A/N: And here's Chapter 3, the lesson on swearing. Probably not the best chapter ever, but I'm reasonably happy with it. I have Ch 4 (Stealing) done, too, and I'll post it early next week... Hopefully I'll have chapter 5 (Lying) done by then too... It's giving me fits though. It doesn't want to fit my plot line. Stupid story . :)
Disclaimer: I do not own Life with Derek or the song "Drink, Swear, Steal, and Lie."
The weekend passed by with Casey refusing to talk to Derek. She simply told him that the only reason she was taking these "stupid lessons" was so that she could be with Gary with out being in trouble. If she wasn't able to see him, then she wasn't going to do the lessons.
So the Venturi-McDonald clan got a bit of a break from the constant catfights, and Derek was anxiously waiting for Monday—he needed some cash.
Around eleven on Monday morning, Derek cornered Casey on her way downstairs. "Derek, what are—" Before she could finish protesting, he gripped her wrist and pulled her into his room.
"You're ungrounded now, so I'm guessing that means you have a date with this 'Gary' guy tonight, right?"
"Well, yeah," she admitted.
"So that means the lessons continue today. Now, as a matter of fact." He leaned against his closed door, blocking her exit.
"I don't want to do it right now," she said, crossing her arms across her chest huffily.
"Fine, then give me ten dollars," he said, raising his eyebrow. "The time for the lesson is now, so if you don't want to do it now, you're wasting my time again."
She narrowed her eyes at him, but he stared her down. After a few moments of silence, she finally sat down on his bed and heaved an annoyed sigh. "Fine. We'll do it now."
"Thank you," he said haughtily, crossing to his closet. He pulled out a white board with several words written on it.
He pulled out a long metal pointer and assumed his 'teaching stance.' He had worked on it for a few minutes in front of the bathroom mirror, and was quite proud of it. His legs were slightly spread, and he balanced squarely on his heels. His pointer was aimed at the top word, and his other hand was behind his back.
"Now, Casey, I would like you to read this word." He waited as she stared at the board. "Aloud, Casey."
"Derek! You know I don't say words like that." She scooted to the head of his bed and leaned back. "I refuse."
"Then ten dollars, Casey. Today's lesson is swearing. The word, please." He tapped the pointer on the board.
She crossed her arms across her chest. "Fine. Ass."
"Good, Casey," he said condescendingly. "Now use it in a sentence."
She smirked. "You have a nice ass."
He blinked. "Good job—Really? You think so?" He turned and tried to peer at his behind, turning in small circles in an effort to get a good glimpse.
Her face turned red and she stuttered, "N-no… You said to use it in a sentence and I did!"
He smirked at her. "Then why are you blushing?"
"Whatever. Just get on with the lesson," she said, glaring at him.
"Okay, okay, miss preppy pants. Next word, please. State it aloud then use it in a sentence." He raised his brow, challenging her.
"Damn. Damn, you are a conceited jerk," she said, narrowing her eyes.
He nodded in approval and moved his pointer down to the next word, gesturing for her to continue.
"Shit. Your room smells like shit."
"Well, I see we have transcended from compliments to insults," he said, smirking again. "So sad too, I think that was the only compliment you've given me in the last three days." He moved his pointer to the last word.
"Fuck. Uhm.." Here she drew a blank.
"You do know what the term means, right, Casey?" He leered at her, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.
She glared at him again. "God, you're a cocky little shit, aren't you?" She blushed when she realized she had sworn again.
"Wrong word, Casey. Try again."
"Sometimes I'd like to beat the fuck out of you." She shook her fist at him, but then ruined the picture by giggling.
He laughed too and said, "Okay, that's it for today's lesson."
"Really?" she asked brightly, leaping to her feet.
"Well… except for the homework."
Suspiciously, she asked him, "what homework?"
"You have to swear at least five times today," he told her.
"Are you serious? Derek!" Protesting, she started to tell him no, but he held up a hand to stall her.
"Or pay up, right now." Seeing the look on her face, he hastened to add, "and don't even dream of not doing it and saying you did. I'll know… I see everything."
"Fine." She walked over to his door before turning around and saying, "I'll do your fucking homework, you ass."
He stood there for a second blinking. "Well, I only have three more chances to catch her." He swiftly left his room and headed to find Edwin.
After fruitlessly checking the attic bedroom, the living room, the kitchen, and the backyard, Derek gave up. He was walking back to his bedroom when he heard whispering in the games closet. He strode over to the door and pulled it open, to find Lizzie and Edwin sitting inside, doing… Something. Whatever they were doing, they stopped as soon as he opened the door.
"Ed, my room. Now." Derek turned and went into his room, confident Edwin would follow—which, of course, he did. "Close the door."
Edwin did as he was told and moved to sit on Derek's bed. Derek shook his head and Edwin jumped up before he had even sat completely down. He walked over to stand in front of Derek. "Yes, D?"
"I want you to bribe Marti with all of my left over Halloween candy." Derek said, crossing his arms over his chest.
"But that's like, over a year old," Edwin protested.
"Yeah, like you wouldn't eat it," Derek said, raising a brow. Edwin thought for a few seconds and shrugged, admitting that he would.
"What do you want me to bribe Marti to do, exactly?" he asked.
"Casey will be swearing at least three times today. I want Marti to sneak around behind her, and when she hears her, to jump up and yell out to Nora or dad that Casey said a bad word," Derek revealed his plan, rubbing his hands together.
"And what do I get out of this?" Edwin asked pointedly.
"Uh, your cut of the profits?"
"Derek, that's TWO dollars. That's not enough!"
"Fine," Derek sighed. "I'll take you to the mall for an hour."
Edwin narrowed his eyes at his older brother. "I'm not a girl."
Rolling his eyes, Derek tried again. "The arcade then. For an hour. But you're paying for yourself!"
Edwin thought for a moment before holding his hand out to his brother. "Agreed."
Leaving Derek's room with half of the Halloween candy, Edwin headed down the hall and knocked on Marti's door. Taking the barking he heard as permission to answer, he sidled in and sat down beside her blanket-fort.
"Marti, Derek wanted me to ask you a favor," he said, peering in through the blankets, pillows, and stuffed animals.
Marti immediately crawled out. "What does Smerek want?"
He held out the bag full of half the candy. "He wants you to have this candy. It's half of what's left from Halloween."
She reached in and pulled out a candy bar, unwrapping it and taking a bite before asking, "where's the other half?"
"Well, Marti," Edwin said, trying to sound convincing. "Derek said he'll give you the other half if you do the favor for him."
She thought for a minute, finishing her candy bar before nodding. "Okay, Edwin! What's the favor?"
"Well, Derek thinks that Casey is being bad lately…" Edwin started.
Marti interrupted him. "Oh yeah! I heard Daddy and Nora saying that she was drunking."
"Drinking."
"Yeah, that. So what does Casey being bad have to do with me?" she asked.
"Well, Derek wants you to follow Casey around all day—But don't let her see you! Okay? That's very important."
"Okay! I can do that. Then what?"
"Well, if she does anything bad," he said, "Like, if she says a bad word, then Derek wants you to jump out from your hiding place and call out to Dad and Nora."
"So if she says a bad word, I'm supposed to tattle?" she asked, face screwed up in concentration.
"Yes, exactly. You just jump out and say 'Dad! Nora! Casey said a bad word!" He smiled at her. "Think you can do that for this much more candy?" he asked, shaking the bag.
"Yes! Tell Smerek I'll do it!" She clapped her hands excitedly.
"Okay, well, you better get started then Marti." Edwin stood and went to tell Derek the news, while Marti put on her bright purple 'sneaking' outfit.
Then she hurried from her room and knocked on Casey's door. Casey opened it and looked confused. "Marti, what is it?"
"Oh, nothing, Casey. I was just trying to figure out where everyone was," she said brightly. She turned and pretended to walk away until she heard Casey's door close again. Then she snuck back over to Casey's room and pressed her ear against the crack. She could hear every word of her older step-sister's phone conversation.
"I don't know, Gary. My entire family is going crazy right now. ... Yeah, we're still on for tonight. …. Okay, I'll see you then. Can't wait!"
Casey got off of the phone, and Marti heard her walk towards the door. Marti backed away and ran to the bathroom, hiding inside with the door slightly open. Peering through the crack, Marti saw Casey walk downstairs and she quickly followed, walking on tiptoe and giggling silently to herself.
Casey went downstairs and sat on the couch, channel surfing. She finally settled on a television show and sat back to watch it. After about an hour of her watching the show and Marti watching her, Marti got bored and went to find Derek.
"Smerek! Casey's not doing anything bad," she complained. "She's just watching television!"
Derek sat there thoughtfully for a minute, before standing and saying, "follow me, Smarti. I'll make her say something bad… Just don't let her see you until you tattle, okay?"
Marti nodded, smiling again. "Okay!"
Derek headed downstairs, Marti close behind him. Casey was absorbed in her television show, so Derek motioned Marti to hide under the table. Then he went over to the couch and grabbed the remote from Casey, flopping down on his recliner and changing the channel.
Glancing around the room to make sure that there was no one in sight, Casey snapped at him.
"Dammit, Derek! I was watching that!"
As soon as she protested, Marti jumped out from under the table and ran into the kitchen, screaming at the top of her lungs. "Casey said a bad word! Dad! Nora! Casey was a bad girl!"
Casey rolled her eyes. "Shit. Thanks a lot, Derek." As an after thought, she added, "You little ass-fuck," to get her five words (plus one) out of the way.
Unfortunately for her, Nora walked in just in time to over hear her. "Young lady, I don't know what has gotten into you lately."
Casey tried to protest, but before she could even think of an excuse, her mom interrupted her.
"No. I don't care. You're grounded again, for a week. You can't leave this house until next Monday." With that, Nora turned her back and walked back into the kitchen to begin fixing dinner.
"Dammit," Casey muttered under her breath, standing to go upstairs. Kicking Derek's chair as she passed, she added, "I hate you sometimes."
Derek smirked and followed her to her room. "You think you do," he said cockily when they reached her doorway. "But in all honesty, you love me. You're just too chicken to admit it."
"Whatever, Derek. What do you want, anyway?" She crossed her arms over her chest.
"Uh, my ten dollars? Duh?"
"Fine." She walked into her room and grabbed her purse. Pulling out her wallet, she handed him a ten. "No more lessons until I'm ungrounded, by the way."
He rolled his eyes but nodded, walking out the door with a jaunty wave of his hand. He went to his room and grabbed the last of his candy, taking it to Marti. She was already ensconced back in her blanket-fort, and he sat on the floor beside it. "Here, Smarti. Here's the rest of your candy."
A furry purple arm reached out of the fort and took the bag, hiding it amongst the multitude of stuffed animals. Then, Marti launched herself out and onto Derek's lap. "Thanks, Smerek! That was fun." She smiled at him. "Let me do it again!"
He laughed. "Soon, but not right now. Right now, I've got to go see a man about a game."
She shrugged, confused by his statement but unfazed. "Okay," she chirped. Just then, Nora called up the stairs.
"Kids! Dinner."
Derek carried Marti downstairs and set her in her chair, tickling her the entire way. Soon the whole family was gathered around the table. Dinner was very silent. Casey pouted the entire time, and Derek gloated. The silence was only broken by an occasional "pass the peas" and at one point, by Derek's casual comment.
"By the way, Edwin and I are going to the arcade tonight."
Edwin grinned. "Yes!" he crowed, jumping to his feet and taking his dishes into the kitchen. "I'll go get ready."
Derek rolled his eyes. "We'll only be gone about an hour," he told Nora and his dad before getting up and dumping his own dishes on the counter. Grabbing his leather jacket from the hook, he called up the stairs, "hurry up, Ed!" and walked out the door. Edwin came downstairs, still grinning, and ran after his brother.
"Bye guys!" His voice floated back into the house as the door slammed shut.
Casey sighed and headed upstairs. Time to call Gary. Again.