Fifty Shades…Full Circle

Chapter 4

Teddy and I are in is room and I'm helping him get changed into his play clothes. Actually I'm just spending some time with him. "How did your test go today?" I ask him.

"Pretty good. I missed one word," he tells me.

"I'm sorry. Which word?" I ask him.

"Table. I got the 'l' and the 'e' messed up."

"Oh. That's easy to do sometimes. We can work on it," I tell him.

"I have to write it ten times and turn it in Monday," he rolls his eyes and shakes his head.

"Are you looking forward to going into town with your dad tomorrow?" I ask him.

"Yep. He said after we get the suit, we can go look at his glider. That'll be really neat." He looks so excited.

"ANA!" it sounds like a rogue elephant is bellowing at me from downstairs. "ANA GREY!" Good lord, what's up with him.

I roll my eyes and walk down the hall and down stairs. Christian is in the foyer holding Grace.

"What is it?" I ask.

"Where the fuck is her hair?" he asks.

I give him a really evil look for using the 'F' bomb in front of our 3 year old.

"First of all watch it. Second, what do you mean, 'where's her hair'?" Walking up to him I plant myself in front of him.

"Look at her head. What happened to her hair?" he asks.

"I got it cut. Why?"

"You didn't talk to me about it," he insists.

"I wasn't aware I had to," I tell him.

"She's my daughter too and I'd appreciate being consulted before you do anything this drastic."

"Christian, it's a haircut, not a tattoo," I tell him.

"I liked it long."

"Well, you didn't have to wash it three times a week and fight her to get it combed every morning. It hurt her to go through that. This will be so much better." I tell him.

"But I like long hair," he informs me.

"She's your daughter, not a sub."

"That was below the belt," he snaps at me.

"Yes, it was. I'm sorry. But she's a little girl. It's cute."

Grace starts to shed tears.

"Christian, you've hurt her feelings. Tell her you like it," I whisper to him.

"But I don't."

"Tell her anyway," I insist.

Christian kisses Grace, "Daddy didn't mean to yell, baby. I really like your hair. Do you like it?"

Grace nods and sniffles.

"Well, then that's all that counts, as long as you like it." He hugs her and puts her down.

"Christian it was just a spur of the moment thing. We were in town, Ron had an opening. I really had no idea it would bother you like this," I try to tell him.

"She's my daughter, too and you could have at least called me first." I follow him upstairs as he loosens his tie and unbuttons his shirt.

"Do you mean to tell me that I am supposed to call you and get you out of some multibillion dollar meeting just to ask for your permission to cut our daughter's hair?" I ask him. "Well, I don't recall you asking me when you had Teddy's hair cut for the first time."

He turns to talk to me as he takes his shirt off. "That was different."

"Just how was it different?" I ask. "He's my first child. It was his first haircut. You just took him into town and had it cut." I try to remind with him.

"It was so long he was beginning to look like a girl. If I had left it up to you, you would never have cut it."

"Oh, don't be ridiculous. Of course I would have gotten it cut. All I'm asking is how is it different from Grace?" I ask.

"It just is," he tells me as he gets out of his dress slacks.

"Brilliant argument. I'm surprised you aren't practicing law." I'm really disgusted with him right now. "And I am going to kill you if you don't watch your gutter mouth in front of the children," I tell him. "Really Christian, I'm getting pissed off about it. I hate that my children have to hear that word," I chastise him.

"What are you talking about? I try to watch it, but I've been saying it all my life," he argues as he slips his T-shirt on over his head.

"Just because you've said it all your life is no excuse." I insist.

"You sound just like my mother," he snipes.

"Don't you even go there, Christian Grey. I wouldn't have to say anything if you would stop acting like a petulant child."

"Petulant child? Me?" he points to himself.

"Yes. You." I stare at him. "Stamping your feet and peppering your rants with the F bomb is not an adult way to act. Christian. I don't care if you use it as every other word, just not in front of our kids, please."

"Well, fuck it," he glares over at me.

"I rest my case. "Turning and walking out of the room, I head back down stairs. "And grow up."

Grace is playing with bunny in the family room and I pick her up giving her a hug. I sit on the couch and put her in my lap. I'm trying very hard not to cry. I will not let that man make me cry. Asshole. He may get away with it at work, but not with me.

Christian comes down stairs and into the family room sitting on the couch, but not saying a word. "Grace, why don't you show daddy the pretty clothes you got today."

"Okay. Daddy see my cwothes?" she asks her dad.

"Sure sweetheart. Let me see them," he says staring at the TV.

"Try to be nice and say you like them, please," I ask him.

For that I get a sideways glare from him. Grace comes back dragging the bag full of clothes that is almost as big as she is. "Daddy, look." She pulls a sweater out of the bag and holds it up in her hand in front of her dad.

"That's nice baby. Did you pick that out?" he asks.

Grace nods and then drops the sweater, digging back into the bag of clothes.

"Hey Dad. Will you watch TV with me?" Teddy asks.

"Later son. I'm looking at Grace's things right now," he tells Teddy. Teddy looks so disappointed.

Grace pulls a sundress out of the bag and holds it in front of Christian. "He looks down at the bag and asks me, "How much did you buy today?"

Christian never gripes about spending money or what I buy. He really is pissed. But not near as pissed as I am right now.

"Hey, Dad?" Teddy asks.

"What is it son?" he sounds so irritated.

"Will you help me with my spelling? I missed a word today," he asks.

"Later Teddy. I told you, right now I'm seeing what Grace bought today," he tells him again.

I can see Teddy is taking this personally. He looks hurt.

Grace pulls out her two piece bathing suit. Bottom in one hand and top in the other. It's pink with ruffles on the butt and bows on the straps. "Look Daddy. Baving suit."

"What kind of a bathing suit is that?" he looks horrified.

"What's wrong with it?" I ask him.

"There's nothing to it. That's what's wrong with it."

"What are you talking about? It's fine. It looks small because she is small. It covers her up."

"She can't wear that ," he scoffs. "Why can't she wear a one piece?"

"We got her a one piece, too. She liked this one and wanted it." I tell him. "It's fine."

"I don't think so," he snaps at me

"Last year she was running around in a diaper and nothing else, on the boat. You didn't seem to mind that," I remind him.

"She was a baby."

"Christian what is wrong with you tonight?" I ask him.

"Nothing's wrong with me." He runs his hand through his hair; a definite giveaway. " It's that haircut," he tells me.

"What?" I ask.

He pulls Grace in his lap and gives her a big hug. "She doesn't look like a baby anymore."

"Baby. You can't stop her from growing up. It's gonna' happen whether you like it or not."

"This afternoon she was my baby with ruffles on her panties and now she looks like a little girl."

"I know, but you're going to need to adjust. You can't stop her from growing up." I try to sympathize even though I'm still mad.

"I know, but I don't have to like it."

Grace gets down and runs over to Teddy who is playing with his Snap Circuits. She grabs a piece of the toy away from him. "Grace! Give that back!" he yells at her.

"Grace! Give that back to your brother. Right Now. That's not nice." I tell her.

"Nnno!" Grace pouts, and throws the toy piece at him. Teddy reaches out and gives her a big shove and she hits the ground. She starts to cry and Christian jumps up and picks her up.

"Theodore! Why did you do that?" he asks Teddy.

" 'Cause she took my stuff," he says looking so guilty.

"What have I told you about pushing Grace?" he asks.

"Not to do it." he looks straight at the floor.

"Well, I'm tired of telling you. This time you're grounded. Now go to your room and get your pajamas on. No TV, no computer, no video games," he sternly says.

"But dad…"

"No buts and no excuses. Just do what I told you to do."

Teddy looks crushed. I hate this, but Christian has warned him about pushing Grace. Teddy stumbles off toward his room. I can see his little chin trembling. He's trying so hard not to cry. Then I hear him start to cry as he runs for his room. I get up to go see about him.

"Don't you dare," Christian tells me.

"Don't I dare what?" I ask.

"Don't you go up there. He disobeyed me and this is between him and me," Christian insists.

"But, he's just a little boy. He's never gotten into trouble before and he's never been punished before," I plead.

"Well he is now. He has to learn. When I tell him something I mean for him to listen to me."

I've never seen him like this. "How long are you going to leave him up there?" I ask.

"Until I'm ready to let him out. It won't hurt him. I spent half my formative years grounded in my room," he reminds me.

"Well he's not you." I tell him. Besides, I doubt seriously Teddy's been drinking, fighting or fornicating, but I dare not say it.

"Don't interfere with this, Ana. I mean it." he warns me. "He's getting big enough to be punished when he disobeys." He looks over at me. "And you can quite pouting about it."

"What are you going to do? Send me to my room too?" I ask sarcastically.

"Don't tempt me."

Gail finally lets us know dinner is ready. "Are you going to let him eat?" I ask.

"Don't be ridiculous. Of course I'm going to let him eat." Christian tells me.

"I'll go get him." I tell Christian.

"Just keep your seat. I put him up there; I'll go get him," he says.

Christian returns with Teddy. I can see by his little red eyes, he's been crying. Teddy is in his pajamas. He isn't talking. Christian puts his food on his plate and Teddy just looks at it.

"Eat your dinner, son," Christian tells him.

Teddy picks up his fork and picks at his food. I give him a sympathetic look. I really want to give him a hug. He's not used to being punished. I hope Christian understands that he needs to talk to him and really explain why he's being punished.

Grace is her usual upbeat self. She jabbers away while she gets half her food in her mouth.

"Deddy." She looks over at Teddy and he ignores her. "DEDDY!" she screams.

"What?" he answers with contempt.

Grace just gives him a big grin and opens her mouth to show him her chewed food. "Grace. Stop it. Do you need to go to your room?" Christian tells her.

She shakes her head, "No, no."

This is a really pleasant evening. Can't remember when I've had a nicer one. Christian scarfs down his roast beef and roasted new potatoes with asparagus and hollandaise. Teddy and I pick at our food. Grace acts like a little monkey.

We finally get Grace to bed and Teddy is back in his room. "May I go say goodnight to my son?" I ask Christian.

"Ana, just stop it. Go tell him goodnight. He's in his room, not San Quentin," Christian tells me as he undresses. "I'm going to relax in the tub for a while, so take your time."

I walk into Teddy's room and he is lying on his bed reading a book. "Hi, sweetheart. Are you okay?" I ask as I sit down on his bed with him.

He nods, but then starts to cry. "Mom. Daddy doesn't love me anymore."

Pulling him to me I put my arms around him. "Baby, that's not true. Your daddy loves you more than anything."

"Not more than Grace," he sniffles.

"No he loves you both the same." I tell him running my fingers through his curls. "Why do you think he doesn't love you anymore?"

"Because every time I tried to talk to him he wanted to be with Grace."

"Teddy. You've had your dad pretty much to yourself all these years. Grace is growing up and she needs to spend time with him too. You are just going to have to learn to share. Your dad has to spend some time with Grace just like he does with you."

"But she's a girl," he looks up at me.

"Yes. But she still loves her dad just like you love him. And she wants and needs to have time with him too." I try to explain. "Can you understand that?"

"I guess."

"It's hard I know. But your dad loves each of you just the same and he wants to spend time with each of you. Just because he is talking to Grace doesn't mean that he doesn't want to talk to you, it just means that you might have to wait until he's finished talking to Grace." I kiss his forehead. "Does that make sense to you?"

"Yes. But I miss him so much," his little voice trembles.

"Honey, why do you miss him? He's right here."

"I don't know. I just miss him when I can't talk to him," he wipes the tears from his face.

Poor little thing is so jealous and he just doesn't understand it.

"You can always talk to him. You just might have to wait your turn sometimes," I try to explain. "I know Grace can be very aggravating, but she's still little right now. You are a lot bigger and older than she is and you can't just hit or push her when you get angry with her. If she bothers you, then come tell me or your dad or Gail and we'll help you with it."

"How long do I have to be in here?" he asks me.

"Baby, I don't know. I doubt it will be long," I tell him. You just need to remember that when your dad or I tell you something, you need to listen to us." I tell him. "Your dad has you in here to think about what you did so you won't do it again. He knows how you feel. He was grounded when he was a little boy..…a lot."

"He was?" he asks so surprised.

"Yep. You can ask him about it. I think that's how he learned to like reading so much. He always read a book while he was grounded."

"Wow! Dad's read lots of books. He must have been grounded a lot."

"Well, he didn't read everything while he was grounded. He read other times, too." I tell him.

"Are you ready to get between the sheets?" I ask.

"Yes, ma'am." I pull his sheets back and he crawls between them. I tuck him in and give him a goodnight kiss. "You sleep tight. You have a big day tomorrow. I love you, baby."

"I love you too, Mom."

I turn out his light and walk back into our bedroom. Stripping down as I walk into the bathroom I get into the tub with Christian. He is almost asleep, neck deep in the warm water.

"Is he still alive?" he asks me.

"Yes, but you need to go talk to him. He thinks you don't love him anymore." I tell him.

"He'll get over it, but I'll go talk to him anyway," he has his head tilted back on the tub and his eyes closed.

"You don't care that he thinks you don't love him?" I ask.

"I thought my father fucking hated me most of my life. He kept me in my room more than he let me out," he smirks. "I got over it."

"Did you?" I ask.

"What do you mean by that?" he looks at me.

"You just have never seemed particularly close to Carrick."

"Dad never was much of one for physical affection, but then neither am I. I guess we just understood one another. Doesn't mean we're not close," he explains.

"Is something going on you need to talk to me about?" I ask.

"Why would you say that?" he asks.

"You just seem a little on edge, that's all." I tell him.

He rubs his eyes ,"Yeah. I guess I need to tell you."

"Tell me what?" I ask.

"After you and Grace left today, Thompson came up to my office. Elena's attorney had contacted him. It seems that Elena made me her sole heir."

"What?"

"Yep. She left everything to me. All of her businesses, property, stock portfolios, her house, money, jewelry. The whole fucking shooting match."

"Christian. What are you going to do with it?" I ask.

"Well first of all I'm going to have that playroom dismantled before anyone sees it. Then I'll sell the house, I guess," he leans back and stares at the ceiling. "I'll probably liquidate a lot of it then put it, as well as the businesses into a trust and give it to some charity. I don't want any of her fucking money."

"Well, you certainly don't need it." I smile at him. "I told you she was in love with you."

"Elena was just fucked up. I have no idea why, I never bothered to try to find out why, she just was," he sighs. "I don't think she really loved anyone but herself. I'm not even sure she loved herself."

"Christian. How are you? I mean with Elena being gone. How are you dealing with it?" I dare to ask.

"I really haven't thought about it. I guess I'm relieved. Things have been a lot less tense with her gone."

"Christian, does it bother you that I'm the one who is responsible for her death?" I ask.

"Ana. Why the fuck would you say that?" he asks. "Elena killed herself. You didn't have anything to do with it."

"I know that, logically. I guess since I physically pulled her over, I just feel sort of like I killed her or something."

Christian pulls me to him and wraps his arms around me. "Ana. I don't want you to ever think for one moment that you are in anyway responsible for that." He kisses my hair. "Baby. She pushed you. She is responsible for what happened to Sam and she killed herself in the process."

"I know." I begin to get teary. "I just feel bad about it. Maybe I feel guilty, because I hated her so much and somehow wished her dead."

"Baby, I hated her and I wished her dead, but I don't feel the least bit of guilt about it," he kisses my hair again. " She was just a lonely, fucked up woman trying to hold on to her youth."

"I think you need to add pedophile and homicidal maniac to that list." I think no matter what she's done, no matter how much he hates her, he is always going to have a soft spot for her. God, help me I don't know why and I don't even pretend to understand it. That's just the way it is. I've decided that there comes a time to just accept it and let it go. At least she's gone.

" I have no idea what finally sent her over the edge. No one came to her funeral except Linc. Not one of those boy toys, not one of her society friends, not one of her employees showed up. She had no family, that I know of," I can see him thinking. "You know, I think in spite of it all, Linc really cared about her. I think he has all these years, even after the divorce. I think he was disappointed that things turned out the way they did between them. He claimed her body and gave her a burial. He didn't have to do that."

"Well, I guess you just never know. What kind of charity are you thinking about?" I ask.

"I was thinking about something to do with child abuse. What do you think?" he asks.

"I think that is very appropriate, Mr. grey."

Christian is already in bed and leaning back against the headboard waiting for me. After slipping on a silk teddy and tap pants I slide in next to him.

"What time are you and Teddy leaving tomorrow?" I look up and ask him.

"I forgot about that," he yawns.

"You are still taking him aren't you? Oh, Christian, he's so looking forward to it." I hope he doesn't leave him in his room all day tomorrow.

"Yes. I guess we'll just leave whenever we get up. No rush since it's Saturday."

"Please try to have a good day with him. He's just jealous of the time you're spending with Grace. He doesn't know how to handle it." I try to explain.

"I know. I'll try to talk to him about it," Christian sighs.

"Christian, he loves you so much. I think it's just hard for him to handle it all. He's not a disobedient boy," I plead Teddy's case.

"You mean like me?" he grins.

"I'd better not ever catch him drinking and fighting." I smirk.

"You left out fucking." he says.

"I don't even want to think about it." I shut my eyes tight.

"It's gonna' happen one day you know," he tells me.

"I know. But not for a long time. He's my baby for a while longer."

Christian tilts my head up and pulls me to him putting his arms around me. He kisses me ever so sweetly. Then his hand begins to slide inside the front of my pants.

"Christian," I stop his hand. "I'm really not in the mood for that tonight. It's been a long, rough day."

"What do you mean not in the mood? When have you ever not been in the mood?" he asks.

"I don't remember, but I'm still not happy about the way you acted toward me about Grace's hair," I remind him.

"Baby, I was just pissed about it," he says. "I'm still not happy that you did that."

"I'll tell you what. You can washer hair and fight her to try to comb it out. Then you can harass me about getting it cut."

"Okay. Fine. I'll do it," he shrugs.

"When?" I ask.

"All this week. Tell Gail I'll wash her hair."

"Yeah, right," I doubt this seriously. "You haven't bathed her since she was six months old and had no hair." I turn over away from him and snuggle down under the covers.

"You mean I don't get points for offering to do Grace's hair," he asks.

"You'll get points when you do it." I tell him. "Christian, I'm just emotionally worn out tonight."

"Okay, I guess." He sounds like a pouty little boy, but he kisses me then rolls over and turns out the light. "Goodnight, sweetheart."

"Goodnight, baby," I tell him.

I can't sleep. So much has gone on today. Grace's hair, Teddy's grounding and then finally Elena's will. I just feel sad, because my little Sam always creeps into my thoughts when I think too much. I can feel my eyes welling with tears. Looking at the clock, it's 2:45. I need to get some sleep, but I can't stop everything that's in my head. I can hear Christian's steady breathing. He is sound asleep.

I can't believe Elena made him her sole heir. What will people think when they find out? What will his parents think? Maybe he can keep a lid on it, I hope. I need to go visit Sam. Christian rarely wants to go. I think it's just too much for him. He can't deal with it. We finally got his little headstone put up. We put that quote on there from, Horton Hears a Who, 'A person's a person, no matter how small.' I can't stop crying. I miss him so much.

I turn over and put my arms around Christian and it rouses him "Huh? What? What's wrong?" he's still so groggy.

"Will you hold me?" I ask.

He turns over and pulls me to him, "Come here baby. What's wrong?" he kisses my forehead.

"I just can't sleep. I need you," I tell him.

"I'm here. Are you crying?" he can feel the tears against his chest.

"Just a little. Not bad."

"Sam?" he asks.

"Partly. It's just been a very bad day," I tell him.

He strokes my hair, "Well, we'll make tomorrow a better day, okay?"

I nod against his chest. "Christian. I love you."