Chapter Four

Jason Morgan couldn't breathe. He couldn't command his lungs to draw in a single breath. Heck, even his brain wouldn't concentrate on anything except those piercing blue eyes before him.

They were his.

He watched numbly as Elizabeth's hands wrapped more tightly around the small child, clutching him closer to her chest. He could see the raw fear in her eyes when his eyes slowly traveled up to meet hers.

His throat had constricted and dried long ago, and forming a word was a near impossibility. But Elizabeth didn't need to hear anything from him - his eyes spoke what his mouth could not. And so she answered him.

"Yes, Jason. Yes."

Even though he had asked if it was Zander's son, the answer was to the unspoken question in his eyes. The question that begged her to affirm what he already knew - that he had fathered the beautiful, healthy little miracle in her arms.

"Yes."

The sigh that escaped from his lips seemed to suck all the energy and strength from Jason's strong body, and the enforcer sagged in the plastic chair, his watery eyes - still as intense as ever - never wavering from Elizabeth and his son.

His son.

His flesh and blood.

His own creation.

His boy.

The truth finally seemed to sink in. It finally seemed to hit him - he had a son. A living, breathing extension of himself. And he was right in front of him - nestled in his mother's loving arms.

In a flash, Jason was on his seat, sending the horrible plastic chair clattering across the tiles as his thighs pushed it away. Elizabeth's eyes widened as Jason all but leapt to the side of her bed, his wide eyes staring down in wonder and amazement at the little boy that started back at him in kind.

"He's mine," Jason whispered reverently, his eyes traveling all over the baby's face and body, wrapped up in the soft blanket.

Elizabeth nodded, splaying her fingers across her son's side as she held him "Yes," she whispered back, not trusting her own voice.

She couldn't believe she had even entertained the idea of not telling him. The thought of him never experiencing this - his eyes never lighting up the way they did when he learned the truth, his mouth never falling open when his son looked at him for the first time - nearly broke her heart now. It was true that he had left her, that he had walked away from them, but she was having a hard time remembering that at the moment.

He looked up at her, and she sucked in a breath as she realized that she was looking straight into him - straight into his heart, his thoughts, his soul. Nothing was hidden as it was before, nothing was guarded so preciously as it always had been.

"He's ours."

She nodded again, her mouth suddenly as dry as a sock. "Yes."

Jason swallowed noisily, his eyes falling on the baby, who had now begun to coo and gurgle. "C-can I hold him?"

It took Elizabeth a moment to answer, and when she tried to, she couldn't form a word. Instead, she just nodded numbly for the hundredth time and gingerly held her son out to his father.

Jason's hands trembled as he accepted the infant, and he took great care not to disturb the blanket that was folded so tenderly around him. He sank onto the bed in a combination of exhaustion and awe, one leg folded next to Elizabeth and the other braced on the floor like a pillar.

His right bicep was brushing up against her arm, but Elizabeth knew better than to say anything or move away. Nothing could have forced her to disturb this profound moment between Jason and their child. The look of pure love and amazement on his face was entirely foreign to her and brought unwelcome tears of joy to her eyes, and his shallow breathing and the way he sat stock still, afraid to jostle the delicate creature, tugged at her heartstrings.

"He's perfect."

Elizabeth smiled, trying to blink away her tears. "I know."

The child continued to gaze up at Jason, his mouth open and his small sliver of a pink tongue visible. Jason's callused index finger swiped gently at his bottom lip, but the baby's mouth remained open, bringing a smile to his father's lips.

"He looks like me."

Elizabeth smiled again, a watery smile that only brought a fresh wave of tears to her sapphire eyes. "I know."

Jason looked up at her, his eyes following the path of a single silver tear as it swept down her cheek. He started, as if instinctively moving to wipe it away, but fear of jostling his son kept him still. Elizabeth brushed it away in embarrassment, her eyes downcast and on her hands.

Jason kept gazing at her, hoping to recapture her attention. He succeeded when she looked up at him again. They stared at each other for a long moment, their son wriggling between them in Jason's arms.

Peering into the depths of his intense blue eyes, Elizabeth felt a sudden flash of panic. What would happen now? What would happen once they stopped staring at each other and their son? What would Jason do? Would he insist on marrying her, on keeping her? Would they settle for an informal joint custody, like in divorce cases? Would that work if she decided she didn't want to go back to Port Charles? What would happen to them - to all of them?

His eyes didn't hold any answers, any clues to the future. But it did hold the past. She could see it clearly - all the memories they had ever created together. The fight at Jake's. The studio. Christmas. "I'll See You Later". Valentine's Day. The Face of Deception, the fire, the park kiss, it was all there, swimming in his oceanic orbs. His return to Port Charles, their studio make-out session that seemed to be the precursor to the night they finally made love, the chapel, the docks, the night they found each other, broken and desolate at Vista Point. The night that was the beginning and the end of so many other beginnings.

But what now?

Their history was so rich, so full of their own traditions and special nuances. It was all theirs. So complete with friendship, trust, concern, compassion, and love.

And now what did they have?

They were alone in a stark hospital room in a completely different state, staring at each other and the little boy they created.

Christ, what had they walked away from?

Elizabeth swallowed past the frog in her throat, narrowing her eyes slightly as she worked up the nerve to ask Jason what she had wanted to know since he left. Jason seemed to sense her question; his shoulders tensed and his fingers ceased tapping a soothing beat on his son's belly.

"Why did you leave?"

The words hung in the air for a moment before Jason dared to open his mouth. Elizabeth could almost see his reasons reflected in his formerly one-of-a-kind blue eyes, but she needed to hear him say it, she needed him to explain it to her, to make her understand.

The child in his arms gurgled plaintively and began wriggling in the blanket, thrashing his arms with as much strength as his body could muster. Jason started, his wide eyes finding Elizabeth, who simply reached forward and undid the blanket enough to remove the boy's arms from their confines.

The child quieted immediately, his chubby little hands grasping the air. He squirmed slightly, a small ripple of movement in Jason's hold. One small, pale hand found Jason's chest, the crevice between his pectoral muscles, and smacked against it gently, the fingers splaying out tentatively. Wide blue eyes still trained on Jason's face, the baby pursed its lips before letting its mouth hang open once more, pink tongue wriggling inside.

The movement shattered all of Jason's defenses, and the hardened enforcer's heart thundered beneath his son's hand. When he looked back up at Elizabeth, his breathing was shallow and ragged and his eyes were an open book.

"I couldn't face you anymore."

She could scarcely believe her ears. "Me?" she asked, a hand on her chest. "Why me?"

"After what happened between us..." he trailed off, offering a noncommittal shrug. "I couldn't stay anymore. I had to leave. It seemed like the only way."

Her heart sank. He had left because of her. "Because of that night?"

He nodded once, his eyes downcast.

"Because it was a mistake?"

The pain and uncertainty in her voice made him blink in confusion. "You said it was. Didn't you mean it?"

Elizabeth closed her eyes on a sigh. "I meant it if you meant it."

Jason swallowed, not sure of what to make of the statement. It was the same old song and dance with them: two steps forward, two steps backward. Maybe it was time to stop the music.

He moved one arm under the baby, cradling him against his hard chest with one hand and using the other to swallow up Elizabeth's.

"I didn't mean it."

He knew he had shocked her, stunned her completely. Her blue eyes were as wide as saucers, staring at him as if she was seeing him for the first time.

"What?"

"I didn't mean it."

"T-then why did you say it?" Jason could hear the tears in her voice as she stared at him incredulously, and he warned himself to tread softly. He was on dangerous ground.

"Because I thought it was what you wanted me to say."

A corner of her mouth hooked up at the cruel irony of the situation. "I thought you didn't believe in doing what other people wanted you to do."

"I don't." His voice was flat and defeated, and he dropped his gaze. "But like I said, I never really think too clearly when I'm around you. That day wasn't any different."

She mulled over his words, staring at his large hand enveloping her smaller ones. Miraculously, the baby remained quiet, content to fist his hands in the soft cotton of Jason's crimson t-shirt.

"Why- why did you think I wanted you to say it?"

"Because it was so soon, so sudden with us," he explained. "You went from your marriage to Ric to a night with Zander, and then when Ric started up on you again, you cut him out of your life. I went from my marriage to Courtney to a reluctant divorce which was solidified when she knocked me unconscious to save our enemy, possibly sending her brother to jail. We - we just happened. I thought you just got caught up in the moment, and y-you didn't want it to be anything more."

"Did you get caught up in the moment, that night?" she wanted to know, her deep eyes penetrating his.

He swallowed once before shaking his head. "I knew what I was doing. I wanted you. I needed you."

She didn't say anything, her eyes imploring him for more of an explanation. So Jason continued, letting his thoughts tumble out in total honesty.

"It's always been this way. Every time things in my life got too complicated or too much to handle, there you were. Michael, Sonny and Carly, Sorel, Alcazar, everything that I faced that threatened to be too much for me. You were there. You were always there. You made me feel like I was so much bigger than all that; that I'd have no problem taking care of these things that seemed like the biggest challenges I had ever come to. Whenever I needed you, there you were."

He paused, trying to swallow past his heart, which had suddenly made the jump into his throat. Elizabeth remained silent, her tearful eyes watching him tenderly.

"Like when Emily was sick. I remember walking to the chapel and sitting down. I just wanted somewhere quiet, somewhere far away from the chaos outside. And then I was in the chapel. I didn't even mean to be there, but the words just tumbled out once I was. I remember pleading with God - something I hadn't ever done before - begging Him to spare Emily. I begged Him for everything and anything; I promised Him everything and anything. I asked for some help, some divine intervention that would set everything right."

Tears crept into Elizabeth's eyes as she remembered that evening in the dimly lit chapel when she found Jason slouched in the first pew.

"And then, there you were. Your hand was on my shoulder. I asked God for His assistance, and He sent you to me. It was as if He knew exactly what I needed, and made sure that I got it. I couldn't have asked for anything more at that moment; I already had everything I needed. And that was you."

When he looked up at her, she was crying silently. Tears slipped from her eyes, coursing slick paths down her pale cheeks, but she refused to sob. He felt the liquid emotion in his own eyes, but continued regardless. He wasn't afraid of crying in front of her; he never had been. This was his piece to say and he'd be damned if he didn't. For just as God had given him another chance in that chapel, He was giving him another chance at the moment. A chance to set things right. To get everything out in the open. And Jason planned to make the most of the opportunity.

"That night at Vista Point, I needed you. I needed you so badly I can't even begin to explain it. You were always everything that made sense in my world, and when you left me the first time, everything just went to Hell. Nothing made sense to me anymore. I didn't make sense to me anymore. I did things that I would never have dreamed of doing, and I couldn't stop myself. And there was no one else to stop me."

She brought one hand out from under his, twining it with his fingers and sandwiching his broad hand between her smaller ones. The gentle squeeze reassured him and encouraged him to continue.

"I knew exactly what I was doing. I knew I wanted you in my bed; I wanted to make love to you. I wanted to be with you. But I didn't think you did, so when I came over later, I said what I thought you wanted to hear: that it was a mistake. I said it even though I didn't mean it - I never thought it was a mistake. Nothing had ever seemed so right. But I wouldn't hold you to that night if you wanted to let it go."

Her smile was small. "As you can see, I haven't let it go."

Jason smiled down at the boy in his arms. "Fortunately."

"And I didn't think it was a mistake."

His head snapped up at her words. Her eyes, though still wet, were open and honest, and he knew it was her turn to be as forthcoming as he had been.

"I knew what I was doing that night, too. When you offered to take me home and I sat down on your bike and put on my helmet, everything came flooding back. Oh, Jason, everything. We came flooding back. And it was just too much for me, I guess. I couldn't handle it - we had everything, and just like that, it was gone."

He nodded slightly, his fingers twining with hers as he gently squeezed her hand. "That's why you were crying."

She nodded, a soft blush stealing onto her face. "And then when you left, I found your handkerchief in my hand. I didn't even know I still had it. So it took me a moment to do what I knew I had to do - I left. I showed up at your door, not knowing entirely why, but not caring. And when you pulled me in, I knew what you were doing. But I knew what I was doing. I was doing exactly what I wanted to."

She shook her head sadly, looking away. "That night was never a mistake. The night with Zander was, but that night never was. At first, I was just trying to prove to myself that I was still me, still wild Lizzie Webber. That Ric hadn't stolen everything from me with his mind games and schemes and lies. That was why I found Zander and...it just happened. There were no feelings attached. But when we...made love, it was so much more. It wasn't about proving anything to myself. It was about letting myself get lost in your arms, letting you hold me. Giving in to what I had always wanted but never had. It wasn't a mistake. It could never have been a mistake."

She was surprised to feel him remove his hand from hers, and even more surprised when he wrapped it around her shoulders and brought her tightly against him, her cheek pressed into his chest. His hand moved to her waist, squeezing gently, and that was all it took for Elizabeth to lose it.

And she didn't even care anymore.

She wept into his chest, her sobs gently jostling her son in Jason's arms. Jason just held her, his chin on her head and his hand splayed at her waist. He just listened to her weep, letting her get it all out. The child remained quiet, watching in wonder as the scene before him unfolded.

As her sobs abated, Elizabeth heard him sigh as he stroked her hair gently. She moved away from him gingerly, not surprised when he replaced his hand at her waist and refused to let her move too far.

"What's wrong?"

He sighed, quirking a brow at the infant in his arms. "I just think of...of all the time we've lost, a-and I just want to..." He trailed off, pursing his lips into a thin line. "Damn it."

She sighed, running a hand through her hair. "I should have found you. When I found out I was pregnant, my first thought was Zander, because the timing seemed right." She growled, smacking her forehead with the heel of her hand. "I can't believe I was so stupid. I mean, we didn't even use protection - I should have seen that it was more likely that the child was yours, and I should have gone to Sonny to find you-"

Jason hushed her with a gentle squeeze at her waist. "Don't do that," he instructed. "Don't live in the past. What's done is done. What matters is what we do with what we have now." He quirked a small smile at her. "Lila used to tell me that."

"She's right," Elizabeth murmured, resting her head on his shoulder as she rested one hand on her son's stomach. "And that's the question: what do we do now?"

A thick silence descended in to the room, but Jason broke it with his firm voice. "I'm not letting either of you go."

Elizabeth looked up at him, her brows furrowed. "Jason-"

But Jason just shook his head. "I barely made it when I left after that night, Elizabeth," he confessed. "It was Hell. I won't go through that again. I can't live without either of you."

"I don't want to live without you either," Elizabeth admitted softly. "But it's complicated-"

"It doesn't have to be," Jason responded, gently jiggling the child in his arms when the boy became fussy. "Especially if I tell you that I love you and I love our son."

The shock in Elizabeth's eyes brought a crooked smile to his lips. He knew she hadn't expected him to say it so suddenly, and he hoped that she wouldn't think he felt forced to do so.

"Jason-"

He shook his head. "I know what you're thinking. I'm not telling you this because I think it's the only way to keep my son in my life. I'm not doing this because I think you're an obligation. You could never be an obligation to me, Elizabeth. Jobs and responsibilities are obligations. People are blessings. And you're my greatest blessing, Elizabeth, you and our son. I'm telling you I love you because I mean it. I don't need you to say it back, but I need you to know it."

Elizabeth tried to swallow as a fresh wave of tears assaulted her eyes. "I know it," she got out. "And I need you to know it, too. I love you, Jason Morgan, and I don't want to spend my life without you." She saw his mouth drop open at her admission and knew that just like her, he wasn't expecting her to say it so soon. But she needed to say it, along with a few other things. "I can't imagine doing this without you. I want to raise my son with his father. I want you to warm up his milk and test it on the back of your hand. I want you to jump out of bed with me at night when he starts to cry. I want you to film his first birthday while I try to keep his fingers away from the candles. I want us all to walk hand in hand together on his first day of preschool. I want it all, Jason. All of it. I don't know how we'll make it work, but we will. I-"

She didn't even get a chance to finish her rambling before Jason interrupted her.

"I know how. Marry me, Elizabeth."