Thank Shaddin for the update. XD!

Enter Charlie

This week was been awesome.

I wasn't joking.

Bella got another tattoo, my wife's on my back (not that it was anything new), my jeans were too tight so I looked like a gay guy, Edward was practicing his magic on me in the forest so I was now bruised and beaten but happy, I could hide it with my clothing and Carlisle was suspicious.

"Edward? Can you tell me why Jasper looks like he's thinking?" Rosalie asked, black lipstick popping against the pink flesh of her mouth.

"Jasper? Thinking?" Alice started then laughed her ass off, 'seriously, Rose, you kill me sometimes."

"We are all dead on the—"

That was when Edward started, 'shut up."

"Whoa, 'I stared at him, 'you actually said something useful for once."

"Alice, he was thinking about how much of an awesome week he's had and how much he'd been admiring Bella's new tattoo. He also commented on how much he loves being a gay guy."

"WHAT?!" Alice exploded.

I looked at Edward, 'I. Am. Seriously. Going. To. Kill. You."

"You can't kill me if you're dead." Edward pointed at Alice who was looking at me in that deadly look in her eyes.

I swear, it was so sexy.

God, I wanted to kiss her.

I did.

She slapped me.

"Kissing won't make me go easy on you! You used that trick in our honeymoon and it's not going to work now!" She exclaimed and I nodded my head at her before turning towards Bella who was in slutty slut clothes, not that I was complaining. Maybe the only thing that Bella had that Alice didn't was that her ass was rounder, Alice's boobs are bigger than Bella's though.

"He's comparing breast sizes now." Edward rolled his eyes.

"No privacy, I swear!" I exclaimed.

"Okay, we have a bigger problem-"Carlisle was about to start but Emmett had cut him off, sitting down on a couch.

"Bigger than Jasper's ego?"

"I'm afraid so, 'the male said, making me scowl at my so called father while he continued. "Apparently, Charlie can only leave Bella in our house for a week. She has to go back tonight. I suggested that we'd have dinner here so we have time…"

"To what?" I pointed at her new tattoo that extended all the way towards her arm, 'to try and hide that?"

"I know!" Edward suddenly shot up, 'why doesn't Alice dress up as Bella and Bella dress up as Alice?"

Alice scowled at Edward, 'that is the stupidest, most idiotic—"

"Let's do it!" I exclaimed, grabbing onto Bella's arm, and looking at it, 'hey, Allie, we get to makeover Bella now."

"I don't—!" before she could finish the sentence, Alice grinned, 'make over?"

She grabbed onto Bella's arm and dragged her to the other room while I grinned to myself. Smart work, Jazz. Smart work. I turned around to look at the clock and I realized that it was almost time for dinner so I went upstairs too, peeking quickly at Bella and Alice dressing up.

Wow!

Forget Alice.

I'm marrying Bella.

"I HEARD THAT!" Edward exclaimed.

"No, midget, do not say a word!" I shouted at him, walking over to him and silencing him (not the type of silencing killing epidemic, like I said no horror movies…practically because I can't watch horror movies… I MEAN THEY'RE FOR SISSIES.)

"What can you offer me?" he asked me when I pulled my hand away from his mouth.

"I know someone who knows Harry Potter."

"Oh, he's the bomb."

Who was he? 70's guy? Ahh…the 70's show… I should really pick up on that sometimes. Right after I finished Desperate Housewives…Season 6. I really couldn't believe Susan remarried Mike! Seriously!

__

Dinner was nice.

I got a good view of Bella's brea—I mean, the food was delicious. I didn't really eat since I complained of a stomach ache and the rest were away except for Bella, me, Alice, Carlisle, Esme, and why the fuck was I not saying the truth?! Edward, couldn't hear me so… I got a good view of Bella's breasts and her ass was wow-worthy.

Back to the story.

Anyways, Charlie didn't get what was going on.

Alice did an awesome job with makeover. Hell, I couldn't tell the difference. Me, the awesome Jasper, couldn't tell the difference.

Wait, why didn't we just let Alice coat Bella's body with some sort of make up to hide the—oh yeah, that didn't take care of the entire 'I wanna go wrestle and beat up Edward Cullen's ass'. By the way, ANYONE can beat up that sorry guy's ass.

"So…" Charlie tried to break the silence.

"I wanna be a wrestler!" Bella jumped out of the seat near me and walked off.

"Okay. Have fun." I said while Alice set me a glare and…did I tell you how good it felt to not be married?

"ALICE!"

She stopped and turned around. "Yeah?"

"Want to know a secret?"

She looked bored for a moment. "What have you got for me, Mr. Soap Operas?"

I thought for a moment before pulling her down towards her chair and leaning down towards her ear, '…I have a secret spy mission for you. You must listen clearly."

"You're an idiot—"

Just then, I was grabbing onto her shoulders and she stared at me, glaring deadly as she stood up and tore off the artificial hair, leaving her brown locks. "Sorry. I'm not playing this shit anymore. Hi, Dad, that's not Bella over there, that's Alice pretending to be me just 'cause I want to be a wrestler and I've got a tattoo and I'm not a virgin and see you, old man."

…

I am so screwed.

X Sam.