+Author's note:
So we see RE2 draw to a close here for Leon and Claire. Remember, as you read, this is a silly little fic. It's meant to be entertaining. It is NOT meant to redefine the genre or create a following exactly. It's my simple way of witnessing what is happening from a goofy, often times sardonic, and completely silly way. Do I think there would be a handjob in the middle of a dirty sewer? Why not? It's my story. And you take two people, young and scared to death, and you toss them together in a weird and scary place. Why not? Flirting and funny and fast. That's this story. I'm a versatile writer. I can write lots of things. I enjoy deep and dark and beautiful. I enjoy silly and light and fun. I'm not Steven King so I'm not getting any awards any day soon. So why not just enjoy it while it lasts?
Let's see what happens when Leon joins Claire on her way to Rockfort Island. Why not? It's my story. Thanks for the reading and the pm's. Those of you that are laughing and loving it, cheers! Here's another for ya.
Slainte.
….
IV. Whafuck? And who is the guy with the eyeball?
AUT NECA AUT NECARE
"Any fool can be happy. It takes a man with real heart to make beauty out of the stuff that makes us weep."
― Clive Barker, Days of Magic, Nights of War
:::::::::::::::::::::::::FOUR::::::::::::::::::::::::::
"Ada!" Yelled Claire, staring into that witchy face, "You ARE a bad guy!"
Ada laughed and shrugged a little, "So maybe I'm a bad guy. So what? I'm still hot. How you doin handsome?" She winked at Leon.
He kinda grinned at her.
Claire elbowed him in the belly and he grunted.
Ada added, "Go back the way you came and get outta here. I'm busy."
"No way! We need the vaccine."
"No. Beat it!"
Leon said, quietly, "So instead of killing each other and screaming and bringing lots of undead or big nasty monsters with eyeballs, why don't we reach a nice solution we can both live with?"
Ada studied them, considering, "Ok. Get the vaccine. Hurry up. But if I see you again before this is over? I'm going to turn you both into swiss cheese."
Claire leaned Leon against the wall and hurried to the machine on the wall. She followed the directions and clicked buttons. She read the instructions and muttered under her breath.
Leon, woozy, and tired almost fell over. Ada grabbed him to hold him steady.
He looked at her face. "Why are you bad?"
"It's my thing I guess. Why are you good?"
"Because being bad is for cowards."
That registered. She nodded a little. And Claire came back toward them. Ada stepped away from them and Claire put Leon's arm over her shoulder.
"If I see you again," Ada warned, "Deadsville. Remember."
They hurried back toward the room with Sherry. At the end of the walkway, they came through the door that had been previously locked. It was open now and the path was clear to the first aid station.
Inside the room, Leon locked the door and Claire ran over to give Sherry the vaccine. Leon staggered and sat down in the big chair that was there. The relief of the pressure off his body was incredible. He leaned his head against the wall while the world swam.
He was pretty hurt. Pretty badly hurt. He could feel the aches and the pains and the stabbing and the throbbing that was his body. The longest night of his life, he thought reflectively, was taking its toll on him. He figured it was a good damn thing he was twenty and not forty. He couldn't even imagine being that old and trying to go up against this kind of shit.
Claire was speaking, softly, "She's resting. Now we can just wait I guess and see. I hope we were fast enough."
She turned back and stopped. He was sleeping. He was just sleeping against the wall. Claire moved over toward him. She sat down at his feet and turned her head against his legs. And she rested.
It might have been an hour, it might have been forever but it felt good to sleep. She awoke and he was watching her. She shifted, glanced at Sherry, who was peacefully sleeping. It seemed to be working. The little girl was snoring and her cheeks weren't pink anymore.
Leon shifted in his seat, "How long should we wait to wake her and get moving here?"
Claire rose to her feet. "We should probably get moving. Time waits for no man…or something like that."
"Yeah." He tugged her hand anyway. She went, spilling across his lap. He made a sound like a grunt or a gasp and kissed her. Softer, smoother, wetter it was a kiss that didn't fire the blood, it cooled it. It sent it sluggishly swirling through the veins to leave one breathless and burdened with a need to find out what waited on the other side of it.
They didn't care that the other was filthy, sweaty, or seemingly wounded. They didn't care about anything but finding the flavor of each other beneath that first real moment of peace and softness that they'd had in the longest night of ugly terror. It was a good moment, in a way, it was the moment she stopped being "that girl" and he stopped being "hot cop" and they just became Claire and Leon.
They stopped kissing long enough to look at each other from inches away. He said, "I'm glad I was late for work."
She whispered, "I'm glad my brother didn't call me."
"Shit, me too."
And they laughed a little.
Sherry was stirring on the bed. She sat up, watching them. "I'm ok?"
"You're ok." With a sliver of regret, Claire rose off his lap and moved toward the little girl, "You ready to get out of here?"
"Yes! Let's hurry. He will find us soon if we don't."
They kept moving, just like that. The run from the aid station through the other door found them racing through hallways filled with undead. It was easy to fight the zombies. They were stupid and slow and simple. They burst out onto a platform and there was the train that waited.
The train.
And a very loud voice came over the speakers around them and scared the living piss out of all three of them.
"WARNING! THE SELF DESTRUCT SYSTEM HAS BEEN ACTIVATED! TIME TO DETONATION IS TEN MINUTES! PLEASE EVACUATE ALL PERSONEL IMMEDIATELY! WARNING! THE SELF DESTRUCT SYSYTEM HAS BEEN ACTIVATED!"
It continued, over and over. It was loud and followed by a screeching, wailing siren.
Sherry covered her ears.
Leon was already running for the control box beside the train car. He started slapping buttons and the lights came on inside it. The track lit up.
Claire put Sherry in the train car.
And the world exploded in blood and death.
What had once been William Birkin leapt down from the top of the train car and slapped her. He hit her so hard that she was instantly unconscious. He threw her up and out and she landed, motionless, on the train tracks.
Someone was roaring. Birkin?
Nope, Leon thought, it was him. He was roaring. And he was rushing for a ten foot monster with nothing but a pistol and rage.
He ducked as Birkin swung over his head. He came up swinging. He was punching. Punching a fucking monster. Who tried to fist fight monsters? What kind of pseudo hero channeled all their rage into their fists? (….cough).
They collided, the boy and the monster. They met in the middle of the platform and smashed together in a proverbial battle for the soul. Leon pulled the trigger on it until the pistol dry fired and he threw it away. He climbed when that failed, feeling the slap and scrape and stab of wounds to his body as he fought his way up to that eyeball. And then? Well he punched that eyeball shouting like a madman until his arm went numb from it.
And Birkin? He grabbed him, shook him like a dog, and threw him away. Leon hit the train car, felt the blow of it in his bones, and slid down gasping and coughing. He looked up and saw the moment he would die.
It was written there on that mutated face. It drove that talon toward him and he heard it hit. He heard it tear flash and listened to the gasp of pain. And Ada Wong was standing in front of him, impaled on that terrible arm.
She gasped, twitched, and slumped, spitted on that claw. Terrified, Leon grabbed her and jerked her clean of it. She fell to the ground and pointed.
And there it was.
In all of his life, Leon Kennedy had never even SEEN a rocket propelled grenade. But there it was. RPG city. He picked it up and hefted the weight of it.
From the train car, Sherry cried, "HURRY!"
And Leon put that heavy bastard to his shoulder and shouted, "GAME OVER!"
It wasn't Eastwood good but it would do. He fired the RPG with grunt as the big artillery put him on his ass. The heavy grenade smashed into Birkin, Birkin roared like monster about to be blown up, and he was reduced to flying chunks, smoking thunks, and splattered mess. He splatted a perfect star of blood and black burnt crap on the wall behind him. The rain of crap and gross shit fell down on them where they sat or lay or ached.
He turned Ada Wong over to look at her face. She was pale and trembling. She said, softly, "Hurry. Get out of here."
"I can go back and get you the vaccine. Just hold on!"
"No time. And this is where the dance stops for me anyway. See ya, handsome…" And she died. She just stopped breathing.
Terrified, he shook her and finally set her down.
"WARNING! THE SELF DESTRUCT SEQUENCE HAS BEEN ACTIVATED! TIME UNTIL DETONATION IS NOW 4 MINUTES!"
"Holy SHIT!" He dropped Ada to the platform and ran for the tracks. Claire was very still there. Leaping down, he ran toward her and hefted her in his arms. He carried her to the train car, Sherry helped pull her in, and he leapt in after them.
He hit the lever to shoot them off toward the exit. The train burped and leapt forward, speeding like a bullet toward their escape. They cleared the tunnel and rocketed out into the dawning day.
The moment they cleared the tunnel, explosion rocked the world. It was loud, it was too close, it was too awful. It chased the train down the rickety track like a whomp of pressure and pain.
He turned and Claire was awake, watching him in the rising sun.
The moment the train burst free of the tunnel, sunlight had started to break through the cloudy sky. It was morning. Morning had fallen after the longest night. The night that knew no end. The night that would haunt them forever.
The girl and the boy on the train watched the sun rise, gold and orange. It was a beautiful thing: a promise when there'd been no hope. Bleeding, dirty, tired, hungry and afraid, they'd finally fled the necropolis that had tried to destroy them. They'd uncovered horrors and conspiracy, they'd fought the darkness and survived. And they'd done it together.
On a blanket, the little girl they'd rescued snored softly. She was filthy and small and sweet. And sound asleep. They'd saved her and it was their greatest victory.
Leon Kennedy guided the train to safety and the sun reflected brilliant in the husky blue of his eyes. The dirt on his face defined it and made it seem older than it had twenty four hours before. He couldn't figure out why anything as mundane going back to normal life scared him so much. He only knew that tonight, when the sun set, he'd have to sleep alone. The idea terrified him.
Claire Redfield stood beside him. She was splattered in old blood and had a bruise on her face that was already turning yellow. Her red hair was sticking up in places and she had the faint odor of acrid smoke about her from the fire they'd traversed together.
Leon set the autopilot on the train and ran his hands through his hair, pushing it off his face. It was sticky and itchy with dried blood and sweat. It peeled back like the layer of an onion and settled against his scalp, leaving his handsome face unadorned.
She turned toward him and smiled. "Helluva night, handsome."
"Helluva night." He smiled back and rolled his shoulders.
Claire grinned at him, "I couldn't have done it without you. You saved my life back there against that thing."
Birkin. The image of his mutated form would haunt them both forever.
"Ditto. I thought I was a goner against that ugly mofo with the trenchcoat."
"Mofo…what a name."
"It seemed to fit."
"It fits for sure."
Claire coughed a little as the silence drew out between them. "What now?"
Leon shrugged, at a loss. "Honestly? I think we get the information we have to the right people and let them handle it."
"Who's the right people though?"
"Good question."
She turned toward him. "Leon…"
He tilted his head, studying her. The sun flickered over her face, showing him the girl beneath the dirt. She was something. A fighter, a survivor. She had the bravery of a hundred men and the humor of a frat buddy. He only knew one thing about her: he wanted her in his life.
She took his hand and turned it. They slid those hands together and held.
She knew she could tug him in toward her and kiss him. She knew he'd kiss her back. She knew once they did, they'd probably never stop kissing. And she didn't have time for romance.
She had to find her brother.
And yet…they'd almost died. And him? He'd fucking saved her life. Hot cop, she thought, be mine.
He turned, she turned, and the two of them slid together. The rockety tremble of the train around them spilled their mouths together. She grabbed his wrists, he grabbed her face. They kissed wet and wild and endless.
Tongues and teeth and taking. She pushed him into the conductor's office and closed the door. Sherry was sleeping so quietly out there. They had to be quiet.
They had to be…something.
She jerked at his vest. He grabbed at her shorts. Oh, she thought, they were going to do this. They were totally going to bone on a train fleeing the grossest night of their lives.
Cool.
She laughed a little, desperately. The office was cramped and small. The timing was all wrong for any of this. But they were ALIVE. And the adrenaline was pumping like madness between them.
She got the vest off of him and ripped open his uniform top. Buttons exploded and made him laugh until he shoved her shorts down her legs. They hooked on her boots and nobody cared. He put a hand under her tight little t-shirt, filled his palm with her breast and the train cornered.
It threw them sideways and they rolled across the floor with it. Laughing, Claire jerked open his pants. He shoved her panties down her thighs to the knees. It was crude and awful and amazing! She'd never had a guy that just was desperate for her. He was all kinds of hands and teeth and fumbling. And she loved it!
He grunted when she grabbed his bad shoulder but kept on going. She barely got her legs open and he shifted her, lifted her, and thrust into her body so hard it made them both insane. She screamed and he caught it with his mouth. Yep, he was right, she was a screamer. The rock and rock and roll of the train added to the excitement of the desperate ride and fuck of it all. She slapped and humped and he pumped into her so fast and needy that it was kinda like he was trying to come out the other side of her.
Somebody was grunting and somebody was gasping and somebody was coming. It was probably her or him or both of them. They speared tongues and he crammed her full of his cock and it was…essentially the best night of his life. Yeah, objectively, it was the best night EVER.
And then she screamed, she screamed, right into his mouth as he came around him, humping so hard as he gave it to her that he was pretty sure they'd both be bruised. Yep, best night EVER. And the hero cop who'd started out drunk and tired and late, well, he'd saved the day, escaped the burning city, and got the girl. So he went ahead and filled her up while he grunted and grabbed at those perfect boobs he'd been eyeing.
Yep yep yep. BEST NIGHT EVER.
They laid together for a long moment afterward, gasping and groaning. The after shocks were awesome. And the rocking train was the icing on the cake of fantastic, frenzied, and sort of filthy fucking that had happened here.
Leon lifted his head. "Whafuck?"
And Claire laughed so hard she thought she'd die. "Sounds about right dude. Best night ever?"
"Best night ever. Hands down."
"I need to find Chris."
"I will totally help you."
"Yeah?"
"I'm balls deep in you. So I'm thinking that's the gentlemanly thing to do."
"That is correct. It is. You want to be best friends?"
"…that's a yes on the best friends."
"Sweet."
And they kept on holding on to each other even after they dressed and waited for the train to take them to safety.
…
Swinging Pines 1998
"Holy moly!" Claire Redfield shouted where was curled naked and perfect on the bed of the motel they were in. Her red hair was wet and wild down her back.
Leon Kennedy, naked and utterly adorable, came out of the bathroom. "Sup?"
"I found my brother!"
"Yeah?"
"Oh yeah baby. Look!" It was a picture of the Louvre.
Leon twisted his mouth. He twisted it back. It had been three months since Raccoon City had been blown to smithereens and left a crater where the monsters had been. They'd both been searching for Chris without much luck.
Leon was working for a company called USSTRATCOM which was basically a very boring network of nerds and spies that killed stuff, blew stuff up, and did a shit ton of paperwork. Claire was living off his enormous paychecks and doing nothing. They were hotel surfing because neither of them wanted to bother to settle down anyway. So they were penthouse players, enjoying the comfort of room service and turn down maids while they fucked like bunnies and searched for Chris.
"He decided to go to Paris and check out the museums?"
"What?" Claire glanced up at him.
"All the places in all the world and he picked Paris? It smells there Claire. And you get robbed A LOT. Why would he go there? What's in the louvre?"
"….he's not in the Louvre, Leon. He's taking down an Umbrella Facility there."
Leon coughed. "I knew what you meant."
"Hmm."
"You want me to take you to Paris?"
Claire looked at him. Working for the nerds in the government had made the hot cop in Raccoon City into a hot agent. All muscled and yummy, Leon remained the sexiest thing she'd ever seen with a penis. She threw aside the sheets that were wrapped around her.
"Yeah I do. But first? Come take me."
"Yeah. Yep. Let's do that."
He fell on her ravenous and desperate. She rolled and put him on the bottom. The bed was squeaking and bouncing while she rode him, fast, hard and grunting. Always the screamer, she was shouting while her perfect little boobs bounced. He filled his hands with them and let her try to fuck him blind.
…
Paris 1998
"In hindsight," Said Leon Kennedy, "It might NOT have been a good idea to come here with just a pistol."
And so they were now surrounded by men with very big guns.
The facility where they thought they'd find Chris? It was filled with guys alright and NONE of them were Chris Redfield. They were, however, Umbrella mercenaries and pretty determined to kill them both. Lots of bullets and exploding glass, screaming, running and falling down later had found them face to face with about thirty five dudes with AK's and assault rifles.
Claire answered, "True. Probably could have planned this a little better."
"Yep. I thought we'd find lab geeks and nerds."
"Same."
"We may want to rethink our plans in the future."
"Maybe. A little bit."
"I don't know about you but I am NEVER going into this kind of thing again with a handgun and no backup." (…cough)
"SAME. What kind of idiot does that? We are SO stupid sometimes."
"Seemed like the right idea at the time though."
"Yep."
Across the room, someone shouted, "DROP YOUR WEAPONS!"
Leon dropped it. Claire dropped it and then? Well she dropped too, grabbed it in mid drop, and shot the barrels behind the bunch of dudes. FLAMMABLE said the barrels. Leon thought…I'll be a monkey's uncle what a GIRL!
And the fire exploded. The world went BOOM and exploded in a mess of metal and screaming people. They started to run and Leon got a clothesline to the face for the effort. Claire shot the guy who hit him but her gun clicked empty.
And the guy facing them said, "….game over."
As Leon passed out, he thought, well I've heard that somewhere before I think.
…
Rockfort Island 1998
The stench of filthy ass awakened him. He rolled to his back, staring at the ceiling. Beside him, Claire groaned. He glanced at her face but it was so fucking dark that it was impossible to see anything.
"You ok?" He queried and she gave him a thumbs up, "Cool."
They both sat up, shifting their sore bodies. Leon rubbed at his face with one hand. Claire made a sound like, "Oomphala."
"Is that a real thing?"
"I guess. Ugh I feel like I've been drinking all night."
"Right? Hang over city."
And they both looked over as a face flashed in the doorway of the cell they were in. Because it was a cell. A big fat prison cell. They were in prison.
….whafuck?
The cell door creaked as it was opened. And they looked into the face of the guy who'd kicked their asses and taken them prisoner. Leon said, "I'm gonna kick the shit out of you dude."
Claire grabbed his arm, "Wait. Leon, wait. He's already hurt."
And so he was. He was all bloody and holding his stomach. He dropped an empty bottle of hemostat on the floor and flopped in a chair by the desk. "Get out of here. Hurry. This place is capital F-fucked. Over run. Finished. Get the hell outta here."
Leon blinked as Claire reached into her pocket and struck up her zippo. Light spilled down around them in a flickering orange and yellow wash. The paper on the desk in front of the dying dude was a prisoner manifest. It mentioned first initials and last names. S. Addison, S. Burnside, , C. Redfield.
Leon remarked, "What the fuck? They spelled my name wrong!"
Claire looked at his face, "What?"
"They couldn't even spell my name right? What the hell man."
"….how is that even relevant right now?"
Leon shrugged, irritated. "Umbrella…too stupid to even spell my name right. Seriously."
Claire shook her head and turned back to their captor. "How do we get out of here?"
"My suggestion? Go toward the facility and try to get to the submarine. It's on the far side of the mansion where the overseer and the family lived. Good luck though. This place? OVER FUCKING RUN with monsters."
Leon snorted and shook his head, "Story of our lives, dude. Seriously."
Claire looked at the guy who was dying in the chair again, "We'll get you some medicine and come back."
Leon shook his head a little, "Speak for yourself. This guy cold cocked me."
The guy in the chair, Rodrigo Juan Raval, an Umbrella Operative who was considering quitting and becoming a dancer, sighed a little. "It was my job, man. It wasn't personal. I think dying should get me some atonement, at least right?"
"Sure. Why not?" Leon shrugged and went the stairs that led up and out of the prison. "You got a gun?"
"Yeah. Here." Raval handed it over. Leon took it and the extra ammo on the desk.
"Thanks dude. Sorry about the whole dying thing."
"No worries. Good luck."
Claire rose, hesitated and took the knife he offered her. She said, quietly, "I'll come back. Ok?"
"Don't. Just run."
They moved through the dark and up the stairs. It was pouring down rain when they stepped outside of the prison. It was some kind of graveyard that was adjacent to the stairs. Stone sarcophagi littered the ground beneath the smashing slap of rain.
They moved between the cement coffins and toward the far side of the graveyard. They didn't get far when the first zombie shambled out of the darkness at them. It was followed by three more.
"Shit." Said Leon Kennedy, yes KENNEDY was the correct spelling, and popped the first two between the eyes. The third one grabbed Claire and she shoved her knife into its eye.
She looked at him, he looked back at her and thunder rumbled so loud it made them both jump.
Claire said, "Piss and shit and fart and turd. Here we go again I guess."
"In other news, nobody I'd rather be outgunned, lost, cold and starving with than you hotstuff."
"Agreed….Mr. Kennedeed."
"….ugh. Mutha fucking UMBRELLA."
"We could certainly use one now in all this rain."
"Right? It's wet ass and soggy balls for me tonight apparently."
Claire chuckled and tugged him over to kiss him. He snorted and grabbed her butt.
"It's the hottest ass in this prison!" Claire declared as they made their way to the far gate that waited for them across a wide open courtyard.
Leon stopped, blinked, and looked around. "Probably best not to shout that in a prison, kid. I have a feeling it might get me trapped in the world's worst game of cornhole."
Claire laughed and started to say something cute and clever. And a bunch gun fire started raining down on them. It was coupled with a very, very bright spot light. They dove apart missing their own death by a few inches of luck and a ton of mud.
Of course they were still stranded, still out gunned, still starving and generally screwed.
But it was starting to feel like, just maybe, that was going to be the nature of their entire friendship.