Chapter 4: Revelations
Arthur's heart pounded in his chest. As the door to Gauis's chamber came into view, he slowed his pace. He had been so sure that Merlin had been real, but now that the excitement of the moment had worn off, logic was creeping it's way back into Arthur's thoughts. His uncle's stern words echoed in his mind. "Merlin is dead!"
What should he say to Gaius? That he was having delusions, waking nightmares? Or that Merlin was somehow back; haunting him. He still hadn't decided when he knocked on the door and slowly opened it. "Gaius," he said tentatively. "Are you here?" Arthur stepped inside and looked around the chamber. There was no sign of Gaius. Both disappointment and relief washed over him. Disappointment because he really needed to talk to someone, and relief at not having to hear Gaius tell him he's gone mad. He let out a long sigh. Just as he was about to leave, a door on the other side of the room creaked. Arthur looked, and saw the door to Merlin's chambers was slightly open. Part of him wanted to run, forget the whole thing, but he couldn't tear himself away. He ducked up the stairs.
"Gaius?" Arthur opened the door, not really expecting to find him there. The room looked no different than any other time, which hadn't been many, that Arthur had actually entered this room. Gaius had left everything the way it had been. Merlin hadn't been the neatest person. Some clothes were scattered on the floor, boots thrown in a corner, and a couple open books lying on the bed. A small red piece of cloth hung over the cabinet door, preventing it from closing. Arthur pulled on it and found himself holding one of Merlin's silly handkerchiefs. He felts his legs starting to tremble. He sat down on the chair near the window.
It had been 9 days, and he couldn't understand why he was having such a hard time letting go. As much as he missed his father, he had been ready to resume life and take on the responsibilities as king within two days. As he looked at the handkerchief in his hand, the revelation hit him. Merlin. His best friend, had been there for him, and now that support was gone, when he needed it the most. He had never really told Merlin, how much he cared about and appreciated him. They had acknowledged to each other, finally after four years, that despite their separation of status, they were friends and would gladly die for one another, however, Arthur realized that it was more than that. He could be himself with Merlin, even after becoming King. Everyone else, even Gwen, revered him and treated him as royalty. Merlin, on the other hand was often insulting and insubordinate, totally disrespectful of Arthur's status, and Arthur had loved every minute, even when Merlin was screwing up royally, making his life more difficult. He was annoying and endearing at the same time. The way Arthur imagined a younger brother might be. Arthur realized that was it. Merlin was like the brother that Arthur had never had, and having now experienced that closeness, the loss was immense.
Arthur looked up to take in the empty room, only to find he was no longer alone. On the other side of the room, stood Merlin. His full disfigured face was visible. Arthur didn't move or blink. He wanted to make sure that the figure he saw before him was really there. It was hard for him to stare at that gruesome face, and he couldn't keep himself from flinching when a creeping grin on Merlin's face caused the scar to slowly move upward, almost seeming to slither up Merlin's cheek past his eye. He quickly recovered keeping his eye on Merlin and made to speak, he had so many questions, but Merlin put a finger his lips. He slowly moved towards the bed, which was between them and suddenly dove forward as if to hide under it. Arthur dropped to the ground as well. Merlin was not there. He looked up over the bed. Not there either. Arthur stared back under the bed, as if somehow he could've missed a person in that small space.
'This is ridiculous.' He thought, annoyed at himself. Maybe his uncle was right, maybe he was loosing his mind. He was about to stand back up when a glint of something blue caught his eye. The object, mostly covered in a cloth was long and slender. Arthur grabbed the item and unwrapped it. It was a staff. Intricately carved with a large blue, egg shaped stone at the end. Something about it was familiar. He had seen this staff before, but not in Merlin's possession. It made no sense that Merlin had it. Had he stolen it? He was suddenly curious about what else was hidden under there. He looked under the bed again. There was a small chest, and a large odd shaped bundle. He grabbed all three items and placed them on the bed so he could get a better look at them. The bundle felt like books. One large one on bottom, and a few smaller ones. Arthur was about to open the chest when he heard voices in the main chamber. He moved closer to the door, peering through a crack, but keeping still and quiet. Gauis and Agravaine were there. Agravaine seemed very agitated.
"We have no choice, Gaius." Agravaine pleaded. The old physician regarded him with a somber face.
"Don't you think that's a bit extreme?" Gaius replied. "This is a difficult time for Arthur, but he has always been strong. Whatever it is I'm sure he will be fine."
"And what if he's not? The boy has been through more than anyone this last year, it would be understandable if it was all just too much for him to handle right now. We must do what is best for the kingdom. You didn't see him this morning Gaius, he was out of his mind!" Agravaine was pacing. "And the worst part, was that he made a spectacle of himself in front of Odin's emissaries." He rested his hands on the table and regarded the physician. "What do you think will happen when they report back to Odin and tell them that our young King is insane? Rumors are already beginning to spread throughout the castle, but we won't be able to keep it only in the castle for long."
A silence filled the room. Arthur held his breath. His face was hot. He couldn't believe what he heard. His own uncle, trying to have Gauis declare him unfit to rule? Every fiber of his being wanted to go down and object, confront his uncle, but something wouldn't let him. He was rooted to that spot.
Gaius sighed. "I'm sorry Agravaine, but until I speak to Arthur, I cannot in good faith grant your request." Arthur let out the breath he'd been holding.
"Of course," Agravaine said defeated, but clearly not happy. He turned to leave, then paused at the door and glanced back at the physician. "I hope you're right," and with that he left, slamming the door behind him.
The moment Agravaine left Arthur felt his muscles relax, and he stumbled backwards a little and sat on the bed. Now he was in a predicament. Should he stay hidden in Merlin's room until Gaius left? Should he reveal himself? It could be hours before Gaius left his chambers, but the old man might not take too kindly to Arthur poking around and eavesdropping. It was not very Kingly either. He was debating when his hand brushed the clunky bundle of books. Arthur's curiosity got the better of him. He pulled them to his lap and unwrapped them carefully. None of the covers had any writing on them, which Arthur found strange. The smallest one on top was in a language that Arthur did not recognize, so he put it aside. As he flipped through the next set of books as sinking feeling hit Arthur in the pit of his stomach as he realized the contents that the books contained; spells, incantations, potions. The were books on sorcery. Why would these be under Merlin's bed? He turned to grab the small chest and in doing so knocked the books to the floor. The cascading thud was accompanied by a small cry alarm from Arthur. He froze.
"Hello?" He heard Gaius call from the main chamber. Arthur moved his head so he could see through the crack in the door. Gaius stood poised, looking towards the room. "Is someone there?" He could see a small look of panic and apprehension on the physician's face as he slowly made his way towards the chamber. Arthur quickly put the chest back down on the bed and tried to gather the books up off the floor. Gaius got to the chamber quicker than Arthur had expected and entered the room cautiously.
"Oh!" The physician placed one hand on his chest.. "Your highness, you gave me a fright." Arthur was kneeling down on the floor at the foot of the bed, a book in each hand. "What on earth are you doing in here?"
Arthur could only stare, dumbfounded. He tried to form words but no sound escaped his lips. Gaius's eyes rolled over the items on the bed and on the floor, growing wide. "Where did you get those?" He asked softly.
Arthur stood and finished stacking the books. "They were underneath the bed." Then it all came rushing out. "You see I was coming to find you, but you weren't here, then I heard the door creak, and came to investigate and Merlin dove under the bed, but he wasn't there, then I saw this stuff, then I heard you and Agravaine talking and well I …." Arthur paused. Oh God he sounded like Merlin, babbling. He composed himself and regarded Gaius. "I'm sorry. I should not have been sneaking around."
Gaius regarded him. "Why don't you come sit down, I'll make some tea and you can tell me about it." Arthur followed the old man back into the main chamber. As Gaius prepared the tea Arthur recounted the events of the day, beginning with the dream. Gaius never said anything, just listened. When Arthur was done he let out a long sigh.
"So Gaius, as the court physician, what is your diagnosis? Am I losing my mind?"
"I really don't know what to think sire." Gaius said sadly. "I have seen cases that are similar to yours, seeing dead loved ones. In those cases usually the images one sees are a manifestation of hidden feeling unrealized by the patient. However, I'm not sure that that is the case here." There was an uneasiness in Gaius's voice that unnerved Arthur. "Tell me something. If the vision of Merlin hadn't dove under the bed, would you have been tempted to search under it?"
Arthur sat up at the realization. "No! Gaius!" He exclaimed. "That means it had to have been Merlin, right? I mean he has been leading me here all along. He wanted me to find..." Arthur stopped when he remembered exactly what it was he had found. He looked at Gaius, and his voice got serious. "Gaius. Did you know about this?" He remembered the concern on Gaius's face when he had seen the item on the bed. "Why did Merlin have instruments and books of sorcery under his bed?"
The old man glanced back at the chamber and pursed his lips. He didn't know what to think, what to say. He looked at the young King, waiting expectantly. Should he lie yet again? Deceive his King? Did the secret matter anymore? He regarded the young man before him, looking expectantly, searching for an answer. Gaius's heart broke for Arthur. He had been through so much pain, and devastation. He deserved to be at peace; he deserved the truth.