Author's Note:
Hello loves! Guess who is back for a bit! Me! (You can call me Lily-Joe if you'd like, just so we know that I have a name. However that isn't my real name, so if you want to call me Victoria that's okay too. I just love using Lily-Joe, and it's too long of a story to explain).
Anyways, I give you this next installment of "You're Not In This Alone," with a terrible cliff-hanger. One that I do not regret.
I do hope you review, those of you who read stories without reviewing. Because I feel like everyone should review a story they read. Then the world will be one happy place.
Thank you to everyone else who has reviewed. You mean the world to me for doing that, and not in a creepy way.
I hope you all enjoy this chapter. I cried when I wrote it, so I hope you all feel something as well.
Post. Script. I guess I should mention this, since I never did. DISCLAIMER: I am in no way, shape or form Jo Ro, nor will I ever be Jo Ro. Thank you, disclaimer, for making me depressed by this fact.
Also, I will post the next chapter either tonight or tomorrow. If I get some reviews today, I'll type it up today so I can post it tonight. If I don't, I don't mind, because that means I can sleep. I had college orientation yesterday and today and I'm exhausted from the lack of sleep because of that and from the Deathly Hallows midnight showing. Just letting you all know.
As the three boys walked out of the Great Hall, a small click, clack sound began to follow them. Sirius growled, "Evans, what the fuck are you doing?" as though he had eyes plastered on the back of his head. He didn't want her here, not now anyway. She couldn't see their Remus, his Remus, that tortured. She would never understand a damned thing, regardless of the fact that none of them ever noticed the hell their friend was struggling through. Because at least the boys were able to help Remus once a month, something that Sirius took pride in and knew that Lily Evans could never bask in that same feeling, meaning that she could never understand. "You could keep your lousy nose out of other people's business every once in a while, preferably starting now."
Lily made a sound that showed her complete discontent with Sirius. "I'll have you know, Black, as much as it may kill you down inside, as much as you choose to ignore the facts, and as much you allow yourself to be stubborn, I am friends with Remus. When you mentioned his name, I couldn't help but follow because he's my friend too, Black. And I don't care if you like it or not. "
Sirius didn't want to listen to another one of Lily's lectures. Not now at least. Maybe if Remus was healthy and fine and happy and stable, he could drown out her speech and give a nod or two every so often, just to piss her off even more. But not today. Today was different and he found himself rather angry at everything. "Evans, I'm not going to let you tag along so I can get an earful of your bitching. Could you please shut the fuck up?"
Lily stopped dead in her tracks with the dirtiest look on her face, one that looked as though she had been slapped across the face.
"Sirius," spoke James through an annoyed voice, running a hand through his ruffled hair. "Watch it." He was being earnest, knowing that there is a time and place to curse in front of a girl, and now was neither of the two. Nervously, James changed the subject. "What's wrong with Remus?"
Sirius' heart began to pound against his chest when James mentioned their friend's name. How was he going to tell them what happened? He didn't know if he should wait until they reached the Hospital Wing or if he should just spit it out. He figured that telling them first would be best; they would be able to prepare themselves before they entered the Hospital Wing, unlike Sirius when he found Remus with that damned blade.
"Sirius?" asked James as his friend sat in prolonged silence.
"Alright," he finally spoke, deciding to just go with how the story will unfold as he speaks. "Well, you remember how I forgot my wand and called myself an idiot? And how I ran back for it? Well, when I went up into the dormitory, Remus had the curtains drawn around his bed and he was, well, breathing kind of- um- strange, which I thought was odd, since he said he was staying behind to work on potions. And I pulled the curtain back, because I thought he was doing the thing boys enjoy most, and I thought it would be funny if I found him like that, you know, exposed and in the heat of the moment. But when I pulled the curtain back, after I made a joke about his sexual tension, he was sitting there on his bed, with- well, he had. There were tears in his eyes. And well he looked like death. And he seemed helpless. And scared. And weak. And he- well- he was-" Sirius couldn't say it. Thinking about it began to bother him in a different way than before. He felt his eyelids become wet with tears. He could not believe it. Not the fact that he was crying, but the fact that this was all real, and he was the one that would have to tell everyone about it. And he thought about how sickly Remus appeared when he left him in the hands of Madame Pomfrey, and the fact that he could be dead right now. He thought how his friend was most likely lying stone cold and rigid in his usual bed after his full moon nights. It all came crashing down on Sirius at that moment, and he didn't know if he could handle this terrible truth. "He was cutting himself." Those four words escaped from Sirius' lips in a hushed whisper as he wiped his eyes to prevent the tears from spilling.
No one spoke. James looked down to the floor. When he brought his head back up, his expression was calm, but deep inside, he couldn't figure out what Sirius had told him and how this all happened, a reaction the mirrored Sirius' when he found Remus. Peter was quiet, but not his usual quiet. He was also confused. He always thought of Remus as the stable one in the group, despite his werewolf problem. Knowing what Sirius said was difficult to grasp, and he wanted the proof in front of him to actually believe it. Lily had nothing to say. She was quietly crying with her head hanging and flaming red hair covering her face and tears. James put his hand on her back, and tried to calm her down. It was the first time Lily didn't shove James, the arrogant bullying toe rag she frequently called Potter, away.
James was still in that position when he spoke. "Did he say how long he was doing it?"
Sirius found it ridiculously insane how he and James were reacting the same way, minus the comforting of Lily. He couldn't get Remus' name out. It sounded unfamiliar and strange when he tried to say it. "He told me about two years," he finally managed, opting for the pronoun.
Lily's quiet sobs became a tiny bit louder when Sirius said that. It wasn't an obnoxious type of crying. It was concern in the best way Lily Evans could show it. James then asked Sirius if Remus intended to end it all.
"Dunno, mate. I asked him and he said he never intended to end it, but if it came down to it, he wouldn't've cared."
"Wow," was all James could muster.
"When, I left him there, he was feeling sick and I could tell he was finding it hard to walk and stand. Do you think it could've been the silver, or blood loss, or something?" Sirius asked, desperately hoping that one of the three people he was walking with could give him some kind of hope.
James shrugged his shoulders, as did Peter. They turned their focus on Lily, who was struggling to stop her tears. When she finally calmed down, she spoke a few simple phrases to the boys. "If it's the silver, Madame Pomfrey would have a remedy for that. If it's blood loss, Madame Pomfrey would also have something ready. If it's anything else, Remus will be good hands."
The first two results were very relieving for the boys. As for the third, Sirius wasn't sure if Lily meant something good or bad. He thought she wasn't sure either, because of the way she worded it. She never mentioned who would take care of Remus, but Sirius prayed that it would be Madame Pomfrey.
The group arrived at the Hospital Wing in a daze. They were fearful to find what would await them when they entered. They hoped for the best when they opened the doors and walked in.
They found their friend curled up on his usual bed. He was lying on his left side, a position the Marauders knew as his favorite. That was because his hair would stay neatly in place as he rested rather than being tossed into a disheveled mess similar to the one that James flaunted. He was still dressed in his uniform and his sleeves were still rolled up. Traces of his own blood soiled the fabric of his shirt and slacks. The details about their friend changed as they came closer to him, allowing them to take in a more horrid perspective of Remus. He was such a sickly shade of white that his skin almost appeared translucence. Tears were dried along his cheeks. There were dried flecks of blood around his chapped lips. His left hand, which was almost hidden from the position he was in, also had its fair share of the dried crimson liquid (Sirius knew that was because of all the blood that dripped down his palm from the torn flesh, but it still startled him). And right before a bustling Madame Pomfrey shoved them aside and pulled the curtain around the bed, they noticed something rather morbid and all the more depressing. They weren't sure if their minds were playing tricks on them or if what they saw was accurate. They didn't need to speak of what they were witnessing because it was all clear to them. Lily raised her hands over her mouth as she tried to silence her weeping and the other three stood there with their own expressions of fear. The four of them stood outside the curtain as they tried to grasp the concept that Remus did not appear to be breathing. All they could do was wait in silence for Madame Pomfrey to deliver the horrible news to them.