. "What do you mean, not himself?"

"He was melancholy. Speaking of Hell and his time there. He grew enraged and disappeared, and now I cannot find him," the angel said.

"Wait, you mean Gabriel was in Hell when he died?" Dean asked skeptically.

"Yes, Dean. Lucifer sent his essence to the cage," Castiel said impatiently.

The younger hunter's face scrunched in perplexity. "If he was in the cage, why don't I remember that? The wall came down, Cas. I remember everything I went through down there."

The seraph looked to the heavens as if to ask for strength. "Gabriel did not wish for you to remember," he finally said. "I lied to you, Sam. I was not the angel who raised you from Lucifer's cage. It was Gabriel."

Sam felt the floor drop out from under him. "That's...that's not possible."

"I tried to bring you back after Father recreated me, but I simply did not have enough power," Cas admitted.

"But that means... Oh, God. Lucifer was right," Sam whispered to himself.

"That little feather duster doesn't have the juice to pull a mouse from a trap, let alone pull your sorry self from the cage Dad himself built to hold me. You're still here, Sam. Huddled into a little ball in the corner, hoping it'll keep you out of our sight."

Sam's breath began to quicken as panic overwhelmed him. Out of habit, he pressed his thumb into the scar on his left palm. Through the roaring in his ears, he heard Dean calling his name. He was simply too far gone to respond. It was almost as if Lucifer had wiggled back into his head, making him see things that weren't real.

The only problem was that now Sam was completely unsure of what was real.

A sudden stinging pain to his cheek helped ground him. A second brought him firmly back to himself. He stared at his brother for a few stunned seconds before asked dazedly, "Did you just slap me?"

"Well, it worked. Are you back with us?" Dean asked gruffly.

Castiel stood a few feet away, concern etched on his face.

"I think so."

Dean sat back on his heels, watching Sam closely until the color came back to his cheeks and his eyes became less glazed. "Sammy, you gotta stop doing this shit to me."

Sam laughed bitterly. "It's not like I'm trying to do it. I told you, Dean. I'm poison."

Dean's expression turned thunderous. "Don't start that again."

Instead of replying, Sam just sighed and shook his head. Castiel cleared his throat and stepped closer before saying hesitantly, "I apologize, Sam. It was not my intention to cause you distress."

"It's fine, Cas. Don't worry about it," Sam said wearily.

The angel looked like he wanted to say more, but Dean shook his head. "Where do you think Gabriel's gone off to?" he asked to change the subject.

"I wonder if perhaps he hasn't gone to Asgard. The Æsir can be a violent people when the occasion calls for it. He may be 'blowing off steam' in their realm," Cas said. The hunters tried to hide their grins at his use of air quotes.

"Well, if you find him, let us know. If we see him first, we'll send him your way," Dean reassured Cas. The angel looked relieved at the hunter's words and nodded his head gravely before disappearing in a gust of wind.

Dean turned sharp eyes on Sam. "Now, little brother. You get to tell me how, exactly, 'Lucifer was right'."

Sam sighed and bid farewell to his hope of some peace and quiet. "When I was stuck in that nightmare in the Impala. I saw Lucifer. He told me that...that Cas never saved me from Hell, that I was still in the cage with him. And...the other archangels. I can remember it up to the point where all four of them were coming at me with their blades, but that's where it goes black. So when Cas said that he really didn't pull me out..."

Dean finished the thought that wouldn't leave Sam's lips. "You started thinking this was all in your head again. I saw you do the hand thing."

"Dean, I can't go through that again," Sam whispered.

"I know, Sammy. We'll figure something out," the older hunter said softly. "Hey, maybe Gabriel can make you forget the rest of it? He already took some of it out, why not the rest?"

"I don't- Dean, I don't him in my head. I've had enough of angels and demons fucking around in my brain. I'll deal with it." The implacable set of Sam's jaw told Dean that he wouldn't be changing his mind.

"C'mon, let's crash. We've still got some driving to do."

Sam sighed and nodded. They took turns in the bathroom and settled in for the night.

#########

Some hours later, a loud thump woke them. Guns trained toward the sound, the brothers simultaneously reached for the lampswitch on the table between their beds. It took a few moments to process the sight that greeted them.

Blood-soaked feathers littered the ground around the intruders. More blood covered them to the point that they were almost unrecognizable. Finally, blue eyes met green and Dean felt his heart stutter at just how bloody Cas was.

Lying on the floor, one arm wrapped around Gabriel's battered form, the younger angel was a mess. He was bleeding from several deep cuts and even more shallow ones. His nose appeared to be broken, and his free arm hung limply by his side in an obvious dislocation.

A wounded noise - one that he would later deny - escaped Dean's throat as he scrambled from the bed to reach Castiel's side. Sam wasn't far behind, but headed for the other angel. "What the hell happened, Cas?" Dean asked tightly as he gripped the fabric of the angel's tattered trenchcoat.

"He was...with the Frost Giants. They...weren't happy...to see him," Cas wheezed, alerting Dean to broken ribs and possibly a punctured lung.

"Fuck, Cas. Come on, let's get you on the bed," the hunter said as he stood slowly, dragging Cas with him. The angel cried out pitifully as weight was put on his left ankle, which threatened to buckle under them. Dean held them steady for a moment before bending down to hook an arm under the angel's knees and lifting him smoothly. He didn't care how it looked, what Sam might say. He was just concerned with getting Cas safely to the bed so he could start patching him up.

Though, by the looks of it, Sam wouldn't have room to say much. He had already carried the ridiculously short angel to his own bed and laid him out, working on getting his bloodstained clothing off to better grasp the severity of his injuries. As bad as Cas looked, Gabriel looked twice as bad. Dean shook his head and focused back on Cas. He quickly fetched his belt and pressed the leather between the angel's teeth, warning the angel of the impending pain. The wounded man cried out behind the belt as Dean popped his shoulder back into place.

When he made to spit the belt out, Dean shook his head and reached up to gently push it back between his teeth. Cas realized why when Dean's hands reached for his nose. A crunching noise echoed in his head when the cartilage was forced back into place. From there, it was simple to clean the blood from the angel's wounds and sew the deeper ones. "Cas, why aren't you healing?"

"It took...too much Grace...to bring us back," the angel wheezed in reply.

Dean's jaw tightened and he nodded, not trusting himself to speak. He chanced a look over at the other two, but looked away quickly when he saw the wrecked expression on Sam's face.

The younger hunter was on a knife's edge when it came to keeping his emotions in check. As mad as he had been at Gabriel the last time they spoke, he was hurting just as badly now when he saw just how bad off the archangel was. His face was almost too bruised and swollen to recognize, covered in blood on top of that. His arm was broken, as well as one of his legs. Sam was pretty sure his fingers were crushed, if the swelling and bluish tint was anything to go on. He had several stab wounds and slashes crisscrossing his body, blood seeping sluggishly.

The fact that he was an archangel was probably the only reason he was alive.

Sam felt a single tear spill onto his cheek. He pressed the heels of his hands hard into his eyes to forestall any more. With shaking hands, Sam set to work cleaning the blood from the wounds and sewing the deeper ones closed.

For half an hour, the Winchesters worked silently to doctor the angels. When they were both finally satisfied that they had done everything they could, they were nearly as bloody as the angels themselves. There was even blood in Dean's hair, left there from the hunter running his hands through it in frustration. "What the fuck, Sam?"

Sam just shook his head, too emotionally raw to respond clearly. Seeing Gabriel like that - beaten to hell and completely unaware of what was going on around him - was bringing up feelings of despair and guilt. He couldn't help but feel like it was his fault that Gabriel was hurt so badly.

If he had just let the stubborn angel apologize and gone on about his business instead of getting angry and bringing up Hell and Lucifer and the cage, maybe Gabriel wouldn't have been so angry and gone in search of a fight he couldn't win.

When Dean gathered clean clothes and left to take a shower, Sam barely blinked. He stared at the unconscious archangel until Dean reappeared and forced him into the bathroom to shower. The familiar gut-wrenching sense of self-loathing washed over him.

All my fault.

I'm a curse.

I'm poison to everything I touch.

Everything I want.

I destroy everything.

Sam clenched his fist against the tile of the shower and rested his head on his arm. He was going to make this up to Gabriel. His own feelings aside, he had to make things right.

Even if it broke him in the process.