I can't make and won't make this a series.  I can't make and won't make this a series.

Yeah.  You just keeping telling yourself that Borath.

Bribes

I haven't seen Yami in a while because the group seems to have shoved what little brain matter each of them has into one collective consciousness and figured out that *something* is going on between us.  I've caught them giving each of us little sideways glances when they think that we're not looking, but we're watching them all like hawks now.

So, for appearance's sake we've kept at least a few meters away from each other for a fortnight now and I can say with the up-most certainty that if this continues for one more second I will have to kill something to take out my frustration.  It's like being put on a fantastic drug and then having it snatched away again. 

I have noted with some pleasure that Yami isn't enjoying this anymore than I am, fidgeting pretty much constantly in my presence now as I do in his.  Being the *dominant* one in this relationship because that's the only way I can cope with it, I'm going to surprise Yami today by stopping by the Shop whilst everyone is at school.  I've observed that Yami hasn't bothered tagging along with Yugi in the Puzzle as of late, obviously worried that his Light will put two and two together if in his presence for too long.

I told Ryou that I wasn't in the mood for his presence today, which was mostly true, and then took off before he met up with Yugi.  So now I'm lurking, pretty damn well if I might say so, in the alley beside the Game Shop waiting for Yugi to leave.

After he and my twerp Hikari are out of sight a few minutes later I emerge out of the shadows and come around to the back door.  Security camera in the shop itself you know, so I'm being smart by creeping in the back way.  See?  I *am* intelligent.

Right, the back door into the house itself is always locked so I'll need to pick the lock to get in if I want to surprise Yami.  Producing my kit out of my pocket, I open the top of the leather satchel and produce one of the thinner pieces of metal, kneeling down and inserting it into the lock.

Hmm, strange, the door's unlocked.  Damnit.  Yami must be expecting me and left the door open for me to get in.  Well, that only ruins my fun a little so I'll just head in and skip the whole 'surprise' thing.  Get straight to the good stuff.  Actually, this new development makes my plan a whole lot better.  Good day.

Shutting the door behind me, I take a moment to glance around the small kitchen before striding through into the living area.  Obviously Yami's bored and frustrated out of his mind because he's sat upside down on the sofa staring at the television.  Look's cu-no, not *that* word.  He looks, amusing, yes.  A far better word for me.  He looks *amusing* like this.

So, with as much subtly as a club, I move stealthily behind him and jump over the back of the sofa, landing straddling his stomach and holding his shoulders so that he doesn't slide off in surprise and take us both to the floor.  Wait, no, that'd be good.  I let go off his shoulders.

Sliding down with him, we both land in a heap on the floor and I shift back slightly so that I'm sat against his hips allowing him to sit up properly.  I must have surprised him by jumping on him like that because his eyes are like saucers.  Happy saucers but still wide ones.  He must have thought that I was coming though because the door is never unlocked when it's just him at home.

I don't even get to start puzzling this out because all thought is affectively rammed out of my skull when he starts running light kisses down my throat.  Yeah, he missed me too.  I'm happy now.  Feel important and a little smug, but mostly just happy.

Bringing my arms down to his chest, there's a small wrestling match whilst each of us tries to get our hands on the other's clothes.  I can hear a ripping sound when he finally gets to my shirt, my wrists bent at odd angles to get at the buckles on his shirt, but I don't really care about that.  Bloody buckles.  I'm stealing him some new shirts for him the second I can walk again after this.

Shirt is now a bit tattered but, more importantly, off, and I pin him properly whilst working on the last few damnable buckles.  Distracted by his teeth going to the juncture of my neck and shoulder for a few seconds, I pause in my actions in a bit of a haze before getting my hands back to work. 

Success!  Buckle is undone and flesh is exposed and-

"Yami!  I forgot my history book.  Are you here?"

Oh.  Holy.  Fuck.

Panic snaps us both out of the formerly overwhelming feelings of desire and we turn wide eyes on each other.  Yami starts doing up his shirt again whilst I look in an admittedly desperate manner around the room for somewhere to hide.  Spotting the broom cupboard and after a brief but fierce internal debate over my pride I decide that it will suffice.  Deciding that he's taking too long, I hastily help Yami finish sorting out his shirt. 

Kicking the remains of mine under the sofa, I sprint to the cupboard with Yami at my heels and duck inside, hearing Yami force the door shut behind me and taking a few composed breaths before acknowledging Yugi's presence.

It's horribly cramped in here and, oh Ra.  There's something in here that's warm and sorta squidgy.  Hmm, my list of 'words that I must never ever speak' seems to be growing.

Getting back to this something in the cupboard, I squirm around until the 'something' is in front of me rather than behind, squinting in the inky blackness as I try to make out what exactly it is.

"Bakura?"

It's official.  Ra hates me.  It's the only reasonable explanation for why I am locked, half naked in a dark cupboard with Joey the Laxative.  Please, someone kill me now.

"Oh boy, please don't tell that you were out there doing what I think you was doing."

Can I say it but rip your head off first so that you won't hear it?

"What the hell have you done to Yami?!"

Oh!  That's right!  I couldn't *possibly* have seduced him so it *had* to be mind-manipulation!  Where would he get an idea like that?  Oh.  Never-mind.

"What we do is our own business you little freak," I snarl out threateningly.  I really wish I could see so that I could put my hands around his scrawny neck and squeeze every last morsel of life right out of him.  Hmm, if I survive this I'm going to play that happy image over and over in my head many times.

"Don't you call me a freak."

Well this is a new twist.  "And why not?  You are one."

"'Cause Yugi's out there."

Oh crap.  He's got me.

"And if you do anything in here to me I'll just yell real loud and he'll come running, open the door and find you here.  And I'm pretty sure that you don't have a shirt on, which as much as it sickens me, makes things look very bad for you."

Damnit.  I need to sort this most detestable of situations out right now.  I don't sense Yami anywhere near here so logically Yugi isn't close by either.  Yami'll work to keep his Hikari away from this cupboard so it'll be safe to talk, threaten or kill the blond teen without him overhearing and discovering my oh-so-hard-to-explain presence here.

Hang on a minute.

"What the hell are *you* doing here?"

A moment of silence.  Oh, Yugi doesn't know his supposed best friend broke into his house, and during school hours to boot.  A minor positive point.

"I wanted ta know what the heck was up with you guys and when Ryou said that you weren't coming to school today I got to figuring and figured I'd spy on the two of ya.  I thought you were just putting some spell on Yami ta make him evil or summut and that that was why he's been acting all weird."

I smirk in the darkness despite being majorly pissed off with him.  "Surprise."

"Oh yeah."

More silence as each of us considers what would be the best course of action to take.  I'm still all in favour of killing him but that'll only be productive in the short run.  In the long run it would piss of Yami and then I wouldn't get any action.  I am *not* going to beg though.  I refuse to.

"Joey," I begin, lowering myself enough to actually use his name.  "You can't tell anyone about this."

He's smirking at me.  I can't see it but I just *know* he's smirking at me.  I want to rip his face off.  No, must have restraint.

"Yeah?  And why's that?"

I have to think hard to come with something to answer that.  There's the real reason but I can't tell him that because then he'd know that I care and have some semblance of a heart.  Yeah, it black and a bit dead but it's there all the same.  Some snarky remark would be good but in a confined space with him I'm stuck for one of those so a threat will have to do.

"Because I'll rip you open, shove a live cobra in you and staple every orifice in your body closed so it can't get out again."  Ooh, that's good.  I scare myself sometimes.  Will have to brag to Yami about that later and share the mental image that's happily dancing around my head now.

"Alright, now give me a *good* reason not to grass."

Can I kill him?  Please?  Someone tell me that I can kill him.  I, to my shame, don't have anything that I could blackmail with and I've already promised myself that I won't beg so I don't have a lot of choice other than to tell him.  Urgh, I'm going to regret this for the rest of my existence.  Will need to kill something later or steal a few souls to make myself feel better.

"If everyone found out then they'd pretty much make Yami's life Hell.  He doesn't need that right now and I don't want you idiotic mortals dictating what he should and shouldn't do.  He's happy and I want him to stay like that."

Ha!  One advantage to swallowing my pride and reputation is this brilliant stunned silence that I've invoked.  I could give him the littlest nudge with my powers and his mind would crack instantly with the way his head is screwed up now.  Surprise!  I *can* be human!

Not happy about that personally but have confused him so I am smug and superior once again.  Balance is slowly being restored.  I'm counting the milliseconds before *that* all goes to rats' ass.

"So, you're not tryin' to make him evil?"

"No."

"An' you're not tryin' to steal the Puzzle anymore?"

This is getting tedious already.  "No."

"And he's happy with, this?"

For the last bloody time, "No."

A sigh.  "Well I guess I can live with it.  An' I won't tell anyone.  He didn't look too good a while ago so I think you're doin' summut good because he's cheered up.  Jus' outta curiosity here, how long have you two been..?"

Easy.  "Six weeks and two days."  Hang on.  Is it good or bad that I know that figure?  I could pen it down to the hour if I had a watch.  No, that's just sad.  I'll drop remembering the hour from now on.

He makes a noise that sounds like he's impressed.  What?  He thinks that I'd just get myself a good lay then cast Yami aside?  Alright, initially I was planning to do that but it was all confusing and I really didn't know what to think.  But I could never even consider doing that to him now.  I'm happier than I've ever been in as long as I can remember.

"I never thought you could do a good thing but you've just proved me wrong." 

Compliment or insult?  Don't know or care coming from him.  Just because he's going to keep our little secret doesn't mean that I have to suddenly respect him.  He'll have to kill something big and nasty with his bare hands right in-front of me before *that* could happen.

"I need to talk ta Yami before I can believe ya, you know that right?"

I wouldn't have expected anything less from you.  "Yeah."

I think I just won.  No begging either.  Excellent!  Might be able to categorise this as a good day after all.  That is if I can continue what Yami and I started earlier.  Heads will literally roll if I am deprived for another day.

"I never want to be in a cupboard with you again ever either."

"For once I agree with you entirely."

The door opens suddenly then and I go blind for a moment as my eyes adjust to the sudden abuse.  Laughing when I see the look on Yami's face as he sees Joey with me, I step back out and to his side as Joey exits the cramped space as well. 

Being the overprotective creature that he is, Yami instantly moves so that he is stood slightly in-front of me, protecting me.  I wouldn't let anyone else do this but him and it's funny now that it's entirely unnecessary.

"Joey, I-" he began, a hand rising to begin to emphasise his words.  Or maybe to soothe the other teen when he got angry.

"Yami, it's alright.  Me and Bakura talked in there.  I just gotta know a few things."

I will *not* glare at Joey over Yami's shoulder because that would look really bad.  I hate having my word's worth challenged even if it means squat most of the time.  When it comes to Yami though my word is my bond.  I wouldn't lie to or about him.

Yami nods for Joey to continue and the blond scratches his head, probably for fleas, as he comes up with what he actually wants to know.  Idiot.  But he has me in a very bad position now so I have to let everything slide.  At least until I've gotten locked in a broom cupboard with every member of our group.  Or Tea because then I'd kill myself and there would be nobody to blackmail.

"He's not making ya do anything is he?"

I restrain the outraged growl but my eyes do get a bit bigger as I glare.  How dare he think that!  Yami can sense my fury though and takes my hand behind his back, running his thumb over my knuckles.

"No.  Never."

Joey nods a little satisfied.  "An' you're happy an' all?"

"Better than I've ever been," he replied smoothly and I can see his cheek move from the side as he grins.  My hand is squeezed slightly as he conveys that to me as a solid fact.

Another nod.  I wonder if Kaiba is implying that Joey is one of those nodding dogs that sad people have in the backs of their cars when he calls him a Mutt.  I quite like the image of Joey with a metal peg as a neck that bobs up and down in a little hoop.  I'll tell Yami that one later too, start bantering again.

"I'm not givin' you permission or nuthin' 'cause you don't need it, but you two bein' together is okay by me.  Just outta curiosity though, who started this?"

Good question.  Yami looks at with a puzzled face while I raise my brows at him and shrug slightly.  Well, I think I started the ball rolling but it was him who started the actual relationship thing.

"I think we both did.  I have no idea, it just sort of happened," Yami replies after consulting me.  I'll let that be our answer the next time someone asks I think.  Makes life less difficult.  Shared blame.

"Okay.  I think I'm gonna head to school now and let you guys, yeah..."

I think that's the best thing he said so far.  Grinning wolfishly, I follow him out if anything just to *lock* the door behind him.  Yugi's nowhere about, evidently having gone a little while after Yami released us from the cupboard.

Yami lets me walk him out alone, dropping back down onto the sofa and stretching out, probably exhausted from the wringer we've just been through.  Not too exhausted I hope.  Finding out that he'd locked me in a cupboard with Joey must've been a negative feeling after working to get Yugi out of the house without getting suspicious.

"Oh, just one more thing," Joey says as he's stood on the threshold of the kitchen door making me very much want to shove him out and lock the thing whilst he's sprawled in the dirt.

"Yes?" I growl out getting a little agitated.  Yami's waiting for me on the couch.  If Joey thinks that I'm going to stand here and converse with him for the next *minute* he's a bigger idiot than I took him for.

"Think I can get some sort of compensation for having to listen to that while I was in the cupboard before you got locked in with me?"

I punch him in the face.  Hard.  I feel a lot better now.  What?  I didn't kill him did I?  No.  Issue closed.  Now, back to business.

****

I will not make this a series.  Review.  I have to complete 'Game Queen and Then Some' so I can't make this a series.  Review.